Oct 7, 2025
“Die Gandalf Die” by D.R. Beitzel
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“Die Gandalf Die” by D.R. Beitzel
www.phatypus.com
IG: phatypus
Stalkeyes Snippets: The Scottish Triangle
Dipper: "You know you can say Bill's name, it's cool." Ford: [Gets splashed by a passing car] "No, you really can't." Dipper: "What, say Bill's name?" Ford: [Garbage can falls over and hits him on the foot] "Stop saying it!" Dipper: "Saying what?!" Ford: "BILL! …Bah, now I've said it." [Gets struck by lightning] Mabel: "See, this is why I always call 'im the 'triangle guy' or 'isosceles jerk'." Dipper: "Or 'piss-coloured toblerone'." Mabel: "Shhhh! Grunkle Ford doesn't need to know about that one!" Ford: "What was that he said, Mabel?" Mabel: "Uh- peach! Peach-coloured toblerone!" Ford: "What on Earth is a toblerone?"
“So, this is my life. At least I’ve done better than Dad.” - Michael Afton Milhouse Van Houten
Melkor: You see me as a god, right, Mairon?
Mairon: Absolutely, Master.
Melkor: You’d kneel before me?
Mairon: *Eyebrows raise* Boy, would I.
A tap house I enjoy visiting. Not a Simpsons fanbar, I swear, lol! Oh, wait, how many references do you see? Maybe it is after all ;-)
Ah, Mairon, the Noldor have returned. They probably want their souls back.
Melkor, to Mairon after seeing smoke signals in the distance.
Melkor: I haven't a friend in the world.
Mairon: You have me, Master.
Melkor: I pay you, Mairon. No love can come from one man paying another.
Mairon: Well, actually...
Melkor: I'll retire to my bed.
Mairon: That's where everyone put their coats.
Melkor: Throw them in the woodchipper and use the rags to wash my dragons.
[Mairon tosses coats out window and into a woodchipper, the shreds going into a bin marked "rags"]
Melkor: Why does everyone hate me?
Melkor: It’s as easy as crushing a spider.
Sees a spider, attempts to step on it, the spider pushes up and knocks him over.
Melkor: Take my wallet and leave me alone!