⚚ - if fate wasn’t so cruel, maybe your love would’ve survived the light. but one can only hope it does in another life. fem! reader.
🛡️ cws. angst, non-killing trip au
🛡️ note. i just love my brain sometimes by how i genuinely reached flow state getting ideas of what to write for this
rain poured in heavy sheets over the narrow alley behind the kuzuryu family’s private residence. even at the break of dawn, the day settled into something bleak and unwelcoming. the sky remained sunless, smothered beneath thick, unmoving clouds, and no birds dared break the silence. everything looked dulled, washed in muted tones, while cold gusts of wind slipped beneath your clothes and prickled against your skin instead of offering any warmth.
you stood under the weak shelter of an old awning, heart hammering against your ribs as you watched peko approach, her umbrella cutting a clean line through the downpour. an act of defiance on her part, as the both of you knew very well she was forbidden to step away from her duties.
but how does one stop doing something that just feels so good to have?
peko wasn’t allowed to feel this much. but the swirl of emotions in her heart whenever the two of you are together is pure bliss. it feels so right to have you in her arms that she can’t think straight sometimes. but it’s frightening, and risky.
she stopped a few feet away, gaze downcast without a word. at that, you started to get anxious. whenever you’d meet up, peko would greet you with a tight embrace, like she wanted to let the feeling of your warmth seep into her veins. but it was also as a silent apology for only being able to steal an hour or two with you at night, in the darkest hours where no light would shine upon your love.
but some things are never meant to last. and she wasn’t holding you right now.
“...peko? are you—”
“you shouldn’t be here.”
gathering all the strength she had to not break under the scared but hopeful look in your eyes, “if anyone sees us...” she trails off, not needing to say more.
you both knew what she meant.
“i know.” your throat tightened. “but i couldn’t stay away anymore. not after last week.”
last week.
when she kissed you in the dark of the old storage unit like she was drowning and you were air. when she whispered your name such as a wish she wasn’t allowed to say.
peko’s grip on the umbrella tightened until her knuckles turned white. “this has to stop.”
those words hit like a slap. you stepped closer anyway, ignoring the rain that immediately soaked through your clothes. “why? because the kuzuryu clan says so? because they raised you to be nothing but fuyuhiko’s shadow? a tool that isn’t allowed to want anything for herself?”
her eyes flashed with something painful, yet slowly nodded. “yes.”
the single word hung between you, cruel in its simplicity. a tower that would always be in between each other to never reach.
“i was never meant to be anything more than his blade,” she continued, voice steady even as her hands trembled. “they made that clear the day they took me in. emotions are distractions. attachments are weaknesses. love…” she swallowed hard. “love is forbidden for someone like me.”
you reached for her free hand. she let you take it, but she didn’t squeeze back this time.
“i don’t care what they say,” you whispered fiercely. “i love you, peko. not the tool. you. the girl who’s fond of animals and wishes to pet them. the girl who kisses me like she’s terrified the world will take it away.”
a shaky breath left her. this was getting harder to continue. she didn’t want to leave you. for a moment, the unbreakable sword looked ready to shatter.
“...i love you too,” she admitted, so quietly the rain almost swallowed it. “more than i’ve ever allowed myself to feel anything. but that doesn’t change what i am.”
she pulled her hand away gently, like it hurt her to do so.
“young master noticed something was different,” she said, eyes lowering again. “he questioned me yesterday. i lied for the first time in my life…for you. but he’s not stupid. if this continues, they will find out. and when they do, they won’t punish me with something as simple as death.”
your stomach dropped.
no. no, this can’t be happening.
“they’ll make an example of you,” peko didn’t stop. she had to get the words out—her voice cracking for the first time. “they’ll remind me what happens when a tool forgets its purpose. i can endure pain. i was trained for it. though i cannot endure watching them hurt you because of me.”
tears burned in your eyes, breath coming in uneven gasps. “then run away with me. we can disappear. start over somewhere they’ll never find us—”
“no.”
the word was final.
peko looked at you then, and the pain in her crimson eyes was devastating. “i cannot abandon young master. my life belongs to the kuzuryu clan, it always has. i was never given the right to choose anything else.”
she moved closer toward you, close enough that you could see the raindrops clinging to her lashes.
“if i were a normal girl…if fate had been kinder… maybe i could’ve held your hand in public. maybe i could have loved you without it feeling like treason.”
she reached up and brushed a wet strand of hair from your face with shaky fingers, but still so gentle. gentle in a way that made your heart ache raw.
“but i am not a normal girl,” she whispered. “i am a tool. and tools aren’t allowed to love.”
the sob you’ve been holding back finally broke free. you grabbed the front of her shirt, desperate. “then what was all of this? what were we?”
peko’s forehead rested against yours, eyes closed like she couldn’t bear to look at you anymore.
“a beautiful mistake,” she breathed“one i will carry with me until the day i die.”
she kissed you one last time—soft and tender, but cruel in its underlying meaning, tasting like rain and goodbye. when she pulled away, her expression hardened again, the mask of the perfect hitman sliding back into place even as tears mixed with the rain on her cheeks.
“don’t come looking for me again,” she forced herself to say. “if you do…i won’t be able to send you away a second time.”
she turned and walked back into the storm, umbrella forgotten on the ground behind her. her figure grew smaller and smaller until the rain swallowed her completely.
oh, if only you knew how badly she wished things were different.
you dropped to your knees long after she was gone, soaked to the bone, heart shattered beyond repair.
if only fate wasn’t so cruel, maybe your love would’ve survived the light.
Here's my piece for @pekopekoyamazine!!!! I love her so much, I had so much fun drawing her, and the zine turned out so wonderfully. It's live on Itch.io right now if you wanna pick up your free copy :)
