I've had extremely vivid dreams my whole life, and when you sprinkle in some PTSD, chronic pain, and medications that affect sleep... well it makes for some very interesting nightmares.
A common type of dream I have is where I choose to give up a foundation in my life for something not good for me. An example being breaking up with my partner for my abusive ex, or moving out of my apartment into a shady dorm on the bad side of town and sharing it with 8 strangers. The nightmare part of it isn't so much that I choose to do that... it is when I realize exactly what I chose to do. When I am out on a date with my ex and go "Wait a minute, where's my actual partner? I broke up with him? Why would I do that? I can't get him back after doing that, he'll never trust me. I can never have that back." followed by that dread that things are about to get much worse and things will never be the same.
I interpret it as being afraid of losing stability, or being afraid that I may make a seriously bad decision and regret it even though I do not have a history of doing such things. Interested in your thoughts.
Yeah, your interpretation of it is correct. You fear that you will make a bad decision that will jeopardize everything that is stable in your life. We all have this fear. I don't know your current living situation, so my assumptions will clearly be from what I gather through this message.
The feeling I get when reading this is a deep dread of losing control of your life. That someone will always have some sort of string attached that they can pull at any time.
You fear that you will slip up, and go backward. Like breaking up with your partner for your ex. There may be a bit of feeling that you miss that sort of action. If there were any good moments of that relationship, of course you're going to miss it. And this creates a conflict that fuels your fear of falling backward. (I know this feeling because my mother was abusive, but still had good moments.)
You feel that if you make such a rash decision, that your whole life would never be the same. You fear becoming "stuck" in a situation where you will never experience any sort of freedom and independence again. This type of fear derives from powerlessness, which indicates possible past circumstances where others had control over you. Such as parents, siblings, teachers, abusive friends, etc.
There could be some level of mental, self-depreciation here. Which I inquire as trauma. You could have been told that "you will go backward eventually" or "You will never be stable" (Financially, or mentally), or "You will always be dependant and never live fully on your own" due to possible restrictions such as health, self-esteem, stable income, etc.
Insecurities can feed our fears tenfold. And when we're children we soak in everything that others do around us and take certain aspects of their personalities and beliefs that stick out as our own. Say your mother is insecure about her looks, and always talks about how her makeup doesn't right, or that this certain item of clothing makes her look overweight or uncomfortably hugs her body. This kind of behavior, when witnessed, can make you think of those things toward yourself. This can happen with friends, family, coworkers, siblings, social media, shows that we have watched, etc. That kind of stuff sticks to us, even when we don't realize it. Our subconscious remembers.
You also fear losing those around you. Making one possible wrong decision at any time will shatter your relationships that you love so much. You fear that if these decisions are made and followed through, that you will lose trust from those that you love or look up to. Trust is a strong trait of yours. It is highly important. You build up trust with those around you and fear that it will all crumble with a single, or multiple, bad decisions.
This overall fuels your nightmares of making these kinds of decisions.
For treatment, I would say to do a daily "check the facts" skill. I learned this in DBT therapy and it is highly effective. You can do this mentally or written down somewhere where you can see it. Here is a list of DBT worksheets, videos, and other DBT skills you can browse through that'll help with the nightmares.
Check The Facts:
Worksheet
Video
Radical Acceptance (Choosing to accept your current situation or past experiences as it is, that it is beyond your control, and move forward.):
Video
