On a night when Xander didn't have soccer practice and Cade didn't have to work, the stars seemed to align for Evil Spawn Jr. and Baby McSteamy to actually go and... Well, be kids. The fact that she was 21 and he was 16 meant nothing. And with the entire town of Seattle and their respective IDs at their disposal, the only thing the two geniuses could think to do was go to the movies. Depending on what they found at the box office, it'd either mean an evening of watching the leading lady's ass or being as obnoxious as humanly possible. Either option sounded fine to them.
Standing in front of the marquee, Xander went through the titles, all receiving negative answers from what the hospital has come to known as his worse half. It seemed that the two could never quite behave when in each other's presence. And it'd been that way since their days in the hospital day care, her seven and him three.
"Soldier of Assassination?" He asked, an eyebrow raised at exactly what that could be. It received a small gag from Cade, signaling him to move on.
"The... Stolen.. Flames?" was next on the marquee, and he was a little intrigued as to what 210 minutes of stolen fire could possible amount to. This one received a violent head shake, so he moved on.
"Okay, this one has to be a winner. Killer Clowns from Outer Space!" When Cade's eyebrow went up, Xander knew he had a winner. "The heckling potential for this movie isn't even real. We have to. It's practically begging us to." When Cade finally caved, the two practically bounced to the Box Office, hoping that the $9.00 the theater was charging would be justified by the assumed shittiness of the movie.
'Two students for Killer Clowns, please?" Cade asked the cashier. With a flash of their respective student IDs, the tickets were sold. Cade paid for the movie, Xander covered the snack bar - an order of nachos to share, an extra large popcorn (and its refill), two large drinks, a bag of peanut M&M's, two Snickers (one was never enough) and a cinnamon pretzel for dessert. If there was one thing that Xander and Cade ever took seriously, it was their food. And movie theater food was both the best and the worst food they could get their hands on. Cristina Yang would be disgusted, but they didn't care. She'd be long since retired by the time they needed true cardiac attention.
After fifteen minutes of previews - My Little Pony coming to the big screen (again?), another one of those fucking Ice Age movies (seriously, there could not have been that many ice ages in history), a flick with an irrelevant name in which Channing Tatum walks around shirtless for about 80% of the time, and Faster and Furious 23 - the title sequence for Killer Clowns came around and Cade was practically bouncing in her seat. The cast was a bunch of no-namers and Disney Channel write-offs, and Cade was loving every second of it.
"So, I wonder. If clowns are famous for packing themselves into cars, you think they're the same way with space ships? Are there going to be hundreds of clowns coming out of the rocket?" Cade started at full volume, much to the chagrin of those around her. A couple of dirty looks, and they weren't even ten minutes into the movie.
At about a half an hour in, one of the clowns blew one of the soldiers' heads off, and Cade and Xander absolutely lost it. They were roaring with laughter. The people surrounding them weren't quite as amused. But, the way Xander thought about it, it was their loss. Because Evil Spawn Jr. and Baby McSteamy were hilarious.
Just as the next scene was getting underway and the two of them were finally calming down, one of the theater attendants came and tapped Xander on the shoulder. "Excuse me, but the staff is getting complaints about your volume... Would you mind keeping it down for everyone else to enjoy the movie? I really don't want to have to kick you guys out, but I'll have to if we get another complaint." The guy stared at his feet the entire time - he went to Xander's high school, played on the tennis team and didn't really have much to say to anyone. Ever.
"Yeah, sure thing, buddy. We're real sorry about that." Cade replied with a cheeky smile, and the guy nodded as he walked back to his position right next to the emergency exit. She brought her fist up and hit Xander in the chest, motioning back toward the attendant. "Dude, total tool. I'm only trying to enjoy my.. Err... Killer Clowns." She couldn't even say it with a straight face. This movie was ridiculous.
It was about an hour into the movie when Cade could not control herself anymore. The clowns were attacking kids at the local high school - the white paint had worn off their faces and their green skin was beginning to shine through. Cade and Xander both began to roar with laughter as the high school kid yanked at the clown's wig, trying anything to escape. This movie was better than anything she could've imagined. Especially for a movie that only called for serious heckling. "What the hell do you think that's going to do? You're going to die!" Cade called out as she continued to laugh, tears streaming down her face. At that point, the same guy who'd come over to talk to them earlier was back, flashlight in hand.
"You guys... I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're disrupting the other guests and I did warn you earlier." He recited, almost as if they were his lines straight from the managers of the theater.
"But... I didn't even get to finish my snack. Where else is it appropriate to eat a Snickers and a cinnamon pretzel?" Cade asked, trying really hard to feign seriousness. Xander just sat back and watched the exchange, amazed at his best friend's ability to keep herself composed.
"I'm really sorry, but I need you guys to leave. Immediately, or I'm going to have to call my manager in here." Xander put a hand on Cade's arm before she tried to fight back again, motioning for her to just get up.
"C'mon, Cade, not worth it. Let's go sit outside and finish stuffing our faces. It'll look pathetic, but it's cool." The theater attendant still couldn't meet Xander's eyes, which made him snicker a little bit, but the two exited the movie through the emergency exit. Checking his phone, Xander nodded approvingly. "Well, we made it through an hour of Killer Clowns. Not our best work, but we've done worse, no?" A slight shove to the shoulder from Cade and the two cackled all the way to his Mazda 3 - a gift from his Dad and Addison after his SAT scores came back in the 90th percentile - where the two finished their food and continued to make fun of the Killer Clowns.
"Y'know, maybe we should find something better to do on a Tuesday night than to come and heckle movies..." Xander trailed, filling his mouth with a handful of popcorn.
"Oh, what, and miss that hella attractive view?" Cade scoffed, gesturing to Xander's attempt to chew the popcorn down to swallow-able bites. "Not in a million years, Torres. Not in a million years."
