Saphael domestic headcanons
I think it was for @quitemagicalbane or @smolraph ?? I dunno but that’s for somebody
-Magnus offers a coffee machine to Raphael for his birthday, one that he magicked to do blood-related beverages instead (he might also have added glitter and light effects). Only it’s a very modern one and there’s buttons everywhere and so many options, Simon is gushing about this level of modernity and he makes fun of Raphael and the other vampires because it’s like offering an iphone to a grandpa, they won’t get how to use it. So Raphael just looks at him one day and goes "If it's new technology, it’s your thing right ? Consider it your new place and mission in this clan then, you're now the coffee boy"
-So Simon laughs but then when he try to program the coffee machine to make blood espresso every day at 9pm except ??? He can't understand a thing ???? But he can't say it to Raph now because he would make fun of him so from then on Simon wakes up before everyone and make the coffee himself for 9pm every day and pretends it was programmed (Raphael knows of course but he pretends not to because then Simon has to pretend that he was bringing Raphael's coffee in bed to excuse the fact that he left their casket early again and Raphael is a sucker for breakfast in bed).
-Pillow fights are a thing now. Simon would feel really strongly about the fact that Raphael did not have a “real childhood” because he lived in a dark times where children could not really afford to laugh carelessly so he insists on showing him what he missed and it starts with attacking Raphael with his vampire capacities and a pillow (Raphael doesn’t understand what’s happening at first but then he gets kind of into it, there’s something about hurling a pillow into Simon’s smug face that appeals to him)
-There’s also movies nights involved in the Hotel except more often than not they watch historical documentaries so the eldest vampires can point out every mistake they made (Shakespeare was a fucking turd, he liked “yo mamma” jokes they need to stop idealizing him)
-Simon loves to clean everything but he’s also a mess, everything will be clean but he would also have his clothes all over the place while Raphael never really used a mop but he also loves to have everything in its place and in a particular order so their bedroom is a weird mix of order and chaos but it always smell like cleaning products.
-They have a big fight once and they scream things at each other that they already regret but none of them apologize even though they are both just waiting for the other to say something so they could crash into each other and forget about it but none of them does anything. So Raphael storms off, leaving a room full of broken mirrors, furnitures and hearts.
-Simon is really frustrated because he can’t give food to Raphael and that was one of his favorite way of wooing someone so he decides that he will just sing to him all the time. So now Raphael walking with Simon on his toes serenading him is a common sight in the Hotel.
-Simon also sings in the shower and soon the whole clan is humming katty perry because Simon got it stuck in their heads
-Simon wears flip flops, he would be dressed to the nine only with flip flops. Nobody ever found it in themselves to care especially since everyone can now know wherever Simon is in the Hotel.
-Raphael laughs way more, whenever he’s laughing or smiling it makes Simon’s heart swells.
-They share a wardrobe but if Simon wears Raphael’s costumes all the time, Raphael flat out refuses to wear any of Simon’s nerdy shirts because “they hitch” and if he will wear Simon’s hoodies to lounge whenever he misses Simon too much, Simon wants him to wear something of his outside the Hotel too. That’s why Raphael now wears Simon’s colorful and mismatched socks.
-Raphael gets all protective of Simon around other vampires since that one time foreign vampires who didn’t know that they were dating made a remark about how cute the new vampire was and the things he would do to him, Raphael stayed calm and threatened him in his flattest voice to rip his throat out if he even dared to think about his boyfriend in that way.
-They travel the world together and gets those silly little souvenirs for all of their friends. Also Simon totally insist for doing evenings where they show everyone their holidays pictures but Raphael never lets him (Simon still does them but now it’s a very secret evening because Raphael would kill him if he knew that Clary saw a picture of him making faces at a statue).
-When Simon was just turned into a vampire he would get nightmares and Raphael would hear it so he would come and comfort him because he’s a big brother at heart. When they started dating he would hug Simon and kiss his forehead and now that they’re sleeping together (just sleeping though), they’re cuddling. Only Simon is a cuddle monster and keeps up with the cuddles long after his nightmares faded. Raphael strangely can’t find it in himself to care
-Simon wears flip flops, he would be dressed to the nine only with flip flops. Nobody ever found it in themselves to care especially since everyone can now know wherever Simon is in the Hotel.
-The only times he doesn’t wear flip flops is when he is trying to surprise the clan. Because Simon loves to use his new vampires abilities to prank people but the vampires are all so done with him that whenever they get a bucket full of iced water dumped on them they would continue walking even in their soaked state and not acknowledge Simon in a bit. So he goes to the institute instead (he tried to prank the werewolves once but if Luke found it funny, the rest of them just growled at him for attacking their alpha so now he keeps his distance)
-They go to art galleries together once a month and Simon play this game of “how many people can we disgust with how cheesy we are” (they always get too lost in each other to count them)
-Raphael smiling and shaking his head at Simon’s latest antic is now a normal sight for every vampire.
-People outside of the vampire clan are really skeptical when a vampire tells them about this time Raphael laughed so much he would have choked if he did need to breathe because the only Raphael they know is the stoic and sarcastic one and when the vampires explain that it’s thanks to Simon, the new vampire, they don’t get it because Raphael is only mean to him whenever they seem them together ?
-Even Clary (while she’s happy for them) doesn’t understand their relationship and might be a little distrustful of Raphael at first because he seems so cold towards Simon while Simon looks at him like he’s hung the moon but then Luke tells her not to worry because he’s seen how Raphael looks at Simon in private and he apparently think that he’s hung all the stars in the universe so they’re both equally sickly in love.
-And when Alec comes unannounced in the Hotel because there was demon activity nearby and he wanted to check that they were all fine only to find the whole clan looking at a documentary on the secession war with Raphael cuddled up with Simon and trailing his hands through his hair, it appeased every doubt in Clary’s mind about whether these two are really good for each other.
