เชโโด iโll still stay
steve harrington x sick!fem reader
a part of my i'll still stay au!
cw: reader has blood cancer, hints at depression, dramatic overuse of โbabyโ bc i would love steve to call me baby icl
hawkins was locked down. nothing comes in, nothing comes out.
now, this was specifically an inconvenience to you since the doctors were speculating you had blood cancer, but they didnโt have the proper lab equipment to analyze the needed bloodwork.
you were livid. if the countless doctors listened to you when you insisted what you had werenโt just stress headaches years ago, maybe they wouldโve come to a faster conclusion.
maybe you wouldโve accepted it rather than living in denial. maybe you wouldnโt have lost everything in the process of trying not to lose yourself.
with every โi donโt knowโ and a โhm, thatโs interestingโ a doctor hummed, you felt a piece of yourself wither away.
it was so frustrating to know there was something wrong with you, but not having the equipment to fix it, let alone pinpoint what it is.
you were upset, rightfully so, but you took it out on the wrong people. your outlet had become your friends. mostly during anything crawl-related.
you snapped at every minor inconvenience. you were strict, and unhappy. you were able to cover that one up as disappointment. your tight program undoubtedly led to the most successful crawls the party had ever seen. the safest, too. but it just got too much.
you yelled when you didnโt need to, and you hated the person you were becoming. thatโs when you decided to drift away.
you lost your appetite; your skin a ghostly color and your body reduced to skin and bones. your eyes were sunken in and lost all sign of life; a glimmer became an impossibility even during happy moments.
you drifted away, but you were holding on by a thread. youโve bled with these people. theyโre your family whether you like it or not.
you listened in to robin giving hints at the next crawl on the radio, often switching the channel when they opt for an option you wouldโve been extremely against or when the perfect choice had been right there, but none of them saw it for some reason.
she dropped one last hint that there wouldnโt be a crawl for a while and you wondered why. you didnโt know the party was practically crumbling without your guidance. well, not necessarily crumbling, just not flowing as smoothly as they were used to with you.
you were about to switch the channel when robinโs solemn voice kept you. it wasnโt a voice she deployed as rockin robin. this was your rob.
โjimmy โfast handsโ lee, whyโd you have to leave? you taught us so much, but we want to learn more. things arenโt the same here without you. if youโre listening, this oneโs for you, and we love you.โ
the rubber chicken toy sound effect made you swerve lanes last minute and take a turn that would lead you to the squawk.
does he still miss you? you thought he forgot about youโhe had every reason to do so.
he was your boyfriend and you pulled away so abruptly, in a way he didnโt deserve at all.
the first couple of months he came over to your house, but you were never there. you always at the damned hospital, withdrawing blood knowing damn well it had nowhere to go.
he caught you walking around near the hospital one day and ran to you, eyes wide, wondering what the hell you were doing on that side of town.
you kept your head low and walked past him.
nobody loves a sick lady.
steve deserves a healthy woman.
steve wouldnโt love you if he found out you were sick.
these thought played like a mantra in your head, ironically keeping you sane.
he had called after you and chased you down, but you ignored him and continued walking.
you were now standing in front of the squawks door and contemplated knocking. nobody ever knocks. so you didnโt.
you walked in and was hit with the smell of peanut butter and vinyls.
you took a left to the makeshift living room they had and froze in place. everyone was there.
all eyes were on you, mouths agape.
you tugged at the sweater you were wearing before you realized it was one of steveโs. great, so if he hadnโt noticed it, you most definitely brought his attention to it. turning around and running away seemed really appealing.
you stayed, not because you wanted, but because robin was entrapping you in a hug. โshe came! i told you she would come! steve, sheโs here!โ
โiโ yeah.โ you swallowed, suddenly finding your tongue very heavy.
you saw your usual black splotches and swayed, robin grasping your elbow. you could swear you saw steve jump to help you.
โiโm sorryโi just need to sit down, iโm fine.โ
lucas leaped up from the chair he was sitting on and offered it to you. your placed a thankful hand on his shoulder and sat down. he pretended not to feel how cold your fingers were and how they felt like sticks. they werenโt adorned with your rings because they kept falling off.
everyone was staring at you intently, eyes darting all over. you realized they hadnโt seen you in a while, and frankly, you looked like death incarnated.
you fiddled with the sleeves of steveโs your sweater anxiously.
you looked up to meet their eyes. the sight of steve staring at you with such care in his eyes made you choke up. you didnโt deserve this. you didnโt deserve him.
โthe doctors think i have blood cancer.โ the admission fell heavy in the air, the room suddenly feeling many sizes too small.
you could feel your heartbeat in your ears and you could hear your heart thumping. you felt fuzzy like you always right before the unbearable tension headache.
you pressed the heel of your palm to the middle of the forehead.
โthink? what do you mean think?โ
you dropped your hand to your lap and stared at it intently. โthey donโt really have the equipment to do the bloodwork i need, and they canโt send out any samples to the lab in the city. theyโre fairly certain itโs blood cancer, though, itโs the only explanation.โ
a beat of silence, then dustin bursts. โi couldโve built you an entire lab! i couldโve done the bloodwork myself!โ
โwhy didnโt you tell us, honey?โ joyce asked, a frown on her face.
โi didnโt wanna add more onto your plates with the whole vecna thing going on, especially if it wasnโt even confirmed.โ
โyou arenโt a burden.โ this time it was will that spoke up. โif you told us, we wouldโve been there for you. we will. we are.โ
you wipe a tear with the corner of your sleeve.
โhow long have you known?โ robin asked, tears streaming freely down her cheeks.
you opened your mouth then closed it again. you didnโt remember. your memory was nowhere near as good as it was then.
steve shocked everyone by giving the exact date. โit was the day i saw you near the hospital. god, if i had knownโฆโ
โsteve.โ you whispered, afraid if you went an octave higher your voice would give away. โthere was nothing you couldโve done. any of you.โ
โyou didnโt have to go through it alone.โ he retaliated.
โiโm okay, itโs fine.โ you tried. โalive and breathing.โ
everyone watches you two like they were watching an intense tennis match.
you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. โiโm just here to apologize for the way iโve been acting. i donโt expect anything from you guys. donโt pity the sick girl, please.โ
โthis isnโt pity, itโs worry.โ nancy spoke up. โitโs guilt. weโve known you for years we shouldโve known something was wrong. we shouldโve known your switch up wasnโt because you were sick of being nice to world when it gave you nothing in return. we shouldโve known.โ
โyou couldnโt have.โ
โi shouldโve.โ steveโs eyes were welling up with tears, hands placed on his hips. โit was my right to know. my right to help. my right to be there for you just like how you were there for me every single time. thatโs how a relationship works.โ
you stood up too fastโyour mistakeโand wobbled, already seeing splotches.
lucas jumped up and stabilized you. he held your hand, โwhere do you wanna go? iโll take you.โ
you didnโt fight. you knew you wouldnโt make it a couple of steps before swaying. โsteve.โ you whispered into his ear.
he nodded and took you to the kitchen, staring at steve and jabbing his head towards the kitchen โfollow meโ.
he sat you down on the most comfiest chair (in his opinion). he gave you a kiss on the top of your head. โyou were like the older sister i never had. donโt everโnot for a momentโthink youโre a burden. iโm right here. we all are.โ he gave you a soft smile before exiting the kitchen, leaving you alone with steve.
he pulled out a chair and sat in front of you, his warm hands encompassing your cold ones.
โiโm sorry you went through this alone.โ he said in a tone much softer than back in front of the rest. โi shouldโve done more.โ
โplease.โ you shake your head. โyou were everything. it was me. you deserve more than this, steve. you deserve a healthy woman you could grow old with and have all six of your nuggets with.โ
โno.โ he said firmly. โif itโs not with you i donโt want it. any of it.โ
โsteve, no one wants a sick girl.โ
โme!โ he scoffed. โi do! i want every version of you. through sickness and in health. you took care of me when i got concussed in that russian base and before that by billy. you helped me with my migraines every single time. you taught me how to be me, and you think i donโt want you anymore? what, because some stupid small town doctor thinks you have cancer?โ
โitโs the only explanation, steveโโ
โhow can you say that? you havenโt even explored all the options because we donโt have the equipment.โ
โi just-โ you sniffle.
steve pulls you in for a hug youโve been craving for so long, and it immediately comes out like a dam bursting. youโre not just crying, youโre sobbing.
you cling on to his shirt like heโs your lifeline because he is. all those months alone, the one thing you wished you had was steve. all those nights you spent worried and crying, you wished steve was there right next to you.
โiโm sorry.โ you repeated in between sobs over and over. โi didnโt want to push you away, it just got so hard.โ
โitโs okay, baby, iโm sorry too.โ he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. โi shouldโve been there for you.โ
you sniffle, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck. โletโs go lie down.โ he offered.
he picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. when he got to the living room, everyone was still there, but huddled closer. dustin was flailing his arms around with a pen clutched between his fingers. โwell, when can he bring in the next shipment?โ
steve cleared his throat and all eyes were on him. your baggy clothes were now hanging off your body, giving in to gravity, and they could see how lanky your limbs have gotten.
his eyes darted to the couch then back to you. only blinks were returned.
โdude!โ lucas shoved dustinโs shoulder. โletโs leave.โ
โalright now.โ joyce got up. โletโs go to the basement and plan the next crawl.โ
โcrawl?โ you murmured against his neck, low enough for only him to hear.
โnext time, baby.โ he pressed a kiss to your temple and laid you down on the couch, carefully draping a blanket over you.
you tugged on his arm and he got the message. you scooted over and he slid in next to you, brushing the hair out of your face.
โi needed this.โ you confessed. โneeded you.โ
his heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.
โiโm here now.โ he promised. โnever leaving. never letting you leave.โ
you hummed contentedly and your eyes fluttered shut.
steve hoped it wasnโt the last time you closed your eyes.