The Surgical Roast: Virgo Mercury Edition - II
ꨄ︎ Full post up on cosmicspark.blog and confessionsofalibra.blog
⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎
Libra ♎
Lazy, excellent social manipulators. If you’re particularly smart and with finesse, your Libran manipulation skills are so below the radar, you avoid detection. Knowing when to cry, when to smile sweetly, when to flirt to get what they want. Some of you aren’t as smart or elegant as you think, and your manipulation is evident, unapologetic and cold. Being on the other end of a Libran mean girl, is a fucking trip. You will make someone feel smaller than anything, especially if they already have a low self esteem – because you know the exact right buttons to press.
Librans can be gossipy bitches. It’s that air sign need to always be engaging with information, it can get really callous. People think Librans are nice because they don’t know one deeply enough, or has never wronged one. There is a reason that part of the symbols of Libra is The Sword of Justice. Once that sword comes down, your head will be rolling. You guys are so good at reading people and you collect overall data that you use in your judgements rightly or wrongly. Many Librans are judgemental whether they show it to you or not. You know you’re in when you start hearing the real unpolished takes. Back to the laziness, you Libra men are known for being hypergamous and hobosexuals. You utilise your feminine palatability to get in with women of your choosing or other men. You wield your softness, your romanticism to take, take and take from those around you. You are a literally drain on someone’s energy, life and resources.
Librans can be so painful – especially the men more than the women – when they want to morph or merge with their partner. You don’t have to lose your personality and friends bro, just because you fell in love. It’s okay to be your own person! The lack of backbone on some Librans?! Needing to find a leader or a group, that makes them feel like they are a part of something. Outsourcing your decision-making to others because somehow, making your own firm decision is the height of your struggle. You can be self-indulgent, choosing to ignore responsibility in favour of luxuriating and the illusion of grandeur. Romantic manipulators for sure.
Scorpio ♏
The emotionally traumatised to traumatiser pipeline. So many of you had really cooked childhoods and teenage years, and for that you torture us all. But please, stop hurting everyone you encounter because you refuse to learn how to re-open after heartbreak. One thing you will do is start again. Rebuild your life from scratch so you can achieve your revenge arc. Your fucking wet dream. I know you have a rolodex of childhood bullies you plan to flex on, crush or obliterate, and you’ve been keeping tabs on them for years. We get it, you have a long memory and you must right the scales in your own way. You are incredibly suspicious of people and their intent, despite the fact that you are a walking lie detector. You choose to walk around on the offense, ready to get someone before they get you. That cannot be healthy.
You think your depth is so fucking special. No one would understand the depths of trauma that you have survived. There is no medal for staying broody after trauma. Refusing to open pandora’s box to free yourself of old hurts because a huge part of your identity is that exact fuckery. Who would you be if you allowed yourself to channel the rage and disempowerment into something of use – allowing yourself some levity? You want to engage in relationships while keeping a wall up, while wanting your partner to show every stretch of skin. You want them to bear their very soul to you, so you the Overlord can decide what to do with it. As if you’re so safe with feelings, when you won’t even share all of your own. You think you are so hard to read but you aren’t. You are massive simps, who just want to be cradled and catered to. It’s that Martian baby in you that is very instinctual and wants to be centred.
You guys are some of the stingiest men in the zodiac. You are going to pay exactly your half of the date down to the very cent. You are convinced everyone wants you for your resources. People will have what you allow. If you feel that’s all people see, maybe that’s all you are presenting as well. You put so much effort into your career, as a smokescreen for all the other problems in your life. You constantly oscillate between wanting a soulmate to merge with, and wanting to be single and resentful. You start things you can’t finish but with the superiority complex of someone who finishes what they start. Emotionally. You guys are actual stalkers and not in a figurative sense. You don’t even just do it with technology or in real life you guys are spiritual stalkers. Many of you are lucid dreaming and remote viewing to surveil the people you are attached to. You are the type of people to keep your lover/fwb’s underwear, watch them while they sleep and keep a toenail in a special box with all the other things that remind you of that person.
Sagittarius ♐
Has a head ever been further up one’s own ass? So caught up in feeling these bigger, grander concepts – deep things even – but failing to see the things dangling right in front of your eyes. Your ego creates a rose tinted filter and you start believing your own bullshit. Feeling self righteous for being able to articulate something niche for just that group of people (and not likely people with those same special interests). So many of you, especially the ones most privileged, are the types to correct marginilised groups on things happening in their communities, because of an observation you made or because you visited one time. A lot of you value comes from being known or thought of as cultured. You are likely to have many friends and lovers from different parts of the world.
Many of you lack finesse in how you communicate. You think being outspoken means being cutting and rude. It’s tactless. I wouldn’t expect a Sagittarius to remember very important details about me unless they were trying to fuck or get into a relationship. You are so incredibly self-absorbed I have never seen anything like it. You are definitely in the top 3 star signs whose selfishness is absolutely off the motherfucking charts. The way you don’t even see people around you, when you are working towards a goal – is only impressive for those who don’t value community. You tend to value impressing others and being looked up to, than being worthy of it.
You are incredibly overconfident and that is of course your Jupiterian rulership. Yes many of you are super creative, sporty and multitalented but you are simply not the only one nor are you the first. Yet your egos are very fragile, because you only want to be surrounded by people that blow smoke up your arse. You find problems and start fights with other people that are self possessed. Sometimes, you withdraw from friendships with other powerful people because you can’t stand not being seen as the most powerful in the room. It’s actually very sad and speaks a lot to the intrinsic place your self-esteem is derived from. Many of you have sparkling careers at the expense of many other areas of your life. Many of you could start a cult if you wanted, and have probably orchestrated something risqué, teetered on the line – but people accepted it. You are argumentative and contrarian for egoic reasons and I find it terribly boring and exhausting.
Capricorn ♑
Repressed, depressed and surviving somehow despite self deprecation. Overworking as a means of control, a means of creating legacy – at the expense of your own body. Your identity is so routed in being seen as the good girl or the responsible man, that you are always seeking to receive that validation. You are a veritable workhorse, but luckily for you you’re not always a stick in the mud. You are incredibly hedonistic, and are likely seasonally burning the candle at both ends. You are wound so tight around control that many of you need powerplay in the bedroom. Your childhood issues and your adult neuroses come together to create a kinky playground. Many of you want obedience in many areas of your life. You are addicted to rules and systems, they make you feel safe. As such many of you cannot be relied on to be the one to take down a system. You might be there to improve it, humanise it but your speciality isn’t in revolution.
Every failure only makes you want to try harder, to win the game that the system has presented. So you and your family can hang back in the lap of luxury. Speaking of, many of you mistake money for intimacy. Your purchase power is the lightning rod with which you direct your attention and passion. Yet what people want from you is more intimacy. More of you unearthing and shedding the layers that your inner child is buried under. Your wit is one of the main reasons, you aren’t completely insufferable. You radiate this energy that life has to be work (I get it, Daddy Saturn and all that), and then you keep the fun, expressive and sexual sides of yourself packed away in the closet of your mind.
Sometimes you guys are drawn to bums, people that do indeed end up wanting you for money or proximity to power. You end up in a self-fulfilling prophecy where you go from being the ‘adult’ of the house from childhood, to carrying this pattern in romantic relationships and never getting to be ‘off’. I think this is why so many of you are into BDSM. You need some interesting ways to let go, and there is a lot of structure to be found in BDSM if you’re taking it seriously. You just want love and to be acknowledged for your inherent worth but you are so guarded with people you don’t know – you end up intimidating instead of magnetising.
Aquarius ♒
Egoic, calculating, restless bastards. Many of you should just stay single and not even attempt a relationship. The men especially. You are socially intelligent, but romantically blocked up. It’s because romance requires a lot more emotional involvement and that’s where you tap out. See, being there for your friends is light work to you. You’re an Aquarius and Uranian, you were built for it. Romance means compromise, it means sharing the spotlight, it means centring not just your ideas but the other. That, is the problem. You want to be the spotlight. You want to be Ganymead who is approached by the Gods for his beauty and intellect. A romantic partner means you should also be the God, propping up the lover in your life.
Aquarius women have the unfortunate habit of magnetising incredibly egoic partners and staying longer than they should (fixed sign energy). There is a long-suffering nature to Aquarian women in an unfulfilling relationships, but they don’t stop dominating in other areas of life. You remain creative, eccentric and self-focused somehow through that mess. It is terrifying and impressive. Aquarian energy can think that it is intellectually superior to everyone, which it certainly can be. As an air sign myself, I think Aquarians can lack intellectual honesty mid-conversation, when they realise they are wrong but double-down anyway. That fixed energy to me means, as much as they are expansive thinkers, when they are married to an idea – it takes a while for them to get out of it. So arguing with one feels like a dead-end when you’re in the right because they simply weren’t ready to see it or admit it to themselves.
The emotional detachment can be an absolute curse to people you date or are friends with because you have a genuine blindspot. You’re not always cognisant of how flippantly you can treat other’s feelings, purely because of the way you categorise and compartmentalise your own. It is therefore, hard for you to see why you’re in the wrong emotionally. You get away with towing the lines because of your eccentricity. If people aren’t paying attention, they are likely pawns in a game of your making. You’ll stir the pot then sit back and watch it boil over. You think you are very straight forward and upfront, but your logic over emotions brain can make you hard to read or even contradictory. I think it’s better to watch an Aquarius instead of just listening to what comes out of their mouth. Otherwise you will be gaslit into thinking your observations aren’t valid because they don’t suit the Aquarian narrative at the present time.
Pisces ♓
Escapist, reckless and scattered. You don’t really want to exist in the way we already exist. So you are constantly finding ways to make existence more bearable. Many of you are functioning drug addicts and alcoholics. Many of you are sexually promiscuous. You dream of a life where someone comes in to save you. Physically, financially and spiritually. Sometimes in your fantasies, you are also the rescuer. However, you can project what you want to see with all that Neptunian energy. This can make you guys very dangerous people to fall in love with, or to be the subject of your obsession. You being obsessed with someone normally means, the boundaries get blurred for you. Pisceans are genuinely some of the more unhinged people in the zodiac and it’s not necessarily the same darkness present in Cancer and Scorpio.
The Piscean darkness is liminal. It’s everything and nothing all at once. It is the beginning and the end. As such, yes stalking can be a thing with Pisces, but it’s about what they do with it. While a Cancer might be in a secret fight-club after he tucks his family in for the night, or a Scorpio spends hours trolling through the dark web for a clipping of hair – a Pisces might break into your house and you find them on your couch with a rose placed between their teeth. Likely to overshare very early as a way to connect or garner sympathy or get their emotional hooks into you. You use your good looks to get what you want from the people around you. Piscean women I would say are the most likely to stab you, but look very virginal like their sister-sign Virgo. Piscean men tend to look like male models, who are extremely innocent and needing guidance. Other Piscean men may still look pretty, but with plenty of tattoos to advertise the trauma and emotional rollercoasters they have survived – and the toxicity they have beneath the polish.
You are also emotional terrorists and carefully curate your emotional expression to get your way. Many of you lack a backbone, the girls always ending up under the thumb of a mean girl, and the guys under the thumb of a controlling partner. You and your sister sign are all about playing the victim. Accountability? You don’t know her. You want to be seen as the little injured bird just needing to be bandaged up. Oh, why won’t a rich benefactor just fly into your life and make everything glamourous and pretty. I think Pisceans have an incredible ability to psychically and emotionally imprint on you. You may need to do several cleanses and cord cuts to truly get rid of one that has their claws in deep. You are not scared of toxic relationships, some of you welcome them. The high emotions, the high highs and low lows are your daily bread. It makes you feel alive and like you are in a movie. Many Pisceans get into sex work, because you love using your bodies as conduits for escapism. You are wild, free and fluid – though sometimes you try and suppress that in yourself for marketability.
