#sobrietysaves

[writtenbydida]

It's been brought to my attention that not everyone knows to always have food available with alcohol, so I figured I'd make a Dida-ism about it. Finally getting this one posted. Formatting takes me longer than the actual writing most of the time. #sobriety #addictionawareness #sobrietysaves #soberlife #partyplanning #holidayevents #wedorecover #writtenbydida #fibrowarrior #invisibleillness #addiction #substanceabuse https://www.instagram.com/p/B5EL0XgA5FB/?igshid=p7cq4i28t1n5

[toucheshae-blog]

Sobriety Day 118

I haven’t blogged in quite some time.

I could say a lot, but I’m not saying much at all really. I’ve gotten to 118 days and damnit, that’s amazing.

I’m trying to stay positive, and be happy. Eventually, I will find it on this journey.

[toucheshae-blog]

Sobriety Day 89

I've released all the energies of who you are to me, and let them go. The moon is bright, and I have thrived in it. My future is just as bright; and tonight, I shine.

[toucheshae-blog]

Sobriety Day 71

I've made it 70 days. Trials and tribulations in the emotional realm have been great. I'm making moves that put me forward, and that takes time. Today I'm plagued with thoughts that have haunted or irked me a while. I'm tired. I'm tired of relationships that come with a price. Friendship and lovers alike. I'm tired of comparison. I'm tired of backlash. I'm tired of "I did but you didn't". I'm tired. If it's not one thing, it's another. It comes with a price. I have beautiful relationships that come with nothing but love, and thrive. I focus only on those. Once something stops serving me emotionally, I stop serving it. I don't expect the same momentum, or that you do all I do, I expect only not to be drained. And right now, I am drained. Emotional vampires drain me. As I have drained others. But now, I am in control.. and I am taking it.

[toucheshae-blog]

Sobriety Day 64

Today I had a bad BPD flare up. I had to talk myself down from self harm and thoughts of suicide, and I succeeded. The thoughts tried to creep in, and they did, in fact, come in and out; but overall, I won the fight today. It doesn't feel like it. But it doesn't feel like I lost either. For once, I won. I am so proud of myself. I felt I wasn't succeeding, but actually I did. I didn't succumb to the thoughts of self hatred and loathing, and I didn't allow the thoughts and desires of self harm to take over me. I didn't hurt myself, and I didn't allow myself to feel like I wanted to kill my self. Today, I won.

[toucheshae-blog]

Sobriety Day 61

I made it to 60 days. And I made it to 28. Both are miracles.

[toucheshae-blog]

Sobriety Day 53

I am content with where I am in life. I am happy with the choices I have made for myself, and for myself only. I am so glad that I have made it this far, and so utterly proud of myself for who I have become. I have taken control of my life, and accepted things as how they are, and not how I want them to be. I have taken myself from situations that no longer serve me. I have brought myself into place that will help me grow. I have transcended above all things meant to bring me down, do me no good, or merely mingle and settle into my life. I have grown. And I am glad for it.

I want to thank everyone that has helped me get to this point. Including those that no longer are a part of this journey. To ex’s, old friends, lovers, best friends, parents, people who no longer exist to me. Thank you. Thank you for helping me rise above myself and the travesties I have allowed to bring me down again. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And to myself, you are beautiful. You are smart. You are kind. And you have reached limits you never thought you would, because you have allowed yourself to. You have pushed yourself to do so. You have transcended.

I love you.

[toucheshae-blog]

Sobriety Day 32

I'm early today, because thoughts are racing. Unfortunately I didn't write the prettiest blog earlier, because I was not in a good place and I don't really have a safe place to vent but here.. it's hard dealing with the tumultuous feelings of a broken heart.. or rather a broken dream.. I've been doing well with my sobriety. The cravings come and go, most especially when I'm high in feelings, and low in emotions. I separate the two, because for me they come separate at times. I might be high in feelings but feeling low, and my low points can be drowning and suffocating. I'm not embarrassed by it, I'm just learning how to cope. I find myself falling in love with the idea of love, to keep myself from forgetting what it feels like. Not particularly with a certain person, and more so with myself and the idea that I am comforting enough to be with. A part of me wants to be in love, but a bigger part of me doesn't want to be with anyone at all. I don't feel safe enough yet, happy enough yet. But love is so important to me. I'm finding myself wanting to be here less and less. I can make connection, and human contact, but still feel alone. I can allow myself to have interpersonal relationships with people, but still feel distant. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt myself.. but love is a big part of who I am, and I don't always feel that here. I know where to find it, though, and that is where I am planning to go. Plans change, but most importantly, people change. It is those that don't change, in their feelings for me and how they see me, that I am seeking after. Thank you for reading.