Some context for this snippet first; someone posted a lovely fun prompt on the discord, and I immediately went "but what if it was ANGST?!"
My version was Tony and Stephen adopt, but are woefully unprepared for what would mean. They're schedules are erratic, and they struggle to balance their work, their parenting, and their relationship. They're barely skating along, but they are managing it for a while, held up by how very much they love Peter, and how much they love each other (even if they are starting to think the other doesn't love them back).
And then Peter gets sick. It's not anything treatable, but an extreme cold or something, just something that has to be waited out. But Stephen can't accept that, digging into medical and magical solutions to the point of not spending time with his struggling family. And then, one night, after they finally get poor Peter to bed, they go to the kitchen, and immediately start arguing. And that's this scene.
"I can't just sit by and watch-" Stephen whispered furiously, helpless and so tired but still not wanting to wake up Peter.
"You can't-" Tony started, scoffed, folded his arms over his chest. "If you want to leave, then leave!"
"That's not what I said!" Stephen argued.
"Well that's what it sounded like!" Tony yelled, just a little too loud. They both stopped, listened for a moment to hear if they had woken Peter. Their breathing was loud in the quiet kitchen, but there was no sound of Peter stirring. They didn't look at each other.
"Do you… do you really want me to leave?" Stephen asked, quiet. He tried not to let the hurt enter his voice, keep it impassive and unemotional because getting emotional never solves anything. It seeped in at the corners, all the same.
Tony wiped his face, clearly tired.
"I don't want you to stay if you don't want to." Tony said with finality. He still wouldn't look at Stephen. Stephen let out a frustrated sigh.
"That's not what I asked Tony."
"I don't want you to stay if you hate it here." Tony continued, and it's not an answer to Stephen's question, but it punches Stephen in the gut. "If you hate me."
"Tony. Tony, no, that's not what I-" Stephen started, then stopped, trying to organize his suddenly chaotic thoughts. "I'm going crazy because I'm afraid of losing everything I care about. My sister… she got sick. I couldn't do anything. She died."
Stephen bit back the tears talking about this always brought, but it didn't work, not this time. He took a shaky breath, continuing. "But I know so much more now. I thought surely, surely now- but I am so scared, because what if with everything I've learned, it's still not enough?"
He was reached out with his words, showing his vulnerable side in a way he hates doing, hoping to get things back in order. But Tony felt so far away, even across the kitchen.
"My parents, they weren't around much." Tony admitted after a long moment of silence. It sounded like a non sequitur, but Stephen listened. "If they didn't want to be there, they weren't. Only Jarvis ever stuck around, and- well, he was many things, but he was also on the payroll."
Tony laughed; it wasn't a happy sound, bitter.
"I don't know what I'm trying to say. Damnit, why is this so hard? I-" Tony broke off, scrubbed at his eyes, but didn't move them from covering them when he was done, the other arm wrapped around himself, self soothing. Stephen noticed he was shaking.
How long had he been shaking? How long had Tony been carrying this fear, that Stephen would eventually just… leave?
Stephen didn't know where he stood, how to fix this. This wasn't a fact he could memorize, a procedure he could learn. This was Tony. So he started with something he knew he could work off of, even if it was the most terrifying thing he could think to do at that moment.
"May I hold you?" Stephen asked. He knew Tony could say no. That Tony had every reason to say no. And if Tony said no, Stephen would have to accept it; that Tony didn't want Stephen near him anymore, maybe didn't love him anymore.
But miraculously, Tony made a choked off sound, and said, "Yeah. Yes, always."
Stephen didn't waste another second, took two big strides across the kitchen to wrap Tony in a hug. Maybe it was too tight, Stephen didn't know; but he did know Tony relaxed into it, immediately, like his whole being had been waiting for it.
"Please understand this," Stephen said, voice raw, "until you tell me to leave, I'm not going to. I'm nowhere near strong enough to let go of you unless it was to make you happy, and even then it might just kill me. I love you Tony. You and Peter. You're my whole world."
He felt Tony unwind further; like he had been just as afraid as Stephen that he wasn't loved back. That made something in Stephen loosen, some of the fear he had been carrying lose its grip. Tony still loved him. He leaned his head against Tony’s, breathing in his scent and the relief of that fact. They still loved each other.
"I didn't think I had it in me to be as happy as you make me, but I do." Stephen continued softly, more sure of himself now. "You can believe whatever else you want about me, but understand that is where I am coming from. I want to make this work, whatever it looks like. I want to be a family, with you and our son."
Stephen took a deep breath, lifted his head so he could look at Tony head on. Tony was still looking away though, blinking hard. "Look at me Tony. Do you want the same thing?"
Tony looked at Stephen, searching. Stephen didn't hide, not this time. His heart was on his sleeve, and he knew Tony could shatter it with a word. But he had to try.
Eventually, Tony must have seen what he was looking for, because he nods.
"Yes, I do." Tony said, and Stephen can see he's telling the truth; he might not believe Stephen yet, but they could work on that.
"Good. Because if we know that, we can do anything." He knew this wasn't over, far from it; but he couldn't help the relief he felt from making its way into his voice. Maybe he didn't need to hide it at all. "Can I kiss you?"
Tony gave a wet chuckle, and it sounded exhausted, but also like happiness, like disbelieving hope.
"You'd better, before I start talking about my teen years." Tony joked, his already erratic breathing going rougher when Stephen leaned in close.
"I want to hear it all, Tony." Stephen said, breathing it on Tony's lips like the promise it is. "I want all of you, the good and the bad. And until you get tired of me, I plan to find out everything you are willing to give me."
"So everything, and forever," Tony said, and Stephen felt Tony's lips quirk in a smile, knew his were doing the same.
"Everything and forever." Stephen promised, and kissed his husband.
