Loredas, 16th of Frostfall, 4E 201
Thank the Divines for a quiet day!
We're back at the Manor, getting ready for a trip to the Blue Palace tomorrow. It's only mid-afternoon, but we've got a plan for the rest of the day and I don't want to be up half the night writing!
We came out of Rebel's Cairn to a beautiful morning. It was a bit windswept and desolate up there on top of the mountain, but the view was amazing! I could see the road snaking past the river, and I could even make out Dragonsreach in the distance.
We checked the map and saw that Rorikstead looked pretty close, so we headed that way. As luck would have it, the town was practically right there at the base of the mountain, and there was a Khajiit with a stall selling his goods by the road.
Before I could talk to the trader a courier ran up, said he had a top secret message from Falk Firebeard, then handed me a sealed note. Once he ran off, I peeked at it, then called the others in for a huddle.
Falk has more information about that group of cultists who were trying to summon Potema. He wants us to come back to Solitude right away.
I mean, we can't ignore a summons like that, so we sold what we could to K'irava, the trader, before we hit the road back here.
It was a lot faster getting back. Not only did the weather hold most of the way, we were able to travel over relatively flat ground or roads until we got to Morthal. The only delay was when I got chased by two mudcrabs!
We moved as quickly as we could. I wanted to get back and have time to actually rest before going into Solitude tomorrow.
And I really, really need a bath.
The plan: I'll wash up once Erandur's done, then organize the books we picked up along the way. Lydia's offered to prepare food for the trip, along with dinner tonight, so I'll pull out everything we've got on Potema and have it ready for us to flip through while we eat. Valdimar's going to go over our gear and see if any of our enchanted items need charged or armor needs repaired. Erandur wants to sort through the potions and make what he can that we're short on.
We don't want to go in unprepared, so once we're done with dinner and reading, we'll get our gear ready, then get some shut-eye.
And THIS is why I should never write in this thing until my day is actually over.
At least it didn't go too badly.
I mean, it didn't go as well as I'd hoped, but it could've been A LOT worse.
I was upstairs, sorting books in the library tower, when I heard a fight break out in the dining room.
I ran to the walkway, and looked down.
Valdimar had Erandur pinned against the wall. His left forearm was across Erandur's shoulders, like he was doing a shield bash, and he had an Ice Spike in his right hand, aimed at Erandur's face.
Lydia had been chopping vegetables at the table. Now, she had the knife pointed at them, and was slowly stepping to put herself between me and them, despite the fact that I was on an upper floor.
Erandur had his face turned to the side and his eyes shut tight, bracing himself for the hit. He wasn't struggling, and from my position I could see thin lines of fire curl around his fingertips, as if by instinct. Then he clenched his fists, snuffing them out.
I told Valdimar to stop, but he still brought his hand back, as though to release the spell, and Erandur just grit his teeth and⦠Waited.
This made Valdimar pause, and he almost snarled when he said, "You were in the cult of Vaermina?!"
Erandur finally opened his eyes and looked at Valdimar. He took a deep, shuddering breath that I could see from where I was and shouted back, "I was only a child!"
He whispered, "I lost everything," and then his voice cracked, and the tears started. Valdimar's spell vanished, and he let Erandur go. He looked like he'd been slapped. I don't think Lydia even blinked.
Erandur sank to the floor, curled up against the wall, knees up with one hand clenched over his heart and the other gripping his opposite shoulder. He'd actually taken off his scarf earlier, and without it he looked even thinner. Even though he's tall for a Dunmer, he looked tiny compared to Valdimar, who was still standing over him.
I half-tripped down the steps to get to him, and hugged him while he wept. Septim came up and managed to worm his way into Erandur's arms.
I looked over my shoulder to glare at Valdimar, and he mouthed "Sorry" and made a gesture like he didn't know. I turned my attention to Lydia, but by this point she'd lowered her knife and gone back to tending to dinner like one of her teammates wasn't having a breakdown. Then I saw her fill a cup of water and set it at Erandur's place at the table.
Valdimar pulled out Erandur's chair for him, and we carefully got him off the floor and to the table. Once he was there, he managed to pull himself together enough to talk, and it was like a dam broke.
The fancy accent was gone, but some of the proper language remained, and he told usβ¦
He told us everything. Well, almost, but it was more than enough. The way he talked, I'm certain he's never told anyone his story before.
He said he was born in The Pale, in a town called Dunstad Grove. His parents were kind, wonderful people, and what little childhood he had with them was a happy one.
And then there's this⦠Hole in his mind, he said, like pages ripped out of a book, and the next thing he remembers is his parents' funeral. He knows they died, but not how. He was only eight years old. The other villagers were sad for him, but no one knew what to do with him.
Then a Dunmer lady in purple robes came up to him and asked if he'd like to go with her. He'd never seen another Dunmer before in his life aside from his parents. She knew he was sad, and asked him if he had nightmares. He did, and she told him she could make the nightmares go away. If he went with her, she could even make the sad memories go away forever.
I've heard that one before! Damn Daedric cults. Miss Agrippina always warned us about how they liked to prey on desperate people, especially orphans.
Anyway, Erandur packed up with little he had, including the Dwarven mace his father hid under the floorboards, and went with her.
He said that once they got to Nightcaller Temple, the priests there said he could join them. He would be part of their family, and they would take care of him, but he had to give them something in return.
He started to cry again, but only a little. He had his face in his hands and we could barely hear him when he said, "They took my name."
When Erandur told us this, we all looked at each other in shock.
Now, I'm no expert in Dunmer culture, but even I know how important family and names are to them. The first word I learned in Dunmeri was an Ashlander insult that translates to "No-Name" or "Nameless".
Valdimar said, "By Talos! Who would take a Dunmer's name?"
"A Daedric bitch, that's who," Erandur said. He sounded bitter, and reached past the water that he'd been sipping at to grab a wine bottle off the table.
He uncorked the wine with his dagger in one fluid motion, like an expert, and took a long drink straight from the bottle before he continued with his story.
They named him Casimir. They taught him how to fight, how to use magic, and alchemy. They also taught him how to Sleep. He learned to navigate the Quagmire, the land of nightmares that Vaermina calls home. There, he would steal the memories of sleepers who entered there from our realm, leaving nightmares and terror in his wake.
He grabbed at his heart and said that they also trained him to pick good marks. He learned how to find people's fears and insecurities, and how to use them against them. He mastered the art of manipulation. He used it to persuade or outright seduce people into joining the cult, or to simply follow him; then they'd be kidnapped and used as sacrifices in their rituals.
"I did horrible things," he said, "I'm a monster."
"Not really," I said. "I saw it myself."
He shot me a look, and I came clean.
"It was your memories I saw in the Dreamstride."
After I explained what the Dreamstride and Vaermina's Torpor is, I told everyone about the night years ago in Nightcaller Temple, when the Orcs attacked. I told them how he ran through the fray, scared out of his mind because he didn't want to go back to the Quagmire for who knows how many years.
I explained that the others were driven mad, but he knew the High Priests - Like him and his friends - would probably survive it with their minds intact.
But he didn't want to gamble. He was afraid, and I didn't see what happened after he pulled the chain, but my guess is that he bolted through the door before the Miasma could take him, and escaped into the night. He saw his chance, and he took it.
Erandur just stared at me as I told the others the full story of what happened in the Temple, before he destroyed the Skull. I described how he killed his old friends, and how Vaermina tried to get me to kill him in exchange for the Skull's power.
Erandur was quiet while I talked about Veren and Thorek, and started to tear up again. Valdimar asked how he could cry over them, and Erandur said that he'd never forgiven himself for betraying them and running away.
Killing the other worshipers, the ones who had been driven mad by their Sleep, was a mercy, he explained. Doing so freed their minds from the Quagmire, so they could finally rest. Veren and Thorek, on the other hand, had survived their Sleep, so killing them felt more like murder, even though they struck first.
He said that even though they did terrible things, they weren't completely terrible people. Yes, they tried to kill us, but they were still his family, his brothers, and he loved them. He said that he asks Mara for forgiveness every day; not only for what he did while serving Vaermina, but for betraying his old friends, too.
"At least the nightmares stopped," he said, and he finished off his wine.
Lydia had been chopping up vegetables and tending to the stew she was making while he talked, and at this point it was ready, so she dished some out for us. She grabbed a second wine bottle from Erandur's reach before he could get to it, and set a warm mug of tea in front of him.
"You can't be hungover when you go to the Blue Palace tomorrow," she said, then sat down.
I'll admit, I think that made me relax as much as it did him!
I was afraid that the others wouldn't want him around any more once they found out, and I know he was worried, too. Having Lydia state that he was coming with us (it was very clearly NOT a request) was a relief.
Valdimar was obviously feeling guilty about slamming him into the wall earlier. He'd scooched his chair right up next to Erandur's so he could put his hand on his back or shoulder when he thought Erandur needed it. Erandur had flinched a little the first time Valdimar put his hand on him, but quickly relaxed and ended up almost leaning against his arm.
Erandur smiled and thanked Lydia, and we ate for a bit before Valdimar asked him when he left Nightcaller Temple.
Erandur said it was almost a hundred years ago.
I could tell that Valdimar and Lydia were trying to do the numbers in their heads. I didn't even bother. Finally, Valdimar gave up and asked, "How old are you?"
Erandur thought for a moment. "Two hundred and seven."
Lydia looked up and blurted out that he didn't look much older than Irileth!
Erandur laughed, and Valdimar said that he always suspected that he was around 130. Over 150 was impossible, not to mention 200!
Erandur sipped at his tea and said 130 sounded about right. He explained a bit more about how the Miasma worked. They used it in rituals all the time, and most of them take months to complete. A "big" ritual could be expected to take at least a year. He had been a High Priest, and the Sleep for that is a decade. He did so many he never bothered keeping track. He confessed that he completely missed the Void Nights!
"What did you do after you left the Cult?"
Leave it to Lydia to ask the questions we don't know how to.
Erandur put his spoon back in his bowl and did his nervous laugh before he said, and I quote, "I went a little wild."
Valdimar laughed, and said he couldn't picture him being "wild".
Erandur actually started to look nervous, and said that he used to be quite a different person. The Cult of Vaermina raised him to be harsh and selfish. He said they encouraged his alchemy experiments, and his "creative brutality".
He was the perfect acolyte, but the Cult controlled every part of his life. Even his haircut wasn't his choice. It got worse as a High Priest. In theory he had all the power and control, but then he had to serve as an example.
When he escaped, getting a job was the last thing he wanted, but he didn't know what to do. So, he did what he knew best: Alchemy.
He wandered around, selling potions on the road like a skooma dealer, and soon ran into some bandits. They tried to kill him, but failed, and he found a note on one of them talking about a smuggling ring up the coast that would buy their goods.
I've had my suspicions about Erandur from the day I met him, but I saw plenty of little clues in the time since that kept telling me I was right. I've only seen one kind of person who can uncork a bottle with their dagger like he can, then re-sheathe it while they take a drink.
"I knew you were on a boat!"
Erandur laughed, and said that I was half-right. He found the smuggling ring and offered his services as an alchemist and a healer. He mostly stayed at the hideout, but he did do a bit of sailing and learned a lot from the sailors that he spent his first months of freedom with.
Gangs don't last long (don't I know it!) so he had to move around a lot, and went from group to group. He even confessed that he went by "Kaz" during that time. He was clearly embarrassed by that, and yes, he did spell it for us when Valdimar asked.
I would say something here about being Young and Stupid, but that's me, soβ¦
We started asking him more questions about his life of crime, but he waved us off and promised that he'd tell us more, later. It was getting late, and he was tired.
So, he got up to say his prayers before he went to bed. He said he needed to thank Mara for bringing people like us into his life, who wouldn't judge him for who he used to be.
Valdimar asked if he could speak with him for a minute, so I helped Lydia clear the table while they went into the front room to talk. Lydia explained that Erandur has slipped up while he was chatting with Valdimar earlier. She didn't catch it, but it was enough to alarm Valdimar. She asked me not to be too angry with him. He was only trying to protect me.
I reassured her that I wasn't angry at anyone. I admitted that it was a little scary to see Valdimar like that. Lydia agreed. She'd never seen him so mad! He always reminded her of a big, cuddly bear.
I reminded her that all bears have teeth.
I was cleaning up the broken glass by the alchemy table when the door opened and they rejoined us in the main hall.
I could tell Erandur had been crying again, and I asked if everything was all right.
Erandur nodded, and I really like how he put it so I hope I got it right, "My heart is tired, but it is full."
He left to do his prayers, and Valdimar went back to getting the armor ready for tomorrow while Lydia packed the food. I asked him if Erandur really was all right, and he said that he was. Valdimar wanted to explain himself and apologize in private. Erandur was just so relieved that we honestly didn't hate him that he broke down again.
Lydia mused aloud if priests usually got "that kind of treatment", and explained, when I asked, that since priests are always the ones helping people and healing them and listening and giving counsel, who does it for them? He's always taking care of us; when was the last time anyone actually took care of him?
Like I said, she's a savvy sweetroll.
Anyway, I sat down to write this while they finished getting things ready for tomorrow. They've both gone to bed, and Septim's asleep by the fire, so it's just me and Erandur.
He's getting the potions sorted; he wants to have it done for tomorrow. He tried apologizing for not telling them earlier, but I said that was all right. Honestly, how do you even bring that up? Where do you start? "Oh, by the way, I used to be in an evil cult and I was so good at the evil they made me a high priest!"
That got a real laugh out of him, and he had to say I was right.
I made sure to give him a big hug, too. He hugged me back and thanked me for letting him join us. He said there weren't many people who knew he'd been in Vaermina's cult, but almost all of them pushed him away as soon as they found out.
Considering that most of the people who accepted him did crime for a living, I'm not surprised.
But I'm getting tired, so I'm going to stop here so I can finish this book on the Wolf Queen while I drain my wine, then get my ass to bed.
It's been a hell of a night.
