Intro
Korean.
Christian.
Counselor.
These are the three things that define me. I would list Christian first, but I ordered them in such a way because my work as a counselor is much more intertwined with my being a Christian. I’m a Korean, as well as a Christian counselor.
I came to the states when I was about a year old from Seoul, South Korea. After a year or so, I went back to Korea with my mom, stayed there for a few years, and came back to the states for good in 1996. I didn’t have any formal education until I started first grade in April with not even two months left of the school year. I didn’t speak a word of English, but now at the age of 30, people are pretty impressed that I speak and write both English and Korean fluently.
When I was 10, I was crossing the street at an intersection with four stop signs, and a really really old man didn’t see me. I underwent bilateral arthroscopic procedures on the knees and went to receive physical therapy for a couple months. I just remember that I dreaded going to the therapy office. Shortly after, within a year, I was running around as if the car accident had never happened.
I studied like I’ve never studied before for two months, and was accepted into Stuyvesant High School, a highly prestigious high school in the city with escalators. I definitely have to mention that because that’s of the things that made me feel that I had to get accepted. I knew nothing else about the school to be honest except that it was considered a top notch school, if not the best, in NY. I went through all four years getting average scores and hanging out with the good apples. All I ever did was go to school, participate in clubs and other extracurricular activities, go home, and repeat.
I was accepted to the William E. Macaulay Honors College at Queens College, where I received free tuition for all four years, and my very own macbook, which I bought for a $1 in my junior year. I also used part of a $7,000 stipend to study abroad during the Winter of 2010 in Japan. College was a joke compared to my time at Stuyvesant.
In my senior year of college, I met an older boy who exposed me to cutting school, sex, cigarettes, weed, and drinking. I spent the next three years experimenting with things in life that I had looked down upon up until then. During these years, I held menial job positions as a dental assistant, but also made some cash working as a private tutor. I always had my own spending money - as long as my parents provided a roof over my head, I was able to take care of the rest, so much so that I even lent the boyfriend a few thousand dollars, which he never repaid. Also during these years, as time passed, I started to skip church service more and more often.
When life seemed to not be progressing the way I hoped, and the boyfriend was just as unmotivated about life as he was when I met him, I just happened to meet a new person. 5 years younger, attractive (very popular with the girls), and vivacious, he was eager to impress me even though I kept my distance from him since I am a loyal and faithful person. But, after about six months had passed of knowing this younger guy and things didn’t look promising with the boyfriend, I made a very difficult decision to change gears.
The new boyfriend brought me happiness and motivation. I was at my most prime physically, and started to take classes at a community college to pursue a nursing degree. It wasn’t long (in fact, only about a month in) when our relationship started to not look right. He was quick to tell me that he wanted to break up, I was jealous and worried that he might look at other girls (since he was so popular, and he was also overly friendly and helpful, especially with the ladies), and worst of all, he and I just didn’t see eye to eye. From the get-go, our communication was not fluid, and this continued for the next 5 years. The relationship quickly grew toxic - I became more submissive and docile while he grew more and more aggressive and abusive.
In 2015, I started grad school to become a school counselor. There were many obstacles along the way such as having to prolong my studies a whole year because of issues at my internship site. Mentally and emotionally, I always felt drained because my relationship with the boyfriend was growing more and more toxic, and I didn’t feel happy with the counseling program.
At the fifth year of my relationship with the boyfriend, my sister and her boyfriend became engaged and soon after, she was busy working full time (in a director position) and planning on a wedding. Being that in the Korean culture, the older siblings are supposed to get married first, pressure was put on me, not necessarily by my family, but by older adults and even strangers. I didn’t care much, but I think I was more envious of the fact that her life was moving the way I wanted mine to go.
I was 28 years old. No job. A toxic relationship. People all around me getting married and even having kids. My dream as a child was always to get married early (at 21 years of age!) and have children with the man I loved. I was pretty much a miserable wreck by this time. Oh, and I was hit by a car again. Another old old man who didn't see my huge northface jacket as I crossed the street. I was dealing with some serious back and knee pain, and unlike when I was 10 years old, the healing process was taking a lot longer.
One summer night in 2018, as I followed my usual routine, playing PC games and/or browsing the web, and listening to Christian music (that’s right. I didn’t listen to anything else, but Christian music), suddenly the lyrics to the song that was playing hit me hard. I can’t remember for sure what song it was, but for some reason I feel like it could have been “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury. I just started to weep uncontrollably and praise God.
My life changed after that night.
About a year after that night, here I am writing my first blog post.
This blog will be dedicated to my detailed life stories, and Bible passages/messages I want to share. Every single one of my posts will have an underlying or very evident Christian theme because before I am anything else, my identity is in Jesus Christ alone.
I pray that my blogs will glorify God alone, that you will leave deeply reflecting on what God’s love and grace looks like in your life, and that my true life stories will encourage you to love Him more and praise Him for who He is.
