colour. if jaehyun were being honest, he didn’t quite get what this whole evaluation for the month was. colour? singing about... colour? it felt odd –– jaehyun never quite thought of colour as a way to express himself. though that would probably explain his rather boring closet as of late.
with his life revolving around training, jaehyun’s closet has been filled with nothing black and white t-shirts, each sharing an almost similar design, along with a few pair of track pants. back when he was still in sopa, before he’d got casted, his closet at the very least had more of a splurge of colour.
finding a song isn’t easy either; first he has to find a song with colour in it and while the list is long, jaehyun still isn’t too sure what to do. so he spends a few days doing nothing but endlessly googling videos, in search of inspiration.
most of the time, his source of strength and perhaps the most effective way to have him destress would be to facetime his girlfriend. which is exactly what he does, he still tries to facetime her whenever he can, her voice alone enough to make him feel at ease. as though he can just pour his heart out to her; his best friend.
and that’s when it hits him. pink.
he finds the perfect song that day itself. pink skies.
the day of the evaluation, jaehyun thinks he finally understands what the point of colour is. though he’s still dressed up in his usual outfit; black t-shirt and sweatpants, he’s got on a yellow and red hoodie he’d gotten from his girlfriend as a present. also; it gives him a little more colour than his usual monotone look.
when it’s his turn to perform, jaehyun smiles, introduces himself and the song. “pink skies, by lany.”
thrift store fashion, imperfect tattoos
he begins. it’s a song that’s a little more mellow –– and while jaehyun would usually opt for ballads to show off his vocals, he lets himself melt into the emotions of the song.
shut up i love you
you’re my best friend
jaehyun bops his head, body following the rhythm of the song.
get ya under pink skies i know exactly where we should go
‘cause i love the way your green eyes mix with that Malibu indigo
talking under pink skies i think our hearts are starting to show
that it’s better you and i under pink skies
the colours appear in the lyrics of the song –– pink, green, indigo. he thinks he gets it; can feel himself floating on air as he thinks about his girlfriend, the mellow vibes of the song, the way the instrumental makes him feel more in tune with the song.
the colours are simple, describe what he’d felt when he’d fallen in love; how he still feels. it’s a song that he thinks suits his age and vocal range as well. so he smiles as he sings, holds onto the mic and closes his eyes for a split second before he repeats the chorus one more time.
as the song comes to an end, jaehyun smiles before bowing. he thinks the colour had been there all along.
Song: Mad Clown ft. Jooheon ;; Hear Your Colors
With: Solo
Colour: Violet, blue, yellow, red, black, purple
Jinwoo felt as though he had to ask himself the same question every single month: when would there ever be an evaluation he didn’t feel was out of his league? It wasn’t even because the execution itself bothered him much this time as rap in the first place was about managing your voice to show emotions, and he had thought it had been simple, but finding an actual song to perform had been so stressful he had been pushed to a point where he was wondering if he could even do it.
That’s why he could only praise himself lucky to have such great seniors around. He’d definitely have to thank Gray later. Figure out what the other enjoyed, maybe cook him something. It was a lousy payback but it was the best he could do. Thus, here he stood ready to present his piece, for a change actually not feeling much of a sense of stage fright. He wasn’t the best rapper around -- he wasn’t the best at anything really and probably never would be -- but he had at least gained more confidence in his skills since signing. Furthermore he wanted to develop his own skills further.
While he had always used his dance as an anchor of confidence to pull through with (even when acting was on the evaluation menu) Jinwoo had already decided that such would play a minimal role and his interpretation was going to be through his rap. A very basic self developed dance was accompanying his performance, but as he rapped - and even sang the smallest amount in the chorus - his voice gained and lessened in strength to represent his understanding of the lyrics. A complicated an frustrating love towards someone whose colours were too fleeting to understand. A wish to proceed, but also a feeling of needing to turn around and leave before it was too late. Standing at a halting red light, unable to make a decision. While he knew nothing about love himself, Jinwoo could only imagine how frustrating it must be, and it was with such a sentiment he executed his performance.
colors. suji loved colors, but when she was told that this would be the topic of their evaluation, she was starting to like them less. truth be told, she wasn’t entirely sure if she understood the meaning behind this particular prompt for the month, but well, she would at least need to start with finding songs with colors in their titles, right? that would be step one and just hitting the basics.
so, as she sat there with wendy after their lessons, she looked at the other, wondering if she had picked out her song yet. “any leads on what you’re going to do?” she asked, scrolling through her phone to see if there was something in her playlist that would catch her eye. nothing really screamed at her just yet, and it was leaving her rather frustrated. “i feel like there are so many possibilities and no possibilities all at the same time,” she muttered, wondering if she was the only one who was feeling this way.
The news about Jaebum leaving had left an irritated empty pit in the bottom of Yuta’s stomach. Something he was trying his best to ignore as he sat in the same studio that they had shared, working on songs together and messing around. Every day, he’d come in and there was his best friend; a friendly face. In his head, they were working towards the same thing. Debut. The stage. Audience applause. Now his fingers flipped through songs, searching for something to use for the evaluations. Life went on. And on, and on. He’d only had the weekend after his accident, then it was back to catching up on what he missed. A blink of his eyes and everything changed again, but everything stayed the same. Yuta’s hands pressed the headphones against his ears firmer, climbing up from the seat and stretching out his legs. There was an ache, a nagging twinge behind his knees that he couldn’t rid himself of.
People left, what was he supposed to do? Make them stay?
Yuta skipped to the next song in frustration, his teeth gritted together and body weight shifting, pacing in circles in the room. Another song skipped. A third and fourth passed over. For a second he closes everything down, opening up to send messages to Jaebum. But he doesn’t know what to say, his fingers hover over the call button, the keyboard and then he closes it down. “I just need to find a song. I don’t need his help,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head. He’d got signed on his own, picked his songs for evaluations fine before. When had he come to rely on Jaebum’s approval, when had he needed guidance on anything, when had he let the doubts made him so uneasy.
Xiao left. Jaebum had followed. Taeyong and Ten were debuting.
All he needed to do was pick a song. It just had to have a colour in it. It wasn’t difficult.
Three more songs were skipped through. One hand curling onto the headphones, tugging them off his head and tossing them with his phone onto the seat. Yuta exhales roughly through his nose, eyes squaring on the wall when he continues to feel the build of frustration. On impulse, he pauses, fingers clenching into a fist and he’s hitting the empty wall in front of him. The pain radiates through his hand. “Fuck, shit--” He hisses, immediately cradling his hand in his other; squeezing to block out the pain. His eye squinted shut at the sight of the split skin and the blood. The tips of his fingers digging in as he hunches over, and feels the hot burn of pain radiate through his arm.
For a second, it’s like relief. Something other than a stifling and suffocating feeling. His chest heaved with uneven breaths and tiny hisses. The burn in the back of his eyes coming with the throb of pain that he clamps onto. He’s back to pacing again, shaking out the pain. What if he made the wrong decision? Suddenly it was like he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t what song to pick. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he was being stubborn, thoughtless; blind to what was obvious to everyone else.
His teeth clenching together, eyes squeezed shut and he lifting his hand to look at the smears of his own blood. What if all he was making was wrong decisions?
★ JUNE EVALUATIONS
song : < wiped > by park kyung
colour : chocolate
Excited. This was only his second evaluation since he arrived in Sphere, and Seokwoo still felt a momentary state of surreal when he stood in front coaches. They had said to pick a colour, and he knew he was pushing it -- but he liked to believe it showed a flare, a splash of creativity. One hand fiddling with the chocolate bars he’d bought, the brand he used to always share with Sowon when they were in SOPA together. Contraband in the company walls, but he couldn’t help it. When he’d selected the song, he’d be struck by the want for something sweet and maybe it would butter the coaches up a little. “I’m Kim. Seok. Woo,” he greeted, like he had in the first one. He was new, he wanted to ease the coaches and those around him into remembering his name. “I picked the colour... chocolate,” he confesses, much like he were a small boy, admitting he took a bit bigger bite than a nibble. Eyes darting down to the chocolate in his hands, moving forward to give them to the coaches. “It’s the sweetest out of all of the colours. It’s my favourite flavour of ice cream, my favourite type of cereal, my favourite kind of cake.”
Maybe they didn’t need to know that, but it drew a smile onto his lips as he parted with the last chocolate bar. “I want to do a sweet performance to match, something that makes someone feel like I used to when I was younger and spent the last of my pocket money on a ice cream at the convenience store,” he explained, wanting to show he had put a lot of thought into his selection and how he wanted to express his colour. “I hope it’s very, very, very sweet!”
The chocolate bars were changed for the microphone, Seokwoo taking a second to clear his throat and make himself comfortable in the space. He knew he wasn’t going to do as well as the original, that he was lacking still -- but they would watch him perform and they would help him get better. That was the thought that kept him at ease, listening to the light and happy beat start, counting himself in quietly. Seokwoo liked this song, he liked how it made him feel happy when he performed it and he liked how it filled him with warm memories. Like when he was preparing for the evaluation, sitting with the bowl of cereal in the lounge room and trying to win his grandmother over into letting him eat. The small moments, the sweet ones; he missed them more and more as the days passed. It had felt like they were such easy things to make happen until his days were scheduled in with training and he couldn’t drop everything to do what he wanted.
Time that’s as sweet as chocolate cereal
Keeps passing so quickly, it’s so strange
(I don’t know)
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
Seokwoo only took easy movements and motions, choosing cute ones he had practised in the mirror and copied from the MV. Gentle shakes of his hand, slight points, tapping his wrist and head. Things he thought would make the performance feel more than he was just rapping or singing, something to warm up the space and let the sweetness slip in. More than once he had bothered Sowon over whether it was too much, too little -- text messages and videos. ‘Do I look cute when I do this?’ ‘How about this?’. In the kitchen at home, he’d show them off to his grandmother, seeking for her to gush about how well he was doing while sneaking him some of the food while his sister wasn’t looking. Acting was more than the script, it was emotion and expression, gestures and displays. He believed all of those would help him form his sweet performance.
We met as soon as I woke up
But I’m thinking of you again
We see each other every day
But I can’t get sick of your charms
Time flies so fast, that’s the problem
The moments we spend together get deleted in one moment
Whether it’s on a weekend or weekday, day and night
I think about you all day and it just flies by
What do I do?
I’m already in so deep
Now if I’m not with you for a single moment, I feel empty
Just stay by my side
His gaze darted to the chocolates he’d handed out, remembering how he’d buy them for Sowon on White’s Day. The SOPA uniform bristling as he wandered the halls in search of the home room, always carrying more than Sowon would eat and plopping them in front of her. The gazes of the other students always lingering for a moment longer when he turned a chair and remained where he shouldn’t be. First and second years of high school spent waiting for her to eat until she couldn’t have more and then pass him over the rest. It was a childish plan. When they had good news, or bad news, they’d meet in their secret spot and there would be chocolate. Always too much for the girl to eat on her own and Seokwoo saving her from feeling like any of it would be ‘wasted’. Six or seven years now, made the memories feel like such a long time ago now.
Time that’s as sweet as chocolate cereal
Keeps passing so quickly, it’s so strange
(I don’t know)
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
In a few months, it would be a year since Chaeyoung called his name, thrusting the chocolate ice cream into his hands and wishing him a ‘Happy Birthday’. They’d been CEO and assistant then, he’d still held his place at the head of a company he’d signed the last pieces over to in the last month. Those days she would scold him when he went the long way back, picking up an ice cream and devouring it on the walk -- so Chaeyoung wouldn’t know. Seokwoo didn’t know how he always forgot to throw away the wrapper, or why he never walked slower. Those times wouldn’t happen again, not the same, they were different now. It was strange for Seokwoo to notice it, but he did. He wanted to keep hold of those moments, retain them; encapsulate them in things. The brand of chocolate bar, the type of chocolate ice cream, the shape of the chocolate cereal.
Oh oh, you’re more attractive the more I see you
No no, milk suits you better than alcohol
Like chocolate cereal, sometimes you’re hard
But sometimes you transform softly
You stole my heart
You I wanna have it
You are my vitamin
Sweet and even healthy
It’s so obvious
I’m so different from before and after I met you
Now come with me
What do I do?
I’m already in so deep
Now if I’m not with you for a single moment, I feel empty
Just stay by my side
As the line mentioning milk and alcohol comes from Seokwoo’s lips curl, unable to help the memory of Sowon, drunk. She’d been a bit cute then. Even if she’d been upset. He didn’t know why that line triggered that memory, but it had every time he’d heard it. Maybe this song itself would be able to encapsulate the memories, let him hold onto them and keep them from slipping further from him. The lyrics could melt on his tongue and warm his heart like birthday cakes, the one he gave to Chaeyoung a couple months back and the ones his grandmother and sister always gave him. The ones that piled up into his childhood, when his parents had been together and there had been so few candles dripping onto the icing, when his father had come home early with one under arm and reminding Seokwoo that he’d never forget his sons birthday. The ones he took to his fathers photo and urn, with one candle, because he would never miss one. Sweet memories that could sometimes make him sick if he had them all at once.
Time that’s as sweet as chocolate cereal
Keeps passing so quickly, it’s so strange
(I don’t know)
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
Time that’s as sweet as chocolate cereal
Keeps passing so quickly, it’s so strange
(I don’t know)
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
This moment with you right now
Disappears with a blink of an eye
Like when he finished a chocolate bar too quickly, didn’t let the ice cream melt onto his fingers, forgot to stop and take a picture of how pretty the cake was -- the song ended too quickly. It was done. He’d not get it back now. Seokwoo couldn’t help but feel the lament, the moment was over, just like many others -- and now it’d only be a memory. He wanted to have another, start again, perform it slower and drag it out as much as he could. A rare display of nervous as he rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at the coaches and the chocolate bars he’d given them. He wondered if any of them would not finish and share it with him.
life in general just doesn’t seem to be looking up for her at the moment, save for a few glimpses of a smile here and there. jisoo takes pride over the fact that she does not feel sentimentality quite often and sadness is more of a foreign concept. but beyond frustration, it’s what she has been feeling more or less over the course of the month.
she knew it was brought upon by her chaotic fight with hyojong and jennie’s inevitable moving out. between these two occurrences, a lot of things just doesn’t step right into place.
her coping mechanism during the off chance when she feels sadness or anger used to always be in the form of finding a character to embody who has a lot of similar pent up negative energies -- they really aren’t so difficult to find. she’d memorize lines, let a few tears out, and even scream if she has to. at the end of the day the emotional release would bring her comfort and a clearer sense of mind. but this time around, the month’s evaluation offered the perfect opportunity to change gears. perhaps being one with a character would have to be done some other time.
the first color that popped into her head was red for it was the color best associated with feelings of anger. but it has been weeks since the fight and after she’s had much time to think about it, she is just left with feelings of hopelessness. and the same thing goes with her feelings about jennie’s debut and impending moving out. jisoo recognizes that she’s bounded by selfishness but that in reality, she’s got nothing to do about it. so it appears that the month of june has wrapped her in unwarranted feelings of hopelessness unlike anything she has experienced before.
but she’s not a quitter -- she knows how to turn her hopelessness into hopefulness.
blue. she thinks; the color of hope and of holding onto good things. of realizing that people would always have problems but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t rise above them. it’s all just a part of the never ending turn of life, as always.
the key to this dance was visuals. nailing the look, expressing the facial expressions and executing the already made choreography perfectly. she had spent days practising, hoping to let the message come across soundly. she repeated the mantra in her head that this was obsessive love and not genuine, real love. this was infatuation. this was unhealthy. this was dangerous.
it helped her get into the zone.
she went with a red outfit in the end although toying with the idea with adding white to it as it was another colour mention in the lyrics. however she settled with a black two piece set underneath. because it was love (red) that was unhealthy underneath, when you took a good look at it (black). it was a simple outfit she’s had for a while. it was nothing too dressed up and was probably something she’s had since new york because lord knows she doesn’t gain weight if ever.
the thing about this song was that sunmi was going to throw in a twist of doing the entire song herself. singing and rap. but, because of the layers of the song and lyrics, sunmi does have to rely on the back tracks during certain parts or for a few seconds between. it’s nothing too bad. her vocal control and ability to sing and dance without being winded keep her from doing 90% in back audio.
every point move of the choreography (the sniffing of the wrist, the “c’mere” gesture, the pumps) just that much sharper and that more aggressive. she wanted to show that she wasn’t joking around. that this song is her actually trying to track the scent of her loved one.
towards the end of the song, however, she switched it up. instead of using the audio to be the adlibs in the back, she used it to sometimes be the foreground singing while she did the adlibs herself. it wasn’t like that for the entirety of the song; she often switched to whatever would suit her voice best.
she will say though: this evaluation made her pay a little more attention to lyrics and how the connect to concepts. they usually tell a story but it’s often overlooked by people just thinking it’s another comeback. it also left her a little intrigued. should she debut in a group, what would their concepts usually be?
it seems like a lot of trainees struggle with the assignment for the month, struggle with finding this different, maybe, even a little unusual way of expressing yourself -- although, baekhyun thinks it’s not even that of an unusual thing to ask for. singers use colors to express emotions, as metaphors all the time, actually. but they seem to struggle with finding a fitting song that also happens to mention the color that’s needed. with a color at all.
and baekhyun guesses that this can be quite hard after all.
it wasn’t for him, though, because the moment they announced this month’s evaluation, baekhyun knew what song he wants to do. immediately had a color popping up, blue. the color that represents sadness, distance, longing, sorrow but also hope and inspiration. for some, it even represents love. but baekhyun’s focusing more on the associations with depression, with sad and calm feelings;
at the moment, there is no more fitting color for him -- his state of mind -- than this one.
he’s been ‘especially’ sad these days and it seems like he’s going to get the perfect opportunity to let it all out, to let it go. because doing this is way better than hauling himself up again, than distancing himself from those around him like he did before. he only just came back, he can’t leave again. ( there are people who need him. ) so, he sits in his favorite practice room everyday, fingers on the keys of the piano to accompany him, and practices the song he’s picked. the song that came as easily to him as the color blue; giving himself some time to heal a little for once.
