Let me convince you to be self obsessed.
For all the overthinkers, anxious and people pleasing girls.
Tough love and a brutally honest perspective.
Questions to ask yourself
I am going to be straight to the point. Think about the person whose actions or words you were overthinking about or analysing. Seriously take a moment and give it a thought.
Are they the kind of person that would spend their day, their time and their energy thinking about you that much?
Will they care this much about what you think of them or what they are doing with their lives or are they busy with their own lives and goals and work?
Think about all the people you admire and about the people that have the life that you want and the goals that you want.
Will they give that much of their time and energy to people?
Do you want to be the kind of person I had described above?
Instead of working towards your goals, or trying to uplevel your life, you're thinking about why someone did not wave back to you or why they did not reply to your message or why they have a second group chat without you...
Do you see how desperate it sounds?
Do you want to give people that don't give a fuck about you the satisfaction by caring about them?
Let me tell you something and please try and understand it the best you can cause it's going to sound toxic.
Everyone around you is already self obsessed. Everyone wants to be successful, and enjoy their lives. They are going to have fun and be happy with or without you.
As someone that had struggled with feeling invisible and excluded for MAJORITY of my life, I can tell you that you need to drill self obsession into your brain.
My life experiences that you can learn from...
I am being brutally honest and vulnerable right now. I will be naming all the incidents that made me realize that nobody cares and you shouldn't either.
I have stood in the circle where all my friends were dancing and been pushed out of it unintentionally. They did not care I was pushed out, they were dancing and enjoying and having the time if their lives. I had cried that day back at home.
A friend in our group of three made other friends and they would constantly forget me and my other friend. This happened again at a major college fest. This time guess what I did? I danced and enjoyed with my friend and other classmates. I danced my heart out. I did not for a second wonder where she was, we had FUN. It is something I am proud of till date.
I did the same at another fest I went to. I realised when me and some other people were unintentionally pushed out of the circle again while dancing by some overenthusiastic dancers that people genuinely did not give a fuck. Everyone is selfish and everyone is self obsessed. I danced alone for a moment and later the other people pushed out formed another group with me and we enjoyed ourselves cause why shouldn't we? (A major character development considering my response to the first incident 😁).
I think these three incidents truly shaped me and gave me the perspective I have now.
This is why you need to be self obsessed.
Everytime you start to put your focus and energy towards any mistreatment I want you to remind yourself of this.
They are enjoying their lives. Most of them don't care about you and if you are being excluded.
They are busy with their lives and goals when they don't text you back and when they ignore your texts for weeks or when they ghost you.
That is indicative of the fact that they don't give a shit.
Do I blame them for it? No.
But do I think such people deserve our time, mental and psychological energy and effort? Fuck no.
This is why I always match people's energy. If they ignore my texts, you best believe their next texts will be ignored. I am also a busy person that has work she needs to prioritize.
The only time I show leniency is when the behavior is out of character for someone and I instead respond with concern and curiosity. I ask around about how they are and usually they are going through something. I think that is the only time I ever texted someone again after no response to a previous text.
You have fun. Do not wait around for other people to accept you, include you or acknowledge you. Have SOME self esteem, please. Enjoy your life. Dance if you want to. Go out alone if you want to. Post your stories when you want to. Put yourself first. Choose yourself first. Even if no one is there for you, even if no one chooses you or cares for you, YOU should care for YOURSELF. You deserve that at least.
I say that as someone that has experienced bullying, that was underestimated, that went through hard time that still challenge me emotionally sometimes. I say this as someone that has come out stronger on the other side. That is proud of herself and everything she has achieved. I was only able to overcome all the noise and pain by taking back my energy from others and putting it back in myself.
I have been able to offer more value to the world from a point of self obsession than I did when I was obsessed with others instead.
I hope this helps you. Come back to this whenever you feel you need the reminder, the callout and the feeling that someone understands you cause I do. I truly do and it was something I needed but never had.
Stay fun and stay focused <3
