Today I was cleaning out my old emails and eventually I hit the point before I found a day job, when I was still trying to make things work out 100% as a freelance illustrator.
That was about 6 months before I was diagnosed with ADHD.
It was unnervingly easy to forget how hard all of that felt. Not having answers, just constantly feeling like I was drowning in my own skin. Blaming it on the stress, on current problems, on whatever. Generative AI was a good thing, in that sense. It forced me to go find a different and more stable solution to make my life work. It made me realize that girlbossing this one would eventually kill me.
I don't really know what's gonna happen to creative fields in the near future. I don't like how GenAI has invaded all spaces - especially where it's least welcome. But I know that won't stop big companies from pushing it even more. Collective action can definitely have consequences, but as individuals... it's bleak right now.
This PSA is more about the fact that if you happen to be a young adult, and things never seemed to click in place, and you've never looked into it too deep because all other adults around you always thought you were normal and just struggling a bit while growing up, so you could never voice your opinions out... maybe go get checked for ADHD. Especially if you happen to be AFAB.
I never failed a class. In fact, I graduated at least in the top half of all my classes. I even went to regional math competitions. I was the quiet smart kid who could not make friends for the life of her. I went to live in a different country during my university years, I didn't starve nor forget the keys nor get lost, I passed with excellent grades despite Covid, despite flying around every 3 months, despite a long distance relationship.
I wasn't failing at life in all the ways people commonly expect ADHD havers to fail at life. Yet I also had so much anxiety and depression that I couldn't make it through a whole week without having a breakdown and crying myself to sleep. All the signs around me pointed towards the fact that this was considered normal and acceptable, and I just needed to suck it up and figure it out on my own.
ADHD can look invisible - especially to others. If there is something in your gut that's telling you that something is up, please don't ignore it.
It doesn't matter if you don't think your symptoms are severe enough, or if you think other people have it worse than you and therefore you're not as deserving of looking for help.
I generally don't like lore dumping about myself, but this one thing really wanted to come out today. If you're waiting for a sign from the universe to get on a waitlist for therapy, and you have the means to pursue all that, this is it.
Please take care of yourselves. The world is scary enough as it is out there.