Say what you will about Voyager and Enterprise, but nothing quite compares to the absolutely batshit episodes in those two shows. Canon mpreg, two characters get merged together, clone made to save a man’s life gains sentience and doesn’t want to have brain surgery, warp barrier break evolves man into salamander where he mates with his captain (also a salamander), whatever the fuck The Thaw was. I love it. I want more befuddling Star Trek.
We’re still feeling romantic here on A Star to Steer Her By even though Valentine’s Day is long past and some of the passion has died down, which can only mean one thing: We’ve reached Star Trek: Enterprise. Not surprisingly, this is going to be a shorter batch than the others and we’re not even being forced to cut just a ton of Riker hustles (just, so so many Riker hustles).
Maybe it’s because Enterprise had fewer episodes—though that sure as hell wasn’t stopping The Original Series, as just Kirk alone made out with more people than every character in this prequel series, combined. Or maybe it’s because so few of the characters really got to do anything—again, see TOS as an exception. When this series did dip into the romantic well, the results varied about as widely as any of the other shows so far. So get ready for a little Vulcan neuropressure as we scrutinize the major romance plots for our Enterprise crew as you read on below and listen over on this week’s podcast episode (run your fingers down to 53:33). Can we offer you a rose petal bath?
Trip Tucker definitely gets the most play throughout the series, and for good reason. Connor Trinneer is just so charming and handsome that it seemed only natural. So when the first action we see on the show is accidental impregnation in “Unexpected,” it’s… it’s just weird. Ah’len and he were just having an innocent sorta-date and they didn’t even touch each other, but instead things just get weird!
Jonathan Archer x Riaan
The closest we really see Archer get to being the chick magnet of shows past comes when he meets the incredibly open-minded Riaan in “Civilization.” If she didn’t end up being into it, I’d say it was uncomfortable that he just starts kissing her to keep her from hearing the universal translator that was glitching, but I guess this chick is about as interested in alien strange as Lanel was in TNG (okay, no one’s as interested as her).
Phlox x Cutler
Speaking of alien strange, we learn Cutler has an unusual interest in Phlox in “Dear Doctor.” We’re not big Phlox lovers on this podcast so we can’t entirely figure out what could possibly be appealing about that genocidal maniac, so we’re actually very happy that he’s upfront with her about the intrinsic openness of his marriages so that she can decide just how deep she wants to get… and now I’ve just grossed myself out.
Trip x Liana
Much easier on the eyes is the cute little flirtation between Trip and Liana in “Oasis.” Sure, she’s about as sheltered and naive as Rayna from TOS’s “Requiem for Methuselah” or Kes from just about all of Voyager, so it’s tough to say how much agency this girl ever has, but Trip treats her with dignity and compassion and ice cream, so we’re more okay with this one.
Jonathan Archer x Keyla
Just to throw Archer another bone, let’s see how he fairs in “Two Days and Two Nights” with Keyla. We’re on Risa, so everyone is expecting a little action of the horizontal nature, and you can see Jon nearly falling for this femme fatale’s ruse, but in the end he sees it’s all this Tandaran woman’s ploy to get more information about the Suliban Cabal. You were this close, Jon!
Hoshi Sato x Ravis
One sole crewmember from the Enterprise got some Risan action in “Two Days and Two Nights” and it’s the one you’d least expect. We actually give the show a lot of credit for depicting Hoshi’s cute little fling with Ravis as something uncomplicated, unjudgeworthy, and entirely consensual. It’s just two adorable nerds having a nice time with each other after learning each other’s native tongues. What else they do with those tongues is their own business.
Trip x Kaitaama
Probably at the bottom of our romance list is “Precious Cargo,” all for reasons we’ve definitely discussed before. Somehow, casting has found a woman even Connor Trinneer doesn’t have chemistry with, something we thought impossible. The dynamic between the two characters is all wrong as there’s really nothing compelling about this prissy First Monarch who treats Trip like garbage. It wasn’t sexual tension. It was genuine discomfort! At least they’re both so pretty.
Phlox x Feezal
Remember how we were giving Phlox some props before about being forthcoming with Cutler so she could make her own decision about pursuing a relationship? I take some of it back. While Phlox and Feezal as a married couple seem like an actually great match who support each other, I can never shake how gross it is in “Stigma” for them to keep insisting Trip and Feezal get down to clown. The man said no already! Stop forcing the issue!
Malcolm Reed x Veylo
Poor poor Reed gets nearly no action all show long even though he claims up and down that he had little black books full of women from his youth. We at least see in “Cogenitor” that he has the capacity to talk to Veylo, the Vissian who sets her sights on him and starts to teach him the Vissian ways of love, which evidently starts with cheese, moves to the bedroom, and then ends with dinner. Well, as long as cheese is involved!
T’Pol x Sim
Sim was only with us for a few days and yet his presence leaves such an impact. Without him admitting to T’Pol that he has a little crush on her in “Similitude” (and assumably, so does Trip), where would the rest of the show had gone? It’s so tragic that the poor clone can’t stay with us because he’s such a compelling concept, and it definitely ends up putting an idea in T’Pol’s head for the rest of the series!
Trip x Amanda Cole
Before we get to the good stuff though, we have to wade through a relationship that was only added to make the other party jealous. Trip and Cole in “Harbinger” are… fine, but it’s clear she’s way more into him than he is her because the show is setting up the real meaty will-they-won’t-they relationship in the next item. And then Cole up and vanishes entirely, proving that she was not a character. She was a plot device.
Trip x T’Pol
Finally, the ship all the Tri'Pol fans are here for! These hotties aren’t just easy on the eyes, but they also really balance each other out. T’Pol can claim all she likes that she only hooked up with him in “Harbinger” as an experiment, but you can tell there is more to it. When they refuse to acknowledge their attraction and Trip flees the ship (and his feelings!) in “The Aenar,” it’s a bit childish, but they come back full circle by “Bound” and “Terra Prime” when their mourning together over baby Elizabeth is some absolutely stunning acting. These two just click.
Jonathan Archer x Erika Hernandez
Captain Hernandez is a cool lady on her own, and just happens to be one of Archer’s past forays whom he reconnects with in “Home.” You get the sense that it’s a tryst of convenience since Archer has been brooding all episode long and needs somewhere to put all these darned feelings that he’s had pent up since getting back from the Delphic Expanse. There’s not more to it after this one even though Hernandez is still, ya know, around.
T’Pol x Koss
Way back in “Breaking the Ice,” T’Pol put off her engagement to Koss because she effectively picked Starfleet over him. She opts to go on with the marriage in “Home” to try to save face for her family after all the Starfleet hijinks bit her in the bum. Eventually Koss does help the Enterprise crew out in “Kir’Shara,” which reflects that he’s a nice enough guy, but their relationship really only aims to shine a light on how T’Pol really would prefer Trip.
Jonathan Archer x Navaar
The list was short enough I felt like including this ruse of a relationship from “Bound” even though it barely qualifies. The Orion women are really only here to deceive all the men and cast love spells on them (been a while since we’ve seen some love drugs!). It’s really gross all around, and just adds yet another time that we see Archer get tricked by women. And we didn’t even talk about Rajiin!
Travis Mayweather x Gannet Brooks
We’ve made it to the final example we felt like including and it’s yet more manipulation! The whole Gannet subplot in “Demons” and “Terra Prime” is barely fleshed out, but hey, at least it provided something for Mayweather to do! I mean, how often can we say that? These two do seem to actually like each other, so who can even tell where the romance ends and the deception begins?
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We’ve added all the notches on our bedposts now for main characters from past Trek, and we’re still hungering for more! Keep your eyes here because we’ve still got minor characters to discuss, and catch up with the rest of our Discovery rewatch over on SoundCloud or your favorite podthing. You can also catch our glances from across the bar over on Facebook and Bluesky. Did it hurt—when you fell from Sto-vo-kor?
