- You promised me.. - His voice cracked desperately through the phone.
- I’m sorry, Jason, I’m so sorry. - Roy didn’t have anything more to say. It could help, it could make the most complicated things easier. He held his breath, waiting for Jason to tell him they will work it out together, as he used to do for the past few years. But this time there was no answer, then Roy heard phone beeps in a silence instead of his boyfriend’s calming voice.
Flashback
Roy curled to his boyfriend’s side cozily and put one arm over his abdomen. Jason’s smooth chest was such a blessing to fall asleep on. The older man sighed in relish.
- Roy? - Jason whispered, pacing slow circles with his fingers all over Roy’s back.
- Mm.. - The man looked up lazily at the calling.
- We still need to talk. - Jason kissed the top of his head.
- Babe, I’m tired.. - Roy shut his eyes tightly, like it could save him from necessity of the talk. The same one they’ve been having in a past year: Jason would ask when will they move in together, and Roy would say he has no clue, he’s caught up in his job and has no opportunity at the moment.
- Huh? No round two? - Jason stood on his elbows, raising one of his eyebrows.
- I’m always up for the round two. - The older man grinned widely. His hand found its usual way under the blanket as he felt Jason stopping him halfway.
- But we will talk first. - He replied with a victory smile playing on his lips. Roy let out a frustrated groan.
- Okay. Talk about..? - He pretended like he didn’t know the problem.
- Moving in. - Jason frowned at his boyfriend, putting his palms on the chest.
- Right.. - Roy slid his hands up to the younger man’s neck, grabbing his nape and pulling him closer. - I promise to discuss it with Jaimie. - Jason tried to roll his eyes at the name of the guy who practically locked Roy in Los Angeles, but all of his previous thoughts were gone the moment his boyfriend leaned forward to his face, smiling playfully as his gaze was glued to his mouth. Loud moan escaped Jason’s lips when Roy forced his tongue inside, exploring him in a common manner. - I promise.. - Roy repeated seductively right into his mouth, knowing exactly how to move and what to do. He made the last step by sucking onto Jason’s earlobe, feeling his boyfriend relaxing under him, scratching his back a little.
- Okay.., - the younger man exhaled sharply with his eyes closed, - now fuck me, please. - He gave up to his mercy, pleading the older man with his voice shaking, as a huge smirk appeared on Roy’s face.
He knew how to get what he wanted.
Flashback ends.
This time it wasn’t a usual argue they would overcome by spending a few days together. This time Roy wasn’t around to shut him up with sex. And he knew it himself, this time he ran out of excuses.
At the same time, on the East coast Jason was laying on his bed with a phone squeezed in his palm. Hot tears were burning his eyes and choking him. The long-distance relationships hit him harder than he expected. His love to Roy was huge and beautiful, but also kept bringing so much pain to his heart. They were happily discussing moving in together in NYC for the past few months now, but Roy’s job as a drag queen took what it took. Sometimes Jason just hated it, as much as a person’s hurt could hate something. And now, lying on his bed all alone in the apartment he’s been sharing with his best friend - Amanda for a couple of years, Jason couldn’t believe it was over. No, no, he couldn’t let himself think like that. Roy would fly over and all of the wrongs will be turned into rights. He will come and calm the storm in Jason’s heart just with a brush of his lips against his skin as he always used to do.
But the minutes of waiting turned into days, and days turned into weeks, and there was nothing from Roy. Jason was waiting for him to make a first move but it seemed to be never coming. The older man kept performing with his NTS tour all over the US like nothing has happened. Jason saw tons of pictures Roy posted with different people he didn’t know. And for the firs time in his life, he was jealous. He felt like with no calling and texting Roy cut this bond of trust they have always had. But the most torturing thing for Jason was the consistent of unknowing if they were over or not.
- Sun, are you okay? - Amanda sat down on the bed next to the curled in a ball Jason. He’s got a tendency to spend all free from the work time like that and it was making her worry. As well as the fact he wasn’t eating much. - Can I take you somewhere, so you could feel better? - She asked, patting him on the shoulder.
- No, thanks. - He murmured into the pillow.
- Wanna talk? - She laid down next to him.
- No, thanks. - He repeated, scooting away from her, closer to the wall. The woman sighed loudly and got up, taking a blanket and putting it over her best friend. She waited till his breathing became steady and took his phone from the nightstand. There was no way she would let him suffer any much time than he has already been suffering.
Coming home the next day after a long day of working, Jason felt zero excitement about the strong smell of his favorite pasta flying in the air. He felt a hint of shame, realizing that Amanda’s smiling face was only making him feel annoyed. He was probably losing the love of his life at the moment, so she was supposed to be wiping his tears away and at least pretend that she was sad as well.
- You came right to the dinner, I made your favorite pasta and mojito. - If that was her way to help, it obviously didn’t work for Jason.
They were eating the meal as she kept asking him questions in a tweety tone, getting the man more and more annoyed, but he kept answering, she was his best friend after all.
- I have a surprise for you. - She suddenly said with a pawky smile playing on her lips, extending him a little envelope.
- What’s that.. - His jaw dropped open as he took out a ticket. His heart made a painful twitch in his chest: it was a ticket on “Not Today Satan” NYC show dated the next Friday. Jason still could remember how they planned to spent these weekends with Roy. He put it down on the table edgily. The ticket she gave him the last time popped out in his mind, bringing back the painful at that moment memories.
- Thank you, Mandy. - His voice sounded distantly. - But I’ve seen this show in LA a few months ago. - He got up to leave the table but she grabbed his hand.
- Jason, please, wait. - Her own heart was shrinking in pain, watching the dark expression on his face. - I know you love him. - The gasp escaped Jason’s parted lips. He wanted to reply, but words weren’t coming as he tried to stop the upcoming tears. - And I also know you’ve never loved anybody this much in your life. - Amanda squeezed his hand as he gave up on talking, staring at her with his teary eyes. - So don’t give up so easily.
- But he did. - Jason murmured, sounding like a little resentful child.
- How do you know that for sure? - She touched his cheek and stroked it gently. - You go there and talk to him because I can’t see you being sad curled into a ball Lana Del Rey trash anymore. - He chucked through the tears at the definition. - Furthermore, I have another ticket, so I’m going with you. I will hold your hand if you feel like crying during the performance. - Jason’s jaw was hurt from smiling even though the unshared tears kept blurring his vision. He was looking at the slim woman sitting next to him, holding his palm in her tiny one loyally, and wondering how did he get so lucky.
So, the next Friday, there he was: sitting on the armchair in the local city hall, squeezing Amanda’s hand slightly and waiting for the show to start with his heart bumping deafly almost in his throat. Jason wasn’t afraid to see Roy, no, he was afraid to see unconcern in his native eyes, he was afraid to be rejected by the person he loved the most.
The moment city hall exploded with the applauses and screaming, Jason looked up and saw the common figure walking down the stage: the snug dress hitting the floor, high hairdo and the clown makeup in a favorite smiling face. Yeah, probably, for the people it was a hilarious Bianca Del Rio, but Jason almost didn’t get a chance to know her. The man under that dress and makeup - that’s all that mattered. Around Jason, it has always been Roy: in drag or out, he has always been his caring and loving boyfriend. The younger man managed to broke that Bianca Del Rio “wall” the first day they met. Time at the time, Jason would look at him and felt like they knew each other for the whole life. Being able to hold that man in his arms made him realize the definition of such a cliches as “butterflies in the stomach” or “meant to be”.
- How the fuck you’re doing, New York? - Jason couldn’t help but smiled. Until that very moment, he had no clue about how much he missed Roy’s voice.
His eyes were glued to Bianca the whole show. He spent time catching every single movement, every single smile, fighting the want to jump right on the stage, grab his boyfriend’s cinched waist and pressed their lips together. The only time their eyes met was so tiny it made Jason squeeze Amanda’s hand out of disappointment, and she squeezed his back supportively. Roy used to look him in the eyes during the shows for much longer than that.
The fear was slowly creeping into Jason’s head as the show seemed to come to its end.
- Since New York is my favorite city, I have a surprise for you all. - Bianca said, smiling in her usual sassy way. - I’ll be back in fifteen minutes, stay at your places. - She disappeared behind the curtains as Jason looked at Amanda questingly, but she only shrugged in reply.
Jason was having quite an enjoyable gabfest with the woman when the loud screams and even a squeaking filled the room. He gasped out of sudden when he saw his boyfriend on the stage again, but this time, it was Roy: no dress, no makeup, no hills, no wig. The way he looked in his skinny jeans and black tunic made Jason’s mouth watering. He licked his dry lips and gulped, watching his boyfriend weaving the crowd to go quiet with a genuine smile on his face. They were sitting close enough for Jason to see the dimples appearing on Roy’s cheeks, the dimples he loved to see a lot more than his owns. His racing heart was ready to jump out of his chest as he thought how lucky he was to call the man on the stage “his”, and how stupid it would be to ever give up on this right.
- Thank you, straight girls. I’ve never heard such an intensive squeal before. - Roy joked the moment crowd went quiet, causing new screams and laugh in the room. - Okay, okay, - he weaved them to stop again, - all jokes aside. I have something really important to say. - It seemed like the whole room froze for about ten seconds it took the man to speak up again. - As I’ve said, New York is my favorite city. Not just because it literally made me this famous, but also because I’ve met lots of amazing people here. - Jason froze at his place, listening to the man attentively. - And today I want to say how thankful I am. I have everything I would never even ask for and more. Also, I want to say how sorry I am. Some time ago I hurt someone who is very important to me. - Jason held his breath as their eyes met in a tensive silence of the room. - I know he’s here today and I want him to know that I’m sorry. - The younger man’s chest was in pain from the unshared feelings. Roy was looking at him and he felt naked under that intensive gaze. - Jason, - hearing his name said by Roy in the mic almost made him choke, - would you come up on the stage, please? - He asked, still looking right at the younger man. Jason turned his head, looking at Amanda, but she just let go of his hand and smiled approvingly. He could feel the whole audience eyes locked on him the moment he stood up and slowly moved to the stage. Hearing someone screaming “royson”, he wanted to run away, to lost his faint right at that place, to stop the crazy stream of thoughts flashing through his mind at that moment, but then he found Roy’s eyes again, and it kept him going. The older man met him at the edge of the stage, extending him a hand. Jason took it, never losing their eyes connection.
Roy leaded Jason to the center and turned to face him again. And just before he let go, the younger man felt how much Roy’s arm was shaking while holding his.
- Jason, we had our ups and downs. We’ve gone through a lot of stuff together for the past few years. I love you. And I trust you. - All Jason’s senses were sharpened at the moment. He was thrilled but also worried, seeing his usually mature boyfriend so scared and uncertain, looking into his hazel sparkling eyes. - Because you are the most deservable person I’ve ever met. And honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing between us but only one. - Roy continued, and Jason’s heart started beating in a crazy temp. He could feel the whole city hall held their breaths as well as he did. The silent scream stuck in his dry throat when the older man took something out of his pocket. Jason was looking at his beautiful but scared for some reason face, not daring to look down. - Can I hope to call you my husband any time soon? - Such a simple sentence, but hearing it from Roy seemed to be the most beautiful thing Jason has ever heard. It sent something very similar to the electricity down his body, lightening up his whole existence, like one little match could cause a huge blaze. He followed Roy’s gaze and saw a little blue box opened for him, showing off a golden promise ring. Was that a dream? Has he, Jason Le Vier, just received a marriage propose from the most amazing man in the world? It probably took him too long, but someone screaming “say yes” from the audience impatiently and a single tear rolling down his man’s cheek, the hand holding the little box started dropping down in despair.. Jason stepped forward rashly, catching Roy’s hand on the halfway and pulling him closer. He opened his mouth to say “yes”, but the sound wasn’t coming out, so he just nodded a few times, wiping a tear from Roy’s perfectly beautiful smiling face with his thumb. Jason could barely hear people screaming and whistling since he was focused on Roy, who almost dropped the ring while taking it out and was nervously trying to return the little box back into the pocket. The moment golden rim was safely settled on Jason’s finger he was trying to hold a laugh. The older man, blushing, while desperately trying to put it on with his shaky hands was an adorably funny thing to witness. Accidentally, Jason, who has been trying not to look in the audience before, looked down. He saw lots of people: people screaming, people crying, people standing and clapping, but there was no one who had no smile on their face and it warmed up his heart. He found Amanda and she winked at him with a gentle smile on her face.
- Thank you, New York! See you next time! - Roy screamed into the mic, interlocking his fingers with Jason’s and putting their hands into the air. - Hopefully, married. - He added playfully as Jason felt the happiness running through his veins. They went backstage while the crowd was thundering out “Congrats!”. Roy pulled his fiancé into the dressing room and pushed him into the nearest wall.
- I love you. - Jason found his voice finally, diving his left arm under Roy’s tunic, wrapping it around his waist. The older man sucked onto his collarbone and then reached his lips. Jason’s whole body was screaming in relief of feeling the common lips brushing against his own for the first time in a past few months.
- I love you too. - Roy hissed when he pulled away just to peck both of Jason’s cheeks and trace a short path of kisses along his jawline. Jason was stroking traces on the Roy’s lower back which were left by the cincher latch. It was a normal thing for someone who worked as a drag queen, but Jason loved to pay more attention to these areas in case to ease Roy’s pain. The younger man had no idea he made Roy cry in the bathroom after their first sex because of that little, but so important sign of caring. Since that day he knew Jason was a special person.
The sound of his own zipper being opening dragged him from his thoughts.
- Wait, wait.. - Jason froze, still holding onto the stretch fabric of Roy’s skinny jeans.
- Something’s wrong? - The younger man whispered, bitting his lower lip. Roy groaned at the sight but zipped his pants back up.
- Stop being so adorable. I want to show you something first. Lets go. - He stepped back, taking his car keys from the table.
- I thought we would celebrate this with Amanda.. - Jason pointed on the thin but beautiful rim on his left ring finger.
- It’s fine, - Roy tried to pick his bag from the floor but Jason was faster, receiving a smile as “thanks” back, - she knows we’re leaving.
- She knows we’re leaving.. - Jason repeated blankly. - How does she know? - He asked uncomprehendingly, looking at Roy, who suddenly melted in a huge smile.
- You’re so adorable while being slow. - Roy laughed at his frowning fiancé and kissed his nose, laughing even more the the way he wrinkled it, trying to squirm away.
- Roy. - Jason crossed his arms on the chest in a waiting pose.
- That was planned, the ticket to this show, she gave it to you. - Roy explained simply, untangling the younger man’s hands. - Now, move. We need to go. - He opened the door, pushing Jason out.
- Wow.. - Jason blushed a little at his own late reaction. - But why did it take you so much time? - He asked suddenly, when Roy opened the passenger door to let him in.
- Patience, babe. - He smirked as Jason rolled his eyes. That was definitely one of his favorite things to say. - Don’t you mind if I put it on? - Roy took a red silk wrap out of nowhere.
- If you put it on instead of your pants right now, I won’t mind at all. - Jason joked as Roy shoved him slightly, smirking.
- I meant, put it on your eyes. - He explained this time, causing Jason’s brows up.
- Why?
- It’s a surprise. - The older man winked.
- You hate surprises. - Jason ducked his head a little.
- But I remember that you love them. - And such a simple answer made the younger man’s heart skip a beat as he nodded in the agreement.
After about thirty minutes of the ride, which they spent on sharing the latest life stories, Roy finally stopped the car.
- Here we are! - Roy concluded and Jason could imagine his smiling face at that moment even without being able to see. The older man helped him out of the car carefully, wrapping one hand around his back and taking Jason’s palm in another.
- Can I take it off? - He asked without even trying to hide his excitement.
- Waaait, waaait.. - Roy was whispering while leading him slowly, holding Jason close to his body. - Now you can. - The younger man tossed the wrap and dropped it down immediately at the sight. They were standing in the little garden with an arbor and a few trees by both sides of the white wooden fence. A two-floored briken white house with a little garage by it’s side and a mansard. Jason couldn’t believe his eyes, he was standing there, his right palm still intertwined with Roy’s, and waited for someone to jump from the back of the tree and tell him it’s all just a dream, or a joke.
- This is.. - He pointed at the house, looking at the older man, who was grinning widely.
- Yes, this is our house. - Roy placed a kiss on his cheek gently. - That’s why it took so long. - Another kiss on the cheek. - I’m actually sorry it took so long, I missed you so much during the touring.. - He started but was interrupted by Jason kissing his lips, brushing his hands through Roy’s dark hair.
- You bought us a house here. - He said, pulling away just for a moment, kissing him on the neck this time. - Oh God, it means we’re finally moving in. - He exclaimed with his eyes widening happily.
- That’s why I love you. - Roy cried with laughter, but Jason just wrapped his hands around the man, feeling his body flat against his own. They were standing like that for a few minutes, just holding each other close, breathing each other in. They would never ever spend this much time apart and the future promised to be amazing.
- I’m the luckiest man in the world. - Jason sighed, stroking Roy’s nape peacefully up and down.
- Aren’t we both? - The older man murmured quietly in the crock of his neck, closing his eyes.
Some people are claiming they’re happy just on their own. Having all possible and impossible conveniences, jogging every morning, eating healthy food and making millions of dollars annually. But they aren’t smiling much during the day. They know that when the night comes down, there will be no one waiting for them back home.
Money can’t make you happy, your success can make you feel on top of the world, but that won’t last long if you don’t have anybody to share this feeling with.
It’s simple and complicated at the same time. Another person. That’s all we need to actually feel happy. We desperately trying to find someone to give our hearts to and waiting patiently for them to give their back.
And if we are succeed, love happens.
