#so sarcasm

[tiltingplanet]

Ah yes, five dollars. This will win a politician over.

[welcometo-candyland]

Today I reached my personal best in how many rejection emails I can receive in a day! 🙃

[drunkenwhaleer]

i have the taste of rot and death in the back of my throat :)

[finnajerkit]

Thank you tumblr for the great porn posts as I sit next to my entire family...

[indxstrialist]

i love having people duke it out with each other on my rant post so that it floods my activity feed with drama i do not need to see.

[indxstrialist]

everyone on my dash right now tbh:

[agent-timross]

FC: Tina Fey

TINA. MOTHERFUCKING. FEY. First thing that comes to mind? Uhm.

Meet Charlotte Moonbeam Clark, the newest self-help guru taking the world by storm. Except she's more about "self" than "help", and she is a very reluctant storm. She started this whole gig as a joke, and it's sort of out of hand.

"Look, you're taking life advice from someone who lived in their Grandma's garage until they were 30. If that's what you want to throw your money at, I can't help you.... but I do take cash, credit, or certified checks."

[fleurdelyssa-blog-blog]

Sweet.

Only took you a week after our breakup to get a set of hickey's?  

YOU MUST BE SO LONELY.