#shitty life

[nelly-rebellyyyyy]

I cannot breathe

[falesiastuff]

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[falesiastuff]

Well, it's a bit of a shitty time, honestly.

I can't finish all the thousand projects I have in my head. I'd like to write, draw more, finish the story draft, sketch out the characters, and study their traits.

But I can't.

That's the truth.

And how could I?

My personal and family situation has gotten exponentially worse since October last year, and it shows no signs of improving. I honestly don't expect it. It can't get better unless a miracle happens, granted by an unknown, rather altruistic God. And let's face it. He doesn't exist.

The last two and a half weeks have barely allowed me to breathe. Managing to get to work in the evening and carve out an hour of drawing almost seems like a privilege. I'm even just grateful to have it.

On weekends, I delude myself into thinking I have more time, but every time I'm laughed at and brought back to reality. This may all seem excessive and dramatic, but you know what? I don't give a shit. I only have a couple of people following me, and even if there were more, hey, this is my account and I can do what I want with it.

Anyway, I'll throw in a few sketches and little things I've managed to do over the past few weeks. Little snippets of joy.

And how I wish I could have a moment of relaxation and serenity like the one depicted in the first image.

[liesandnights]

When the heart is full, the eyes overflow.

(Felt pretty will delete soon)

[boredomtransartist]

Idk why but every since I wrote my first fanfic and keep writing more (WIP in the moment) I slowly don't use character ai anymore. Or any ai chats. Improvement?

[uglyrxttz]

How do you cope with your birthdays?

By the end of March, it'll be my birthday. Since I was little, I've never had a birthday where I felt as the people around me truly cherished my existence. Seeing my friends celebrate their birthdays with a lot of friends, that put the effort into thinking of a gift, or into organizing them a party.. makes me feel as if I'm not as important.

I've never had a party with many friends, not even as a kid. It was always a friend or two.. the only time I celebrate with 5/6 people, half of them didn't even gaf about me or didn't talk to me during all the evening. Even now, I only have a few friends.. some that I think wouldn't even be able to come to celebrate.. so every year I wait for my birthday, hoping for it to not come as it embarrasses and hurts me to not have anyone to celebrate with, for a reason or another.

This year too, more than ever, I wish for it to never come. The closer it gets, the worse I feel, as I know that it can only be shittier than the year before. I often wonder if I'm the problem, and I feel embarrassed to think about the fact I have only 2-3 friends, and the rest I consider acquaintances..

Not to mention the fact that I had planned to be dead by 18, yet I'm turning 20 this year.. and I regret not being a goner.

Can anyone relate?

[annoyingdreamlanddestiny]

Am I really a bitch? Am I mean? These are things you say about me, maybe I became one over time thanks to you.

[anima-ee-cuore]

Cercasi sugardaddy che voglia riempirmi di soldi solo per vedermi felice.

No perditempo.

Vista la mole di disagiati che già mi hanno scritto aggiungo che scherzo 😛 brr però se volete passarmi un cinquantino per l’ordine di shein accetto eh 💅🏻

[xetch]

♤ No, because you're not the one who was there when I had my first panic attack.

No, because you're not the one who was there when I was dealing my ED.

No, because you're not the one was there when I was praying to a God I didn't believe in to "please fix my family. Make us happy so then they would love me" or when it changed to "why?"

No, because you're not the one who was there when I was staying up night after night, crying my eyes out until I completely shut down and went numb.

No, because you're not the one who was there when I had to suppressed parts of me to be better liked

No, because you're not the one who was there when multiple times I could have ended it all and almost did.

No, because you're not the one who was there to help me mourn.

No, because you're not the one who was there when everything fell apart.

No, because you're not the one who was ever there for me.

I was. Me.

You weren't there for anything. You didn't even know. No one knows what I've held myself together through and I'm still trying to figure out what I did it for. Because it sure as hell wasn't for you.