An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Oh hey, Chapter 15 of my Ferdibert longfic is up!
“The Unsustainable Silliness", featuring: Hilda and Hubert banter! Demanding an armoire that is one Hubert tall! Lorenz in an inflatable dinosaur costume! Mercedes gleefully playing 4D chess!
This fic is a Modern AU, T, and in additional to all of the sillies, banter, and Ferdinand and Hubert orbiting one another, it also features ADHD/Autistic Ferdinand and Demisexual Hubert!
@futurepresentashes said: “ death is a part of life. i accepted that a long time ago. ”
The words weighed heavily on her more than Cable would ever know. The truth in them hurt, a hot knife stabbing and twisting into her heart. He was right of course, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept. Not for her. Her gaze dropped as she closed her eyes for a moment and shifted to look at her hands. Upon opening her eyes, she stiffened as a sharp gasp left her lips.
Trembling, her hands were coated in blood despite not being in any battle for some time. Instantly, she glanced up at him to see if he had heard her before glancing back to her hands. Her heart raced, expecting to see the fresh blood dripping from her open palms only to find they were perfectly clean.
“No...” she murmured, barely above a whisper. She hadn’t been sleeping well. Not for a few days...maybe week now? Typically, her brain only played tricks like that when it had been weeks of restless sleep. How long had it been.
“I....I need to leave,” she bolted to her feet, leaving her companion in an unusual and unnatural way.
Continued from HERE
— When he couldn’t find that brace faced little grand-niece of his he very nearly had a heart attack. He knelt down to her level – one hand to his chest and the other on the girl’s shoulder; her solid weight more reassuring than just words.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again.” His hand shook as he eased his grip before it could get too tight. He fussed over her before finally pulling her into a bone crushing hug. He didn’t remember what happened or where he was, but the seeing that Mabel was there and okay was one weight lifted from his shoulders.
@naosh-of-muses
You & Hyunsuk are strangers, the whole world seems to think otherwise.
In his last year of high school, Hyunsuk makes the mistake of accidentally confessing to the wrong person. That's where everything goes wrong.
·
“Excuse me,”
Turns to find you. And a boy.
“Do– do you need something?” Your smile is unbearable, the kindness in your eyes bright and blazing on your face. Head tilts, the boy's head does the same – synced in a way that doesn't mean friendship, deeper than it looks. More.
“I... Um!” Turns to your locker, stares at it – heart drops, chews on his lip. Bites hard.
“... Ask if he's okay,”
Hyunsuk feels the burn, your eyes and the boy's – searing at the back of his neck, seeping into his skin, bones, to his heart. Feels the red bloom of embarrassment grow on his cheeks.
“Are you okay? You look like you're sick–”
Hyunsuk runs. Wants the ground to open up and swallow him – he made a mistake. Accidentally gives you his love letter for someone else – he makes a mistake, and he doesn't know what to do.
Hyunsuk makes a mistake and runs.
·
“Maybe it's a bomb –”
Yoshinori leans close to you, stares over your shoulder at your locker. Steals a glance at your face, before he bumps your shoulder gently with his, says, “– or a very lovely love letter,”
“Or maybe, he made a mistake and accidentally put it, said love letter, in my locker,”
“That only happens in Shoujo manga...” He pouts, bottom lip jutting out. You shrug, looking to him, a smile blooms on your face, “my life could be a work of fiction, you never know, Yoshi.”
“I'll believe it when I see it,”
You begin to taste something bitter in your mouth. Wondering if it is a love letter, or if it's a mistake, or it's – you dwell on your thoughts. Feels a hand ground into your shoulder, kneads through the layers of your uniform. Presses soft, too gently on you – “it's okay to reject people, you know.” Nods his head, brings you back to reality.
You nod, open palm moving to cover his hand, “It's okay to reject people,” you say back. Repeating his words, more to yourself than to anyone else.
“I'll go get us milk, you'll wait here for me, right?” Waits until you hand him over a few coins from your bag, fingers brushing against his. You nod, “obviously,” you say quietly. He smiles before he's gone.
You stare after him. Feel the heat burning in your gut, you inhale. Swallow the world and feel something heavy on your shoulders.
You open your shoe locker, stare at the letter above your outdoor shoes. Stare and stare, until realization hits.
This could be for you, or it could be for someone who isn't you – you don't open it. Not until after lunch, after mouthfuls of rice, after your strawberry milk, after Yoshinori walks you to class, and goes to his.
Once you sit in your desk. Placing the pink envelope in between the folds of your notebook. Tearing it open, and placing out the parchment paper in your schoolbook, in the folds again.
Parchment paper between fingers, scratches against your forefinger. Draws blood, seeps into the corner of the paper.
You whip your fingers against your woollen sweater, red staining brown. Before your heartbeat quickens.
You looked beautiful today. I wanted to talk to you, ask you if you liked the color green – or any colors, you probably like colors. I chickened out, felt like I wasn't enough to be beside you. But you looked beautiful today. I like the way you look. Your hair, the way the sun catches it – I wonder how your hair will look green. Probably wouldn't match you, maybe it would. But I like the color green, I wanted to ask if I should dye my hair green. I probably won't. Too chicken for that. Just like I'm too chicken to talk to you – I want to write poems about you, expect I don't know how, and my friends think that's weird because I can't spell correctly when I'm expressing myself. What do you think? Am I good at writing? Grammar really shouldn't matter, right? If it does– I'm rambling, can you do that through pen and paper? Anyways. I think you're beautiful. I like the way you look – I just like you. There's no one like you. I hope one day you like me just as much as I like you.
Your not-so secret admirer, Hyunsuk.
Then your heart stops. Your knees knock together.
The letter smells like strawberries.
·
Hyunsuk sits with Jihoon. Watches Bang Yedam make his way to them, Asahi following close behind – they've been attached by their hips when someone swore that they were too awkward with one another, Yedam's face grew red and Asahi had said, “we aren't, you just don't see us together often,” – let's Yedam press close to him when he sits beside Hyunsuk. And Asahi stands, stares at students eating their lunches, while popping the joints in his hands.
“I messed up.”
Jihoon is sighing, face twisting in confusion, “in what way? The kind of way that means cleaning up after you, or the kind of way that means–”
Hyunsuk interrupts him, voice barely a voice, “I gave the letter to the wrong person...”
Yedam is leaning up, staring at the side of Hyunsuk's face, and Asahi has stopped the popping. “Are you alright?” It's cautious, too low for anyone to hear, Hyunsuk nods before he drops his head, hands coming to curl around the back of his neck. Still feels the burning of your stare there, “I'm just so embarrassed. Like, why would I do that like that? I'm so – oh my god, there's that guy that was with them!” His voice squeaks, draws attention. And he's pushing himself behind Jihoon, who stares at the boy with eyes wide.
Asahi says, “That's Yoshinori.”
And Yedam is humming, nodding along in understanding. “He's always in the music room with class 1's [reader],” And suddenly realization hits. “You confessed to [reader], didn't you?” And Asahi is walking away despite Jihoon calls for him. “There he goes. Our son is growing up,” Jihoon says jokingly, and his smile snaps away when Hyunsuk's face turns purple, like all the air in his lungs has been pulled away.
Asahi stands behind Yoshinori as he buys two milks from the vending machine, talks to him. Hyunsuk watches as he smiles at Asahi, soft. Pulls the corners of his mouth gently, lightens up his face. Wonders if you two are together – Then Yoshinori is waving awkwardly at them, smile soft. Cheeks reddening. Asahi is shrugging as his mouth moves.
Then Yoshinori is leaving, stealing glances at Hyunsuk. Just Hyunsuk. Only Hyunsuk – and Asahi is coming back.
He says, “he's in the manga club with me.”
A breathe escapes Hyunsuk's mouth, “I'm so dumb...”
Yedam hand rubs Hyunsuk's shoulder awkwardly, “maybe they'll both forget about it.”
“He wrote about how he wonders what their hair would look like green,” Jihoon says, mouth twitches. Hyunsuk is sighing, “I was just wondering...”
“... Why would you even wonder that?” Asahi questions. Brows narrowing at Hyunsuk, and Jihoon laughs, hand covering his mouth. Makes it muffled.
“I don't want to be friends with you guys.”
“I'm trying to make you feel better, hyung!”
·
After school, after club practice, after Yoshinori leaves the school early to catch his bus – you're alone.
Left by your shoe locker switching shoes, White cotton socks on wooden flooring. You shrug off your woollen sweater, folding it before shoving in your bag. A student walks by, nodding his head to you as he leaves, “be safe,” you say quietly. Watching as he leaves. You stare absentmindedly at the sky, before the door closes. You continue to stare once it's closed.
“Um. Hey.”
A voice startles you. You jump. Knocking your bag over, your things spell out, along with the letter.
He's kneeling, grabbing your stuff. Sliding it across the wooden floor. Toward you. They sit at your feet, before you kneel to. Knees pressing atop the floor. The crevices of wood holding skin. “You shouldn't do that. I could have punched you,” You smile at him, but he keeps his head low.
Strangely, you don't like it.
“Can you take a confession back?”
He asks. Your heart begins to hurt.
– No, this is the first boy to ever like you. He's thinks you're beautiful, he likes your hair, and you. And you don't know him, but for the first time – you don't know.
“I don't know you. I don't like you. Like– like that. I think you should dye your hair. I think green is nice, but I like black because it's ever color. I don't know you... And I don't want to know you. I'm not looking for romance. Not now.”
For the first time you look at him. Think you see, see you. And he does.
You hope he does. But you also don't.
“I... Okay, but can you answer my question.”
You smile, your head tilts and you say thoughtfully, “You can't, not once you've already confessed.”
He nods. Your cheeks begin to burning. Palms becoming sweaty. You swear he's beautiful. “I'm sorry,” He apologizes, “But I–”
“There you are!” A friend of his appears. Eyes on you and the contents of your bag on the floor. “I was looking for you, you weren't in class.”
“I was... I was just apologizing to [reader].”
You nod, beginning to grab your things. Hand touching the letter before you slide it to him. “Be careful next time.” You say, because he's taking his confession back and he nods. Cheeks reddening.
You're shoving your things in your bag, standing up in a hurry. “See you both,” Grabbing your shoes, and slamming your locker with more force then intended.
Your eyes blur, and you wonder if it means you aren't enough.
It isn't that, you just don't know.
·
“They looked upset.”
Hyunsuk is staring, the letter by his knee. Torn open, pink suddenly doesn't look like it should. It doesn't feel like a lovely color anymore.
“They were.”
A realization hits – you wanted the letter to be yours.
(He doesn't know that there is a girl listening in, hands curling around her books, mind swirling – “[reader] was confessed to by Hyunsuk!” she gushes the next day to a few other girls. “They rejected him! Why would they even do that?!”)
·
#main protagonist: hope you're home safe and sound, can we have lunch with a friend tomorrow? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧ [06:48]
#readerchan: i am! and of course, anything you want! ^_____^ [06:50]
You're changed, pajamas soft your skin. You finish up your homework. Settling in your bed, phone in your hand.
#main protagonist: yeah, a friend from the manga club asked if i wanted to meet his friends, he invited you (´⊙ω⊙`)！[06:53]
#readerchan: that's weird... [06:53]
#main protagonist: it is weird! i was like !, and then he was like ?, but i said yes [06:54]
#main protagonist: that guy who was by your locker is his friend (๑•﹏•) [06:54]
#main protagonist: i can decline, make up an excuse like i got sea sick and forget about his invitation lol [06:55]
#readerchan: you're so weird~ [06:59]
Sighing, you lay down and stare at the ceiling. Eyelids closing over irises. You picture a cow jumping over the moon, feeling your heart heavy in your gut.
You sleep and dream of the boy you barely know.
Hyunsuk, Hyunsuk, Hyunsuk, Hyunsuk – you wonder how he'd look with green hair.
·
Hyunsuk is walking to school. Bundled in a coat, the morning air bitter against his skin.
Closing his air as he walks down an emptied street, listens to a song that makes his body ache – pull it together, we could love you, forever and ever – sees you hopping in the bus, coat buttoned up, woollen sweater in your arms along with two bags. A brown paper bag, and aged leather. Watches you fade into bodies on the bus through glass.
Realizes you live down the street from him.
Then he continues walking. Wondering if he should buy Yedam lunch.
·
At school, Yoshinori is waiting patiently by your shoe locker, already talking to someone. You recognize him as the boy from yesterday, the one who isn't Hyunsuk – “– you heard that? From a freshman? I don't think that's true–” Yoshinori stops talking, face turning red at you. And the boy stares, and stares, and stares. Until you redden. “Wh... Um, hello.” You bow, and he smiles. Lifts at corner, before it spreads across his face. And Yoshinori waves. Awkward, like he has something he shouldn't tell you.
“You're [reader]?”
You nod, smiling. Shuffling between feet. Standing awkwardly in the hall.
“Uh. There was –”
“There is.” Yoshinori says, low. Quietly. The boy continues, “There is a rumor. It's about you. And Hyunsuk. And Yoshinori.”
Your face twists. “... Hyunsuk?”
Your voice expressed regret over embarrassment. “Um. I didn't accept his letter.” You're looking at Yoshinori. Forgetting about the boy for a moment. “I couldn't.”
Your heart hurts.
You walk cautiously to your locker. “They should fade, they won't last – tell Hyunsuk not to worry.” You smile. And it looks bitter on your face.
The boy nods. Smiling, “See you later.”
His hand pats Yoshinori on the back before he's gone.
“Why didn't you accept? Hello, Shoujo romance is cheesy, you should have –”
“It's also cringy, Yoshi.”
He sighs, hand going to his pants pocket, holding a manderine out. An open palm and a smile too soft – you grab it slow, fingertips brushing against his palm.
You don't see Hyunsuk watching. Feeling the low unsettling burn of something in his gut – eyes on your face, your cheeks, your fingers – realizes you don't want a letter from him, but from Yoshinori.
·
Hyunsuk walks to class after putting his things away. Thinks of Yoshinori and who he is – and why he doesn't like you the way he should.
“What are you thinking about?” Yedam is by his side, books in his arms. Face lightening up at him.
“Yoshinori. Do you know him?” Yedam slows, thinking. Brows furrowing, lip going between his teeth. “Only that he's in the manga club.” Shaking his head softly.
“Manga club...” Hyunsuk stops, sees you walking down the hall with Yoshinori. “What do you know about [reader]?”
Your head turns and you don't see him. Your cheeks are tinged red, only seeing Yoshinori who doesn't see you in the way you want – “they're really nice. I talked to them once,”
Hyunsuk decides, why not – and vows to make Yoshinori jealous. For you. Only you.
That's his second mistake.
·
You peel the manderine during break. At your desk, atop notebooks and schoolbooks. Fingers pull the skin, tearing the flesh of the manderine.
Your fingers softly ground into the pulp, pulling the piece apart and laying them on your tongue. Chewing slow, feeling the warmth of happiness bloom in your chest.
Until Hyunsuk walks into your class looking at you with a smile.
You begin choking, grabbing your water bottle and chugging.
“Are you okay?” He's suddenly in front of you, concern written on his face – “I shouldn't have come, I'm so sorry, I clearly almost killed you–”
And you laugh, because he's rubbing his chin. Forgetting about you.
It snaps him back into reality, looks at your face, red discoloration seeping into your skin. You look different without Yoshinori.
You look beautiful.
“You almost killed me twice already,”
You say, softly. And you don't notice eyes watching you both. All you can see is him.
He gestures towards the empty desk beside you. “May I sit with you?” You nod.
“Did I really almost kill you?” He questions. It's cute, makes your heartbeat quicken. You don't feel it, you don't feel the pink crawling up your neck.
You and Hyunsuk talk. You give him a piece of manderine and watch his entire face redden when your fingers brush his palm.
A friendship blooms.
·
“I talked to [reader].” He tells Yedam. Whispers it, like a secret. It is.
Yedam nods, looking at him to continue. “They're nice.” Yedam is humming, makes Hyunsuk's gut jump. He agrees, low and quiet. Smiling.
They wait for Jihoon and Asahi. By a bench near the school doors. Yedam's lunch in plastic containers on his knees, tells Hyunsuk, one is for Jihoon. And Hyunsuk pouts, “None for me?” Yedam is pushing him, softly with his shoulder.
The hair on Hyunsuk's neck stands when he sees you trailing after Yoshinori. Hair blowing in the breeze that passes, hand pushing it away. The other hand clenched tight around a brown paper bag.
Doesn't notice his heart burning.
“You look beautiful in the sun.”
He says, and he smiles. Watches you freeze. Face flushing, before you say, “...You too?”
Thinks it's true. That you look beautiful in the sun.
Doesn't notice you staring at Yoshinori. Doesn't notice Yoshinori staring at him.
·
You sit beside Yoshinori and Yedam. Across from Hyunsuk.
You pick at a jelly sandwich, listening to Yoshinori talk about Shoujo manga and the recent adaptation of his favorite manga with Asahi – you think of manderines and if they remind Yoshinori of you, or if he's just a good friend.
Your gut starts becoming uneasy. Emptying out.
Would Yoshinori ever like me?
You think. Chewing the inside of your cheek until Hyunsuk hands you a strawberry, smiling at you.
Yoshinori stops talking. Stares at you. Stares at Hyunsuk.
You think, but rejection is okay, if Yoshinori doesn't like me, other people will. And you take it, pretending you are in a Shoujo manga. Just like Yoshinori said.
You smile. And Yoshinori frowns.
And Hyunsuk's heart burns.
·
Hyunsuk stares at your smile. Feels the burn, remembers that you aren't the one he likes – remembers that it could change.
His heart begins to burn. Searing against bones.
His breath catches.
This is his third mistake.
·
Hyunsuk asks Yedam about it days later, if it's okay to move on quickly, and if it's okay with like you – “people move on differently, it depends on the person, it depends on you. Everyone has their own process.” Smiles at Hyunsuk and continues walking. Meeting Asahi again, this time with Yoshinori.
Yoshinori isn't Yoshinori without you, that's what Hyunsuk thinks. Doesn't realize you and Yoshinori walk different paths in life.
Trails behind.
Until he sees you.
Leaning against Yoshinori's shoe locker. With two containers in your hand. And two strawberries milks atop them.
Face brightening up at Yoshinori. Heart burning, wishing it were him. You hand Yoshinori the container, fingers pressing tightly around it. Releasing it into his hands.
You give a strawberry milk to Hyunsuk.
You sit between them, and Hyunsuk watches the way the sun catches your hair when it shines bright in the sky. Heart aching, he decides to write you a letter – but this time, it isn't for someone else. This one is for you.
·
“Do you like Hyunsuk?” Yoshinori asks quietly.
You're sitting across from him. His eyes are tender, too soft to hurt you. Your hand curls tightly around your pencil, biting the side of your cheek, something bitter tinges your tongue. “W– what do you mean?”
His head tilts, drops to the chest. “You didn't give me milk today... That sounds childish saying it out loud.”
You smile, but it feels strained. Your gut recoils, and you feel strange.
It's been weeks since the letter. It's felt like days – the more you think about the letter, the less you think of Yoshinori.
Instead all that fills your head is the smell of parchment paper that held the scent of strawberries, and Hyunsuk and if he'll ever dye his hair green.
“I don't... I don't know.” It's quiet. And Yoshinori stares, “you should tell him.”
Your breath hitches. Face twisting, you become upset because – because... You like Yoshinori. You do. You want him to be with you. You do. But Hyunsuk is there, here, he's everywhere. Hyunsuk makes you feel warm and fuzzy and Yoshinori – “I liked you, Yoshinori.”
His face pales. He stiffens, and you know. Like you've always known.
You begin collecting your things. “Don't say anything, okay? I know. I always knew. I... We were always just friends.”
Your eyes dampen when you walk away.
You think of Hyunsuk and wonder if he'll ever dye his hair.
You think of Hyunsuk and wonder if he'll ever hold your hand.
If he'll ever just make a move.
You think of Hyunsuk. And he's all you can really think of lately.
·
Hyunsuk writes you a letter.
He feels his heart ache and burn.
Thinks of your hair and your hands and you.
·
You're almost at the school gates when Jihoon notices you.
You remember parts of him – he likes dancing, drawing, and he's good at those things. His excitement rolls onto everyone around him, and he can make you smile and anyone else. You remember he's friend with Hyunsuk and he's easy to get along with – “Goodmorning!” You bow slightly. And it makes him laugh a bit.
“That felt so formal... Never do that again.”
Your voice stutters. Chin ducking, hitting your chest. “... Am I really that formal?”
“Try extremely reserved,” He jokes, it makes you smile. Face reddening, hands curling around your bags. “What's for lunch?" His chin lifts, gesturing to your brown paper bag.
“A sandwich."
You shuffle between feet, hearing him mumble quietly, “Aw.”
“You should go, the bell will ring soon, don't want to take up your precious time!” He wraps an arm around your shoulders, pushes you gently through the gates.
You wonder about Hyunsuk.
“Jihoon... Um... Hyunsuk, is – do you think... Do you think he likes me...?”
Your chewing your lip. Staring at the way his head tilts, at the way a smile grows on his face.
“Why don't you ask him?”
You ‘oh’ softly, taking slow steps backwards. Nodding, before you twist around.
“... Ask him?”
·
He catches a glimpse of you at lunch.
Eating outside, sitting on a bench. Cherry blossoms fall, and it's heart pounding. Smiles a little at your fingers pulling back the flesh of a manderine.
Opening the door, he walks to you. Maybe too quickly. Too rushed. But his heart is pounding loudly in his ears, his chest burns and wildfire is spreading across his body.
He practically throws the letter at you. It's in a light green envelope. A sloppy drawn heart at the centre, slanted.
Eyes shut tight. Face tinged pink.
“I love you [reader]!”
That's his fourth mistake.
He likes you. But that works too.
Then he's running. Towards the entrance doors. Pulling it open and letting it slam shut.
You face bursts into flames. Your heart swells and your stomach flutters.
His hair is green. A very bright green.
·
You read the letter during your last period.
There's an extra layer of timidness in your fingers when they tear open the envelope.
Your whole body seizes. Your heart drums, and your fingers are running over his writing.
You look beautiful every day. My first letter, it wasn't for you – but I'm glad I gave it to you. You like green. I did it BTW, dyed my hair. You'll probably see, or have seen? I talked to you, I know you. Or at least, I like to think I do. Here are some things I know – 1. You like fruit, you pull the skin off of manderines slow, and you eat strawberries like they're too sweet 2. You like the color black, because it's every color. I think 3. You're more reserved than anyone I've ever met, you remind me of an old person, in the best way 4. You look beautiful, that's a given. You've always been beautiful and I've just never noticed 5. You're everywhere, I'm just blind 6. You might like me. I don't know. Not yet. I hope you do. If not, that's okay too. I'll understand. But. I think you're beautiful and I think I'm a bad letter writer? See. I don't know how to write.
You look beautiful every day. I like you. I think we'd go sweetly together. Let me walk you home.
Your not-so secret admirer, Hyunsuk.
Your knees knock together. Your heart bursts and your stomach knots.
He didn't like you, but he does now. You think that's okay, and you also think, maybe it isn't.
Your heart has already decided.
You're walking home with Hyunsuk.
·
He waits. At the school gates. Starked off in his uniform. Waits and waits. Feels a quiet nervousness swirl in his gut.
Doesn't notice you walking toward him. Two strawberry milks in your arms and the letter in between your fingers.
“... Hey.”
The world slows down for Hyunsuk.
“Will you walk me home?”
Hyunsuk's heart pounds and he smiles. Nervousness fading away, ebbing into less.
He nods, watches you hold out a strawberry milk. Takes it, fingertips brushing against your palm.
“Okay... I'll walk you home,”
What he means is, I like you so much.
·
Hyunsuk walks you home.
Kisses you slow. Tastes like strawberries. Reminds you of Summer.
No – you lean in first. Eyes closed when your lips touch. Your hand twisting at the fabric of his shirt, palm warm over his chest. Pulling away slow.
“... Are you okay?” You ask, hand covering his. “I... Just really like you.” Face flushed red, you smile. Kiss him once more. Tasting of strawberries. Reminds you of Summer.
(#readerchan: i'm sorry :(
#main protagonist: finally, i thought you were never going to apologize
#readerchan: WHY DIDN'T YOU APOLOGIZE THEN
#main protagonist: I didn't want to <3).
·
In his last year of high school, Hyunsuk makes mistake of accidentally confessing to the wrong person. Everything turns out okay.
hey! i read your #10 klance and it was AWESOME. could you write something like that but with #26? also with klance?
Wow I’m a jerk I wanted to write something before the drop, figured I couldn’t think of anything, look for something I hadn’t posted yet and OH LOOK. Whoops.Here you go sorry I am literally the worst and this took forever I hope you like it anyway.
—
26…as an apology.
This kindof fury, the kind that boils under his skin and makes him see red on the edgesof his vision, is something Lance hasn’t felt in a very long time.
“You did WHAT?!”
Probably not since the last time Keith had gone on asuicide mission. Because the little idiot had apparently just come back fromanother one like that was no one’s business but his own when it absolutelyfucking wasn’t. He had a team, a family now, an entire damn governmentorganization that quietly relied on his continued existence. He had utterly no business taking Black and disappearing to god knows wherefor days without telling anyone. Without even advising his fucking right-handman he was going to drop off the face of the planet.
Right now, Keith is sitting on the counter, his feet on thestool he should be sitting on while he administers his own first aid. His trekto check out the nearby Galra bases for anyone who would come to threaten earthtoo soon hadn’t been too dangerous, but it had been enough he had a slice underhis right eye and a few scrapes and bruises.
And seeing every single blemish as Keith had scooted hissuit down over his shoulders, wincing at a few of the more tender spots, it madeLance’s vision go completely red, blotting out Keith’s armor and almost aidingin hiding some of the deeper cuts on his skin.
But not really, because Lance was furious.
“H-hey…Lance…” Keith started, awkward, surprised. As if hehadn’t thought anyone would find him this late at night coming home to theGarrison, “I did… uh… what did I do?”
Of course, Keith hadn’t thought about those sharp eyesnarrowing the moment he’d found out Keith wasn’t on earth. Hadn’t consideredhow closely Lance would be watching for Black in the stars. Hadn’t evenfathomed that maybe Lance hadn’t actually slept since realizing the blackpaladin had disappeared.
He never wondered about Lance charging over to red to backhim up, how garrison officials had needed to hold him back, tell him all thereasons he couldn’t just charge over to the black lion’s signal without knowingwhat he was getting into. How he could have potentially endangered Keith bytrying to help.
It drove him fucking insane and it was everything in himnot to try hijacking Green and at least attempt—
No. No, the point is. Keith had no idea what he’d just putLance through and now that Lance finally knew what he’d been doing, whatdangerous activities he’d felt the bloody need to do all by himself?! No.
“Hey?? Lance??? Don’t “hey Lance” me, mister!”Lance growls through grit teeth, storming over with those long strides of histhat has him across the hangar and in Keith’s face in seconds. He snatches theantiseptic cream from Keith’s hands and almost casually spreads his legs tostand between them. He tilts Keith’s head up and inspects the slice under hiseye.
Keith blinks at him, his violet eyes bright and comicallyconfused in a way that reminds Lance of an unscarred cheek and a red cropjacket.
Reminds him of a soft hand, a warm smile, back to backbayards in hand…
Lance shakes his head. No, none of that, this is angry time,not butterfly time.
“Dumbass,” Lance grunts under his breath, releasing Keith’schin and spreading some of the clear cream on his fingertips.
Keith’s eyebrows arch together, “I’m sorry?”
“Yeah you better be.” Lance growls again, knowing thatwasn’t what Keith meant. He accepts it as the best that can be attained rightnow anyway.
Keith doesn’t like it and tilts his head away when Lancemoves to spread the cream over his cut.
“No, dude, what’s your problem?”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah? I mean— I just got back, I’ve literally been herefor a whole 20 ticks and you’re already pissed at me??”
Lance drops the ointment onto the table next to Keith’sthighs to keep from squeezing, popping the bottle and spilling all its contentsover the both of them, and instead leans forward.
In this position he wishes he could say he looms over Keith,but the red Paladin leans back and manages to still look taller than him. Theonly thing Lance has going for him is that Keith is quickly getting pink in theface and Lance is steadfast.
“Who the fuck told you you could just up and leave? Huh?Who? I really wanna know.”
Keith’s brows scrunched up in confusion instead ofirritation again.
“I genuinely want to understand,” Lance continues, feelinghis jaw click angrily, “Why you decided to leave without freaking telling me!”
Keith turns his head away and it’s everything in Lance notto wrench him back over by the chin.
His confusion is melting away to something deeper. Soft.Scared. Something that spoke of intentions Keith maybe wasn’t ready to discuss.
Lance sucked in air through his grit teeth and tried tolower his voice to match, “You could have gotten hurt or–”
“I didn’t think I had to tell you.”
Keith’s voice is small, and it makes Lance feel evensmaller.
“…What?”
Keith swallows over a lump in his throat and keeps his eyestrained on something far away, “I didn’t think I had to tell you. What did itmatter? You were– you–”
This time Lance interrupted and when he spoke he wasn’teven sure what he was saying, “Do I mean that little to you?”
“What–”
Lance pulled back, glancing down at Keith’s parted legs ashe started to realize just how close they’d been, “I’m your right hand but Iguess that doesn’t matter right? Go off to Shiro because he’s the only one youcare about, right? Lance is nothing Lance is just the substitute, the placeholder until you get back right?? Hell, all I’ve done for the last few years isfill your shoes; I’m literally nothing, I’m a shadow of you so—yeah, okay, thatmakes sense, why would you check in with me? It doesn’t fucking matter atall, it…”
Lance feels his fingers twitching and his chest aching andthe sting in his eyes.
This is stupid. There was nothing to get worked up over.There was nothing…
He was nothing…
“Lance…” Keith is slow but facing him again, eyes wide likehe was about to work on diffusing a bomb. Maybe he was. Maybe he just had topacify his shadow.
“No, you know what? Forget it.” Lance rubs his palmstogether for the sake of something to do with them but also to help run thebuildup of ointment away.
“Lance none of that is true–”
“I’m fucking sorry I was worried about you.”
“Lance wait–”
The blue paladin, convenient stand in for Keith Kogane, shakeshis head and takes a step back before turning, ready to storm out just the wayhe’d come.
But Keith doesn’t like that either. He reaches out andsnatches the end of Lance’s coat. The momentum nearly pitched him forward intothe other paladin completely, but Keith managed to plant his feet on the groundand lean back just hard enough that instead he pulled Lance right back intohim.
It wasn’t exactly what he was going for but as he felt themuscles tense in Lance’s back as the other boy readied to spring, he quicklywrapped his arms around him and held him there, back against his chest.
“W-what– let me go.”
“No.” Keith defiantly leaned his chin over Lance’s shoulderand bumped his head, “Stop… all of that just stop that okay?”
Lance seems to tremble beneath him and Keith probablycouldn’t be sure if that was anger or what, but he didn’t seem likely to lethim go if these were the kinds of thoughts his fellow paladin was having.
“Let me go Keith…” Lance growls.
Keith shakes his head, the side of his face rubbing againstLance’s neck and cheek. Lance raises his chin almost as if he’s trying to get away,but it only results in giving Keith more room.
“Lance, I didn’t mean it like that… I just meant with youand Allura… I didn’t want my restlessness to get in the way of that if youdecided to come with me.” He mumbles it against Lance’s skin and Lance feelsboth light and pleased and heavy and confused all at once.
“I… what…?”
Keith raises his head and uses his grip on Lance to turnhim around so they’re facing each other, “I had to find something to occupymyself with and I just couldn’t…”
Thanks to the open flight suit Lance can see how Keith’sflush extends down his neck and at least over the very top of his chest. Thevision makes him dizzy.
“Keith, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“…It’s okay. I’m sorry, I’m just tired.” He glances downat the ground and Lance notice then that his hands are still on his hips,holding him there as close as possible and yet…
“We need to talk about what you said though, Lance, you areso important–”
“Do you think I’m with Allura?”
Keith blinks. Lance blinks. Sure, he could let Keith try topacify all his insecurities in the middle of the night with his hands on hiships and that blush extending down down down OR—or they could absolutely not dothat, and Lance could instead choose the route that explains more and attackshim slightly less.
Well, wiping out with the princess once upon a time wouldhave hurt him far more but…well. It’s… been a long time since she’s held allhis attentions. Honestly, she probably never had.
She was beautiful and smart and brave and kind… but so werea lot of people. Plenty of fish in the sea.
One in particular.
“I’m not…I’m not with Allura.” Lance says into thesilence that stretches on between them. He has to acknowledge their proximity,has to accept where their bodies come into contact with each other, has torealize that Keith’s flush isn’t from exertion but something else and…
“You’re not…” Keith mumbles brilliantly.
“No.”
“I really thought.”
“Yeah well. Maybe in another universe.”
“Right…I’m uh…sorry?”
“Don’t be, I’m not.”
“You’re not?”
“No.”
Keith stares for a long moment causing Lance to avert hiseyes. His fingers tap along Lance’s waist and they send little vibrationsthrough his nerves. Keith is going to wonder why he hasn’t pulled away yet.
He’s going to wonder why he’s letting him so close.
“We are a good team…”
“I uh… should–” Lance tries to make his escape, butKeith’s fingers stop thrumming and he tilts his head and his eyes lid withuncertainty in a way that silences Lance almost immediately.
His lips part on a stuttered little breath as if he isn’tsure if he should say what he wants to say, and the tension seems to seep outof him and right into Lance from his fingertips. But Lance is Lance, and he iswhat everyone needs him to be when they need him to be, so he takes a deepbreath and leans forward, “What…? What is it?”
Keith’s eyes look a little glossy, like he’s trying todetach himself from the moment though his hands hold Lance tightly as ifthey’re afraid they’ll lose him somehow.
“…D-does that mean…uh… do I…is there a chance… for us?”As soon as the words leave him Keith releases his hold and hunches hisshoulders as if he can try and hide behind them somehow.
Lance’s heart beats loudly in his chest.
“I-…I’m sorry?”
Keith makes a small unpleasant noise and shuts his eyestightly, nodding quickly, “Right-right okay then let’s just pretend thisnever–”
Lance panics, “No! No, that’s not what I—No hold on. Keith—KeithI was fucking furious with you how did you do this how did you spin this aroundlike this I’m–”
Keith opens his eyes just enough to try and glance aroundLance to plot an escape route, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything okay Iget it you don’t like guys, or you don’t like me it’s fine it was stupid I wasbeing stupid so I’ll just go–”
“Oh my GOD.” Lance reaches out and grabs Keith’s bareshoulders, the skin on skin contact causes his heart to jump in a way that wasextremely terrifying, but he doesn’t let go, “I do like guys, I like you!Oh my god, oh my godoh my god, Keith I was so fucking worried about you because I’ve basically beenin love with you for years and it was literally—literally like you just took myfucking heart, travelled across a solar system and dropped in in a pit ofwolves because that is literally what you did with yourself and I can’t– Icannot believe you just did thisto me right now.”
Keith’s frozen mid motion to lift his legs up over thetable and bolt away from Lance while he speaks. Lance could almost find itfunny if he wasn’t terrified and wishing he could just stop talking. Wishing hehadn’t said exactly what he just said.
He could barely admit it to himself and now he was tellingKeith–
Telling Keith he loved him.
Oh, Jesus Mary and Joseph, he did not just say the big Lword.
Lance pulls his hands back and covers his mouth to try andstop himself, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry…”
Keith slowly rights himself and his eyes find Lance’s andthey practically shine and it’s making Lance’s heart do aerobics whichit really shouldn’t be doing because uhhh it’s physically painful this is allphysically painful–
“…I’m not.” Keith mumbles out, so low Lance almostdoesn’t hear it. It does suffice in stopping his incessant apologies though,because Keith is speaking, and he needs to be able to hear him. God he’s dughimself such a deep hole right now Keith should just run, run from the crazyclingy boy who says love before they’ve even kissed who–
Keith is taking his hands and pulling them away from hisface. He’s leaning towards him; his eyes are darting down to his lips and Lancecan feel his entire body burning.
“I’m really… really not…” Keith’s lips are so close theyfeather over Lance’s as he speaks but Lance doesn’t move. Doesn’t understand.He kind of just… ceases to function.
“I am sorry to have worried you though… can I make it up toyou?”
He’s sure Keith can hear his heart beat. Sure, of it.Positive. No way he can’t–
“Please?”
Lance’s nod is miniscule, imperceptive, except it brushestheir lips together just a smidgen and it makes Keith smile so wide Lance feelslike his chest might actually explode with that thing just hammering away inthere. But he doesn’t have the time to worry about it because Keith pushes inand suddenly, they’re kissing.
They’re kissing, he is kissing Keith, Keith is kissing him,there is actual soft pleasant pressure on his lips from another physical humanbeing and that human is Keith friggen Kogane–! God bless.
He reflexively pushes his hands into Keith’s hair, fingerswrapping themselves in silky black locks as he wills Keith to understand howbadly he needs this, how much he’s wanted this, how long he’s told himself hecouldn’t all built in to the slide of their lips. Keith on the other hand can’tstop smiling, Lance can feel it against his cheeks. That is, until Keith partshis lips and his tongue peeks out and oh holy mother of god there will be tongues?
They find each other, they meldtogether, Lance feels euphoric because that’s the only word for it. Keith meltsin his arms and he wraps his legs around Lance’s waist and leans back so farhe might actually be laying on the table with Lance looming over him by thetime he finally lets Lance up to breathe.
And to Lance’s credit he does try todive right back in, eyes lidded and heart so full he can’t stand the suddendistance one tiny bit.
But Keith smiles. And it’s soft andwarm and god…!
“I’d love to keep going…Quiznak, Ireally… really want to but…” he raises his head a bit favoring one side andLance notices the cut once more, bleeding again from all the stimulation ofKeith’s face, “It hurts… I can ignore it, I guess, but I also don’t want tobleed on you or anything…”
Lance makes a confusing sound,something he’s certainly never heard before, and forces himself to stand upright,“Yeah. Fine. Of course. Let’s just… patch you right up…”
“Did you accept my apology though…?”Keith interjects with a chuckle as he sits up too. He looks happy. He looks sohappy it’s literally killing Lance to be so close to this utter angel.
Lance retrieves the ointment thatthankfully didn’t wander off anywhere, “Right. Just. Yeah. Yeah apologyaccepted. Never do it again.”
Keith makes a face that is heavilyamused and a little skeptical.
Lance croaks, “I mean—I mean therunning off on your own thing! Not the kissing thing. Kiss me all you want. Allthe time. We should kiss all the time. God please kiss me all the time.”
Lance watches Keith’s (nowpersonally familiar) little pink tongue brush out against his top lip for asplit second as he huffs a little response of “Gladly” with a flick ofhis hair and that incessant smile and he has to force himself not to respond tothat feeling as it spreads and startsto encompass him.
It practically boils under his skin,the need to touch, the need to kiss, the need to never leave Keith’s side. Hesees pink around the edges of his vision, maybe a form of the dreaded rose-tintedglasses but he knows in his heart it’s not the same. This is more than that. More genuine than that. He hopes this feelinglasts a long, long time.
SuperCorp- Kara is really upset over something and it takes awhile for Lena to get it out of her. When she does Kara just needs a hug.
“Jess, please order two dozen potstickers from the place on Oak.” Lena releases the button on her intercom before turning back to Kara.
“Lee, you don’t have to do that.”
“No? What else am I supposed to do when my girlfriend comes in my office looking like she’s about to burst into tears at any moment? You won’t tell me who hurt you so I can set the Luthor hitmen out on them.”
“Nobody hurt me.”
Lena’s eyebrow raises and she presses the intercom again.
“Oh and Jess, could you please send one of the drivers out for ice cream.”
When she looks up again, the aforementioned tears are threatening to spill over.
“Kara.” She whispers, rising from her chair and walking around her desk to the couch so she can kneel in front of her best friend.
Kara’s hands are balled into fists, but she works them loose so she can grasp them in her own.
“Tell me what I can do.”
Blue eyes are watery, and Kara’s voice catches when she replies.
“Could you just - hold me?”
“Oh, darling.” Lena feels her heart break at the pain in Kara’s eyes. “Come here.”
Kicking off her heels, she sits on the couch next to Kara and tucks her feet up under her before pulling Kara’s head to her chest.
Blonde curls jostle as Kara’s shoulder shake, sobs whimpering from her throat as her hands clench a little too tightly at Lena’s sides.
She’ll find out what’s wrong with Kara later, but in the meantime, she lets her take comfort from the embrace, whispering nonsensical words of comfort as her fingers trace soothing patterns on Kara’s back.
