are you just being nice to me?

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are you just being nice to me?
People tend to bring up the open relationship with Shiv and Tom as the reason why everything Tom did later was justified, as if he was some good Midwestern guy down on his luck who chose the evil woman. But they're not considering, among other things, how Tom is primarily interested in Shiv for her Roy name and DNA? His proposal in the hospital wasn't one of romance. It was calculative just like anything else.
He chose to stay because of what it would give him. She chose to stay (in the end) because of what it would cost her.
shiv and tom in 4x07 hurling every awful, vile, and cruel accusation at each other, finally releasing their worst thoughts and fears and ugly truths like missiles at the other person, shattering the fragile wall between them, leaving a gaping crater in the rubble of their marriage…
SUCCESSION ▸ 4.08 america decides
Tomshiv sketch because they refused to show emotion to each other, so at this point I had to force them together. Miss my failmerriage
Succession is insane because it will randomly hit you with such powerful storytelling shots that you might just miss if you blink
my 2 cents on Tom in S3E9
I think in regards to the season 3 finale betrayal, saying "Tom did nothing wrong because Shiv did nothing right" completely undercuts the significance of Tom's decision to alert Logan and how that directly plays into Logan's growing fondness of Tom, and Tom taking the CEO position in the season 4 finale.
For one, no, Shiv was not at all a perfect partner to Tom; however, she did protect him at times. She boosted his position at ATN at the end of season 1 when she blackmailed Gerri about the cruises. She also went directly to Logan in the season 2 finale to insure that Tom would not be the one scapegoated for the cruise scandal, which worked, because then Logan went on to make Kendall the sacrificial lamb.
In the end, Tom is not just motivated to betray her because of an ebb in their relationship. Is that a part of it? Yes. However it was also, at the end of the day, a huge career and power move. Logan viewing Shiv as a viable contender for CEO was ended the second she came to Logan asking for Tom to not be sent to prison. She proved to him that she was not the killer he wanted; and we see this highlighted in season 3, where she's pretty much ignored even when she does do right by the company. Shiv definitely picks up on this, because when the possibility of Tom going to prison becomes a thing again, Shiv is so nonchalant about it that Roman uses it as a strike against her.
Tom, who at the end of the day, is just as ambitious as any other character on the show, makes his move by selling out her and the boys' plans to Logan - which effectively plants the seed in Logan's head that Tom aside from being a seat sniffer, is capable of being a killer. It's no surprise that Logan becomes warmer and warmer to Tom after this. That pat on the shoulder might as well have been a high-five.
So while yes, Shiv had been showing her ass, that's far from the only reason Tom betrays her. Shiv had moments where she protected him, and to say that Shiv had it coming downplays the more interesting aspects of Tom's character: his grit and cunning. At the end of the day, Tom could sell out Shiv, but Shiv could not sell out Tom. And we see that highlighted again in the season 4 finale when she, again, can't bring herself to sell him out, and effectively makes him CEO with her vote.