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Oblivious

Summary: Eddie is very in love with Steve, and he doesn’t really try to hide it. well, he does… sorta. But it’s easy because Steve is very oblivious to it all. the truth only comes out after a very confronting game of spin the bottle. - 20.4 k words

Warnings: 16+, angst, discussions of sex, mild sexual themes, kissing, alcohol, cigarettes, weed if you squint, homophobic slurs, self harm though not explicit. (this is long so let me know if i forgot something)

Authors Notes: this started as a little head cannon / imagine thing, and then I got carried away, as per fucking usual and now it’s a fic and I love it a lot. don’t worry, there’s fluff in there too. (y’all, i forgot where i got this pic from so if you know the creator, drop it in the comments so i can tag them? thankies)

Steve was quite frankly the most oblivious man on the planet. You could blame that on the several concussions he has had over the years if you were feeling empathetic, but… he was pretty dang oblivious before the head injuries too. You could probably blame that on his parents. He was oblivious to his best friend (Tommy Hagan) having feelings for him for like… five years, though, you can absolutely blame that on the constant string of homophobic slurs leaving Tommys lips. He was oblivious to the fact that Robin was a lesbian untill she had told him, though, she did hide it well so that wasn’t a very big deal. And he was most certainly oblivious to Eddie’s constant pining. It was quite frankly obvious, actually, but he was still fucking oblivious.

Eddie would always flirt with Steve… always. And every time he got a little too close, or complimented Steve, or winked at him or whispered a teasing little nothing at him, Steve would always go pink in the cheeks, or giggle, or get a little giddy, or grin from ear to fucking ear. He liked the attention. He didn’t get that kind of attention, he didn’t even get that with Tommy, though, he did a little bit. Tommy was real sweet when they were in private and they liked to sleep real close when they had sleepovers. And so Steve took Eddie’s flirting with a smile, he welcomed it, he often would prompt it, give Eddie some ammunition. Like, he would ask if his hair looked good, or if his outfit worked, or if Eddie thought some random girl would like a particular feature, and Eddie would alway hit him with something sweet in return. He never flirted back though, yeah, he’d compliment Ed some times, but only in the way he would compliment Rob. he would never in a million years tell Eddie that his lips looked just as kissable, no, the thought of that made his stomach churn. So yeah, he didn’t really understand that Eddie was flirting with him, more so just… being nice, being a good best friend just like Tommy was, though, he was like the better version of Tommy. Because, he would never call Robin a dike or a faggot, and he would say such pretty things to Stevie, and he would keep him close in public as well, and he was generally just a better dude. But holy fuck was Steve oblivious. Yes, he knew gay people existed, yes he understood all that crap from Robin, but he didn’t know Eddie was gay, and the thought that he himself could be gay was something that never occured in his mind. Never, not once. He just never processed that Eddie’s sweet compliments could count as flirting, because they were two guys, and that wasn’t something Steve was conditioned to understand. Plus, a little flirtatious comment here and there from your mate was normal, wasn’t it? Tommy would tell Steve he was nice lookin sometimes, or that his hair was fuckin perfect… nothing out of the ordinary. He was the most oblivious man on earth.

The more Eddie continued to flirt with Steve and watched the adorable smile on his lips or the way his eyes lit up when Ed would reference one of Steve’s interests, or the perfect pink blush in his cheeks that would rise after a sweet compliment, the harder Eddie fell. And he fell so fucking hard, so hard that it hurt to keep the flirtatious act up because, yeah, the comments were never reciprocated, not verbally anyway… and the looks and the smiles, well… Eddie thought that was just wishful thinking. Yeah, a couple times Steve would tell Eddie that ‘your hair looks perfect today too’, or ‘you have really nice eyes, you know’, or ‘you have big hands, playing guitar with big hands is really attractive, you know, something I wish I had’, and Eddie would cling to those comments for dear fucking life. He would take what he could get. But yeah, they never compared to the, ‘Steve, your hair looks so soft, perfect for pullin’, or ‘your waist looks real cute in those pants, big boy’, or ‘oh yeah, I think your latest twink would die the moment she kisses those pretty lips of yours, Stevie’, Steves compliments were never like that, not once, not ever, never, ever. And yeah, Eddie thought about stopping on the off chance that they made Steve uncomfortable, but he could tell he liked them. Steve liked the attention Eddie gave him, and Eddie gave him a fucking lot of attention. Yes, Robin and Dustin gave him attention, but it was playful banter, and simple friendships, and conversations about girls… but Eddie… oh, Eddie just made him smile. It was like, whenever Steve walked into the room Eddie would just drop everything and focus solely on Steve. He would get up in his personal space, and smile at him, and wink at him, call him pretty, call him sweet, call him Stevie, and Sweetheart, and Big Boy, and the occasional Princess if he was feeling particularly cheeky, and it made Steve so giddy. Eddie was really his best friend, maybe even more than Robin… but it was different to Robin… probably because she was a girl… right? But yes, the flirting, whilst it was fun in the moment, it hung down on Eddie’s heart, and it hung it down low. He’d spent countless, countless fucking nights crying over steve. He’s spent countless days daydreaming over him too. He’s written songs about him, created characters and turned them into NPC’s in campaigns based off of Steve, and has filled sketchbooks and napkins and text books and desks with doodles of the boy he’s so fucking infaturated with the thought of. He’s burned through hundreds of cigarettes with the stress of it, cut into the supply of weed he was meant to be selling to random townies, but ended up smoking himself because he just couldn’t shake the soft outline of Steve from his mind. And fuck it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

Eddie and Robin had come out to each other right after the events of the upside down. There was no time for those sorts of conversations in the alternate dimension, and they were both clinging to their respective crushes any moment they could get. So after, when Robin was sitting on Eddie’s bedside, mindlessly playing with the drip cord coming from Eddie’s arm, and it was just them, she flat out just asked him, “You’re into dudes, right? That’s what you meant by ‘hunt the freak’?” To which Eddie just laughed and nodded his head, and she confirmed she was into girls and then the spent the rest of the afternoon just confiding in each other, obsessing over their crushes and comparing their ‘I knew I was gay when’ stories. But she became his safety net, he clung to her, and so did she. They spent many nights crying together about how much it hurt to be gay and relentlessly pine over a heterosexual person. And they never told another soul about the truth behind their friendship, no, that was their secret. Infact, they had spent so many nights crying over it together, so much time spent together, Steve and Nancy thought they were in a secret relationship or something. And so did Dustin, infact, he thought Eddie and Robin were more likely than Steve and Robin at this point because they were always so close and touchy, always laying on one another or hugging, and they were always whispering to each other, or doing their weird silent form of communication with their eyes that annoyed everyone else in the room. But eventually, after about ten and a half months of that shit, Robin just broke and fessed up to Nancy because she couldn’t take it anymore, and Nancy had dropped a subtle hint that she was really, really attracted to Jennifer Grey in that new Dirty Dancing film, and they ended up getting together. And yeah, Eddie was ecstatic for her when he found out, but god it hurt his heart so much, so so much. Because now, it was even more unlikely for Steve to turn around and say he had a thing for Eddie too, because the odds just didn’t align themselves like that. The universe wasn’t that nice. Things like that didn’t happen to people like him. Never.

But it was possible. Just, no one knew it, and wouldn’t for a while longer. Because, Steve was in fact bisexual, he didn’t know or understnad his feelings, they just never clicked. He’d be soo conditioned to like girls, to be this ‘ladies man’ and has seen how gay men get treated in small town Indiana, hell, he threw hald of those fucking punches with Tommy by his side. He wasn’t the shit box he used to be, but still, the thought never occurred to him. If he sometimes thought about the tingling sensation he got when Eddie brushes up against him, or the way his stomach would drop when Eddie would flirt or tell him he looked pretty, or when his eyes would drop down to those perfectly soft looking lips that Eddie would always talk with, or when he would lay in bed and think about what it would be like to sleep beside Ed, that was all his business. And as far as he’s concerned, it’s just normal to think of your best friend in that wat, hell, he thought that way about Tommy, the only reason he didn’t think about Robin or Dustin in that way were because she was a lesbian and he was a kid… yeah, that’s why.

And so Eddie spends months pining over his best friend. So many fucking months and it hurts. It hurts his heart so much. He’d spend hours and hours crying and hating himself for it, for everything. He wished he was a girl, he wished he didn’t have the fucking burden of homosexuality, he wished he wished he wished and cried and screamed into his fucking pillow till he cried the last tear in his body and fell asleep from pure exhaustion. Robin would console him, he’d call her up, or sometimes she’d just pop over unannounced when she got that gut feeling that he might not be doing so great. He’d sulk around the trailer with stained cheeks, clutching at his chest because it ached, whilst looking for some Tylenol or a beer or something to make it go away. He’d spend afternoons with his hair tied back and his head in the toilet because he’d make himself sick with heartache. He’d go days without eating or drinking, or even playing guitar. Sometimes it got so bad his eyes would hollow out and you’d be able to see his ribs start to show. After about a year, Wayne insisted on taking Eddie to the hospital because he thought something was seriously wrong with his boy, maybe it was cancer… or aids… or something. And Eddie just broke down into his uncles arm when he was trying to drag him out the front door and told him everything, and from that day on, Wayne held a secret hatrid for Steve because how dare he not love Eddie, how fucking dare he. But it didn’t help, it was just one more person that knew about his heart wrenching feelings for Steve. So painful, so sickening because he loved Steve so, so fucking much. And he always would. And Steve could never love him back. Never.

Sometimes, he just wished he still had a mother, because mothers were supposed to be able to help no matter what. He tried talking to Ms. Henderson a couple times, to get that motherly touch, and she was sweet, but god he could never hit her with such a humiliating thing. They just didn’t have that connection. Ms. Wheeler, no, never, Nancy and Mike complained about her too much. And Joyce, Joyce seemed perfect for it, honestly. She seemed like she would actually care, and help him, but he never got the opportunity. So he was stuck with Robin, and he loved Robin, but she could only give the advice of a struggling eighteen year old lesbinan in small town Indiana, she didn’t have that mothers touch, that motherly love he so desperately craved. So he cried his feelings out to an old photo of his mother and wrote them down in song, playing them in the safe confinements of his room, and sometimes to Robin, a couple times to Wayne, and once to Max and Nancy (yes, they knew. He found it hard to keep from Nancy, and he trusted her now. And Max, well, Max was like his little sister, and she lived real close and spent a lot of time with Rob and Nance anyway).

And then it would get to seventeen months post upside down conundrum. Seventeen months of being in love with Steve. And seventeen months alone. Yeah, he had a little thing for Steve before that, actually. He sorta hated him, but he couldn’t help but stare the entirety of their senior year together… he was just such a pretty boy. And then Steve had to go and get a job at Family Video and work every Thursday night? The night that Eddie always went in to swap over his rental. And god, he just loved to watch the way Steve would smile and shake his head at something Robin said from his van before going in. or listen to Steve’s mellow voice as he recommended some terrible movie Eddie certainly would never watch but would rent anyway, because Steve recommended it. And, yeah, it was stupid, but it was ignoreable. Nothing too deep, but then Eddie was wanted for murder and Steve was actually… nice… no, sweet even? And they bonded, and fuck, Steve had gotten even hotter since highschool, all broad and man and hairy and Jesus H. Christ, Eddie was sure if the democrats didn’t kill him down there, Steve in his battle vest, biting the head off that bat would. And that’s right when he knew he was in love with him. Right then and there. And that thought excited him, and then it very quickly didn’t. And now it had been seventeen months of being secretly in love with his very straight best friend, and honestly, he wished the upside down would open him back up momentarily and swallow him whole because at least that touture would be physically painful. But now it was Halloween, Eddie’s most favourite time of year. He had planned to match his costume with Nancy, Robin and Steve, going as this cartoon Dustin really liked. The ‘Scooby Gang’ it was called, it was all Dustins idea, but they liked it. Steve was going as Fred, Nancy went as Velma, Robin went as Shaggy, and Eddie went as Daphne as a bit of a gag. They were so excited with all the planning. But then Steve went and pulled at Eddie’s heartstrings by asking to invite some girl along to their party. And then Eddie hit rock bottom, he felt stupid for it, really, but fuck it hurt his heart too much. And he hadn’t left his bed in days. No one had been able to get through to him, and Robin had dropped in one evening with the key Wayne had given her, and let him cry to her once more. But tonight was Halloween, and Eddie was MIA, and the party was getting worried. And so, when Robin told them he was just having a hard time at the moment, they decided to bring Halloween night to him. So, after Wayne left for work, they snuck into the trailer and very quietly set up some decorations and prepared a couple of Eddie’s Halloween favs (Rocky Horrors Halloween appro, right?), and splayed out some snacks and sodas and beers and all sat down in their stupid costumes. Robin got up to go retrieve Eddie, and Steve grabbed her by the arm, insisting he go instead since theyre best friends and all, but Robin put a stop to that. She knew Eddie would never forgive her for letting Steve see him like that, see him hurting like that. So, she told him Eddie already knew she was coming and pushed down to his bedroom, closing the door behind her and sitting on the side of Eddie’s bed as she shook his shoulder gently, whispering to him.

“Eddie…” she shook him again, “Dingus Number Two… Munson… Freak… Eddieeee.”

He groaned and rolled over to look at her, rubbing his eyes, “Whaddaya wan’t, Birdie?”

She’d sigh and smile, “Max and Nancy are here, we wanna have a movie night… we’re watching Rocky Horror.”

He’d lift his eyebrows, “Wheeler is willing to watch ‘the atrocity’ that is Rocky?”

Robin grinned, “She’d do anything I tell her,” she poked his shoulder, “and I know you really need a good night with some friends.”

He sighed, “Alright, gimme a minute to put some clothes on?”

“Obviously,” She scoffed, “your watching a movie with two gay women and a minor, no underwear please.”

He’d laugh and roll onto his back as she slipped out of the room and signalled for Nancy to load up one of Eddie’s favourite mixtapes he had made, on low volume so as to not raise suspicion. He’d crawl out of bed and grab a pair of grey sweats off the ground that he had disguareded last night that just happened to be Steves that he left there last week, and then walked over to his cupboard and pulled out that yellow sweater of Steves as well that he had nabbed a few weeks ago. He’d grab the claw clip he had stolen from Nancy and tied his hair back loosely, something he would only do around the girls, and walked out in his mismatched socks, still yawning and pulling the jumper properly on as he was emerging towards the kitchen. And when Steve caught sight of Eddie’s midriff, of his happy trail, of what was left of the tattoo on his waist, of their matching scars, his mind short circuiting was his own business, no one else’s. And then when he had noticed that Eddie was dressed in his clothes, it was even worse… okay, maybe it was his dicks business too since it seemed to like it so much. And then as Eddie finally pried open his eyes all the way he saw them all sitting there with happy smiles in their silly costumes and Steve… of fuck, Steve. He crossed his arms over his chest in a feeble attempt to hide the jumper, sending a mean glare at Robin for lying whilst growing pink in the cheeks, before forcing a big smile and greeting them all… subtly pulling the claw clip from his hair and pocketing it but not before Steve noticed.

The night was pretty chill overall. They sat around and talked for a while, sharing snacks and ordering a pizza in to eat whilst watching Rocky Horror. The kids always had a way of lightening Eddie’s mood, but he’d never admit such a thing to them, no way. The movie was well past finished now, the television switched off, another mixtape of Eddie’s playing and they all sat around just talking, joking and laughing.

Dustin spoke up with a rather odd suggestion, “How about a game of spin the bottle?”

Steve deadpanned him, “Don’t you have a girlfriend, Henderson? Or are you finally admitting that shes fake?”

“And were all adults, you guys are like ten.” Robin added.

“Well, were not gonna play normal spin the bottle… not really.” Dustin shook his head, “How about, if it lands on two single people of the same age group, they kiss. If it lands on someone who’s in a relationship or someone of a different age group, you have to tell them a secret?”

Nancy & Robin, Jonathan & Argyle, and Will & Mike all shared awkward glancess. None of them were out, not really, only to a few select people so they just hoped that the bottle didn’t land on anyone they had to kiss. And Eddie prayed that it wouldn’t land on Steve, he didn’t think he would be able to deal with that. Not after seventeen months of loving him all on his lonesome.

And so, a little reluctantly, the game began. Dustin spun first, since it was his idea, and he landed on Max, so he shared a quick secret with her and she gave him a very strange look. Then, after brushing that off, she spun the bottle and it landed on Lucas who she happily gave a little kiss. He spun, and it landed on Will, he knew all about Will and Mike (Though, Mike did not know that Lucas knew). Mike tensed, panic flooding him and he was a little unsure as to why his boyfriend wasn’t freaking out either, but when Lucas crawled over to share a secret, he remembered that Max and Lucas were in fact dating. Will was gonna tease him for that one later. Will took the bottle next, giving it a good spin until it landed on Jonothat, and so he leant over and whispered in his brothers ear, “I know about you and Argyle.”

Jonathan went red, and looked over to his boyfriend and smiled sweetly at his brother with a nod before he spun the bottle too. His spin landed on Nancy… and it was awkward. They both shuffled towards one another, and neither of them liked the situation one bit, neither did their significant others, and neither did Eddie, who knew about both relationships, “Just kiss on the cheek,” Eddie suggested whilst fiddling with his rings, he was anxious, “you guys have weird history, a kiss on the cheek is fine.”

And they both gave him a very grateful smile before pecking each other on the cheek and crawling back beside their partners, back to safety. And Nancy took the bottle and the spin landed on Robin. They giggled excitedly and gave eachother a sweet little peck, and then Robin spun it and it landed on Mike. She crawled over to him, and whispered into his ear with a knowing smile, “I like girls.”

And Mike took a deep breath and looked at her wide eyed with a sweet smile, the room suddenly feeling that little bit safer. And she nodded and crawled back to her spot. Mike spun the bottle and it landed on Will. He began to panic, yeah he felt safe kissing Will, but not around anyone, not anyone at all. The only person to know about him possibly being into dudes was Eddie, when he came rambling to him one night in a panic attack after breaking up with El, and they never talked about it again. And so when he nervously leant in, Will just as frightened, though, a little less so, and they gave eachother a little peck, Mikes heart was drumming in his chest. But it didn’t seem to bother anyone at all. No one cared that two boys just kissed. Not a single soul, so they let themselves relax a little. WIll spun then, and it landed on El, so he shared a quick secret with her since theyre siblings… and then El landed on Argyle so she did the same. And her secret had him nodding and smiling and praising her, ‘way to go, man’, which had everyone entirely confused.

And then Argyle spun the bottle and it landed on Jonathan. They kissed a little too passionately, but everyone laughed… the people that didn’t know just assumed it was a joke and thought maybe they were a little high (which they were), and the people that did just found it funny. And then Johnnothan spun, and it landed on Robin. They both lent in for an awkward peck that was very fast and they barely touched and Robin almost grimaced from it. And after shaking that off, Robin spun the bottle and it landed on Eddie. He gave her a big grin, laying the theatrics on thick as per usual. He crawled over with such eagerness and knelt in front of her and smirked, which had people giggling because Eddie and Robin were definitely dating… right? He cupped her cheeks, subtly pressing his thumbs over her lips to create a barricade between him as he pulled her in for an aggressive ‘kiss’, their lips never touching. He held her there for a moment, both struggling not to laugh and he pulled back with a smack of his dry lips, and he laughed, “Damn, Birdie, wish I knew you were such a good kisser, would have been doing that for monthsss.”

That comment had Robin, Nancy, Max, Will, Jonathan and Argule fucking howling. Steve - and the rest of the gang, but mostly Steve - utterly confused as to what was so hilarious it had them crying. After pulling themselves together, Eddie reached for the bottle with a smile, the last remnants of laughter clinging to him as he wiped at a tear, anxiety gone for the moment, and he spun. Him and Robin shared a weird look, their strange form of conversation, as the bottle spun and found themselves laughing some more about something no one else understood, but they didn’t care. And then there were some oohs, and ahhs. Eddie whipped his head over to Dustin and Mike who were pumping their eyebrows at him weirdly, and he turned to look down at the bottle. His heart dropped and his smile faltered, his eyes followed the bottle up to Steve, and he just stared for a moment. He could feel Robin’s gaze burning into him from the side, her heart ached for him. He clenched his jaw, fists forming in his lap and he wanted to cry. His first spin of the night and of course it lands on Steve. Fuck you universe.

“Well, you gonna give me a kiss or not?” Steve asked, and he began to feel a little strange… Eddie seemed so eager to play before, did Steve repulse him or something?

Eddie shook his head and swallowed, slowly crawling his way over to Steve. He really didn’t want to kiss him, he couldn’t deal with that. He’s thought about kissing Steve every singe day for almost two years and now he had to do it for a stupid game of spin the bottle? A stiupid, meaningless game? No, no way. He looked over to Robin, a cry for help, but she didn’t know how to help him either. They could’t pull the gay card, they couldn’t pull the ‘Eddie just doesn’t want to kiss anyone card, and they most certainly couldn’t just be honest about the whole situation. So Eddie had to suck it up and just kiss him. At least it meant he got to get a hint of Steve, right? A quick little taste? No matter how painful, Eddie had been dreaming of it. Eddie knelt in front of Steve now, and smiled at him shakily, he was so hesitant.

“Come on,” Steve grinned, poking Eddie’s shoulder, “you’re always saying I got kissable lips, Ed’s, saying I’m gonna kill the girls with them. Don’t you wanna try for yourself?”

And holy fuck that made everything worse. The one fucking time Steve flirted with him, it was in a meaningless game of spin the bottle where nothing mattered… but that’s not true because everything mattered. Eddie half heartedly laughs, and the room goes tense. Obviously something is off. Steve starts to grow worried, nerves flying and looks at Eddie whilst biting his lip, “You okay?”

Eddie shakes his head, “Ah, yeah… just, never kissed a boy before.” not entirely true, he’s just never kissed anyone he’s had feelings for, letalone someone hes been this fucking in love with. That was a good enough excuse though.

“Oh, well… same.” Steve smiled with a shrug, “So, lay it on me, Munson. I expect the same treatment as Buckley over there.”

Well, there is no way in fuck he was getting that. Eddie forced a laugh and smiled, leaning forward slightly. His hands both found purchase on Steve’s lower thighs, to give himself some stability, and he dug his fingers in deep. His body rattled with anxiety, and he swallowed, taking a shaky breath as he closed his eyes and pulled himself in closer, his grip tightening on Steve’s thighs. Steve furrowed his brow, he didn’t really understand why Eddie was so nervous, he was sure there were gonna be bruises on his thighs now. He watched as Eddie closed his eyes and leaned closer, catching a glimpse of a very worried Robin over his shoulder. She looked almost just as pained as Eddie did, just as… hurt. Steve looked back at Eddie and suddenly, he felt just as nervous. Not only were those same nerves coming into play that arose every time Eddie came close, but they were worse because Eddie was actually about to kiss him, and he was worried about it. Suddenly, Steve wasn’t so sure kissing Eddie was a good idea… but he wanted to. So, so bad. And then Eddie’s lips were on his, and it was just for a second. But in that second, Steve had managed to push himself harder against Eddie in hopes of keeping him there for a little while longer because kissing Eddie was… good. But kissing Steve was frightening. So, so frightening. And it hurts. Because his lips were just as soft as Eddie had dreamed and it was all for a fucking game. It tugged at Eddie’s heartstrings… no, a fucking hammer came face first with his heart and shattered it right there. Because that was all he was ever gonna get from Steve, and it was everything and nothing all at once. He wanted to throw up. He opened his eyes to find Steves twinkling back at him, his soft smile, the delicate crease around his eyes, and holy fuck Eddie couldn’t handle this anymore. He didn’t care what this next move would do, what it would give away, he didn’t care about anything or anyone. And so, as a small tear dripped from his eye, he rushed off to his room and slammed the door behind him, flinging himself under the covers and crying into Steve’s jumper.

Steve sat there for a moment, he was frozen. His brain struggled to catch up with the whole situation but he was sort of smiling. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and his fingers brushed over his lips, pulling at them gently, at the place where Eddie used to be as he stared at the absent space Eddie had just filled. Eddie had just kissed him, wearing his sweats and his jumper, and he just kissed him. And he was terrified to kiss him. He was so scared he was digging his fingers deep into Steve’s thighs as his body trembled. He thought for a moment. He thought that maybe guys don’t just flirt with each other so much… maybe that was just…. He looked over at Robin who was marching her way towards Eddie’s room.

“Robin,” Steve called out, and she turned to look at him, “is he-”

She shook her head sternly and sighed before pushing into Eddie’s room. Now everyone was confused. Nancy grabbed Steve by the hand, pulling him to his feet and dragging him out the front door. Max followed suit, grabbing the pack of Eddies smokes and a lighter off the coffee table on the way, and shut the door behind them.

“Well… that was weird.” Dustin commented when the little group was left in silence.

‘“Did…” Lucas started, “anyone else think that was sorta… gay?”

There were a few awkward nods shared before El spoke up, “What is… gay?”

Will turned cherry red at that, and Jonothan swooped in with an answer, “Ah, it’s where two boys like eachother… or two girls.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know how you and Mike used to like each other, and would want to kiss…” Dustin added, “It’s like that but with two girls or two guys instead.”

“Is this… not normal?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“Ah, no, not really.” Will shrugged, “A lot of people don’t like gay people… they get beat up for it… for being different.”

“Oh,” El nodded and furrowed her eyebrows, “but you and Mike do the gay all the time.”

Both Mike and Will tensed as all eyes fell on them, Dustin practically screamed, “What?”

“Way to go dudes.” Argyle was nodding with a smile, reaching for a high five which they awkwardly gave.

“Ah…” Will chuckled nervously and looked over at Mike who was bordering a panic attack, “No-”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us! Friends don’t lie, guys.” Dustin shouted again.

“I knew.” Lucas shrugged.

“What?” Mike whipped his head to Will, “You told him?”

“He was the first person I ever came out to, and he wouldn’t stop bugging me about my things for you so I just told him, I’m sorry!”

“Wait, you told Lucas before you told me?” Jonathan asked, a little disappointed.

“Sorry-”

“And why are you dating Mike, of all people-”

“Hey!” Mike shook his head.

“When did that happen?”

“Right after El and him broke up-”

“That long?” Dustin screached, “Jesus christ, I feel betrayed, seriously guys.”

“Tell me about it.” Jonathan rolled his eyes, “And I can’t believe your dating Mike… he’s like-”

“Can you stop hating me, please?” Mike added.

“He will not, ever.” El smiled, “You made me and Will cry. It is Jonathan’s job to hate you, he said.”

After Robin slipped into Eddie’s room and sat beside him on the bed, he crawled his way into her arms, soaking the shoulder of her shirt with his tears, biting back his urge to scream in agony. She didn’t know how to help him, she didn’t know what to do. She felt guilty, like, she could have stopped them from kissing somehow, some way. Eddie just felt stupid, and utterly embaressed. It was just a stupid kiss, to everyone in that room it was just a stupid kiss and he could have played it off as nothing more and left the crying for later in the night. But no, no, seventeen months is too long to be in love without a single hint of that love being reciprocated. Any ounce if it is gonna make his heart swell and beat out of his chest, and if it wasn’t genuine, well, that was gonna tear him apart. And it did. It did tear him apart and now he thought he’d never be able to look his stupid, pretty best freind in the eye again because not only had he made a fool of himself by being so anxious and running away, he kissed him. He kissed him and now nothing would be the same because from that one second of a kiss, that ghost of a touch, that flicker of a taste, he was addicted and he needed more. He needed it badly and if he were too look Steve in the eyes again, he probably wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. And yes, it was greedy, it was so fucking greedy. But maybe he deserved to be a little greedy, maybe just this once. He’d never been greedy before. His heart wanted to be worse than greedy.

Outside on the little porch, Max lit the cigarette and shoved it between Steve’s lips for him, knowing he’d need a distresser, just like Eddie usually did. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head in thought. Nancy folded her arms over her chest and sighed, “Steve… there’s not any chance your gay, is there?”

Steve’s eyes darted up at her mid smoke, he choked on the bitter taste caught in his throat. He’d never thought about it before, but, he knew for a fact boys didn’t just walk around wanting to kiss other boys, wanting to kiss their best friends like that, “Gay- I… I don’t know? No-”

“I didn’t know I was.” She shrugged, trying to give him some sense of comfort in the whole thing.

“But you’re- you’re different.”

She deadpanned him, “How?”

“Your a girl.” He furrowed his brow softly, taking a long drag.

“So what?” Max scoffed, “It’s all the same.”

“No-”

“It took kissing Robin to actually confirm it for me.” Nancy smiled up at him, “Yeah, I had my suspicions but then she just kissed me and I knew that’s definitely what I wanted… have you ever thought about Eddie like that before?”

“I- I don’t-”

“Nancy’s nice, I’m not.” Max grinned up at him, cocking her head to the side, “Were not dumb, Steve. That was a very homosexual reaction to Eddie kissing you. You tried to kiss him harder, you froze, you gasped, you touched your lips, you took a long time to process it… the whole nine yards.”

“But, I’m not- I like girls.”

“And I like guys,” Nancy suggested, “I also like girls, it’s a thing… It can happen. You can like both.”

“Both?”

“Have you thought about kissing Eddie like that, Steve? Before?”

Steve shook his head, “No, not- not really.”

“What do you mean?” Max nudged his side with a hopeful smirk.

“I- he’s just… he’s my best friend.”

Nancy gave Max a confused glance before turning back to Steve, “Okay… have you ever thought about, maybe… doing things you do with girls… with Eddie?”

Steve swallowed thickly and Nancy grabbed his hand, “Have you ever-” Steve snapped his hand away, and Nancy took a second before continuing, “Have you ever thought about… sleeping with him, or kissing him, or… cuddling with him… maybe, something like that?”

“I-” Steve scratched the place between his brow with his thumb, cigarette between his fingers still, “I don’t know, Nancy.”

“Okay, okay, Steve,” She tried to calm him, “It’s okay if you have. We’re both more than okay with it, you’re safe here. It’s safe, okay?”

“O- okay.” He swallowed and nodded slowly, “Okay.”

Max lightly kicked his shin as he took another drag of his smoke, “I always thought you blushed a little too much around him to be straight. And… remember that time I caught you sporting his Hellfire tee whilst checking yourself out in the mirror?”

Nancy let out a little laugh as he dropped his head in shame, pinching the bridge of his nose and he leant back against the door, “Fuck,” he looked back up at the girls who wore hopeful looks, “is Eddie…?”

They swallowed and shook their heads, “We don’t know, sorry.” a lie, but they weren’t just gonna out Eddie.

“I thought he had a thing for Robin.” He shrugged in a half mumble to himself.

“No,” Nancy snorted, “that’s platonic with a capital P.”

“Okay,” he sighed and let his mind wander. He thought back to the kiss they just shared, how it made him feel… a whole string of things really. He tried to deepen it, but Eddie pulled away… why? He thought about how he really needed it to happen again, he could still feel Eddie on his lips. It felt really good, “I think I like Eddie.”

The girls shared hopeful glances at one another before putting their game faces back on, Nancy took the lead, “You think, or you know?”

Steve thought for a moment, a long moment. He thought back through the past year and a half, how ever since the upside down he’s had this pull towards the boy. Hes had this need to be close to him constantly, how he craved the smell of him (even though it’s just cheap cologne, cigarettes, a little three in one shampoo, occasionally some weed, laundry detergent on the earlier days of the week… it was just so… Eddie), how he likes it a lot when Eddies close by and how it makes him tingle when they touch. He thought about those night when he wished Eddie was laying beside him, nursing him to sleep in his arms, or those niughs when hed wake up in a cold sweat and wish Eddie were there to hold him and reassure im it was just a dream. He thought about kissing Eddie again. He thought about kissing him harde, and longer, maybe even holding him closer and feeling his body pressed flush against his own. He took another smoke, picturing Eddie for a little longer, his eyes fixed on the gravel in front of his parked car, a small smile curled absentmindedly on his lips. He thought back to Eddie walking out of his room tonight, when Steve gaught a glimpse of his happy trail, and his pale skin and what was left of that sick tattoo he had on his waiiste under his scars… the matching scars they had (even though the thought of romantisizing their trauma was slightly fucked up but, ahhh, anuthing to connect himself to Eddie). He thought about how when he did see that, see Eddie in his clothes, and his midriff, a little blood rushed to his cock. And he thought about Eddie, and how he was inside right now, still dressed in Steves clothes, right after kissing him, and how he needed to excuse himself afterwards because to Eddie… that kiss was more than just a mere kiss of spin the bottle. No. for the first time in his goddnamned fucking life, Steve didn’t feel so oblivious, well… he was second guessing himself of course, no, the idea that Eddie wanted to kiss Steve so much it made his whole body shake was just too good of a thought. So yes, he second guessed himself even though there was no heterrosexual explanation for Eddies behaviour tonight, “Why did he leave, then?”

“What?” Max asked.

“After he kissed me, why did he leave?” He had to be sure, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of Eddie. No, he could never. He needed to look good in front of Eddie. He needed to look Steve in front of Eddie.

“I really don’t know, Steve.” Nancy lied.

Steve nodded, “I know I like Eddie.”

Max grinned and looked over at Nancy, who was grinning just the same, before turning back to Steve, “You should probably talk to him, Steve.”

“Yeah-” He fiddled with the smoke between his fingers, still feeling a little dazed and confused with the whole realisation, “Yeah, I probably should.”

He pushed himself off the door and back inside, down towards Eddie’s room. The girls grabbed each other by the hands from a moment and squeezed, doing a minni celebratory dance because OhMyFuckingGod! SomethingWasFinallyHappening! And they giddily, and hope filled, ran inside, following Steve down the little hallway to Eddie’s room. He didn’t even think to knock before flinging the door open. It was hard to see, since his room was dark, the only light let in was from the doorway now. Steve felt his chest tighten at the sight before him, at Robin stroking Eddie’s hair as he cried into her shoulder. And his cries sounded so broken. Like he’d gone through this one too many times and he was just… empty. And he was. He was so, so lost, and so, so empty. Robin looked up at the doorway, her grip around Eddie tightening as she noticed Steve with her tear filled eyes. Steve swallowed and dropped the doorknob from his hand as Eddie looked up, his sobs quieting. His face was pale, so, so pale - save the red of his cheeks and nose - and his eyes were bloodshot and heavy and his lashes were glued together by his tears, and his cheeks and lips were wet from crying and his nose was a little snotty and his hair was a mess, but Steve still thought he was so pretty. And he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of Robin because he would give anything to be the one Eddie confided in when he was hurting, he’d give anything to be the one to stroke his hair and assure him that things would get better, even if they wouldn’t. Eddie tensed and turned away, wiping at his tears, a few sparse sobbs leaving his lips as he did. He really didn’t need Steve to see him like this. It only made him more embarrassed. Nancy pushed past Steve and grabbed Robin by the arm, prying her away from Eddie. Prying his safety net away until it was gone. She was gone and now it was just Eddie and Steve in the dark, dark room, the door shut behind them, and both of them dressed in Steve’s clothes. Steve was the first to speak, and it was quick, unexpected almost, “Are-”

“Sorry,” Eddie sniffled and wiped the last of his tears away, “sorry, I just… I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s stupid.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve was cautious, he didn’t want to move in case he scared Eddie, he was scared himself.

“Why are you sorry?” Eddie turned back to face him, though it was still hard to see in the darkness of the room. He brought his knees to his chest, still tucked under his messy blanket, trying his best to hide Steve’s yellow sweater.

“I-“ Steve shook his head, “I obviously did something wrong, can we talk about that, please?” He sounded sincere and genuine, and sweet and compassionate.

God no, never. You could never do anything wrong.

“No.” Eddie shook his head and sighed, his eyes glancing away from Steve, it was too hard to look at him for too long, it made his heart ache, “I’ve just been… glum, lately.”

Steve slowly nodded, “Glum?”

Eddie nodded too, but he didn’t say anything. But the brief look he gave Steve, with those big, dark, desperate eyes was enough for Steve to at least half understand. Well, he hoped he did anyway. He hated being oblivious. Especially when it was hurting his Eddie so much.

“So, it wasn’t because I took your first kiss with a dude?” Steve shuffled in his spot, fingers twitching to only then realise he still had the cigarette in his hand. It had burnt down and the hot end of it was almost at his fingers, the ash discarded to a small pile on Eddie’s carpet, the thick smell of smoke lingered in the air. Though, that wasn’t very different from the usual state of this room. He lifted his hand, looking at the cigarette and then around the room for somewhere to put it out. Eddie grabbed the ashray from beside his bed and held it out for Steve to use, his eyes fixed on the smoke rather than the boy himself. Steve began to walk over as Eddie responded, trying to sound casual.

“No, course not.”

Steve stubbed his cigarette out in the tray and exhaled slowly, Eddie placed it back on the bedside, and Steve kept his feet glued to the carpet. He didn’t want to step away, he wanted to get closer, to hold Eddie and to kiss him and to assure him that all this hurt… whatever it may be, would dissipate eventually. But he didn’t do that, he was afraid, and so was Eddie. So he stood there, his hands now resting on his hips, “Then…” he shrugged, his head tipped to the side as he did, and Eddie finally met his eyes, “why are you so tense?”

Eddie hugged himself tighter, his thighs pressed flush against his torso and he rested his chin on his knees, looking into the empty space of his cluttered room ahead, rather than beside him at Steve. He couldn’t lie to his face, he just couldn’t bear it. He wasn’t lying, per say, but he definitely wasn’t being honest and that was just as hard, “Uhm… I don’t know.”

Steve didn’t like the thought of making Eddie so tense, so nervous, so… uncomfortable. So, he opted to ease the conversation a little, an attempt to lighten the mood and ease his way into the reality of it. The reality of his feelings and hopefully Eddie’s shared ones, “You were grabbin me so hard I think you left some bruises behind.”

Eddie looked up at him again, his eyes were wide and his cheeks were red. He looked terrified, embarrassed… pretty. Always so pretty. Eddie bit his lip and shook his head slightly, he wanted to cry again, “I’m sorry.”

He had really expected Ed to make some filthy joke or flirtatious comment, as per usual, but no. no he just… apologised. He realised that the gravity of this situation was really weighing Eddie down because humour was Eddie’s go to deflecting mechanism in vulnerable times, he hated being vulnerable. He was always using humour, but now he… he just couldn’t bring himself too? Because it was too… painful?… too real?, “It’s okay…” he shrugged, he wanted to make Eddie laugh, to make him smile or even blush, so, he tried to make a joke instead, “I like havin’ bruises on my things anyway.” he winked at him.

He swore he saw Eddie’s nose flare and his eye twitch, though he thought that could have been the dark playing tricks with his mind, his sight had really faltered after all those concussions. But he was right, Eddie’s nose did flare and his eye did twitch because why the fuck was the one time Steve making some flirtatious comment now? The one time Eddie didn’t want to joke or flirt, Steve did? That burned his chest. It felt like someone had gone and shoved a flaming hot iron spike down his thought and through his insides, burning his flesh inside out, torturing him, killing him so, so slowly. He swallowed thickly, he held his body taught to prevent from shaking so visibly, “Right.”

Steve stiffened, he really did not want that reaction. He thought it may ease Eddie into a more lighthearted setting, making talking about their feelings less intimidating. But no, clearly Eddie was hurting too much for that, and Steve hated that he was the one hurting Eddie like that. He had always made it his priority, ever since that poor cheerleader died on that humid March night, to protect Eddie, to shield him, to make sure he was okay. To make sure he was safe. And right now, Steve was making Eddie feel the opposite of safe, “Sorry.”

Eddie glanced at Steve, just for a moment before fixing his chin safely on his knees again, his hair falling around his face, creating a little cave to hide in. He began to grow irritated, his emotions were flooding him and he wanted to break down again. He needed Robin, or Nancy, or Max, or Wayne, or literally anyone in the world, because his heart was constricting in his chest and making him weak. Making him fragile and vain. Rendering him nothing more than the Freak who cried after kissing a boy in a game of spin the bottle, “Why are you apologising?” his tone was harsh, and sharp, he was deflecting, he didn’t have the energy for compassion now.

Steve took a small step back, he didn’t want to irritate him anymore, “I don’t-”

“Look, it’s real sweet of you to apologise, even though you don’t even know what happened. But i’m clearly not in the mood for dirty jokes or you right now, so please, can you-”

“I thought I was your best friend?” Steve’s words were barely a whisper, they were dripping with hurt, but Eddie heard them. He heard them, and it just hurt his heart so much more. Because he was Eddie’s best friend and he hated pushing him away, he hated that his mood now was hurting Steve even slightly and he hated himself so much for neglecting Steve for the past week. But the fact that Steve was his best friend, was the reason he had been neglecting him, why he was coming across so harsh now. Because Eddie had him so, so close, all the time, and yet, he was so fucking far. And god it fucking cut him deeper than any knife, or any fucking flesh eating demobat ever could. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, and he took a deep breath, composing himself just enough to say these next words,

“You are-”

“Then why don’t you want me around?” Steve’s tone was sharper now, and he took that little step forward which made Eddie flinch. Steve immediately recoiled his actions.

Because I’m fucking in love with you, Goddnammnit.

“Because!” Eddie threw an arm out in hopes that a reasonable explanation would fly right into his hand, he hesitated for a moment, letting his mind wander when nothing came, “because… Steve.” He took a deep breath, his tone softened again, he refused to look at him, “You’re the reason I’m in this ‘mood’, of course I don’t want you around.”

“So…” Steve relaxed his shoulders, taking in a shaky breath as he tipped his head to get a better look at Eddie, shying away, “it was because of our kiss then?” he swallowed. He had kissed Eddie… and Eddie was upset about it… mad about it, even?

Eddie looked up at him, and he really didn’t mean to say that, or imply that because now he had given too much away. He felt his chest tighten some more and he brought a hand to clutch at his heart in hopes of leaviating some of the ache there. His doe eyes were wide on Steve as they just searched his face, praying that Steve would speak instead. But he didn’t, he just looked at Eddie, searching his eyes for an answer, and so Eddie let out a hefty sigh, “Fine, you got me.”

Steve nodded, his feet glued in place as he wobbled a little, arms folding across his chest as he took a deep breath. Once again, Stevies blatant obliviousness was coming into play because he thought that he had absolutely grossed Eddie out with that kiss, because that was the most reasonable explanation, right? Obviously he would be repulsed because Eddie’t not gay… and even if he was, why would he ever want to kiss Steve? Sure, girls wanted to kiss him all the time, he was a good looking guy, he knew that, but that’s all they wanted. They wanted physical, any time he tried to get to the meaningful with him they’d just turn away and try to blow him instead. And so, why would Eddie want to kiss him at all? Because being gay in Hawkins didn’t really leave room for meaningless gay sexual encounters, it was too risky, especially with your best friend. So yes, obviously Eddie was so shaken up and disgusted with kissing Steve that he had to leave the room, because that just made the most sense… didn’t it? He was so, so sorry, “What about it?” he just needed to know because he was clining to that slight slither of hope that it could have been because Eddie really did want to kiss him, and was just scared of his feelings. He prayed it was that one so much, “Because I’m a guy? Or because it was with me?”

Eddie hung his head down low, his forehead now resting against the tops of his knees, his fringe awkwardly pressed between. His breath fell heavy, his eye began to water and he wanted to scream and shove Steve out of the room and cry… and god he wanted to kiss Steve even more. He felt so full of shame as he mumbled, “Both.”

Steve nodded, he stumbled on his words a little, a spike of fear travelling up his spine, “You’re not… your not homo- homophobic… are you?”

Eddie squinted his eyes, peering up at the boy with a sense of uncertainty and confusion, “No… of course not…” he forgot how oblivious Steve could be some times, too many hits to the head, that made Eddie’s heart drop a little lower, “Of course now, you know I know about Rob and Nance.”

“Right, yeah, of course.” Steve nodded, scratching his chin as he searched for the words, “It’s just that… they have never explicitly said they were dating… or really even kissed in front of the both of us, so… i thought maybe you might-”

“Sometimes your obliviousness baffles me, Steven.” Eddie sighed and hid his head back on his knees, “Look, Steve,” Steve didn’t like how Eddie’s profound use of nicknames were not being used in this entire conversation, “I’m kind of having a moment here… clearly, so I would just appreciate it if you left me to my lonesome. Maybe you could get Rob on the way back out so I can cry to her some more because you’re really cramping my style right now.”

There was the humour Steve was so desperately searching for before, only now it felt… yucky. Like a sour taste in both of their mouths. A sour taste that Steve felt the need to sweeten. He took a little step closer, his voice dripped with compassion and had such a soft, tender tone to it. It’s the voice he’d use after consoling one of the kids or Robin after a panic attack, “You still want to cry?”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, his head slightly raised now and he gritted his teeth, “God, Steve!”

He took a shaky breath, his heart pulling at his chest as it tightened, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, right beside Eddie. He sat by Eddie’s feet, his knee resting on the mattress at Eddie’s side, the other hanging off the edge as he faced him. And he placed a tender hand on Eddie’s forearm with a gentle smile. Their eyes fixed on one other, Eddie’s heart practically leapt out of his chest. They let themselves get lost in eachothers eyes for just a moment, just the slightest moment but goodness, it was such a beautiful moment. Steve tilted his head a little, his hair lightly bouncing with the movement in the way that always made Eddie feel giddy and love sick. And a small tear worked its way from Eddie’s eye, which he was quick to wipe away with a hefty ounce of shame. Steve took another deep breath, this one a little less shaky then the last, “You can cry to me if you want.”

Eddie sat still, almost frozen in place as he watched Steve extend his arms out with a small shrug, inviting Eddie in. and god, maybe it was fucking selfish but who fucking cared at this point, Eddie would take what he could fucking get. He just wanted to find that warm safety in Steve’s arms, to hold him close, to listen to his heartbeat and smell him. And so, with a little hesitation, Eddie folded. He really couldn’t hold back any longer. The emotions fell heavy, like a dark cloud hung over his head, waiting to bucket down with freezing rain and hail, for the thunder to crash and beat in his chest and for the lightning to strike. And so, he lowered his knees, letting himself sit on top of them now as he shuffled towards Steve like a measly little five year old who had scraped their knee after falling off their bike, and let Steve pull him tight into his arms. Eddie hugged himself tight, his hands gripping at the soft, yellow jumper that no longer smelt like Steve, as the boy he loved so much splayed one hand flat across his back and the other on his shoulder as he cradled Eddie close. His nose brushed up against the top of Eddie’s head, and he let himself breathe in Eddie’s scent as he kept him safe there. Steve let himself wonder in that moment, how he had never let himself wonder like that before. Maybe it was his father, maybe it was Tommy, maybe it was Hawkins as a whole that had stopped him from having those same thoughts about boys that he had about girls. But god, right now, he knew that those thoughts about Eddie felt more right than anything. More safe, more sure. His heart ached in his chest because he knew he was undeserving. This was just God’s way of punishing him for hurting Eddie before, wasn’t it? Some fucked up sadistic way of punishment for hurting Eddie, for hurting Nancy, for hurting everyone in his past. Punishing him by making him find such deep love or adoration for these people in his life, and know that he would never, ever be good enough for them. And it stung. But that wouldn’t change anything, ever. No, he will protect Nancy, till the day he dies, even though she definitely did not need his protection. He would protect Robin till the day he died, even though he hasn’t let her down yet, not really. And he would most definitely protect Eddie till the day he died and longer, because Eddie needed someone to protect him, to love him, and to care for him from the sidelines and watch him grow. And god forbid, Steve would let anyone else take that role. No, that was his role. And whilst a life without being able to kiss Eddie sounded like absolute tourture now, he would accept it, because as long as Eddie was happy, and safe, and smiling… Well that’s all Steve ever wanted for the boy. Steve tightened his grip around Eddie, his cheek pressed against the top of his dark mass of tangles and he stroked the ends of them so softly and listened as Eddie cried. He felt his shirt dampen on his chest, he felt Eddie’s hot breath there, he felt Eddie’s body shake and jolt in his grip, and he just held him tighter, whispering calming affirmations in an attempt to settle him. His heart ached for Eddie, he just wished he could stop the hurt somehow. Eddie had so much pain in his heart it ached his entire body. He felt frail and breakable and like he couldn’t move or his limb would simply snap off. His heart weighed so heavy in his chest his body had to slump forward to be able to support it. There was a loud thump in his head and a ringing in his ears that blocked out the heart wrenching sounds of his cries. His cries for Steve, the boy he loved, the boy who was holding him close and stroking his hair and telling him it would be okay. Steve felt his own tears falling now, and he pressed a soft kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. And Eddie tensed, his jaw clenched, his fists tightened and his heart felt like it was being sliced in half with an axe. Steve felt this shift in Eddie, and so he took a steady breath and decided to speak, “Do you want to talk about it, Eddie?”

Of course he didn’t. God no, of course he didn’t it would hurt him so, so much. But, if not now, then when? How long would he have to suffer like this if he didn’t just… be honest. At least, if Steve was repulsed by the reality of Eddie’s feelings he would walk away, and then Eddie wouldn’t have to look at his stupid, pretty face every other day or listen to the soft sound of his voice and continually have his heart ripped out. And plus, he knew if he didn’t give an answer now, Steve would keep pestering him until he gave an honest one, “I didn’t want to kiss you, Steve.” was all he could muster up the courage and energy to say.

That was like a hammer to his heart, but he swallowed the lump in his throat and sniffled until his tears stopped, “No?”

Eddie shook his head, still tucked safely into Steve’s chest, no, looking at him would make everything a whole lot harder, “It wasn’t my first kiss with a dude, you know? I kissed em before in stupid games of spin the bottle and stuff… I’ve just never kissed someone that… counted… someone that meant something to me.”

Steve tensted, and Eddie felt it, he freaked out a little. Steve took a deep breath and continued to speak, “Like… your best friend? Or do you mean…”

Eddie took a deep breath too now, “I’ve kissed Gareth before… he’s my best friend. That didn’t bother me one bit, it was just… it was just a stipid kiss with him.”

Steve bit his lip and stroked Eddie’s hair again, trying to soothe him as he felt Eddie’s cries start to deepen again, “Are you… do-” he sighed heavily, just fucking say it Steve, “Are you gay, Eddie?”

Eddie began to cry harder and he buried himself deeper into Steve’s chest, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, don’t hate me, please.”

That made Steve’s heart twist in his chest, hate you? Hate you? Fuck, Eddie i could never hate you. He licked his lips and forced his nerves down, “And did you not want to kiss me because your gay… or because,” he played with the ends of Eddie’s hair as he spoke, “you like me?”

Eddie sat back up now, pulling away from Steve to get a proper look at him. Steve’s arms fell to his sides, resting limp on his thighs and suddenly he felt so empty, so cold. He wanted Eddie back. And Eddie looked at him with those glassy, chocolate doe eyes, his face pale with a flush of red on his cheeks all wet with tears, his lips plump from his sobs and the bottom one red from his constant need to bite it, a little snot in his nose. He looked utterly broken, his hair was frayed around his face and his expression was so… desperate, wrecked, and needy. Steve forced back his need to grab Eddie by his warm cheeks and kiss his tears away. Eddie didn’t speak for a moment, he was trying to fix his breathing and find his words, his mind was blurry. All he could think about was Steve. Stevie, as he liked to call him. Princess. Sweetheart. He thought how now, if he was honest, he would probably never be able to call him those things again. He chewed at his lip and diverted his gaze, “Would you hate me if I said it was?”

“God, Eddie!” And now Steve was the irritated one, and it made Eddie flinch back again, his knees pressed back to his chest to try and hide, and Steve sighed and shook his head and let another tear fall, “Why do you keep thinking I’m gonna hate you? I could never fucking hate you.”

Eddie slowly looked up at Steve who was just staring at him, eyes wide, trying to send the fucking message across. And Eddie felt his heart sink. He slowly nodded and let his eyes flicker around the room, they landed on his guitar for a moment, and he sniffled, and let the words fall, “I’m in love with you.” he flicked his eyes back over to Steve.

He tensted, nay, he froze. His breath hitched and he made some weird sound he didn’t mean too in shock. Eddie, quite frankly, looked terrified. He was terrified. In this moment he felt more terrified then he did with any battle in the upside down, even facing death. Right now, he would rather be back on the cold, damp ground of the upside down with countless demon bats from hell sinking their razor sharp teeth into his warm flesh, screaming in pain and for his life as they ate them alive. Because that was less painful than what he had going on with Steve. Steve rubbed his hand over his mouth, taking a moment to process Eddie’s words, Eddie’s tone, his expression. He took a long, shaky breath and fought back a smile, “You’re… in love with… me?”

Eddie’s lip trembled and he bit down on it to stop it, it just hurt so much because now he knew, and now, all of this… this seventeen months of falling hopelessly in love would change… and it would all have been for nothing, “Yes. And i have been since you bit the head off of that fucking deamon bat.” they both snickered.

“Really?” Steve’s face softened, and he smiled and Eddie thought he had a sense of hopefulness about him. But that was just wishful thinking… right?

Eddie blushed a little, but the room was too dark to notice, plus… his cheeks were already bright red. He rested his chin on his knees, eyes refusing to leave Steve. No, he wanted to study him, to figure out what was going on in that oblivious head of his, “Yes.” He nodded slightly, honestly, I’m surprised Max was the only one to figure it out, “And so, kissing you tonight wasn’t just a stipid kiss in a game of spin the bottle. It was like, years of built up feelings smushed into one stupid kiss that wasn’t reciprocated and was meaningless and it just… broke me all over again.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, he thought for a moment, “Again?” he’d done this to Eddie before?”

Eddie sighed and shook his head, refusing to give an honest answer. But Steve was persistent, and so, he pressed, “No, what…” Steve tipped his head, eyes soft, “have I hurt you before?”

Eddie softened his eyes, his lids falling half shut as he huffed a long sigh, he forced a smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes, “Only every day.” he shrugged a little and forced a laugh, Steves heart ached, “It sucks enough knowing your gay… it sucks more knowing your gay for your incrediably hetero best friend… who often talks about his several sexual encounters.”

Steve pressed a hand to his mouth in shock, “Oh my- fuck… I am so sorry.” and it was genuine.

Eddie shrugged, forcing his smile some more, “You get used to it… it helps when you got a Birdie to cry too. Plus, she was in the same boat for about ten months… but it got harder when she got what she needed.”

“Needed-” Steve looked at Eddie with such sympathy, watching the way Eddie hid himself back behind his knees and his hair. Steve chewed at his thumb nail and just looked for a moment, processing it… it was so hard to process, everything was just so… knew to him, “Wait, do Nance and Max know about this?”

Eddie nodded, “Yeah.”

“Assholes,” He muttered to himself, “they told me they had no idea.”

Eddie lifted his head properly and furrowed his eyebrows, “What, when?”

Steve shrugged, anxiously bobbing his knee whilst Eddie fiddled with his ring, “They just pulled me out side and asked if I was…” he looked at Eddie, his movement stilling, “gay. And then I asked if you were too, they said they didn’t know-”

Eddie’s eyes widened, it was probably wishful hearing but, “Too?”

Steve swallowed, he hadn’t realised he said that. But, he couldn’t stop the bubble in his stomach and the little giddy smile that forced its way to his lips, and so he let it. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled so warmly, Eddie thought he was about to burst, “Yeah, too… though…” he swallowed again and shuffled half an inch closer, leaning forward a little to whisper, “I didn’t know until you kissed me about ten minuets ago.”

Eddie didn’t show a slither of expression on his face, it was just blank, but inside… oh, inside he was screaming, “So, you like guys too?”

“Yes.” Steve’s smile began to falter, he was a little unsure of himself now… why the fuck wasn’t Eddie happy… or sad… or anything for that matter.

Eddie nodded once, remaining expressionless, and he spoke in monotone, “And you…”

“I think…” Steve cleared his thoughts and straightened his back, he struggled to meet Eddie’s dark eyes, “I think I’m into you too… I don’t know if it’s love, I mean I love you definelly as my friend, but romantically, I’m not sure. I realise that these… weird feelings… these desires I’ve had that I’m only reealising are things that gay men feel, have been around since you had me pinned up against that wall in the old boat house… remember, and you were- you had the bottle… I- this is embarrassing but I got a boner… I really don’t know why I didn’t realise I’m gay- or… half gay, till now. But, that’s- that’s me. And so yeah, I guess I’ve been into you for a while but… I don’t exactly, really… understand everything yet.”

Eddie bit his lip harshly, he closed his eyes and let out a long puff of air. Anger. Steve was terrified. Eddie gritted his teeth, “So, your telling me that I have waisted a year and a half of fucking tears on you?” his eyes shot open, and they were dark.

Steve’s lips parted slightly, that definitely was the last thing he expected Eddie to say. It made his heart jump, “I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”

“Why the fuck did no one suggest a game of spin the bottle in the fucking upside down?” He shook his head, the anger still prominent in his tone… but he was… joking? Steve quirked an eyebrow, a little unsure if he should laugh or not, and so Eddie continued to speak, “I would have saved so much fucking energy. And to think, you would have much nicer bruises on your thighs by now.”

Steve let himself laugh now, it was a short burst of a laugh and he was quick to slap a hand over his lips. But then Eddie was laughing too, and so they laughed together, eyes growing wet with both hurt and happiness and they just looked at eachother, smiles big on their lips. Eddie rested his cheek on his knees, smiled so soft and eyes bright and alive. A sudden feeling of contentment washed over them, and it was peaceful. The ache in Eddie’s body began to dissipate and for the first time in seventeen months, he didn’t ache for Steve. He started to cry again, heavily. Steve shuffled closer and placed his hands on either side of Eddie’s head, holding him so soft, stroking his hair every so often as he pressed a few sparse kisses to the top of Eddie’s head. Steve’s whisper was delicate, “I’m sorry, Eddie.”

He wiped his tears on the sleeve of Steve’s yellow jumper, sniffling a little before looking up, “It’s okay.”

Steve shook his head, “It’s not. It’s not okay, I had no idea I was hurting you so much.”

Eddie smiled, and it met his eyes this time, his wet, pretty eyes, “But you didn’t know, because I didn’t let you see.” He gently grabbed Steve’s hand from his face and held them tight, “You didn’t know, and so it’s okay.”

“But,” Steve still felt horrible, “still, I-”

“Stevie.” Eddie pressed, and Steve couldn’t help but smile at the name. The name he loved so dearly. The name that only Eddie called him. Eddie rubbed his thumbs over the backs of Steve’s hand, and it was strange that he was the one comforting now, when he was still the one with tears falling from his eyes, “I didn’t want you to know. And it wasn’t you that hurt me. It was because of you, I was hurting myself. You didn’t mean to sweep me off my feet and get me falling head over heels or anything, that’s just your Steve charm-” both of them laughed a little, “but I hurt myself for continually flirting with you, even though I knew you would never flirt back- you just… you just always got so pink in the cheeks and I couldn’t help myself, I love your smile. And- it’s my fault for spending so much time with you, I could have just… not… you know, let myself have some room to get over you but I couldn’t help myself. I really couldn’t, you just make me happy… even when you go on about having sex with girls in the back of your car and how great they are and how you just wished one of them was meaningful… and how you wanted to settle down with someone and fall in love. It’s my fault for letting those conversations happen, my fault for indulging them time after time because I just loved to learn about what you wanted in life. And then I’d go home and picture myself in your silly scenarios instead… picture myself in your dreams until I inevitably cry myself to sleep. It’s embarrassing, really, but… it’s not your fault at all because there have been countless times where I could have just pulled the plug before I fell too deep but I didn’t. Because I love you, and loving you is everything to me.”

Steve’s heart sunk in his chest because… oh god he needed to cry. Oh god he was already crying. He’d spent seventeen months trying and trying with all these pointless girls when he had Eddie there, ready and waiting all that fucking time and… he’s never had someone… feel for him like that before. He’s never had someone… love him so openly before. And it hurt so much because he finally, after twenty years of living, had someone to give him the love he so desperately needed. The love that not even his own mother could give him. And so yes, he was crying like a fucking lunatic but so was Eddie and it was safe. It was safe because they could both cry like lunatics together. Eddie pulled Steve’s hands close to his chest, shuffling in a little closer. He cupped his calloused hands on Steve’s warm, wet cheeks and swiped his thumbs along the high of his cheek bones, the tips brushing along his bottom lashes. They were close now, so, so close, Eddie could feel Steve’s warm breath on his face and it was so inviting. Eddie smiled so softly, his voice barely a whisper, “What’s got you crying now Steve?”

He sobbed some more, a heavy sob that came from the depths of his chest and he grabbed Eddie’s wrists, his thumbs brushing over the pale skin as he looked deep into those chocolate eyes, “You really do love me?”

Eddie nodded, his forehead pressed against Steves and their noses brushed togher, “More than I’ve ever loved anything, actually… and it’s… terrifying.”

Steve’s grip on Eddie’s wrists tightened and his eyes blinked shut for a moment, “I promise I’m gonna love you like that soon.”

Eddie laughed, a slight sniffle following, “You shouldn’t promise something so valuable, Stevie. Might end up breaking my heart.”

Steve moved one of his hands to cup the back of Eddie’s neck, his fingers lacing though his hair as he whispered, “I never want to break your heart… again.”

Eddie smiled softly, his eyes closing for a moment too, “And I never want to break yours, and I honestly don’t think I ever could.” he took a shaky breath, “I know this is all new to you, and I don’t want to scare you, or overwhelm you or anything like that, Steve, but to me… you are… everything. I mean, I have so much love for you I have literally got an entire notebook dedicated to songs about you-”

Steve laughed, “You wrote songs about me?”

“So many.” Eddie smiled, “You just… you make my life better without even meaning too. And yes, I have spent the better part of those seventeen months crying my heart out for you… I mean, I was making myself sick with grief so bad Wayne thought I had AIDS or Cancer or… something like that… that’s why he hates you, by the way. He hates you because you are supposedly not a homosexual.”

“Wait, really?” Steve pulled his face back a little, chewing at his lip, “That’s why? I have been trying to suck up so hard.”

Eddie smiled, “He’ll come around.” Eddie swiped his thumbs over Steves cheeks again, “I don’t expect you to ever love me back, that… that would be asking for more than I could ever deserve-” Steve tried to speak, but Eddie didn’t let him interrupt, “I just want you to be happy, and I want to be the one to provide that happiness, if that’s what you want. But, if you need more time to… understand all this… your feelings… any of it, that’s okay. If you don’t want to be with me, that’s okay too. I just hope you want to keep me around, and don’t feel bad. Okay? If you’re gonna reject me now, just do it because at least then I know for sure and I can try my best to move on and maybe you could help me-”

“I’m not gonna reject you, Eddie.” Steve slid a little closer, as close as he could get, both of them straightening up a little, “I wouldn’t- i wouldn’t come in here and confess to you that you were like… my awakening into homosexuality and then reject you. That would be… incredibly stupid.”

“But if you need more time-”

“You’re sweet.” Steve smiled, and his heart drummed in his chest so fast, “You know, ever since the upside down you are the person I think about the most. You make me so happy, and the days and weeks you disappear like that make me… I don’t know, I cry a lot because I miss you and I think I’ve done something wrong… which I now realise that it was definitely because I’ve done something wrong.. And holy fuck, wait…”

“Steve-”

“No, Eddie.” Steve shook his head, pulling Eddie’s hands away from his face to hold them, “Did you really make yourself sick over me?”

“Can we please not talk about this?” Eddie diverted his gaze.

Steve grabbed him by the chin, gently of course, and guided his face back to look at him, “Thanksgiving last year, you came over for the dinner I hosted, and you had dark rings under your eyes… you looked like shit… and you, you barely ate, and you got really drunk and you were vomiting so much I was about to call the ambule-”

“Please, Steve.” Eddie swallowed.

“Because?”

“Because you invited that girl to the thanksgiving that we were gonna host together.” his tone was meek and he felt so small.

Steves felt sick, “I’m so sorry-”

“Please,” Eddie begged, “I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll-”

Eddie sighed, “I know it’s not okay, but Steve I really love you and I’m already an insecure guy so… so things just affected me… a whole lot more than they should have.” Eddie shook his head, he felt his heart twisting in his chest again, that ache coming back, “As I said, it’s bad enough being gay in Hawkins, it’s worse loving a guy who- I thought- only liked women.”

Steve nodded slowly and placed his hands firm on Eddie’s shoulders, “You never have to feel that again,” he cupped the sides of Eddie’s neck and dipped his head to get a better look at him, “I’m gonna get on my knees and beg for Wayne’s forgiveness, and your never gonna hear about a girl like that ever again.”

Eddie forced a smile, “Wayne will probably give you a boot to the ass if you did that… he likes honeycomb chocolate a lot.”

Steve smiled sweetly and nodded, “Okay, lucky I can steal my dad’s credit card and buy him a year’s supply of it… don’t tell him I used dad’s money though.”

Eddie looked up with a genuine smile now and swept some hair back from his face, “Promise your secrets safe with me… both of them, for that matter. I’m not gonna tell a soul, Stevie, not even Rob. that’s your choice, okay?”

Steve nodded, “I’m sorry if I forced your choice away just then.”

Eddie shook his head and played with Steve’s hand, “I needed to tell you eventually, plus, I basically outed myself by storming off like that. Hopefully the kids are all cool with it.”

“They totally admire you, they will be.” Steve assured him, both of their eyes focused on the way Eddie was fiddling with Steve’s fingers. The action, the feeling, sent shivers up Steve’s spine. It wasn’t the first time Eddie had done something like this, he was a rather touchy person, physical touch was a vital element to his happiness. That’s why those weeks got so bad, he’d shut himself off from the world and fall deeper and deeper into the hole he dug because no one was there, he was just alone, not even Wayne was there to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder half the time because he was working so much. But this time, this time it felt different. Because not only was his best friend fiddling with his fingers, it was his best friend who he was falling hard for, and who was head over fucking heals in love with him.

“Hopefully.” Eddie smiled.

“So much for your bad boy mantra…” Steve shrugged, catching Eddie’s confused eye now, “Bad boys in bands, branded as town freaks aren’t supposed to get love sick.”

Eddie smiled wide, and he almost laughed, his eyes twinkled with it even in the dark room, “Well, I never conform to stereotypical roles, Sweetheart.”

Steve grinned, his cheeks heating with pink, “Is that what I am? Your sweetheart?”

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?” he scoffed, “You’ve always been my sweetheart.” he continued to fiddle with Steve’s hand.

“Yeah, but…” Steve shrugged, “I don’t know… don’t worry.” he shook his head, shying away.

Eddie’s shoulders dropped as he thought for a moment, the fiddling coming to a stop. He took a short breath before looking up at Steve again, “Did you mean… Do you wanna be my boyfriend?”

Steve blushed even more, if that was even possible. His stomach bubbled with excitement, he most certainly did. He wanted nothing more, “I mean… yeah.” He swallowed, “Do you not?”

Eddie shook his head with a little laugh, and oh my god he wanted to cry again. He really did. His heart was slowly glueing itself back together. He wanted to scream. He felt like a twelve year old girl, “God, of course I do, Princess.” He only used that name to tease, and so it made Steve smile, “Just, are you sure? Because I can wait. If you need some time to process this whole, half gay thing, i can wait. I have waited this long, what’s a few more months?” His smile softened, his tone deepend, a new sense of sincerity, “I’d wait forever for you.”

Steve felt utterly giddy, helpless, lovesick almost… much like a twelve year old girl, “You really don’t have to. I want you now, more than anything.”

“I’d give you anything you wanted, Stevie.” Eddie shook his head, eyes fixed on Steves, voice low.

He nodded softly with a warm smile, “So,” he whispered, “ask me to be your boyfriend and kiss me again, for real… because I’m sick of making the first move-”

And Eddie grinned so wide, his heart grew about ten sizes, it felt too big for his chest and fuck, he could hear it beating… or maybe that was steves… maybe if was both of them, “Be my boyfriend, please for the love of fucking Ozzy be my boyfriend, Steve.”

“Hmm…” Steve pretended to think for a moment, “I don’t know… what do I get in return?”

Eddie rolled his eyes with a smirk, he could kill this fucking dude, “For fucks sake, Stevie… I was lying when I said I could wait.”

Steve laughed and nodded his head, “Yes, I will be your boyfriend, but only if you show me those songs you wrote-”

“Yes, yes, anything for you, sweetheart.” Eddie mumbled whilst grabbing Steve by the collar of his stupid polo and pulling him against his lips, this time… this time Eddie didn’t pull away. Steve grunted with the sudden eagerness, but he most certainly wasn’t complaining because he was really kissing Eddie. He placed his hands on Eddies soft cheeks that were a little sticky from dried tears, and held him there. Eddie nearly melted, he tried to fight back those few tears he had left in him, but he really couldn’t. He could feel them broaching his waterline and just prayed Steve wouldn’t notice. He laced his fingers into Eddie’s hair and deepened their kiss, opening his mouth slightly as he tugged at Eddie’s matted locks, pulling his head back slightly for better access. And the action made Eddie want to fall apart. And fuck, yeah, all those countless girls Steve had been with really brought the jealousy out in Eddie, but right now he was so, so thankful for every single one of them because holy fuck was Steve a good kisser. And Eddie grew nervous, because he’s only ever made out with one person before, and it was a girl, just to try it out and it was a horrible experience. So Eddie was clueless and he was making out with a guy with enough experience for the entire graduating class of ‘86 and that made Eddie shake. But god it was so good. It was everything. It was better than anything he had ever dreamed of because it was real… and it was good. Steve was the first to slip some tongue, naturally, Eddie was quite frankly clueless, but he just followed Steve’s lead… he usually pictured himself as the top in their relationship, based off of their usual dynamic. But maybe Steve being in control wouldn’t be such a bad thing, it most certainly was not right now. And then those few tears slipped down his face and into their mouths and the salty taste was spread over their tongues and then Steve was trying to pull back, but Eddie just held him closer, chasing the kiss.

“Are you…” Steve mumbled into their kiss, still trying to pull away, “crying?”

Eddie stopped and sighed, finally giving in. He dropped his head for a second before looking up at Steve with wet eyes. His grip on Steve’s shirt loosened, and he smoothed his collar back out and wiped at the few tears at his cheeks with a shrug, “Yeah, sorry.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, “Did I do something… wrong? Am- did… is that not how you’re supposed to kiss guys?”

Eddie laughed, “No, yeah it is… it was… really good. Like, so good.” he sniffled, flicking the last tear away, “I just love you a lot and, I guess I got overwhelmed because I have been thinking about doing that every day, you know. And it was just… so, so good.”

“I didn’t know you were such a romantic, Munson.” He smirked.

“What?” Eddie felt himself blushing.

“You’re sweet talking to me, all these ‘I love yous’ and all that, you’re just… I didn’t think you’d be the type of guy to just be vulnerable and admit all that.”

“Oh,” Eddie swallowed and shook his head, “yeah, no… I’m, I’m usually not, really. But, I guess… I’ve just thought about telling you a lot, and you make me feel so safe and so… I guess I just feel like I can. I’m sorry, I can stop if it’s bothering you.”

“Please don’t stop.” Steve sounded desperate, quiet. Eddie looked up at him wide eyed, and Steve swallowed the lump in his throat. If Eddie could be vulnerable like that, then so could he… Eddie’s not gonna hurt him, he’s not gonna call ‘bullshit’, he’s not gonna run. It’s Eddie. And Eddie loves him more than anything in the world, “I- I mean, you can stop telling me you love me, if you want… stop saying those words because I don’t know when I’ll be able to say them back,” gimme about two days to think about my entire life, then I’ll realise I’m extremely in love with you too, “so, if that’s gonna hurt you, stop. But, please, you can… you can keep sweet talkin me. I’m- oh fuck… I’m usually the one doing the talk like that… you know, saying nice things and all… I usually just get a ‘thank you’. I don’t know, I just don’t have many people in my life telling me that they appreciate me and stuff, you know. So, it’s nice… to be sweet-talked. That’s why I liked your flirting so much, it-”

“Makes you feel wanted?” Eddie suggested, his head tilted slightly to the side as he held Steve’s hands in his own, his voice was softer than silk, “I get that. Not many people tell me they want me either, Stevie, so… maybe we just gotta keep telling each other a little more?”

“I think… I think that would be good.” He nodded slowly.

“Okay good…” Eddie smiled, a new thought hit him in the face, “Steve I have to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“I’m-” He cleared his throat, “I’m like… a super mega virgin.”

Steve’s eyes shot up, “Wh-” he choked on his own saliva, “Ye- okay… really? You’re twenty two.”

Eddie rubbed his eyes and sighed, he felt utterly embarrassed, “Yeah, well… not many people are lining up to sleep with the Freak, Stevie… and I haven’t exactly made myself very available since Vecna, so…”

“Okay…” Steve nodded, “Sorry, that just… took me by surprise. Did you want-”

“Not yet, no…” Eddie shook his head, “Shit- I probably should have thought about this a little more… uh, jesus. I just, I’ve only ever made out with two people before. The first one was Sandra Burns when I was fifteen because I just wanted to double make sure I was really gay, and that was really bad and lasted about ten seconds. And then the second one was you… so… and that was really good, but only because you know what your doing and stuff and I just wanted to tell you that I have no fucking clue, okay?”

Steve blushed a little, “I was your first make out with a dude?”

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“Well, that’s sick.” Steve grinned, “At least we’re sorta in the same boat then, right? I mean, yeah, I’m definitely not a virgin, but I’ve never been with a guy before. So, technically I sorta am… for us anyway.”

“Yeah, but you-”

“Okay, Eddie… kissing works for anyone, it’s all the same… I think-”

“Correct.” Eddie confirmed.

“Yes,” Steve nodded with a deep breath, he felt a little awkward now too, “But that’s all that’s the same… other than maybe… butt squeezing, i don’t know-”

Eddie tried to force back a laugh, “You wanna squeeze my butt, Steve?”

He rolled his eyes and flopped back on the bed, he looked up and over at Eddie who was grinning, “Just, you know, it’s different. And quite frankly a little terrifying so I might need some time before we get… nake-”

“Oh my- yes- no… me too, Steve.” Eddie sighed, “I- I definitely need more time. I’ve never even been in a relationship before, I just- I wanted to tell you that I would probably be awkward and to apologise if I was a bad kisser.”

Steve laughed, throwing his head back into the mattress some more, “Oh god.” he smiled and tipped his head back to his boyfriend, “Your not a bad kisser, by the way. Better than most of the girls I’ve been with.”

“Really?” Eddie shuffled a little closer, an eager grin on his lips.

“Cmere.” Steve reached his hand out, and Eddie crawled over to him. Steve guided Eddie to place a hand on either side of his head, Eddie’s hair hung down over their faces as he held himself there beside/slightly atop Steve and he swallowed, this was all very new, Steve gently stroked Eddie’s forearm, looking up into his eyes, “You okay?”

Eddie nodded slowly, “Yeah, just… nervous.”

Steve smiled, “You can kiss me when you’re ready.” he was just as nervous as Eddie.

Eddie nodded slowly and lent down, their lips brushed together lightly, their eyes fluttered shut, and then Eddie was kissing him… again. And it was just as fucking perfect, if not more. They could definitely get used to this.

“I’ve always thought,” Steve muttered between kisses, his hands snaking up to lace around Eddie’s neck in an attempt to pull him closer, “you were so pretty.”

Eddie laughed, “Pretty…” he pulled back to look Steve in the eyes, their lips plump and wet, “me?”

Steve nodded, “Very.”

“Nah,” Eddie shook his head, “you though? Well, you’re the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen. Your prettiness makes up for your jockness.”

Steve laughed, “My jockness?”

“Yeah, your jockness.” Eddie grinned, sitting back up beside Steve, keeping a hand on his chest, “Though… that could come in handy.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve quirked his eyebrow, he liked flirting back with Eddie.

“Oh yeah…” Eddie grinned, overjoyed that Steve was actually flirting back for once and fuck, it was gonna be the death of him, he squeezed Steves biceps, “You got all this muscle, good for throwing boyfriends around.”

Steve giggled, he actually giggled and it was stiupid but Eddie found it adorable. Eddie smiled at him softly, and Steve grabbed his hand whilst pushing himself up onto his elbows, “You know, I really hope Wayne forgives me.”

“He will, Stevie… he doesn’t hate you that much. He just… he’s protective.” Eddie shrugged, “Plus, if you use up your dad’s money to buy him chocolates, he will love you forever.”

Steve laughed, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, his hands fiddling with Steve’s fingers again, “he just wants me to be happy, have a good life. End up better than my dad. So… he will forgive you in an instant.”

“That’s good then.” Steve smiled softly, his eyes watching Eddies hands, he wasn’t wearing his rings, only one of them today. He liked Eddie’s rings an awful lot, “Can’t say the same about my family. If they ever find out I’m seeing a metal head freak, they will quite literally have a heart attack. The moment they find out you’re a dude, yeah, nope, I’m getting disowned.”

Eddie frowned, that made his heart ache all over again, “I’m sorry.”

Steve shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, they’re shit parents anyway. Plus, they’re never home these days.”

“Still, it’s fucked up.” He looked up at Steve with puppy dog eyes. And those eyes have won Steve over more times than he would like to admit.

“Hmm, but, it means we’re gonna have an empty house a lot.” He forced a smile, “You get to be my secret boyfriend.”

Eddie forced a smile too, “I’ll be your secret boyfriend, Steve.” He grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing delicate little kisses along Steve’s knuckles which made him chuckle sweetly, “You can keep me all to yourself.”

“Yeah?” Steve grinned, he slipped his hand away from Eddies and wrapped it around the back of his neck instead, pulling him down to his lips, “You’re all mine?”

“All yours.” Eddie let out in a breathy whisper, his eyes locked on Steve’s lips that were so, so close. He tried to push forward, to kiss him, but Steve held him back.

“Eager.” Holy fuck was Steve a tease, it made Eddie whimper, “Thank you for being honest with me tonight. I know it’s hard.”

Eddie smiled softly, “Thank you for not freaking out about it.”

Steve laughed softly and pulled Eddie in for another kiss, “If I ran off screaming and crying I’d lose my cheap weed deals.” He grinned, “Thought maybe dating you meant I’d get it cheaper.”

“Wow,” Eddie nodded, “wowwwwww.” he clutched a hand over his heart and dramatically fell backwards on the bed, arms and legs wailing around as he spasmed, tongue hanging loose, “Oh, you wound me. Used by a jock! Uh, I’ve hit rock bottom, there’s no turning back now! Only… dealthhhhhh…. Ughhhhh.” and he closed his eyes and played dead.

Steve laughed and sat up, crawling over his boyfriend, mindlessly placing his hands on either side of his head, his knees on either side of Eddie’s waist, “You are a major dork.” Steve grinned and leant down to kiss his cheek.

“Yeah, a major dork who you-” he opened his eyes and looked up at Steve, who was directly on top of him, and he froze, a shiver travelled down his spine… he really liked being under Steve like this. He placed his hands on Steve’s hips, genty guiding him down until Steve was straddling his waist. They both took a minute, their nerves flying, “Is this okay with you?”

Steve nodded, “Yeah, you?”

Eddie nodded too, “Yeah, like… really okay.” They both laughed a little. Eddie rested his hands on the high of Steve’s thighs and leant up a little, pressing a tender kiss to Steve’s lips, “Really… really okay.”

“I’m kind of getting the impression that you might sorta like it when I sit on top of you.” Steve quipped, and Eddie laid back, shying behind his eyes.

“You suck.”

Steve cleared his thoughts and took a nervous breath, “Well, not yet.”

Eddie poked out from behind his eyes, Steve’s comment rushing straight down to his cock and he prayed to every god in the universe that Steve wouldn’t feel it, “Bold.”

Steve shrugged, “You know… I just remembered there’s a whole party of people out there.”

“Oh shit.” Eddie looked back at his door, which was definitely shut, “Uhm, I don’t know how to explain that temper tantrum.”

Steve sighed, “We will figure it out.”

Eddie smiled, “My lips are sealed, okay?”

“Yes they are.” Steve grinned and leant down to press another kiss to Eddie’s perfect fucking lips.

They took a moment to gather themselves before fixing their clothes and hair a little and headed back out. Only when they opened the door did they see how incredibly red they were in the face, and how smiley they were. They forced those smiles away quickly.

“Okay, what the fuck?” Dustin was the first to speak.

“Yes, I agree.” Eleven nodded, “What the fuck?”

“Sorry guys.” Eddie sighed, standing in the living room sheepishly, he could feel Robin staring deep into his and Steve’s souls, “I just… I needed a moment.”

“Why?” Mike asked, he was leant against the coffee table, playing with a chocolate wrapper and not properly paying attention.

“I, ah-” Eddie swallowed.

El spoke up from her place besides Max on the couch, “Did you and Steve do the gay?”

“Wh-” Eddie’s eyes widened and the whole room gasped. Robin spat her water everywhere, taking a minute to cough up what she choked on. Steve turned even redder, Eddie shook his head, “No!” hepressed, “No, no, not gay… we didn’t gay. We didn’t do the gay.”

“Sounds convincing to me.” Dustin deadpanned.

“That kiss was very…” Lucas searched for his words.

“Gay.” Mike suggested, still not really paying attention, and Will kicked him in the shin, “Owh, what?”

“No, just-” Eddie forced a laugh, “We didn’t- Steve isn’t- I-”

“Come on,” Dustin rolled his eyes, “we played spin the bottle, it landed on Steve, you were a trembling mess, you kissed him for half a second and then you ran away crying and have been missing for about an hour.”

“Dustin.” Nancy pressed, giving him some side eye.

“What?” Dustin waved his hands out, “There’s no other explanation, is there?”

Eddie looked back at Steve who was clenching his jaw, trying his best to stay calm. Mike sighed, “No one cares apparently, so, you know, it’s fine.”

“What?” Eddie shook his head, fingers pressed into his eyes.

“Oh yeah,” Jonathan said, “El full on outed Mike and Will.”

“I said I am sorry.” El pleaded.

“Mike and Will?” Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Yeah,” Will sighed, “me and Mike,”

Eddie strode over to them at the coffee table and put his hand out for Mike to high five, “Way to go Wheeler, I told you it was cool man.”

“Wait-” Will furrowed his brow, “Eddie knew about you?”

“I just-” Mike shrugged, “I called him when I broke up with El because I didn’t know who else to talk to.”

Eddie scruffed his hair and smiled. He looked around the room, all eyes were on him and Steve, and Steve was awfully quiet. Eddie could tell he was panicking. Robin was standing beside him, trying to gauge the situation. Nancy and Max hadn’t told her what Steve had told them, no, that was for Steve to share himself, and they were trying their best to hide their expressions because they had a pretty damn good idea of what had happened. Eddie was on the spot with nowhere to go. Honesty was his only choice. Well, he’s already been blatantly honest once tonight, what’s once more right? He fought down his anxiety and fiddled with his ring, his breath now heavy. He chewed at his lip, searching for some words. He looked up at Steve, and just let them fall, “I’m in love with Steve.”

Silence. Nothing but silence. All eyes were on him, a few flicked over to Steve. Eddie kept his eyes on his boyfriend who was on the brink of tearing up, ignoring everyone else. He just needed to let the words flow, it would be okay because he would have Robin and now Steve there to pick up the pieces if needed, “Yeah, I’m… gay. Always have been, always will be. I- I’ve had a thing for Steve since our senior year, but… I hated him then as well, he was just.. Heh… really hot. But then Dustin-” he gritted his teeth and glared down at his brother, “wouldn’t shut up about how fantastically great King Steve was and then it just, I started falling harder. And then, fuck, we got caught up in an alternate dimension together and I knew I fell in love with him there and have been ever since. And so yeah, when I had to kiss Steve tonight it really freaked me out and it made me feel sick. And so I told him, just then I told him everything and…” He swallowed and looked at Steve with a soft smile, “And Steve said it was okay… that it wasn’t a big deal and that he didn’t mind. He was utterly flattered, of course, it’s probably gone straight to his head.” Eddie winked at him.

“So, are you not doing the gay?” El pressed.

“Yeah, are you doing the gay?” Robin spoke up, hands clutched eagerly infrnt of her lips, “Please tell me your doing the gay.”

Eddie smiled wide, “No.” he shook his head, and Steve took a deep breath of releif, “No, were… were not. Steve likes girls, and that’s okay. We’re gonna work past it, and he’s gonna help me find a really nice dude. So no, me and Steve are not doing the gay, but… that’s…. That’s why I reacted so badly tonight.” He placed his hands on his hips, “I’m sorry for ruining your night, everyone. Really-”

“You didn’t.” Dustin smiled, “We just watched a movie and got some brilliant new material to bully you with, so thank you, MrILoveSteveHarrington.”

Eddie groaned and slumped down on the couch, hiding his face behind his hands. Mike looked over at him and decided to comment, “I can’t believe you’re still wearing his jumper.”

“And my pants.” Steve grinned, his mood much better now.

“Dude, no way.” Dustin laughed, “That’s ba-” Eddie threw a pillow hard at his face, cutting him off mid sentence.

The night continued on and Robin and Nancy managed to pull Eddie into his room and change him into his Daphne get up that was entirely too small. At this point, Steve had told Robin the whole truth about the situation, and she tackled Eddie to the floor in a ‘proud mama’ hug. Eddie walked back out with his little purple dress that was very, very short… so short you could see his boxers sticking out, and the pair of boots that Robin had painted purple for him, and the little green ascot. And he got made fun of so hard, and when the kids insisted on going trick or treating, Eddie refused to leave the trailer. Steve hung back with him. They both slumped on the couch, and Steve found Eddie’s hand, lacing them together. He looked over at his boyfriend with a warm smile, “Thank you for not telling anyone.”

“What’d I say, Stevie? It’s your choice.” He squeezed his hand.

“Yeah, but you didn’t get to choose.”

Eddie smiled softly and shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me. I would gladly get berated and beten for being gay, rather than out you when you wernt ready. You’ve been through enough, I think.”

“So have you.” He lifted his hand and swept some hair back from Eddie’s face.

Eddie shrugged and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, “Yeah, but I’ve gotten used to it. Plus, no one had a problem with it anyway, so why are we dwelling on it?”

“I suppose.” Steve sighed, his thumb rubbed the back of Eddie’s hand, his eyes wandered over Eddie who was falling asleep on his shoulder. Both of them just content, “I’m loving the getup.”

“Shut up, sweetheart.” Eddie mumbled. Steve laughed, resting his head against Eddie’s, both of them growing tired and warm in the comfortable space, “Stay over tonight? Please?” Eddie pleaded, his voice small, “Not for sex or anything, I just like… this.”

Steve smiled and turned to press a soft kiss on his head, both of their stomachs bubbled, “Yes please.” He smiled to himself, “I can woo Wayne over by making breakfast in the morning, huh?”

Eddie laughed softly, “Yeah, whole lotta bacon should do it.”

“And eggs extra runny for you?” Steve asked.

Eddie’s heart stung, but in a good way for once, “Aww, you remembered.” He teased, but it was genuine.

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve grinned to himself.

It sounded stupid, but it really meant a lot to Eddie. After several concussions and hits to the head, Steve’s memory isn’t what it used to be, he tended to forget a lot. And so, remembering something as simple as how Eddie liked his eggs in the morning, was something that really hit home. It pulled at his heart and made him feel whole. Eddie smiled, eyes still shut and he was half asleep now, “I would kiss you right now, but m’too tired. Promise I’ll give you lots when I wake up… if you want.”

“You better.” Steve grinned and squeezed Eddie’s hand tighter, “I’ll be waiting.”

They stayed like that for a while, they would have stayed there all night. But then Dustin came bursting through the door in a ruckus, grumbling about how Nancy ‘told me to get a jacket, you get a jacket’, and Steve tensed. He still had Eddie’s hand clutched tightly in his own, and Eddie’s head on his shoulder, snuggled deep into his neck, and at some point Eddie had thrown one of his legs over Steves, which he adored. And so he couldn’t move, and he just prayed Dustin wouldn’t notice, but of course, “Ahh, Steve?”

He swallowed, “Henderson.”

Dustin sighed deeply and deadpanned him, “I swear to god, if you lead Eddie on and play with his feelings I’m going to punch you in the face. Why are you letting him lay on you like that, that’s so stupid. I thought you were better than this. As Eddie’s chosen brother, I am required, by law, to get Nancy to shoot you with one of her guns if you break his heart. And she will do it! Don’t doubt that. So, please, explain to me why you are letting Eddie sleep on top of you like that because I think you’re being incredibly inconsiderate right now.”

“He just…” Steve stuttered, “he just rolled onto me.”

“Ah huh.” Dustin nodded, shaking his head. He took a few steps over to Steve and slapped him in the face. Steve made an audible ‘ow’ and kicked Dustin in the shin, “That’s what you get, Dingus! And why are you holding his hand?” he practically squealed that last part.

“Just- agh-” Steve grabbed Dustin by the collar, pulling him in, “I swear to god, Henderson you are going to be the death of me. This does not leave your ears, okay? You cannot tell a soul what I am about to tell you, not one person because I will smack you back.”

“Tell me what?” Dustin tried to pull away from Steve’s grip.

Steve looked over to the door and lowered his voice, “I’m-” he swallowed and looked back at Eddie, then back at Dustin, “He’s my boyfriend, okay? He told me he loved me and then made me his boyfriend.”

Dustin’s eyes widened and Steve let him go. He took a couple of steps back and looked at the pair. Steve scratched his forehead and settled back beside Eddie, sweeping a low hanging hair back from his face so sweetly. And Dustin nodded, “What happened to all the girls?”

Steve shrugged, “Eddie’s better.”

Dustin giggled, “He does kinda look like a girl, especially in that dress-”

“I can hear you, Henderson.” Eddie mumbled into Steve’s neck, eyes closed still.

“Oh shit.” Dustin snapped back. Steve tensed a little.

“Mhm,” Eddie still didn’t move, “you tell anyone about Steve I’ll tell your mother you get Suzie to change your grades on your report.”

“My lips are sealed.” Dustin zipped his lips with a smile and bounced back towards the door, making a bunch of kissy faces at Steve as he left. Steve shook his head mockingly at him, and waited until the front door was closed to speak. He turned to Eddie, a soft hand on his shoulder, the other still in his hand, and he whispered,

“Ed’s, wake up. I don’t wanna deal with another Dustin.”

“M’sorry.” Eddie pulled himself off of Steve, slouching back into the couch and tugged at the hem of his skirt, “Fuck me this dress is uncomfortable.”

“Gladly.” Steve smirked, and Eddie took a moment to process what he said. But when he did, he was blushing.

“Sorry about Dustin.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Steve shrugged, “The kid’s nosey anyway, he would have figured it out pretty fast.”

Eddie snickered, “Tell me about it.”

“Why don’t you get out of that dress and get in bed, I’ll send the kids home.”

“Woah, sweetheart,” Eddie grinned, “I thought you wanted to keep the nakedness to a minimum.”

“You’re a dork.” Steve shook his head, standing up and heading towards the door, “I’m dating a dork. My two best friends and my boyfriend are dorks, what have I become?”

“Steve Harrington,” Eddie held up his hands, miming a news headline, “Once a chick magnet, now a dork magnet.”

He pressed a hand over his heart, “You wound me.” Eddie laughed, and Steve reached for the doorknob, “Now go to bed. I’ll come in once people leave, okay?”

“Oh, I like it when you boss me around, Stevie.” Eddie smiled and winked at his boyfriend, eventually bringing himself to his feet. He pointed over at the side board, “Keys there if you need it, kay?”

“Got it.” Steve smiled and slipped out the door.

By the time he’d sent everyone on their way, and headed back to Eddie’s bedroom, a new sense of fear washed over him. He was nervous. He’d never slept beside Eddie before… well, a little when Ed was still in hospital, but not really. He hoped tonight he wouldn’t wake up screaming. He didn’t want to make a bad first impression. He walked into the dark room to find Eddie lying on his side, the covers kicked to the end of his bed, he was hugging a pillow and positioned right in the middle. And was dressed only in his boxers. Steve swallowed thickly and began to slowly undress himself. They both didn’t like to show their scars often. Infact, Steve was the only person to have ever seen all of Eddie’s. He thought that was because Steve was scared too, but maybe Eddie just wanted to show Steve. But even then, they hardly showed them off. So the nerves were high. Once he was just left in his jocks and socks, he nervously crept over to the bed. He was tentative and careful, and tried his best not to wake the sleeping beast. There was music playing softly in the background, Tears For Fears. Steve rolled his eyes. He climbed onto the bed, grabbing the covers as he did, he ran cold at night. He laid himself down beside Eddie, his chest pressed to Eddie’s back, to covers sat just above their hips, and Steve wrapped his arm over Eddie, pulling him in close. The big spoon, Steve’s role, always. That seemed to wake Eddie up, sort of. He mumbled something inaudible and rolled over to face Steve. He placed his hand on Steve’s chest, his head on his shoulder, “I like you without a shirt.” he mumbled.

Steve snickered, “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Eddie nodded, “There’s a key there. On my bedside, s’for you.”

Steve looked over to see a key sitting right by the ashtray, a little piece of paper set to stand with a little S and a heart scribbled onto it, “Why?”

“Just in case you get disowned.” Eddie mumbled, eyes still heavy with sleep, “You can come straight here, we’ll look after you Stevie. Us Munsons like taking in strays.”

Steve bit his lip, his heart swelled, “Really?”

“Yeah, or you can just use it whenever you want.” Eddie pressed a little kiss on Steve’s chest, “I like having you around.”

He didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. He just felt contempt. They both felt safe, and warm, and comfortable. Steve felt himself begin to cry. So many nights spent sleeping alone, left to the dark with his thoughts in that big empty house and no one to love. And then in one stupid night, after one stupid party game, he was no longer a lone and he had someone to love. And more importantly, he had someone to love him, really love him. He just wished this happened seventeen months earlier. He sniffled, his tears rolling down to the crevice of his neck. Eddie poked his head up, and when he did, Steve was quick to rid himself of tears. Eddie smiled softly and pressed a tender kiss on his cheek, and then one on his forehead, and then one on his nose, and one on his soft pink lips. He gave Steve a look that said ‘I love you’, and shoved at his shoulder until Steve was rolling onto his side. Eddie wrapped an arm over his boyfriend, his chest now pressed flush against Steve’s back as he pulled him in as close as he could. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Steve’s neck and left a couple of kisses there as well. He dagged delicate, calloused fingertips across Steve’s chest, and down to his abdomen, grazing them over the scars left there. The scars they both had. Eddie smiled to himself and mumbled, “Some couples have matching bracelets, or matching rings, but I think we win with matching scars.”

Steve chuckled, he brought his hand down to Eddie’s, dragging his fingers over the back of Eddie’s hand, “We definitely win.”

There was a beat of silence, and Steve thought Eddie had fallen asleep again, but then he spoke, and it was barely a whisper but it sent a shiver down Steve’s spine, “You’re so beautiful.”

“What?” Steve couldn’t help but smile, his stomach bloomed with butterflies.

“I said, you’re so beautiful.” Eddie kissed Steve’s shoulder, “You have a beautiful face, and a beautiful body, but most of all you have a beautiful soul. The most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out, Stevie. I love you so much.”

Steve swallowed, he wasn’t really sure how to deal with such pure emotion. Fiddled with Eddie’s fingers as they grazed his skin, “I’ve never been the little spoon before.”

Eddie smiled and squeezed him tight, “Well get used to it, you need to be hugged more, sweetheart.”

“Only if it’s by you.” Steve whispered, his eyes falling shut.

“Promise I’ll give you all the hugs and kisses I can muster up.” Eddie chuckled low, another kiss placed on Steve’s bare shoulder, his skin warm and soft under Eddie’s lips, against his stomach and under his arm. Eddie, quite frankly, couldn’t fucking get enough, “I know this is mean, but I hope you get disowned so you can come live with me instead.”

The butterflies in Steve’s stomach were now bursting like fireworks. He squinted his eyes shut harder and let his smile take over, “Step one, win Wayne over. Step two, introduce you to my parents.”

“I’ll put on my most terrifying clothing and draw on some face tattoos.” Eddie mumbled.

“Perfect.” Steve smiled, “They’re gonna hate you.”

“Well, as long as you love me I’ll be right.” And he really didn’t mean to say it like that, it just slipped off his tongue. It’s late and he’s tired - half asleep, actually - and Steve just made his thoughts all foggy. Especially Steve, shirtless, in his bed, in his arms. And so yeah, he said something sort of awkward given their situation, and he didn’t really notice what he had done until Steve eventually responded. And he took a long time to respond, his brain short circuiting for a moment, his thoughts racing until he landed on one.

“Well,” He sighed, lacing his fingers over Eddies and bringing their hands up so he could kiss along his knuckles, just as Eddie had done to him, he pressed their hands back against his chest, forcing their hug to tighten, “it’s a good thing I do.”

#side ronance

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