…..aND THEN we get to Robert The Good™️ saving Cain despite just being attacked and threatened and hURT by him—actually getting LOOKED at by a medical professional that clocked he looked bAD (psst doctor lady he’s had like seventeen knocks to the head pleaseeee initiate concussion protocol…) lying about how he got hurt to keep Cain and Sam out of trouble, calling Moira and Aaron, looking so stressed and bruised and helpless with the good hair, getting to SEE Aaron defending him, and then that tiny smile when Cain tells him that Vic’s lucky to have him looking out for her?!? 😍🤩 ohhhhhh excellent excellent stuff
“Sprinkled Memories” by @strongboyfriends
↳ Happy 32nd Birthday Robert Sugden
Aaron moved the butter knife in awkward strokes across the spongy surface of the cake, trying not to huff in frustration every time the serrated edge kicked up crumbs and ruined all the work he had just done.
Everything around him smelt sickly sweet, and it was starting to make him dizzy. He was used to motor oils and petrol and the feel of callouses on his hands reminding him of a hard day’s work done, but this was something else entirely. It felt like everywhere he turned, a fine dusting of sugar was left in his wake.
The kitchen itself was a tip. There was a leaning tower of dishes stacked in the sink from Aaron’s earlier panic of forgetting to separate the wet ingredients from the dry when he had had to practically sift the baking powder from the butter. Sprays of batter solidified on the counter tops from when he had whisked way too quickly without thinking while loose flour and icing clung to his sweater.
After all that, all he had to show for it was a cake he’d been too scared to taste-test that had been so dexterously and lovingly iced in such a way that at least a toddler couldn’t do much better. He’d nearly scrapped the whole thing, ready to dump it out in the wheelie bins outside and call it a day, but he bit his cheek and carried on.
The last few weeks had been nothing short of a personal horror story, and every day felt like it brought a new nightmare that Aaron could never prepare himself for. The Liv-shaped hole throughout the spaces in their home felt tangible in its emptiness. It was nothing like her time spent in Ireland, when she’d been gone for much longer. At least there, he knew Liv was safe. Upset, betrayed, and delaying the inevitable, yes. But safe.
Everything would hit him in quiet places. Long drives to a pickup reminded him of the monotony of daily life in the prison on days when he was lucky. The white noise of the shower water beating against the tile reminded him of the days when he wasn’t so lucky, and the ringing in his ears became a constant companion. Nights were the worst of it. In the dark of their bedroom, his eyes couldn’t focus, and the walls started to feel like they were rushing toward him, only to spring back into place and warp in the corners of his vision.
If he listened hard enough, he swore he could still hear the faint shouts of other prisoners and feel the creeping fear move down his chest and up his spine. The sound of Robert’s huffed snores were the only thing grounding him to reality and keeping his thoughts away from whatever parallel of terror Liv could be feeling at that same moment.
It was Robert that reminded him of a lot he had to be grateful for. He was in his own bed. He had the freedom to eat what he wanted, when he wanted, and go anywhere his heart pleased. Liv didn’t have that sort of luxury, and while Aaron would trade places with her in a heartbeat if it meant she could know the peace that came with free agency, Aaron also knew that thoughts like that wouldn’t make any difference.
Sulking and getting angry at every little thing wasn’t going to help Liv. All it was doing was making Robert stressed as he felt the waves of negative energy bouncing off Aaron.
He couldn’t keep doing that to him. He needed to show Robert that every single second that they spent together was appreciated, and that Robert was appreciated.
If that meant baking a cake for his husband’s birthday, then so be it.
At least the house was quiet. Gerry had been doing God knows what in Liv’s absence, and Aaron was only mostly sure he even still lived there when Liv wasn’t around. Robert had gone to spare a quick second - that had inevitably turned into hours - with Diane since she hadn’t been able to make it to Robert’s birthday lunch earlier, but he was due back any minute now, and Aaron still couldn’t help but feel like the cake needed something.
Their snacks cabinet wasn’t much help. He wasn’t about to just tier peanuts and wafers on it, and Robert’s fancy marmalade wouldn’t do. All there was left was a shaker of rainbow sprinkles Liv had bought before Christmas when they had tried to make cookies to bring to Zak and Lisa’s before they had chucked them away when they burnt them all.
From behind him, Aaron heard the front door go and the sound of Robert unlocking their flat’s door, and without giving it much thought, he popped the top off of the sprinkles and watched – as if in slow motion – all the sprinkles dump straight into the center of the cake.
“Aaron?” he heard Robert call out for him, and Aaron fumbled with the knife he’d been using to ice and tried to spread the sprinkles out into a layer, but it still made the whole thing even more sloppy than it had started, but the damage was done.
“What’s all this?” Robert asked him, his voice lilted with something akin to contained laughter, and Aaron nearly lobbed the entire cake in Robert’s face.
“Well, I was tryin’ to do somethin’ simple, but then it just looked borin’. Now it looks like a four year old with better taste then I’ve got had a go at it,” Aaron complained, already turning toward the sink so he wouldn’t have to look at the mess he’d made.
He heard the shutter go off a few times from Robert’s phone, and he grit his teeth before starting on washing the dish disaster he’d made.
“First you bake for me, and now you’re actually doing a chore? I usually only get this sort of treatment when you’re being passive aggressive with me,” Robert teased as he made his way over to prop himself up next to the sink to watch Aaron at work.
“Yeah? Well, happy birthday,” Aaron said, pushing every bit of sarcasm he could into the words to mask his embarrassment.
He should have just listened to Victoria when she said she would help. She would’ve made something edible, for starters, and it would have been a hell of a lot better than the lump currently mocking Aaron behind his back.
Robert’s shifted until his arms were wrapped around Aaron’s waist and his cheek was pressed against his shoulder blade before heaving an exaggerated content sigh. “You feel that?” Robert asked, his voice muffled by Aaron’s sweater.
“Do I feel what?” Aaron asked, humoring him.
“32 is going to be my year,” Robert said, squeezing himself tighter to Aaron and making it awkward for Aaron to keep scrubbing the pan he’d been tackling for the last minute and a half.
“Yeah? Let’s see: Liv’s in juvenile detention, we might be losin’ our home, and there’s a sadistic man with a personal vendetta against you out there ruinin’ our lives, but sure. 32’s starting off great.” Aaron gave up on the pan, pushing himself – and Robert – away from the sink and awkwardly turning himself so that he could face Robert properly. He raised his eyebrow in challenge, but Robert just smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Liv will be out in no time, and she and I are at a good place between us. The rest of our family are all healthy and happy, and I’ve got the most amazing husband in the world reminding me how much he cares about me by baking me a cake and telling me he loves me. What more could I want?”
Aaron squinted. “Don’t think I said anything about love,” he said, pretending to think back on their conversation.
“Oh, but you do,” Robert cooed, drawing out the last vowel as he hugged Aaron fully, swaying them back and forth.
“Err, about that-” Aaron started, but he was cut off by Robert’s singsong, “You love me. You baked a cake for me.”
“You’re lucky I didn’t put the candles on, I’d have burned the house down with all them,” Aaron teased, and Robert drew back in mock affront. Aaron slapped lightly at his arm as he made his way around Robert, opening the spice rack and digging around the back until he found the gift he’d stashed away there last night.
“Here,” Aaron continued, holding out the gift for Robert to take. He’d gotten the idea for the wrapping online when he’d been searching for gift ideas. With all the commotion happening around him, he hadn’t had much time to get Robert anything, and in his flurry to find something relatively cheap, he’d seen something about wrapping Christmas presents with newspaper.
He’d intended to use some pieced together pages out of his NME magazines, but it didn’t really feel like Robert. He couldn’t remember the names of those Japanese comics Robert used to like, so he settled on a Superman comic that cost next to nothing, stuck a ribbon on it, and called it a day. He had tried, and that’s what counted, right?
Robert took the gift but paused before opening it. “Aaron, you didn’t have to get me anything. I was teasing you about the cake, I love it, I promise.”
“Just open it,” Aaron urged.
He watched Robert rip off the paper off the bottom before tossing it onto the table. Left in his hands was the framed photo from their wedding day, with the same silver and black frame from before, only now everything felt heavier, like a phantom weight reminding them of what it meant.
What it means.
Robert was silent, but Aaron watched his thumb stroke gently across the glass and his fingertips grip just a bit tighter as he trapped himself in memories of their past.
“Thought it was time,” Aaron added before clearing his throat, fighting against whatever emotion was threatening to spill over into the silence.
“Yeah?” Robert asked, his face barely containing his regret. Aaron knew Robert might feel this way at the sight of it, and he knew he’d have to nip it in the bud before it blossomed into something dark and self-loathing that neither of them ever wanted to go back to.
“Robert, taking your picture down didn’t change the fact that you are in every single part of this house, just like taking off our rings didn’t change the fact that you are and always have been my husband since the day that photo was taken. There are a lot of things that I wish were different right now, but I wouldn’t change the way you and I are for anything in the world. That photo,” Aaron paused, taking the framed picture from Robert and setting it down in favor of holding Robert’s hands in his own, “it’s just the start. And we’ve got the rest of our lives to keep filling every single inch of this house with our memories.”
Robert blew out a deep breath and brought Aaron’s hand to his lips. “When’d you get so good at that?” Robert asked him, the affection in his voice nearly sending Aaron’s heart into double-time.
Aaron shrugged. “Turns out communication is important or something. Who knew?” He watched Robert smile from behind Aaron’s knuckles before meeting him halfway into a kiss. Aaron grabbed for the framed photo and set it back where it was always meant to be, beside the windowsill.
He moved the other photo that was there out of the way, giving Robert a fake grimace. “Plus, there’s only so many photos of my mum I can keep around here before it all gets a bit Norman Bates.”
The next few hours were spent eating the surprisingly alright cake while Robert chose the film – Kill Bill Volume 1, thank God – before giving up all pretense and taking themselves upstairs, leaving the cake and dishes behind for a future version of themselves to deal with.
His time with Robert today felt like an ordinary day. Maybe Robert felt older, but he doubted it. No one ever really feels older on their birthday, and maybe Robert was getting to an age where they stopped feeling like something to celebrate, and that was more than okay for Aaron. Something about the simplicity of it all made Aaron feel nearly giddy at the thought of it. Today was just like any other day, and Aaron had never felt more at peace knowing that he could spend the rest of his life like this and never once want for anything else.
