#sequoiared

[unlikelyherogirl]

Fear

I have fear. Fear that someone I love will be hurt by something I said. I want to write and write without limits. But I find myself afraid to post what I have written because I’m afraid to not only hurt someone from my honesty but for others to know that I have that scar, that I have such a deep wound I am  a full grown adult still burning from pain of my adolescence. 

So much happened and so much has not changed. I write about the same thing over and over again. Part of me wants to set it free. The other part wants to keep it locked away where no one will ever find out about it.

[unlikelyherogirl]

I ask myself questions pretending I’m someone else so it feels like someone cares enough to wonder why I write what I write. I’d say things like ‘I wrote such characters with trust worthiness because everyone I have ever trusted betrayed me and it hurt so badly I was sure I’d die sooner than I should. …’

- Sequoia Red - taken from [I’ve Tried. It Hurts.]

[unlikelyherogirl]

I think of telephone conversations with people I used to admire and yearn to speak to, only to discover they bring me nothing but pain as they only know how to love everyone else, except for me.

Sequoia Red - – taken from I’ve Tried. It Hurts

[unlikelyherogirl]

I had to tell someone I love more than anything...that I can't stay.

- Sequoia Red

[unlikelyherogirl]

In the Negative

"I wasn't always like this... I didn't always lash out. I didn't fear pain. I never feared the unknown. I never feared my love for you I never hated you. I didn't feel like I was wronged. But you make me wrong, as if I shouldn't be here. as if I was made incorrectly, with mistakes that are undoubtedly repulsive."

Notes:*..hmmm this is unfinished. But I thought I'd share with you wonderful people. It's going to be lyrics I think. Keep hearing songs in my head these days.

[unlikelyherogirl]

"I understand why I must be a misfit. everywhere. Even my own home--within my own family. But why must I also lack the ability to solve my problems...to fix anything and no chance and no one other than myself. A stray weed peeking between rocks..."

- Sequoia Red [snippet from UNDERSTOOD]

[unlikelyherogirl]

All this time I wanted to save myself. But I am so tired. I just want out. I wish heroes were real. I wish I could be my own hero.

Sequoia Red

[unlikelyherogirl]

When life makes a fool out of you with catastrophe and tears you down. When part of that includes people coming in to your life and uprooting you. Hang tight. Fight.

- Sequoia Red