When Our Stars Align Stormy Nights Push Us Closer
WC: 8542
Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: None
Summary : after a bad storm and a close call with a group of clickers, you run into a familiar face in the forest
Sticky summer heat radiates off of the damp grass. The fireflies buzz around when there’s a loud ‘crash’. Immediately, you put down your red solo cup and glance around. There’s a small crowd on the porch. Like a magnet, the commotion draws you in. As you shove your way closer towards the scene, you ask “Is everything okay?”
Looking down at the stone porch, you see a ruby red pool of blood mixed with a mysterious golden piss-colored liquid soaking the floor. Shards of glass lay peppered throughout the puddle. Your eyes hover a few inches over to see a man with dark hair grabbing his foot, writhing in agony. There’s a large chunk of glass protruding out of his foot, you cringe at the sight of his blood dripping from the wound. Without a thought, you hurry to scoop up the man and help him inside. While you help prop up the man on the counter, your neighbor grabs their first aid kit. After the man settles, you rush over to the kitchen sink to disinfect your hands as your neighbor places the first aid kit next to him. Flapping your hands, you dry them off while you grab a roll of paper towels, ripping one off and putting it on the counter. You pop open the kit and pull out a set of tweezers. With the sterile tool in hand, you remove the large shards of glass from the man’s foot. Blood drips onto the beige tile floor as you discard the glass on the paper towel.
Carefully, you take a cotton ball and some iodine to clean the bloodied area. As you look up, you see the man wincing, his mustache curling as his face contorts. After you discard the now red cotton ball, you grab some clean gauze and wrap it around his foot. Grunting as you get up, you ask “Does everything feel alright?” Nodding, he tries to slide off the counter, but you push him back on. “You need to stay off your feet.”
“Then how am I supposed to get another drink?”
“Just tell me what you want, and I’ll get you it.”
He uses both of his hands to slick back his hair with some help with the summer sweat. “How about your number?” You sigh as he laughs. What can I even say to that? “What about I repay you for this with dinner?”
Free food? Hell yeah. All you could push out is a weak smile. “I’ll hold you to that.”
You feel a force push past you, walking up to the man. “Tommy, what the hell are you doing in here?”
Shrugging nonchalantly, the man pushes himself off the counter–wincing as his injured foot touches the ground. “Dropped my drink, and stepped on some glass.” As you try to walk away and return to the potluck, the man pulls you into the conversation. “This lovely lady helped patch me up.”
The other man raises an eyebrow at you as you flash that awkward white-person smile, which you picked up from some friends from middle school. “Thanks for that.” Quickly, he turns to the man. “Tommy, you need to be more careful.” He looks around on the ground. “Where the fuck is your other shoe?” Tommy shrugs. “Jesus…”
He just laughs at the man’s reaction. “Joel, don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”
As you try to get out of the situation, you slowly step back. But before you could officially leave, the man looks back at you, smiling. “Thanks for patching him up.” And returns his attention to Tommy, slapping him over the head. As you step back out into the backyard, you can hear the man mumble. “You need to be more careful.”
While you’re heading outside, you see your parents rush up to you. Your mom almost had tears pouring down your face as she took your cheeks in her hands. “My sweet girl, where have you’ve been?” Before you could even answer, your mom burst out again. “We’ve been so worried!”
You try to laugh your mom’s concern off. “I was just inside, that’s all.”
Your dad stares at you, sternly, as if you were a child who just broke a window while playing outside. “You should have told us.” Rapidly blinking, you just stare at him. “Who knows what could have happened!?”
“A bathroom run?” Your parents look disappointed with your retort. “C’mon, I’m fine. Some guy just stepped in some glass and I just helped him. That’s all. Nothing bad happened.”
Speaking of the devil, both of the men walk by, with Tommy smiling at you. Your dad looks enraged. “What did you do? Why is that guy smiling at you like that?”
Resting your forehead on your palm, you sigh. “Nothing happened. Please just chill.” Both of your parents fly into an outrage. While you stand there, completely embarrassed by the scene they’re making, Tommy walks up to you. You whisper “Hey.”
“Is everything alright?” You nod, but your parents refocus their anger from you to Tommy. He just stands there, surprised. “Yeah, I’m just gonna go.” You just flash him a thumbs-up. “See-ya.” But before he could leave, your dad decides to try to pick a fight with him. “Man, just leave me alone please.”
You slip yourself in between the two men, breaking up a potential altercation. “Dad, please calm down. Let’s not cause a ruckus.” He just rolls your eyes at you, then stomps away with your mom. “Sorry about that. My parents are a little intense.” You scratch your left cheek with your right hand. “Wanna drink or anything before I go deal with whatever that was?”
“Thanks, but I’m scared to say yes.” You choke out a laugh. “Alright, then. I’ll see you around?”
“Maybe. Do you live around here?”
“My brother just moved in, like two houses down on the left.”
“Nice, are you there often?” He nods. “Perfect. I actually live right next to him then. Is your brother here today?”
“Yeah, he’s the one who came into the kitchen earlier. Joel.” Just as he finishes his statement, you feel something grab your arm and drag you back. Almost as if this was completely unexpected, your facial expression does not budge. Tommy looks at you with concern. You wave goodbye to him as you’re being dragged towards the exit.
You say nothing as you’re being dragged back to your house, with your parents absolutely fuming. Once the door locks behind you, your parents start yelling. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see your grandma take out her hearing aids while she’s sitting on the couch. Holding the desire to roll your eyes, you just take what your parents are yelling at you.
Well, they have to go back. The boys are still at the BBQ, maybe I could sneak back when they leave. Damn, did I leave my burger sitting outside? Shit, it was good. And I didn’t even get to finish it. Such a waste of food. Such a damn shame. A sharp stinging sensation snaps you out of your train of thought. Unconsciously, you raise your hand to cradle your cheek. Well, shit. If things couldn’t get any worse. That’s definitely gonna leave a mark. Did I refill the ice tray? I should go check once they’re done. You cross your arms, as you finish yelling at you about your apparent ‘vixen nature’, they notice your posture and absolutely lose it. Seriously? ‘Vixen’? They gotta learn some other words. I can’t take them seriously if they keep on using ‘vixen’ everytime they want to call me a whore. You uncross your arms and your parents calm down.
Your mom snaps at you. “Are you paying attention?” No, not really. But you nod your head. “Go to your room. We’ll deal with you tomorrow.”
You start to head upstairs as your parents slam the front door behind them. The moment you get upstairs, you crouch down to see the entrance better. After a couple of minutes, you leap down the stairs and hop out of the door. The sticky summer breeze pulls you closer to the neighbor's house.
Moments after you arrive at the house, your parents and brother leave the backyard. You slam yourself against the side of the outer wall, avoiding them. After you see them walk away from the house, you sneak back into the neighborhood party. You take a couple steps into the backyard until running children unknowingly push past you, causing you to fumble forward. Before you fall on the damp grass, you catch yourself on the wall. Sighing as you push yourself back up, your eyes look around and see Joel with a tiny child. She’s an adorable toddler with beautiful curly dark brown hair–tied up into a bun on top of her head. Her halo of curls and squishy cheeks just make your heart melt. Joel crouches down to pick the girl up and holds her in his arms. After a couple of seconds, his eyes met yours as more children dash past you. A small smile cracks on his face as he sees you fumble around the noisy kids. Carefully, making sure not to walk into the crossfire of small children, you make your way over to Joel. You point to the small girl, “Is she yours?”
“Yeah, this is Sarah.” He picks up the girl’s tiny pudgy hand and waves it at you, almost beaming. “Say ‘hi’ Sarah.”
Sarah babbles out a toddler version of ‘hello’ which causes a smile to creep up on you. You take your index finger and gently boop it on her nose, eliciting a giggle from her. “She’s absolutely adorable.” Your voice goes up a couple octaves, “Hi there. Aren’t you a cutie? Yes you are.”
Joel clears his throat, causing your voice to return to normal. “I saw what happened between your dad and Tommy. Thanks for stepping in for him.” Awkwardly laughing, he admits “I don’t think he needs another injury today.”
Lightly laughing, “Oh, yeah sorry about that. He shouldn’t have been making a scene. I’m just glad he didn’t do anything nasty. Didn’t want him scaring away the new neighbors.”
“Don’t worry, I reckon we’ll be here for a while.” Your heart flutters at that small piece of knowledge. “So where are your parents now?”
You shrug, “At home, I think.”
“What do you mean, ‘you think’?”
“I snuck back out after they dragged me home. I don’t know what they’re doing right now.” Joel stares at you in confusion. “Is that not normal?”
“Unless you like fifteen, otherwise no.”
You sigh, “So much for being twenty-three I guess?”
His jaw drops. “You still live with your parents?”
You nod, “Until I’m married then yes. But I guess they want me to stay, cause I pay their bills.”
“What do you do?”
“Software programmer for NASA. And I also work for the library on the weekends.”
“Damn.”
“I mean you gotta do what you gotta do.” You flash a quick smile at Sarah before returning to the conversation. “What about you?”
“Contractor.”
“Nice!” What do I say? ‘Nice’? Seriously? Is that all? “What about Sarah’s mom?
“Don’t know.” His eyes become glossy for a moment. “She left after Sarah was born.”
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” Awkward silence falls upon the two of you. “If you need someone to look after Sarah while you’re at work, you could always call me. I live one house down on the left.”
“No, I could never impose on you like that.”
“Please, I insist. You’re not imposing when I’m offering.”
“Are you sure?” You nod. Sarah giggles and babbles. “Well, I think Sarah likes that idea.”
“Perfect.”
–
Crisp fall air blows in and out of the house. While the warm air pushes against your clothes as you stir the small pot of artificial mac-n-cheese. With the pot handle in one hand, you snake your way to the kitchen table and scoop the bright orange pasta into a sem-clean bowl. After you swing back around to put the remaining mac-n-cheese back on the stove, you go to sit down right next to Sarah. You wrap a single arm around her, pulling her closely before letting go. “So whatcha ya got there?”
As Sarah shovels the bright pasta into her mouth, you chokes out “Just some algebra and history.”
“Alright, which do you wanna work on first?” She shrugs. “Why don't we get math done first, cause it sucks?”
Sarah rummages through her backpack and pulls out a slightly crinkled sheet of paper. “Just what the hell is factoring?”
You spend the next hour or so helping Sarah with her math, then taking a break before helping her with her history. After the two of you finish, you make your way over to the kitchen to clean up your dishes you made. While the hot water runs against the metal and your skin, Sarah watches the newest episode of Jeopardy. The soapy suds cascade down as you rinse out the pot. After the pot is fully clean, you rest it on the drying rack, before repeating the same thing for Sarah’s bowl and spoon.
You wipe your hands against your jean shorts before making your way to the cool leather couch. Sarah rests her head on your shoulder as the rounds continue with its calming elevator music. Even before the game could reach double jeopardy, Sarah is passed out on your shoulder. You giggle as you carefully pick her up and bring Sarah up to her room. Unknowingly to you, Joel watches you carry her up the staircase as he takes off his shoes and coat before he slips upstairs himself. After you lay her on her bed, you make your way downstairs. Quickly you turn off the TV and pop out, locking the door behind you. The moment you shove the spare house key Joel gave you, you feel your phone buzz. You pull out your phone and flip it open, seeing a message pop up.
“Thank you. I hope you gotta chance to eat dinner as well.”
You smile at the sweet message.
–
Sunny blue skies roll into a gray angry rainy carpet that hangs over the world. Droplets of clear liquid cascade down. Soft splashes of water pool all around the mossy ground. As the puddles’ water level rises, the rainwater overflows and starts sliding down exposed rocks and old, barren asphalt roads. Lightning cracks down onto the overgrown, damp grass with a loud and rattling boom. Birds fly overhead after the shining light strikes the surrounding landscape. Gailing winds push around the trees. Small sproutlings fall over, blocking the ground and trapping in the nearby land animals. Even amongst all this natural chaos, booming gunshots ricochet off of the dribbling leaves. Unfortunately, the storm does not distract any of the infected running your way.
You’re running low on ammo. Foot crushed by a fallen tree. It’s either shoot and draw more attention to yourself, but keep yourself alive, or try and wiggle your foot free, but risk getting infected. It’s a lose-lose situation either way. After a couple more shots, and a few infected killed, your pistol starts shooting blanks. Shit, it’s empty. With your free hand, you release the magazine from your pistole and rush to grab the last one, laying next to you on the ground. Aggressively slotting the refill into your pistol, you start shooting at the oncoming clickers and runners. It’s easy to take down the few remaining runners, but the clickers don’t fall as easily. Once the last runner falls, you focus on freeing your (probably injured) leg before the clickers could get any closer. The fungal monsters are only yards away from you, when your leg springs free. Their horrible clicking noise causes you to freeze in your place.
Hopefully the thunder and lightning drowns out your rapidly beating heart. You lay there, very still. The four surrounding clickers seem to pause at your lack of noise and movement. Each one crawls around, almost getting a little too close to your liking, but ultimately skips over you. Even a simple sneeze or cough could get you killed right here, and right now. Squeezing your eyes shut, waiting for your inevitable death, the clickers don’t attack. Seconds bleed into minutes, and the minutes seem to raise your blood pressure as time ticks on.
The rain starts to let up, just a little bit, but the thunder and lightning doesn’t stop. One large raindrop lands on your eyelashes, causing your eyes to flutter open. There’s only three clickers in front of you, while the fourth one is standing on top of the log that once crushed your leg. You wait for what seems like an eternity. Lightning strikes, creating a small distraction for the clickers, which lures them further away from you. The blinding light bounces into your left eye as your stolen butcher’s knife lays on the muddy ground. You completely forgot about the blade. As the thunder echoes throughout the woods, you grab your gun and knife.
You wait a couple more minutes for the next round of thunder and lighting to distract the monsters. The moment you hear the booms roll in, you jump up and prepare yourself to swing your knife. You try to shuffle along the leaf covered ground, without snapping a branch or creating much noise. It only takes three steps for you to make some noise that catches the attention of the clickers. All four of them charge towards you. Swiftly swinging the large blade, you decapitate each and every one of them. Each one falls right in front of you, at your feet. Scanning the area, you can’t seem to see any more infected nearby. Sighing, you pick up your backpack and shovel. After relocating your bag, hanging it off of a branch, you start digging a large hole to bury the infected in.
Finally the storm clears just as you are carefully hacking at the dead infected’s limbs and extremely cautiously throwing each severed body part into the hole. Your gloves become sweaty and your gas mask fogs up at the change in humidity, but you press on. Although you can barely see, you throw the last infected limb into the dirt. Like a nurse, you remove your gloves and toss them into the pit. You return back to your bag to grab your cigarette lighter, and snap off a couple dry branches. Bunching them together creates a large enough surface area. You take each piece of dead wood and light them on fire, proceeding to throw them on top of the infected bodies. Quickly, you shove some dry leaves on top of the bodies, causing them to go up in flames. As you watch each monster burn to a crisp, you retrieve your bag from the nearby tree. After slinging the straps over your shoulders, you remove your mask and begin to dump the dirt on top of the singed bodies. Sighing, you quickly find your way out of the forest and onto the nearest pathway. Your hands fly to the side of your jeans as you hear a twig break, pulling out your almost-empty pistol. Whipping your head around, the only thing you could find in a family of deer eating off of the trees. Even though the deers seem innocent enough, your hands refuse to put back your gun. You only take a couple more steps along the asphalt road before there’s another snap of branches. The deers run off. You turn around and aim your gun. There’s a girl peeking around one of the large trees, completely drenched in the storm’s rain. You lower your gun. Sighing, you continue to walk on, leaving the girl behind. As you continue along, light mumbling catches your attention. Turning back around, you see the girl talking to someone behind the tree she was using. You stare at her. Carefully, your fingers flinch, head towards your belt straps and slowly pull out your pistol. While pointing the gun towards the ground, you sneak closer while the girl is focused on talking to the tree.
Tired eyes try to focus on a potential target. The young girl slaps something, or someone, causing you to raise your gun. The moment you get close enough to her, you bark “What the hell are you doing?” Staring like a spooked doe, the girl blinks rapidly at you. You point the gun at the tree, which causes the girl to slap something again. Slowly, a man shimmies into your sight and creates a barrier between you and the kid, aiming his rifle at you. “Lower the gun!” You couldn’t make out the details of his face, but his thick eyebrows made it clear he wasn’t gonna lower his gun, so you did instead. After putting your gun back into your jeans, you roll up the sleeves of your brown journeyman jacket. Your exposed skin, Raising your eyebrows, the man lowers his weapon but doesn’t officially put it away. You take a step towards them. “Don’t shoot. I’m not infected. I promise.” The man says nothing. Quickly, you shake off the bag and peel off your jacket, tossing it to the ground, (revealing your grimy tank top). “See?”
Without a single second passing by, after you’ve proven your health, the kid heads toward you. “Who the fuck are you?” She turns back to the man while still running towards you. “Joel, you know this lady?” Standing a few feet away from you, she starts to circle you. “Hi.”
Awkwardly standing there, your eyes follow the kid. “Hello?” After circling around you a couple of times, the kid stops in front of you. “You need something, kid?” The man stomps towards the two of you and grabs the girl’s backpack, pulling her back. You make direct eye contact with the man as he’s pulling the kid back. Your jaw drops. “Miller? Joel Miller? Holy fuck. Joel! How are you alive?”
The girl turns to him, mouth agape. “You know her?”
Sunnelly, he nods. “Neighbors, back before the world went to shit.” Joel shoves his rifle away, behind him, and lets go of the girl. “How the hell did you survive? I saw your family turn.”
You shrug. “Luck, I guess. Bad luck, probably.” After crouching down with a loud grunt, you slip on your dad’s old jacket. “I mean they were easy to kill, as harsh as that sounds. There was a reason that I kept a metal bat by my bed.” You laugh. “Well, that was for another reason. But, whatever. What about you? How’s Sarah and Tommy?”
Joel freezes up. The kid whips her head back and forth, watching for the next move. “Tommy, don’t know. Probably got himself killed, knowing him. And Sarah…”
“Oh, Joel, I’m so sorry.” You stare at the ground before returning your gaze to his eyes. “I shouldn’t have asked.” Squinting, the sun starts to shine into your eyes as it falls. “Why don’t the two of you come back to my place? It's like a twenty minute walk from here. I have hot water.” Joel grunts in agreement and starts walking, with you at his side and the kid following along. You can’t take the silence growing with each syrupy slow second. “Who’s the girl? I didn’t think you would have another kid.”
“Not his daughter.” The girl rushes to your side. “Ellie.” Slowly, you smile at her. “What can you tell me about Joel? You must have known him well.” She jabs your side with her elbow. “C’mon, give me the most embarrassing stories.”
You shrug. “There’s nothing particularly embarrassing. If you want embarrassing stories about him, the right person to ask is his brother. Maybe you could count the times where Sarah would outsmart Joel, but that’s about it. I mean, we were only neighbors after all. Most of the time, I was either at college, work, or taking care of my family.”
“But I can’t say the same thing about you.” You whip your head towards Joel, staring at him like he’s crazy. “Yeah, you think I didn’t hear you and your parents fighting.” He starts to laugh, Ellie looks up at him like this was the first time she saw him even smile. “You burnt all of the food on Thanksgiving. And you almost set your house on fire.” He pauses. “And then, there was…” Joel shakes his head. “Nevermind. Not important.”
You clench your jaw. Within seconds your teeth feel like they’re gonna crack. “What is it? What did you hear? Joel, you can tell me.”
“Your twenty-third birthday. You were still at work and I overheard your parents talking about you on the porch.”
“Oh, that day. I’m so sorry you had to overhear that.” You pinch the bridge of your nose. “I guess it was my dad’s last straw.” Rolling your eyes, you scoff “Apparently it wasn’t what he signed up for. Motherfucker saw Arabian Nights one too many times.” You kick a loose chunk of asphalt as the three of you walk towards your home. Ruby and scarlet skies highlight Joel’s aged features. Every wrinkle of worry and sunken sockets emphasize every single event over the last two decades or so. Your dark eyes trace every strand of peppery hair along his scalp. A soft cough from Ellie anchors you back to reality. “Is everything alright? Are you hungry? I can make dinner for you, when we get back.”
“Really?” Ellie hugs your arm as you nod. “Thank you!” After she lets go, she asks “So what’s Arabian Nights? Is that like a show or something? I bet it’s not as old as Joel.” You shake your head, laughing. “What?”
“You know, Joel’s not that old.” You lean down and not so subtly ‘whisper’ “If it’s between you and me, he’s ancient. I’m not supposed to tell anyone that but he is like over a hundred years old.” You ruffle the top of her head, ruining her ponytail. “Gotta keep it a secret for me.” Ellie nods. “Good.”
As you near your home, Ellie dashes ahead but the locked door prevents her from entering. Joel and you walk up the front couple of steps and stare at Ellie practically bouncing off of the walls. The moment you unlock the door, Ellie rushes in and spins around. You point her in the direction of the shower, following her to see if you have any spare clean clothes lying around for her and Joel. You yank out an old box, that definitely didn’t belong to you, and open it. Bingo. Clothes. After pulling out a pair for Ellie and Joel, you lay Ellie’s clothes outside of the bathroom, on the bed. Quickly, you return to Joel, handing him a set of clean clothes. He thanks you while you head into the kitchen. After washing your hands, you prepare dinner. It’s a simple soup, chopped up potatoes, greens, and chicken broth. Nothing special, but at least it’s something warm.
With freshly dried hair, completely slicked back, Joel walks into the kitchen as you’re adding some homemade garlic salt and some spare onion powder into the simmering soup. It only takes a gentle cough to catch your attention. You turn around to face him, trying not to stare at how the damp shirt clings to his body and the water droplets trickling down his forehead. Smiling at him, you can’t think of anything to say to him so you stutter out “Can you watch over the soup while I go take a shower?” Joel grunts, grabbing your wooden spoon. “Thanks.” And before you could totally abandon him, you turn around in the doorway, leaning on it, with your hands clutching the wall. “It’s great to see you again, Joel. Seriously.”
Warm water and soap trickles down your back. Your head rests on the tile wall, with your hair sticking to it. Mumbling to yourself, you feel idiotic with what seemed like a depressingly unexpected reunion. You sigh into the palms of your hands as they rub your face, dragging the back and into your hair. Fingernails scratch and massage your scalp as you rinse the shampoo out of your hair. As the suds fall into the drain, you can’t help but notice all of your memories pre-outbreak come flooding back, as if Joel’s presence triggered something inside your brain that temporarily turned off survival mode. Cause at this point, survival wasn’t enough. You needed to live, not barely scraping by every day with some close encounter that could have easily gotten you killed or infected if you took one wrong step. It was like living with your dad again, avoiding crushing eggshells that would wake the beast. Once all of the soap and shampoo cascades down your skin and leaves your body, you turn off the water and step out of the shower. Quickly, you wrap a towel around you, to dry yourself off before you flood the bathroom floor.
The moment the water soaks into the soft cotton, you slip your underwear, shorts, socks, and college shirt on. Carefully in the mirror, you admire your old college shirt, that probably had vomit all over it at one point, after partying. Sighing, you step out into your cool bedroom. As you slide along the floor, you walk into the kitchen to see Joel serving Ellie the soup you had made. You lean on the doorway as Joel softens up around Ellie, watching the same smile he used to give Sarah, be given to Ellie. Slowly, you walk up to him against the cold, broken yellow tile and place a damp hand on his shoulder, alerting him of your presence. Joel also pours you a bowl before pouring himself one. As the three of you sit down at the table and eat your dinner in silence, Ellie snickers before turning to you “How do you make gold soup?” You stare at her in confusion, not comprehending the question. “You put fourteen carrots in it.”
You rub your temples, trying not to giggle at the stupid joke. All you could muster out is a light “Jesus…” There’s a face of pure chaotic joy on her face, like a toddler asking you ‘why’ for the millionth time. “Ellie, that was awful. Do you relish in bad jokes?”
Joel slams his spoon down, rubbing his beard as he glares at your smirking face, while almost looking slightly offended, “Was that a pun?” Slowly, you nod. “You’re no better than Ellie and her stupid book.”
You completely burst out in laughter. “C’mon! You cannot tell me that it wasn’t an egg-cellent joke?”
Ellie slaps your arm. “Get it together women! This is no thyme to laugh.” You couldn’t help but giggle.
He groans while staring down into his soup. “You guys are unbearable.”
Ellie looks at you, you nod. In unison you spit out “Don’t you mean unbeerable?” While Ellie finishes her soup, you continue to laugh. “Sorry, Joel. I couldn’t help myself. I mean it was right there. It was perfect.” Before Joel could reprimand Ellie, she collects her empty bowl and places it in the sink. You shout out “I have a spare bedroom down the hall and on the left.”
Practically slurping down the rest of your soup, you and Joel eat in silence. While you’re chewing on a potato skin, Joel asks you “So what happened to you?” Puffy cheeked, you stare at him blankly. “Like is there anyone else living with you? How did you get here?”
You harshly swallow. “Well the night of the outbreak, I was practically locked in my room. I don’t know how I survived. But after light skull bashing, I stole my mom’s credit cards and car. Basically I packed up and left. I drove for however long the car let me. I’m just thankful it broke down near here.” You look at the little soup remaining. “There were a couple people living here when I found it. Father, mother, and daughter. They were kind and let me sleep here, but I betrayed them. In the middle of the night, I killed them all. Someone was gonna turn. I mean the kid wasn’t even five. She was gonna make too much noise and draw those monsters here. So I did what I had to. For survival, I guess?” You scoff, “I know, I sound more monstrous than those damn infected.”
“So there was no one else living with you?” You shake your head. “That must have been so lonely.” Silently, you shrug. “But I understand where you’re coming from. Survival of the fittest. As cruel as that sounds. I just hope it’s not like that now.” You shrug again. “Seriously, what happened to you?”
“Are you worried that I would kill you and the girl in your sleep?” No answer. “I completely understand if you don’t wanna spend the night here, after what I just told you.” You pause for a moment. “I don’t think I could ever bring myself to harm you.” Joel cocks his head at you. “Even in our limited interactions, you treated me better than anyone else had. Well, besides my grandma. But that’s about it. I had the utmost respect for you. You were able to raise such a wonderful girl as a single dad. That’s not an easy job. Hell, raising a child is a hard job already. But to do it alone, that’s… wow. It was clear you would have done anything and everything for Sarah. Everyone from a mile away could tell. You’re a great dad.”
“Really?” You nod. “But you didn’t even know me that well. Plus I had Tommy to help out a little.”
“Still. I know you’re a good person.” He laughs at that statement. “I mean it.” You pause for a moment. An epiphany hits you. You mumble to yourself. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”
Returning to look at Joel, you smile at him. His wrinkles around his eyes can’t hide his concern for you. “Is everything alright?” You nod, but it’s not convincing enough for him. For a slight moment, there’s a glimmer of worry coating over his eyes. Resting his hand on your shoulder, you feel Joel tighten his grip on you. “Are you sure?”
Dryly, you whisper out “No. Not at all. I’m not sure of anything, anymore.” Your eyes linger on his lips pressed together, just staring a little longer than socially acceptable. “But don’t worry about it, it’s kinda of a stupid thought. Nothing important.” You jump up and scurry over to the kitchen, grabbing a clear bottle from the cabinet. Honey-colored liquid swirls around while you grab two clean glasses from the drying rack. Were they perfect, no? Were they even cups for alcohol? Technically yes, anything could be a cup for any liquid. You practically slam the glass bottle down on the table, then two old mugs. Tilting the bottle neck towards Joel, you offer him the whiskey inside. He nods and grabs it from you and pours a heaping into both of the mugs. Liquid gold sloshes around and pools at the bottom of the cup as you watch Joel pour you some. “I have a couple more bottles if we finish this one.”
The two of you, sit in silence with the only thing filling the void is the stormy winds and the occasional slurp. You stare into the golden sea, avoiding Joel’s gaze, while warmth flows throughout your body. After you guzzle the rest of your drink, you stand up to go grab another bottle and sit down. Slowly, you pour the remaining honey into your mug before cracking open the next bottle. Silenclty, you top off Joel’s drink. “How much do you have?”
You shrug. “I raided a bunch of houses and stores, way back in Texas.” Finally, you muster up the confidence to look him in the eyes. His hazel eyes seemed to get darker with age. “If you want, you can pack some. I also have some canned foods if you want, as well.”
“I don’t think I could. You live here on your own.” You push the bottle closer towards him, as an offering. Looking into his eyes with a soft glazed gaze, in attempts to convince him while you smile at him. “Are you sure?”
“Positive. You need it more than I do.” You take a sip from your cup, the whiskey burns as it slips down your throat. “You’re living for something.”
He almost laughs at that statement. “And you’re not?” You shake your head. “You’re alive for a reason. There’s no way in hell that you would survive this long without living for something.”
You sigh, “I don’t know. But maybe one day I’ll find someone.”
Joel leans closer, comforting you. “I’m sure you will.” You lean closer after hearing his rough but gentle words. With each second that passes by, his eyes flicker between yours and your lips. He could practically taste the sweetly spicy beverage floating off of your lips. “You know, I still remember how much Sarah loved when you helped her with her homework.” You pull back in shock. “Yeah, sometimes when I got home earlier than expected, I would always hear the two of you laughing.”
“You saw us?” Joel nods. “I didn’t know, you knew about that.”
“Neither did Sarah,” you lick your lips slightly as he leans in, “I think she would have died of embarrassment. But it was clear, she loved you, and your baking.” The two of you remain mere inches apart. “I never got to properly thank you for your help with her.” You watch his eyes linger on your lips. “I wish I could have before.”
“There’s no need to thank me. It’s what I’m here for, to help others.” Joel leans one inch closer. “Plus, I enjoyed spending time with her.” You catch yourself sniffling. “I would have loved seeing her grow up. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through.” For a moment, you stare into his dark eyes with the void consuming every ounce of your heart and mind. His deep chocolate honey gaze pulls you in and entraps you with thick, caramel-like, syrup. Your slightly yellowed teeth peek through the thin crack between your upper and lower lip as you fall deeper into the viscous trap. Both of your palms cup his cheeks and jaw while you press your forehead against his. Your smile drops as your thumbs feel warm droplets roll onto your thumbs, wiping them off of Joel’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry for prying. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Joel’s under eyes grow puffy and swollen. Even through his beard, you see his lip quiver. Hesitantly, his hands mirror yours, but rest on your cheeks. Joel presses his nose against yours. A light chuckle passes through his throat. “You know, Sarah begged me to–” Joel can’t finish his sentence, and instead presses his lips against yours. Even though your eyes had lit up with shock, they flutter shut as you deepen the kiss. Slowly, Joel pulls away but keeps his hands on your face. As if he was picking off from his unfinished thought, he whispers “Tommy even encouraged me to ask you out.” The wrinkles around his eyes crease as he chuckles, “He even threatened to ask you out for himself, if I wasn’t gonna do it.”
Rolling your eyes, you snicker “Really, Tommy?” Your light laughter deepens. “Never had a shot.” Almost out of the blue, your amusement falls from a boil. “Honestly, if I had known, I would have stayed and talked to you after helping Sarah.”
“Weren’t you busy?” You nod, but shrug it off. I woulda love spending time with you. “I guess you had your mom to look after. Damn shame.”
“Yeah, but it’s all in the past now.” Silence grows between the two of you. You chug a little bit of your drink. After placing the mug back down on the table, you slap your hands on your knees and grunt as you stand up. “You need anything?” Joel shakes his head. “Alright, let me know if you need some pj’s or anything.” Starting to walk away, you feel your heart pound against your chest with each step. It only takes a couple more steps until Joel grabs your wrist. “Everything alright?” No answer. “Joel?” Once again, no answer. “Joel, is everything alright?”
“Why?” Dumbly, you stare at Joel. “Do you always help people? Why have you helped me for so long?”
“Joel, what do you mean?”
“Why are you helping us? You didn’t have to feed us, or waste warm water. Plus, you’ve already helped me with Sarah, now Ellie.”
“Is there a problem with that?”
“You’ve done so much, but ask for nothing in return.” You nod at him to keep on going. “What do you want?”
Raising your eyebrows in confusion, you blankly stare at him for a moment before answering. “Literally nothing.” You huff out “Are we gonna have a problem here or something?” For a moment, Joel’s grip on your hand loosens, before tightening to pull you closer to him. “Joel. Seriously, is everything alright? Did I say something?”
At this point, your body is completely facing him. “You didn’t say anything wrong.” Joel stares down at your sock-covered feet. “In fact, you’ve done the complete opposite. You’ve done everything right.” He grunts. “I just- You confuse me.” You open your mouth to say something, but Joel cuts you off before you could get a single syllable out, “Look, just tell me what you want in return? I don’t wanna play games with you. Just be direct with me. At this point all of your pleasantries are useless. Nothing in this world is just free.” You scoff, rolling your eyes at him. “Seriously? Are you really acting like this? I thought you were better than that.”
Eyebrows furrow. You lean down, getting into his face. “I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, Miller.” Pressing your left index finger into his chest, you lean closer. “Look, Miller, I don’t know if you don’t understand this, but I can help people without asking for anything in return. But guess what, not everyone is cold and heartless.” Your top lip flickers between a frown and a snarl, but it slowly morphs into a saddened smile. “It was my job to help people before, it’s my job to help people now. That’s what I’ve done all of my life, help and help and help. I have no idea what this shithole has done to you, but I’m sorry that I’ve stayed consistent.” At this point in your rant, you finally notice the hurt behind Joel’s eyes starting to leak out–even though his eyes stay dry. Staggering back, you slump back in your chair, murrering “Jesus, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone that far.”
Joel lets out a light sniffle, “Yeah, you stepped too far.” You lower your head, ashamed. “But, I was being an asshole as well.”
“Honestly, it’s just in my nature to help people.” Finally making eye contact with him, you look deep into his glossy gaze. “Maybe I’m just a product of my environment. Sorry.”
Your breath catches in your throat. Joel takes both of your hands in his, squeezing them tightly. “Can I be honest with you?” You nod. “Promise not to laugh?” You nod, again. Like a lingering cold on a snowy day, there’s a tinge of sadness clinging onto his voice. “Sarah had constantly joked about me asking you out.” You stare at him in disbelief. “It sounds stupid, I know. But she was convinced that we were dating or something.” Like fire bubbling up from the deep pits of hell, your face begins to scorch.
You start awkwardly laughing, as if you became a young school girl again. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.” Almost completely embarrassed, you wanted to go run and hide in your room. After you stop laughing, you whisper. “What did you think of that? You know, the idea of what Sarah said? You know?”
“Yeah, I really wanted to. I guess Sarah just saw right through me.” His tongue darts out of his mouth, and licks his lips. “Sounds stupid, I know.”
Carefully, you lean closer into him while trying not to make things awkward. It takes you a couple moments for you to develop the courage to ask “Can I kiss you?”
Joel stares at you, in utter disbelief. “Yes, but like– Are you just asking me this to help or whatever?” You shake your head. “Are you absolutely sure? Cause you don’t have to do it, if you do want to.”
“Joel Miller, I am letting myself be selfish. Just shut up and kiss me.”
“Happily.” Without hesitation, Joel shoves his lips on yours. The smoke and warmth of the whiskey floods your mouth. Joel’s lips tasted like the same whiskey you drank and coffee; his teeth tug at your bottom lip. In between each breathy kiss, Joel pulls you closer and soon enough you’re sitting on his lap. Although the kiss was passionate, it’s also gentle and soft. While you take one quick gasp of air, Joel takes that moment to slip his tongue into your mouth. Almost as if there’s a beat to your passion, your tongues move with the skills of a professional dancer. For a moment, Joel breaks away and asks “Since when–” he couldn’t finish his sentence, but you know what he’s asking.
Quickly, you press a soft kiss on his nose. “Fourth of July, neighborhood BBQ back in like 2005 or 2006. A couple years after I moved back from college.” Joel laughs at the idea of some young college graduate liking some dad with a coffee addition. You wack his head with the back of your hand. “I’m serious.” After his laughter dies down, he leans closer into you. “Now I could ask the same thing about you.”
“Around the same time, I think. But definitely the moment you took care of Tommy after he stepped on his broken beer bottle.” The two of you laugh at the memory. “I don’t think he realized what happened.”
You start to put the puzzle pieces together. “Is that why you got angry with him every time he tried to hit on me? Were you jealous of him?” Silence. You laugh harder, practically slamming your head into the crook of his neck. “You were so jealous!” After you remove your head when you calm down, you sigh. “Don’t worry, I didn’t feel the same way about some poor drunk.”
“I wasn’t jealous of him. He’s my younger brother.” You roll your eyes at that statement. “Just happy it meant nothing to you.”
“Definitely, not jealous.” Pouting your lip, you tease “Poor cowboy, jealous of his baby brother.”
“I hate you so much.”
“You wish.” You roll your eyes before kissing him on the cheek. “Even after all this time, you can’t hate me.”
“Yeah, yeah…”
After gently getting up, you go to put the empty cups away before returning. “Honestly, if I had known this I would have made a move on you sooner.” You sit back down. “God, I feel so stupid for not seeing it sooner.”
Stalking around your kitchen around the early hours of the morning, you hear a noise coming from outside. Sleepily, you grab a kitchen knife and a flashlight. You point the light around. Scratching at the window causes you to jump. You turn around quickly, your light reveals a couple of clickers at your window. Shit. Shit. Rushing to put your shoes on, you slam open the front door to deal with the clickers. The loud slamming alerts the two clickers. While they charge at you, you swing your kitchen knife at them. The two of them attack and scratch at you. Blood trickles down onto the ground, you hack your knife at them. After slicing one of their heads off, the other completely topples you over. The knife clatters against the ground. You try your best to keep the monster at a distance. It continues to bite into the air while you’re screaming and punching. Creepy white tendrils start to creep out of its mouth. Your throat lets out a screech. And at that moment, a loud gunshot rings throughout your ears. The infected is ripped off of your body. Panting, you push yourself up and against the wall, but you collide with a pair of legs. You look up to see Joel standing there with a gun. “You alright?” You nod. Joel picks you up and helps you inside. After he locks the door, he helps you sit down on the nearest chair. Quickly, scanning your body, he whimpers “You weren’t bitten were you?”
You scan over every exposed surface of skin. “I don’t think so.”
“Can I check?” You nod. With his calloused fingers, he scans over your skin while his eyes linger on the surface of your skin. You remove your tank top and push it to the side to reveal more skin. There’s still nothing. After he finishes scanning your upper body, he moves down to your lower body. Joel takes a little longer while looking at your upper thighs. And thankfully, he still sees nothing. “I think you’re good.”
“Thank fuck.” You rest your head on his shoulder. Your hands begin to shake. “Thank fuck.”
Joel helps you get up, and guides you up the staircase. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Quietly, the two of you make it to your bathroom. You undress while Joel turns on the water. As the tub fills up, you slip into the tub. The cool water washes off the excess blood and dirt off of you. You reach for your body wash but Joel's hand meets yours as he reaches for the same thing. You snake your hand back under the rushing water while Joel unbuttons his flannel and reveals his white undershirt and discards it to the floor. After he grabs a nearby washcloth, he squirts some soap into the damp cloth. Gingerly he rubs the soapy fabric all over your body. Scrubbing and cleaning every inch of skin. With every gentle stroke, you let out a quiet whimper but it gets louder and louder every time. Blood rushes to your cheeks once you realize the noises you’ve been making. Somehow you have the confidence to look Joel in the eyes, his cheeks are beet red. You whisper, “Sorry.” Without saying anything, Joel kisses you. As he pulls away, he caresses your cheek. “Joel?”
“I was so scared.” He pauses. “The entire time I was looking over you, I was terrified I was gonna see a bite mark.” He rests his head on your damp shoulder. “I-”
While you take the chance to lay your head on top of his, you whisper “I know, me too.” You take your spare hand and rake it through his hair. “Just when things are looking up, for once.”
