#sanguinarusblaze

[soapyblowholes-blog]

Of course we care, twinling. Me and Cassie are still around, right?

Aye… Still. There are people on here I used to consider family - still do - and… Well, I’m scared to even talk to them now. I don’t know why but you, Cassie and Kim seem to be the only people I can actually talk to at all… Everyone else just scares me for some reason and IDK why I might be scared to say the wrong thing or something idk i’ve been so fucking angry and depressed and everything inbetween lately that I dont want to talk to anyone i just want to cuddle with someone i want cassie wheres cassie where’s my blaze i need her to cuddle but i cant not until tomorrow and even then we have college so not until after college and even then we cant cuz its her sisters birthday tomorrow so she has to go straight home so not until friday no too late i want blaze wheres blaze i just want to cuddle im so fuckimg alone here why cfant i just leave i want blaze im sorry i must be so fucking anonoying im sorry in sorry imsorruy

[finalityinfate]

ooc: an update

(cross-posted from my deviantart)

So I should probably elaborate more on my previous journal. Last week, and the beginning of this week, I got particularly low. Worse than I've ever been. I can't disclose much info on DA, but things got really fucking bad. I can say I'll be okay, though. Due to a number of things. ~ScarabDynasty1 - thank you. You're absolutely right, of course, and your comment was the first step to me coming around. xx *DestinyBlue - I fucking love you. Your art is more than just an inspiration now. It's an eye-opener. When I said that  - Abandoned - really hit home, I wasn't kidding. I know you'll probably never see this message, but I look forward to telling you this when I see you next MCM (although, knowing me, it'll probably end up my usual mess of verbal keyboard smashing: "AHSDFOIOIJSJKDGHSHFASIOGHSihasdgkjhaoieghsjdfdejdevgaaegegdgsdomg"). Looking forward to seeing more of Sophie and Paige and all your other gorgeous characters... And you, of course! xxx ~Light-eco-angel (miniminchin) - Kim. KIIIIIIIIIIIM. Kim Kim Kim your poems your words your face your everything. Kim. Love you, Rainbow-sis. Thank you. xxx

colinsodonoghue - Again, thank you. I'll be reposting this on Tumblr so you can see this message, but I have to thank you here on DA as well. It always gives me a bit of a warm glow inside when someone who is essentially a stranger (I follow you, but we've never really spoken) taking time out of their own hands to make sure I'm okay. Your kind messages helped me a lot x sanguinarusblaze - Now this is an awkward one, considering if you see this message, you'll most likely comment on it when we see each other after college every day... But oh dear. Cassie, Cassie, Cassie.... I've never heard you so scared... And I guess, that's what brought me around somewhat. If you hadn't been there on Monday, I don't know... I don't know what I might've done. I'm so sorry you had to see me like that; so sorry I scared you like that. But thank you for being there when you were. You saved my life, mate, and if you'd been paying attention to the way I look at Tim... You'll know I don't take such an action lightly. xxx Which brings me to Tim. Tim, Tim, Tim... Timmykins. Tim of the Minchins. I... Don't even know what to say anymore. When I discovered you in December last year... I never thought you'd become the leading role in my life. How many times have you saved me now; and in how many ways? You restored my faith and ambition back then, and you did it again now - except this time, I think you really, truly saved my life.  I was all but ready to give up and step in front of a car, but you... You were always there, weren't you? I started listening to you more during my downs... And then on Monday, you pushed me back up completely. Well, maybe not completely, but good enough to live.  JCS came through the post on Monday, you see. I watched it, and when it was over, I kind of stopped... And then I cried. Happy tears.  I watched you and I watched how humble and awkward you were after it all, and I watched how amazing you were through it all, and I remembered. I remembered what you'd been through and, although I may not know anything about your childhood, I know what you went through to get to where you are today. I remembered that you're just a normal guy, really; as insecure and nervous as the rest of us. I remembered what an inspiration you are, and how proud I am of you, and then... I remembered why I do what I do. I procrastinate, I worry, I panick, I give up from time to time. But none of that matters. Because there was a time when YOU didn't think you'd make it. When you had no idea you'd ever be where you are today. I remembered how many times your songs had hit home, and how many times you'd slapped me back into reality, and then I realised... No. No more. I'm not ready to give up yet. I'm not ready to back down on everything I've lived for. Fuck reality. Reality blows. Reality is relative. Fuck it. I am who I am and I am what I do. And there's no reason I should change that. So even if my mood still isn't all that high, or I still know just how high and implausible my expectations may be; I am not ready to back down. So what if I'm 'pathetic' or childish? If that's me, then that's who I'll be.  That diary I write to you? (And I will openly admit to writing a diary to Tim Minchin now) I picked it up again. After five or six months of neglecting it for many reasons, I've picked it up again. If anything, it's a nice place to release my thoughts. So to all the above listed, and to Cassie and Kim and Tim: x Thank you x

[soapyblowholes-blog]

Post the rules

Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then make 11 new ones.

Tag 11 people and link them to your post.

Let them know you’ve tagged them

The eleven questions I’m answering:

1. Find your nearest book, type page 34, line 2.

2. What was the last thing you brought?

3. Favorite song/artist at the moment?

4. Favorite place you’ve traveled to?

5. What would be the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

6. Favorite animal?

7. Name one of your phobias.

8. Pizza or pasta?

...Neither? But um... Pizza, I guess.

9. Name something that irritates you.

NOISY. mOTHERFUCKING. EATING.

10. Favorite film?

11. Do you think the world going to end in December?

OF COURSE!

My 11 Questions

1. Do you like waffles?

2. Do you like pancakes?

3. Do you like French Toast Eggy Bread?

4. HOW OLD IS YOUR FACE?

5. HOW OLD IS YOUR MUM'S FACE?

6. Do you like trains?

7. Do you know what's worth fighting for when it's not worth dying for?

8. Do you know the enemy?

9. Little Girl, Little Girl, why are you crying?

10. Are you standing close to the edge?

11. Are we the waiting?

[soapyblowholes-blog]

So today was eventful

I had Art last in College, and we were doing lino cutting and I was a prat and sliced my finger open and it was bleeding everywhere and I went to medical and they patched me up and I was shaking lots and hyperventilating so they sat me down and talked to me to calm me down and he asked if I played piano and I said yes and he was like 'piano or keyboard'? And I said keyboard and he asked me what sort of stuff I played and then he asked me who my inspirations are and I said Tim Minchin and he was like "Oh, yeah... Can you play that... 'this is my earth and I live in it...'?" and I was just like OMG YES I CAN. and I was like I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE KNOW WHO TIM IS and he said his son was a big fan and he'd actually played Not Perfect on stage before and I was like CAN I MARRY YOUR SON.

OMG.

And then when I stood up I hit my elbow on the table and they were like "Oh ffs XD" and I was like "I'm going to walk very slowly and carefully now" and he was like "Please don't do any more lino cutting. Please." and I was like LOL.

Although then I had to go buy a bottle of water because I felt faint and my hands went tingly and so I went up to get a hug from Cassie before I returned to Art.

OMG THO it was bleeding everywhere and omg.