[8:55pm] dinner tables are for families. boyfriend!yoshinori misses his. but he loves that he sees your face across from him, cheeks full of the late dinner that took too long to prepare. the happiness in the room has a hearth, a home in the swell of your chest. it radiates from you and all that sit around you. boyfriend!yoshinori, even though he misses his family, laughs all night. talks excitedly. has a great time. and even though dinner tables remind him that he hasn't been home in a long time... he can't say he's not with his family.
summary: knowing that her groups disbandment is right around the corner, y/n finally confesses to her long time friend and crush knowing that she'll probably never see him again
warnings: none
pairing: fem! idol! reader x park jeongwoo
genre: idol au, highschool au?, hurt / no comfort?
author note: i could’ve written more, but i didn’t know where to leave it, so if you feel it’s incomplete then that’s why
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y/n wasn’t sure when her feelings for jeongwoo turned from platonic to romantic, but she knew that hiding them and pretending that they are nothing more than just friends would be better for both of their careers.
however…
“you’s will be disbanding shortly after y/n’s graduation”
y/n didn’t understand.
why were they disbanding? their sales are good enough to keep them a float and the members are slowly warming up to each other —
“we’re facing personal problems right now so we can not guarantee your future. sorry girls”
his voice echoed in her head as she got ready. instead of excitement, there was only a sense of emptiness and dread within her. thankfully, she would only start filming at the salon, so y/n had time to prepare herself.
“if this is the last time i’ll ever see him” she thought before reaching out for the plain white envelope
“i might as well get everything out”
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
it was easy for y/n to pretend that everything was fine, she is an idol after all. but, seeing jeongwoo made her heart clench.
y/n stayed seated as everyone stood up to move towards the auditorium for their ceremony. she crouched down and untied her shoe lace before slowly re-tying it, brushing off her classmate when they asked if she wanted them to stay back with her.
once the door was closed, she quickly stuffed her letter into jeongwoo’s desk before jogging after her class.
“nervous?” she questioned her friend who jumped at her voice
“don’t do that!” y/n rolled her eyes before slinging an arm around his shoulders ( or trying to, depends on height )
“we’re adults now jeongwoo. soon you’ll be old and gross — oh, wait, you already are” he glared as she laughed loudly, but jeongwoo noticed that her eyes seemed different
he opened his mouth to ask, but she quickly pulled away as they got closer to the auditorium. jeongwoo sighed at this, depending on if their groups pull them away immediately he might have to text her and ask if she was feeling alright.
“good luck” she said, before going to her seat
jeongwoo watched her go, feeling slight stiff as he didn’t get to say anything.
“i’ll ask her later” he comforted himself not knowing that it was the last she’ll ever speak to him
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
y/n was taken away by her members soon after the ceremony was over, jeongwoo had stayed back to try and talk to her, but was quickly surrounded by his own group and their staff.
“jeongwoo, this was in your desk” one of his classmates handed him the letter before leaving
“what’s that?” hyunsuk asked as they all crowded around him, jeongwoo shrugged not finding anything interesting about it
“a love letter?” his band mates started cooing and teasing him
“shut up”
jeongwoo walked away from his group who immediately protested, but allowed him to go off and read it privately.
~
dear jeongwoo.
we have been friends since we met on the first day of class. i remember how close our debuts were, but we’ve never overlapped.
our boss told me two weeks ago that we would be disbanding soon after my graduation due to personal issues within the company.
i was just going to pretend that everything was fine, that not seeing you anymore wouldn’t affect me, but as i thought about it more — i realised that you not physically being in my life broke my heart.
which made me come to the conclusion that i like you.
i don’t know when it started, but every time i see you or your name gets mentioned, i feel warm and i get butterflies in my stomach.
i was never going to say anything and just keep my feelings hidden because of our job, but after finding out that we would most likely never cross paths again, i had to say something.
but i couldn't, which is why i've written this instead.
park jeongwoo. you're amazing. you deserved to have debuted and i'll be cheering you on sincerely from behind the screen.
and in case i don't get to say this, i'll write it here; congratulations on your graduation!
goodbye jeongwoo, and good luck.
y/n.
~
jeongwoo's mind raced while he stared at the letter.
"y/n liked him? her group is disbanding? y/n likes him? he probably won't see her anymore? y/n likes him?"
"you good?" haruto spoke and reached out to turn jeongwoo around, only to be faced with his teary eyes
"um — guys?" the rest of treasure faced haurto before looking at jeongwoo who was trying not to cry
"what's wrong?" hyunsuk asked as they started to crowd around him, his grip on the letter slowly decreasing
"y/n" he mumbled before pushing past them
asahi picked up the dropped letter and started reading, wondering what was written as it caused jeongwoo to run away suddenly.
"what does it say?" junkyu asked
"( group name ) is disbanding —" they gasped
"— and y/n has feelings for jeongwoo" they gasped again, but louder
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
jeongwoo was desperately searching for y/n, jogging through the hallways and asking those who were familiar to him if they've seen her anywhere, but no one had. it wasn't until he found their class leader that jeongwoo was made of aware of y/n's location.
"she already left" they looked at him with a strange expression, but brushed it off before walking away and disappear into the crowd of students
jeongwoo stood stunned. other students moved around him without a second thought. he was only snapped out of his shock when someone told him that his members were looking for him.
to be honest, jeongwoo didn’t want to go back. her letter would still be there. the letter where she poured out her feelings that he’s was certain weren’t real, the letter that made him realise all the signs that he missed, the letter being all that’s left of her now.
~ synopsis : Your father disappeared. No body. No answers. Just a warning: “Debts are inherited.” You enter the world of blood and secrets to repay what he owed, but you never expected Park Jeongwoo.When soulmates are supposed to glow on touch, you stayed dark. And the one person who did glow with him… was your best friend. This is not a love story. It’s the story of what love costs.
~ pairing: mafia!jeongwoo X f!reader
~ genre: Mafia, Romance, Angst (NO COMFORT SORRY), Soulmate AU
~ notes: prompt created and requested by @jeongjeongii all credits for her ideas. This isn't really my writing style but I had so much writing it. not proofread. lemme know if u want to be in a taglist ENJOYYY! <3
masterlist
The coat still hangs behind your door.
You should’ve returned it.
You’ve had chances—moments when you passed him in the hall, when you handed him files, when your fingers nearly brushed and you thought, just for a second, maybe this time it’ll glow.
It never does.
You lie to yourself and say you keep the coat because it’s warm.
But you know better.
You wear it on nights when you walk home alone, even though it smells like the kind of danger you can’t name. Like cologne and cigarettes and blood that’s already been cleaned up. Like Park Jeongwoo.
It smells like a life you’re not supposed to want.
Work, if you can call it that, becomes routine.
You run messages to people who don’t look at you. You track names you don’t speak out loud. You learn to sit quietly in rooms full of power and wait until someone tells you to leave.
Jeongwoo doesn’t speak to you often.
But when he does, it’s never meaningless.
“Come with me,” he says one evening. No explanation. No glance.
You follow.
The hallway feels longer beside him. His silence is weighted. Not cruel—calculated. You’ve learned he’s always thinking. Measuring. Testing. You wonder if you’ve passed anything yet.
He stops outside a metal door, then glances at you.
“Watch.”
Inside, two men argue. One is restrained. The other paces with a knife in hand, ranting about stolen shipments, traitors, leaks.
Jeongwoo doesn’t interrupt.
He waits.
You wait too.
Then, without warning, the pacing man turns and slashes the restrained one across the chest.
You flinch. You hate that you flinch.
Jeongwoo watches your reaction.
When it’s over—when blood pools and the screaming stops—he finally speaks.
“You wanted to be involved,” he says. “This is involved.”
You don’t speak.
He starts walking again, and you trail behind him like a shadow you didn’t choose to become.
Two days later, you’re handed your first real task.
A list of surveillance logs to decode. Patterns to match. Movement to track. You weren’t expecting it—but you’ve always been good at seeing what others miss. Your father taught you that.
Jeongwoo’s voice in your mind, calm and cold: You think you have something worth the price of his betrayal?
You still don’t know the answer.
But you keep working.
“Y/N.”
You turn at your name.
It’s him.
He’s standing in the door of the office you’ve been sorting files in all afternoon. One hand in his pocket, the other holding a mug. Casual. Disarming, in a way that feels more dangerous than any weapon.
“I need your eyes on something.”
You nod and follow.
In his private office—sleek, dark, intimidating—you find blueprints spread across a table.
“Security layout,” he says, sliding it toward you. “Warehouse raid in three days. Find the flaw.”
You blink. “You want me to—”
“I want you to prove you're not wasting space here.”
It should sting. It does.
But more than that—it thrills you.
You bend over the blueprint, pen uncapped, mind already racing.
He watches you.
The air hums.
You’re not sure how long you spend there—arguing over sightlines, guard rotations, camera blind spots—but when you finally look up, his expression has changed.
Softer. Less guarded.
“I didn’t think you’d be right,” he says.
You smile, small and sharp. “You should get used to it.”
His lips twitch. Almost a smile.
“Careful,” he murmurs. “Confidence gets people killed.”
You stare back. “So does underestimating the wrong girl.”
This time, he does smile.
Just a little.
The shift is gradual.
He starts calling you into meetings more often.
He asks for your input.
He starts saying your name like it matters.
One night, you linger too long in the office. Paperwork, you say.
You don’t expect him to still be there.
But he is.
Leaning by the window. A drink in his hand. City lights painting him in gold and shadow.
He glances at you. “You work late.”
You shrug. “It’s quiet. I like it.”
He nods. “Me too.”
You almost leave.
But something stops you.
“You don’t really believe I’m not involved, do you?” you ask quietly.
He doesn’t answer for a moment. Then—
“I think you were born involved. You just didn’t know it yet.”
It shouldn’t feel like a compliment.
But somehow, it does.
The next time he touches you, it’s your fault.
You trip—embarrassingly—over a wire coiled under the desk. You fall forward, arms pinwheeling.
He catches your elbow.
His hand closes around your wrist.
Your breath catches.
You both look down.
Nothing.
No glow. No flicker. No soulmate spark.
Just silence.
He lets go instantly.
You step back, mumbling a thank you, heart crumbling behind your ribs.
He doesn’t react. Not outwardly.
But something behind his eyes changes.
You almost tell Chaeryon that night.
Almost.
But she’s curled up on your couch, hair in a bun, stealing half your fries and talking about a client who burst into tears during a yoga class.
“You need someone to fall in love with you,” she says suddenly, pointing a fry at your face. “Seriously. You’re too intense lately.”
You laugh. “Maybe I’m allergic to love.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re not allergic. You’re just scared.”
You think of Jeongwoo’s eyes in the dark. Of the quiet way he watches you when he thinks you’re not looking.
Of the ache you can’t name.
“You’d tell me if you were seeing someone, right?” she asks.
You smile. Lie. “Of course.”
Three days later, your phone buzzes at midnight.
Unknown Number:
come to the roof.
You’re not surprised who it is.
The rooftop is colder than expected, the wind biting.
Jeongwoo stands at the edge, coat unbuttoned, hands in his pockets.
You join him, silently.
He glances sideways. “Warehouse op was a success.”
You nod. “I heard.”
He’s quiet for a long time.
Then he asks, “Why did you lie to your friend?”
Your breath catches.
He’s not looking at you, but he knows. Somehow.
You swallow. “She wouldn’t understand.”
“She doesn’t know what you do?”
“She thinks I’m helping clean up my dad’s mess. She doesn’t know who I’m working for.”
He hums. “Smart.”
“Is it?”
He finally turns.
Looks at you.
There’s something bruised in his gaze. Something tired. Like he’s been at war longer than you’ve been alive.
“You’re not wrong to keep her out of this,” he says. “People like her don’t survive in our world.”
You feel the words twist in your gut. “And people like me?”
He doesn’t answer.
Not with words.
Instead, he steps closer.
Close enough to see the cut on his cheek. Faint. Healing.
You don’t know who moves first.
But suddenly, your hand is raised—fingers brushing the bruise lightly. A ghost of a touch.
He doesn’t flinch.
But the air goes still.
You wonder if he hears your heartbeat.
Then he whispers, “Don’t.”
You freeze. “Why?”
“Because you want something I can’t give you.”
You lower your hand. “You don’t know what I want.”
“I know the way you look at me.”
You’re shaking.
From the cold.
From him.
From everything unsaid.
“I know what it means when you hope for something that doesn’t happen,” he continues. “When you feel it in your bones, but your skin stays dark. When the glow never comes.”
The words hit too close.
“You’ve touched someone,” you breathe. “And it didn’t glow?”
He exhales.
Doesn’t deny it.
You stare at him.
And for the first time, you realize:
He’s just as haunted as you are.
Maybe more.
After the rooftop, something changes.
Jeongwoo doesn’t avoid you.
He doesn’t pull away.
But he’s quieter. Sharper. Like he’s trying to solve a puzzle and keeps getting the wrong answer. Like you are the wrong answer, and he doesn’t know why that bothers him.
You know why it bothers you.
You still remember the exact pressure of his hand on your wrist. The stillness that followed. The ache that stayed.
You still wear the coat sometimes. You still find tea on your desk in the mornings—never every day, never enough to make it routine. Just enough to make you wonder.
You stop asking for more.
But you never stop wanting it.
One night, you’re called in late.
An intel drop from a defector—urgent, time-sensitive, messy.
You’re in the back room deciphering hand-written codes when Jeongwoo appears.
His tie is loose. There’s blood on his cuff.
He says nothing for a moment. Just watches you.
Then, simply: “You didn’t go home.”
You don’t look up. “Neither did you.”
Silence.
Then—
“I don’t like that you’re good at this.”
You finally glance up.
“What?”
“You’re not supposed to be good at this world,” he says. “You’re supposed to be someone we use once. Scared. Disposable.”
You swallow.
“But you stayed. You adapted.”
You hold his gaze. “I didn’t have a choice.”
“Yes, you did.”
He takes a step forward.
“I gave you one.”
You think of the night he first saw your file. Of the ten minutes he gave you. Of how quickly you started making space for him in your life without realizing it.
You stand.
Now you're closer than before.
Dangerously so.
“Would you have let me walk away?”
His eyes narrow slightly. “No.”
“Then don’t pretend I had a choice.”
The air hums between you.
And then, for just a moment, you feel it shift.
He steps forward. You tilt your chin up, breath caught—
But then his phone buzzes.
The moment breaks.
He doesn’t look at you again as he leaves the room.
But your hand is still shaking when he’s gone.
You see Chaeryon two nights later.
She shows up at your door without warning—hair in a ponytail, eyes full of something unreadable.
“I brought cupcakes,” she says, holding up a pink box.
You blink. “At ten-thirty at night?”
She smiles. “I was bored. And you’ve been distant.”
You let her in. She flops onto your couch like she owns the place.
“I’m worried about you,” she says as she peels the lid open. “You don’t answer texts. You don’t talk about work. You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“You’ve been hiding.”
You freeze.
She notices.
“I get it,” she says, quieter now. “You don’t have to tell me everything. I’m not here to guilt you.”
You nod slowly. “I know.”
She hesitates.
Then: “Do you ever… feel it?”
You glance over. “Feel what?”
“The soulmate thing.”
Your breath stalls.
“Like—sometimes I walk past someone, or bump into someone, and for a second I wonder if I’ll feel that spark, you know?” Her eyes are soft. “And I never do. But I keep hoping I will.”
You force a smile. “Yeah. I get it.”
She looks down. “It’s stupid.”
“It’s not.”
You’re lying again.
Because you don’t hope anymore.
You just… ache.
A week later, you’re on a job.
Simple tailing assignment. Shadow a contact. Report back. No engagement.
But it goes sideways fast.
A car screeches into the alley. Two men jump out. One has a knife.
You’re fast. You run. But not fast enough.
You fall. Your ankle twists. Hands grab you.
You scream.
But then gunfire.
Not yours.
The man holding you slumps—bullet through his back. The other flees.
You’re shaking when you look up.
It’s Jeongwoo.
He’s running toward you, gun still drawn.
You try to speak, but your voice is caught.
He kneels beside you, eyes scanning for blood. Hands on your face, your arms, your waist. Checking.
“You’re okay,” he says, breathless. “You’re okay.”
You nod, even though you’re not sure you are.
And then his hand brushes your skin.
You both freeze.
Nothing.
No glow.
His eyes flicker. You see it.
The disappointment. The fury.
Not at you.
At fate.
“You came,” you whisper.
He exhales. “Of course I did.”
You stare at him.
You don’t say it—but it’s there between you.
Even without the glow. Even without the proof. You came.
He drives you home that night.
Doesn’t speak.
When he walks you to your door, you hesitate.
“You didn’t have to kill him.”
“I had to.”
A beat.
“I don’t like people hurting what’s mine.”
Your breath catches.
“Am I yours?”
He doesn’t answer.
But he doesn’t deny it, either.
That night, you can’t sleep.
The memory of his touch burns under your skin. Not because it marked you.
Because it didn’t.
You lie awake wondering how something so warm can feel so cold.
A few days later, Jeongwoo finds you in the archives room.
You’re sorting files. He doesn’t speak.
Just closes the door behind him and walks over.
His expression is unreadable.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he says.
You don’t respond.
“I need to know something.”
You finally look up.
“If we had glowed,” he says, “would you have stayed?”
The question feels like a knife.
You inhale sharply. “I did stay.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
You stare at him.
“Yes,” you whisper. “I would’ve stayed.”
He exhales. Almost like it hurts.
Then he steps closer.
“Then I’ll give you a reason to keep staying.”
He kisses you.
It’s not gentle.
It’s not slow.
It’s everything he’s been holding back—sharp, desperate, aching.
Your back hits the filing cabinet. His hand cradles your jaw like you might vanish. Like he might burn you alive.
You kiss him back.
Even though there’s no glow.
Even though you know this will break you.
Chaeryon visits two nights later.
She’s radiant.
Smiling.
And yet—nervous.
“I need to tell you something,” she says, biting her lip.
You blink. “Okay?”
“I met someone.”
You freeze.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. He was outside the cafe I go to after yoga. He bumped into me and apologized—and I thought it was nothing, but when he touched my wrist…”
Her voice goes quiet.
You already know what she’s going to say.
“…it glowed.”
Your stomach turns to glass.
You manage to speak. “Who was he?”
She hesitates. “He didn’t give me his name. Just said he was running late. But he looked back before he left. Like he felt it too.”
You nod, mechanically.
“Do you think I should try to find him?” she asks, shy now. “Is that crazy?”
You smile like your world isn’t crumbling.
“No,” you say softly. “It’s not crazy.”
But it is cruel.
Because you already know who it was.
And tomorrow, you’ll find out for sure.
You sit on the edge of your bed, staring at the coat still hanging on your door. The one Jeongwoo gave you. The one that smelled like fire and silence and something too close to warmth.
You should burn it.
Instead, you press your forehead to your knees and listen to the echo of Chaeryon’s voice.
“It glowed.”
It wasn’t supposed to.
You weren’t supposed to feel this much.
You’ve spent months convincing yourself that love could live in the space between fated and chosen. That Jeongwoo didn’t need a glow to see you. That maybe—just maybe—you didn’t either.
But now?
Now, the truth has arrived. Uninvited. Inevitable.
And it wears your best friend’s face.
You don’t go to work the next morning.
You sit in your apartment with your phone in your hand, screen blank.
No messages.
No calls.
You wonder if he’s thinking about you. If he’s tracing the edge of that moment in the alley, remembering the way your wrist felt under his fingers—wondering why it didn’t mean more.
You wonder if he’d still come for you if you were in danger now.
You wonder if he’d still choose you if he knew.
You think he might.
And you know that’s the problem.
The next day, Chaeryon texts you a photo.
It’s blurry. Taken too fast. A man walking away from her at a crosswalk.
“I saw him again. Do you know him?”
You do.
Even from behind, even from a distance—you know that coat, that gait, that impossibly calm posture.
It’s Jeongwoo.
“No,” you reply.
“I don’t think so.”
You turn off your phone after that.
You stare at the ceiling.
And then you get dressed.
Because some endings deserve to happen face to face.
It’s raining again.
You don’t bring an umbrella.
By the time you reach the building, your clothes are soaked through and your shoes squish with every step. The guards recognize you. One of them offers you a towel.
You shake your head.
You don’t need warmth.
You need answers.
You walk the halls slowly. Deliberately. Memorizing the path one last time.
You find him where you knew he’d be—his office, door slightly ajar, voice low on the phone.
You don’t knock.
He glances up as you enter. His eyes sharpen when he sees your face.
“I’ll call you back,” he says into the phone. He hangs up without waiting for a response.
“You’re wet,” he says.
You don’t answer.
“You look like you haven’t slept.”
Still, nothing.
He leans back. Studies you.
Then, quietly: “What happened?”
You walk to the center of the room.
“You saw her,” you say.
His expression doesn’t change. Not at first.
“Who?”
You laugh—empty and cold.
“My best friend. Outside the cafe.”
Realization flickers. Not on his face—never that easy—but in the way he sits up straighter. In the way his eyes narrow slightly, lips parting.
“She said it glowed,” you continue. “When you touched her.”
His silence is confirmation.
You take a shaky breath.
“I lied to her,” you say. “I told her I didn’t know who you were.”
His voice is rough. “Why?”
“Because I wanted one more day,” you whisper. “Just one more.”
He stands.
The silence grows.
“You knew,” he says finally. “Before I did.”
You nod.
“You didn’t tell me.”
“You didn’t ask.”
“That’s not an excuse.”
“No,” you say. “It’s not.”
He walks around the desk. Stops in front of you.
You hate how much you want him to reach out.
He doesn’t.
“I thought…” His voice catches, just slightly. “I thought maybe it didn’t matter.”
You laugh again, broken this time. “It doesn’t.”
“Don’t lie.”
You look up at him.
And you see it.
The cracks.
The pain he doesn’t know how to carry.
The way he’s always looked at you like maybe you were the first thing in this world that wasn’t a transaction.
“It wasn’t supposed to be her,” you say.
He nods. “I know.”
“She still believes soulmates are a blessing.”
He closes his eyes.
And when he opens them, you see the truth written there.
He’s already made his choice.
You step back.
He doesn’t follow.
“You should go to her,” you say.
“I don’t want her.”
Your heart wrenches.
“But you glowed,” you say, voice raw.
He flinches.
And it’s then that you understand.
He’s mourning too.
“I don’t believe in fate,” he says. “I believe in control. In choice.”
You shake your head.
“Then why haven’t you touched her again?”
He doesn’t answer.
Because he already knows what’ll happen when he does.
“I stayed,” you whisper. “I did everything you asked. I risked my life. I buried parts of myself I can’t get back. And I still would’ve stayed. Even if it never glowed.”
His jaw tightens.
“But now?”
You take a final step back.
“I think if you touched her again, it would glow brighter than anything we ever had.”
Silence.
Then he says the one thing that finally breaks you:
“I think you’re right.”
You nod.
Slow. Hollow.
There’s nothing left to say.
You turn to leave.
He doesn’t stop you.
And somehow, that hurts more than anything.
You walk back into the rain.
No umbrella. No warmth.
No lies left.
You let it soak you through, erase you.
When you get home, Chaeryon has left a voicemail.
“Hey… weird question. Did you ever figure out who that guy was? The one I bumped into? I think I saw him again today. He looked at me like… I don’t know. Like he knew me. It’s probably nothing. But I can’t stop thinking about it.
Call me?”
You delete it.
Not because you hate her.
Because she’s still allowed to hope.
And you’re not.
Weeks pass.
You don’t return to the building.
You don’t reply to Jeongwoo’s messages.
There are only three of them.
The first:
“We need to talk.”
The second:
“I never wanted it to be her.”
The third:
“I’m sorry.”
You never answer.
You can’t.
Because if you do, he might show up again.
And you’re not sure you’d be strong enough to let him walk away this time.
One day, you see a message from Chaeryon.
Just a photo.
This time it’s clearer. A silhouette, standing beside hers. Their hands almost touching.
pairing. bang yedam x (f) reader, watanabe haruto x (f) reader
sum. You’ve loved Yedam for a very long time, so when Watanabe Haruto sneaks his way into your heart and subsequently pushes him to the side, it’s only natural for him to regret not holding on to you a little longer… Right?
genre. angst
warnings. love triangle, one-sided pining, cheating, unhappy ending
total w/c. 4502
overall rating. 13+
collection. mini-series
a/n. Worked on this so long one of the members left 🤡
☆ : pairing best friend!junghwan x gn!reader word count 1.2k genre angst , best friends to lovers , non-idol au, fluff at the very end warnings not proofread , uses y/n, junghwan is kind of mean to reader in the beginning, tons of miscommunication/misunderstandings notes this is my first time writing angsty stuff like this so forgive me if it's not the best; req'd
“Hey Hwan, can we talk?” you say as you lightly grab your best friend of several year's wrist to stop him from going up the stairs to class.
“Oh, so now you want to talk?” He coughs out coldly.
“What?” you try your best to control your expression but you can’t help the hurt that briefly flashes in your eyes.
“Are you sure you’re not too busy with your guitar lessons with Jeongwoo? I don’t know, you two seemed really close. Maybe you should go talk to him.” he chides, yanking his wrist out of your grasp. At first, confusion and hurt clouds your mind, making it impossible for you to think about what could’ve made him act like this and then you remember.
“Junghwan… I-” you start to say but Junghwan cuts your explanation short, not wanting to hear about your lessons with Jeongwoo. It was painful enough for him to witness it but for you to tell him about it yourself, he thinks his heart would break in two.
“Forget it. I have to go to class and you should too.” he whispers low enough for you to barely hear him and then he’s gone up the stairs. In your 7 years of being best friends, he’s never acted so cold and distant towards you and now that he has, you never want it to happen again. His few words cut like ice, making you wonder if you did something wrong or if you would ever get a chance to explain yourself.
As the number of weeks since your encounter increases, so does the number of days it’s been since Junghwan last spoke to you. Having been friends for so long, you’ve never gone more than 3 days without talking to him so these weeks have felt like a lifetime of torture. Little do you know, it’s been torture for Junghwan as well. He had finally worked up the courage to tell you how he feels and then he sees you laughing and cuddling up to Jeongwoo? Everyone had convinced him that you liked him back and didn’t just view him as a friend but suddenly, all those words of encouragement turned into lies. How could you view him as more than just a friend if you liked Jeongwoo? He knew he had to get over you and the only way for him to do that was to avoid you at all costs. If he saw your beaming smile or heard the laugh that was music to his ears, he wouldn’t be able to let you go. So he tried his best but all he ended up doing was hurting you and himself in the end.
my y/niee~ ❤️🩹
can we talk?
Read 5:56 pm
please?
Read 5:56 pm
just meet me at our spot on the playground
where we first met
Read 5:57 pm
hwaniee~ 💟🐶
ok.
Read 5:58 pm
When Junghwan sees you, his heart sinks. You have the hood of (his) sweatshirt that you’re wearing pulled over your head to hide your face but he can still see the redness of your cheeks and how your eyes are puffy from crying. All he wants to do is pull you into a hug and apologize but he can’t because if he does, he’ll fall right back into the routine of loving you.
Feeling someone approach you, you look up from your seat on the floor of the playground where you and Junghwan first met all those years ago.
“Junghwan?” you ask into the darkness, only seeing a figure that shares a familiar outline with your best friend. The figure steps into the light from the streetlamps surrounding the playground, revealing themself to be your best friend who is also in the same disheveled state as you.
“Yeah, it’s me. Don’t worry.” His voice cracks a little as it tries to hold back all of the different emotions he feels. You gesture for him and he walks over to take a seat next to you. Once he sits down, both of you start to speak at the same time.
“You go first.” He says, motioning for you to continue what you were about to say.
“No, it’s okay. You can go first.” You whisper awkwardly before you squeak out a small laugh.
“What? Why are you laughing?” He questions but still starts to laugh along with you.
“It's nothing... We’ve just never been this awkward before. It’s kind of funny.” You say as you burst into a full on laugh that’s immediately followed by the sound of Junghwan’s. Once the laughter dies down, you know you have to explain yourself before the tears start to fall again.
“Junghwan… I-”
He cuts you off again, but this time, there’s no anger behind it, only remorse. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.”
“But I do!” You exclaim, turning away from him to hide your face. “I can’t let you think something that’s not true! When you saw me and Jeongwoo together, he was teaching me the guitar. That part’s true, but it wasn’t because I wanted to get closer to him. We were together because I asked him to help me learn a song on the guitar, a song that was supposed to be a surprise for your birthday. Jeongwoo is only a friend who was helping another friend in need.” You turn back to look at him and see his eyes, full of regret. “The idea that you think I like someone else is tearing me up inside because you’re the one I like, Junghwan. It’s always been you.” You cry out, face full of tears.
“Oh, Y/n. I am so sorry for making you upset. I saw you two laughing together and the thought that maybe you didn’t like me filled my mind.” He sighs and runs his hands through his long, brown hair. “I had finally worked up the courage to tell you how I felt after like 7 years and then I saw you with Jeongwoo and my whole world came crashing down. I avoided you because I knew that in order for me to be happy, I would have to let you go. I am so sorry, Y/N… for everything. For making you cry and for making you think anything other than the truth, which is that I really, really like you. It’s always been you. From day one until now. I’ve never stopped.” he says, wrapping you in a hug. “Are you cold?” he asks, pulling away slightly to look at your face.
Through chattering teeth, you admit, “Just a little bit.” Junghwan laughs but still takes off his coat and places it on your shoulders to protect you from the cold. He offers you a hand to help you up from the floor and never lets go. Not on your walk home, not once you both entered your house and sat on the couch, and not for the rest of the night. You were finally together and he had absolutely no plans to leave.
"That tickles a bit," Jihoon giggled a little as you patted his neck with a soft cushion. "Sorry, Jihoonie. I'm finished soon," you smiled at his smile, patting a bit faster. "Nooo it's OK. I like it," he winked. You laughed, Jihoon was not shy. Unbeknownst to you, on a chair beside Jihoon, sat an even taller blonde guy staring at the whole interaction with green eyes. Haruto, your boyfriend — who you would otherwise notice in a crowd — was sitting on Jihoon's left which meant your back was turned to the poor boy. Since YG had a dating ban, he couldn't say anything he wanted in this situation, like 'look at me instead' or '누나, stop laughing with that stupid guy, please' or 'pay attention to me' or 'can we switch makeup artists so I can be with my girlfriend?' because everyone knew that if he so much as hugged you or held your hand in front of other staff members they would betray the company for some money from dirty, disgusting Dispatch. All Haruto could do was sit and huff, hoping you would for no logical reason just turn around and see him and stop doing Jihoon's makeup to compliment his hair.
Done with Jihoon, you went to one of the tables with drinks to take a sip or your iced americano, thirsty af. While drinking you noticed Doyoung (who was also finished with his makeup) had smudged his lip tint when he drank from a chocolate milk packet without a straw and, naturally, you went up to him to repaint his lips as a makeup artist should do. Haruto was staring at you on the mirror as you focused on Doyoung's lips and lightly dapped them with your finger. It looked so intimate to him; your finger tips touching his lips. He knew it was part of your job and that to you this was a mundane action like cleaning your EarPods/headphones or scrolling through TikTok or doing laundry — but it still hurt a bit.
"Looks perfect now! No chocolate milk until after the VLive, OK Doyoungie?" you said, arms crossed jokingly, knowing the boy liked snacking. 'Doyoungie' pouted jokingly — and totally unnecessarily — as he nodded "Yes, 누나, don't worry." You laughed. Haruto was pouting now but unlike Doyoung it was not in a joking way. He wishes you were paying this much attention to him instead of his members. He knew it was your job to make sure everyone looked good but in this specific instance it still hurt his feelings. He had just coloured his hair blonde, which was a huge shift for him as he'd never had to colour his hair so dramatically for a comeback, and he didn't like it and needed all your reassurance. His hair stuck out like a sore thumb so how didn't you even notice him? How come you noticed such a small detail on Doyoung's makeup? Why were you even looking at his lips so attentively? Why didn't you notice Haruto who'd been only two meters away from you for the past half hour?
His makeup artist gave him a thumbs up, signalling she was finished with his makeup which meant he just had to wait until Hyunsuk's awful hairstylist was finished and then Treasure could finally start their VLive. Haruto sat down by one of the large tables with everyone's drinks, again only a few meters away from you, and moved a few blonde strands to look a bit awkward on purpose, hoping your hawk eye would notice so you'd come to correct his hair. But no! You were busy with complimenting Asahi on the pretty ring he got to wear for the VLive, so another stylist came to fix Haruto's hair, combing it a bit and moving some hair strands away from his eyes, in a way that would've felt romantic had it been you who did it instead — oh, how he wishes you were touching his hair instead and looking into his eyes.
During the VLive, the boys were celebrating their comeback and playing fun games to entertain the viewers. Some of the staff were monitoring the comments to see what games were popular or boring among the fans so they know what to plan for future VLives. You were in the styling room, the boys were in the room that had been decorated and prepared for the VLive, watching the live and laughing at Asahi's robot infamous dance that people kept asking him to do no matter how old it was and Junkyu's fun energy and Yoshi's lobster hat he had to wear as a punishment for losing a game. Out of curiousity, you looked at the comments, happy to see many positive comments drowning out the few bad ones — however, you noticed something a bit odd.
Junqt: 'Woahhh haruto is so cometitive!!!'
raffaello96: 'Haruto is teasing Doyoung so much lmao'
HwanJungle: 'Haruto looks so cute mad haha'
Ye_shihohoho: 'Jihoon and Haruto must've had an argument b4 the live lmaoooo'
JeongwooSayang<3: 'thank you Ruto for brining back asahi's robot dance ekgknrb'
What? You had noticed your boyfriend was a very active participant in this VLive, talking more than usual and joking around, coming up with the idea to play 야자 time so he could talk to his older members informally (especially Jihoon, Doyoung and Asahi for some weird reason), teasing Doyoung before Doyoung makes the first move to tease him, even pushing Jihoon lightly so he wouldn't win a point for his team. You hadn't thought too much of it until you saw the comments.
After the VLive the boys were exhausted, their social batteries lowered, smiles and laughs all spent to entertain the fans. Now they were all ready to have something to eat or take a nap (if you were Hyunsuk).
"Ahhh finally I can have my chocolate milk!" Doyoung exhaled, gulping down everything in one go, to which Haruto rolled his eyes.
You waved to him. He walked up to you, ruffling his hair a bit, hoping you'll fix it finally, "Did you see today's VLive, Miss?"
"Yeah, you acted a bit strange in the VLive today... Are you OK?"
"Strange? By that you mean my team won all games thanks to me. I did a good job, right Miss?"
"Of course, you did a really good job," you patted his arm, not sure if he was open to hugging in front of his members.
"Thanks, Miss," he smiled a bit, looking at the floor, making it very obvious you should look at his hair.
You giggled, grabbing his chin to make him look at you, "You don't need to keep calling me Miss you know? Only the members are here."
"You don't like it?"
"I mean, it's not bad but it's not good either. Feels a bit distant," you shrugged.
"Sorry, I just did it out of habit." That was a lie. He only ever referred to you as 'Miss' sometimes when managers or other staff, especially from outside companies, were present in meetings, after performances, interviews or at variety shows but after VLives he'd only ever call you 누나 since the styling room was only filled with his member and they knew about the relationship already.
"Are you hungry, Haruto?"
"Hm. A little."
"You feel like eating kimchi stew?"
He nodded.
"Ruto, are you coming?" Jaehyuk asked, holding the door open.
"No, sorry I'll see you guys later."
"OK, bye," everyone waved, leaving you two alone in the room.
"You never answered my question," you held his arm and dragged him to sit down with you on one of the empty sofas.
"What do you mean?" he looked down at his shoes.
"Are you OK?"
"Mhm," he avoided your eyes, finding it hard showing himself vulnerable in this way.
You sat closer to him and held his cheeks, turning him to look at you, "Something tells me my boyfriend isn't telling me the truth.
His cheeks and ears were turning red. Such a small touch meant so much to him right now, especially when you combed your fingers through his hair, making sure no hair strands were blocking your eye contact — oh and combine that with proudly calling him your boyfriend and now he's a strawberry. He felt his breathing changing, stopping for a moment before going faster.
"This is the first time you looked at me today, 누나," he pouted a bit.
"Oh... I'm sorry, Boyfriend, I didn't realise," you felt awful.
"I sat right beside Jihoon during makeup time, you know?" he made his pout bigger.
You were shocked, having been so focused on doing his makeup that you didn't even realise Haruto was right behind you.
"And then you noticed Doyoung's lips and complimented Asahi and stuff and I just got a bit jealous. It felt like I wasn't even your boyfriend but more like someone looking at your life from the outside."
You held his hand in yours, playing with it and squeezing gently. "I'm so sorry but it's also my job to do their makeup and when we're with other staff it's not safe for me to act like your girlfriend."
"I know and that's not the frustrating part, it's just you paid sooo much attention to them and none to me and I just felt ignored. Sometimes I just wish I could go up to you and ask for a hug or do anything a normal couple would," he still pouted, looking you in the eyes.
"I'm sorry, Boyfriend," you pecked his nose. That made him smile!
"I wish I could hold your hand and tell you encouraging words or give you a good luck kiss before every performance but I can't. Just know that I'm silently cheering for you and sending you lots of love." You pulled him into a hug and he kept his face in your neck, taking in your scent and warmth and closing his eyes, so comfortable.
His voice was muffled by your neck, "I understand that but 누나, please, pay attention to me more. Even in front of the stylists. I don't mean a kiss or hug— Even if it's just something as simple as fixing my clothes or makeup or hair. Anything. Please?"
"I will, Boyfriend," you placed a small kiss on the top of his head, he smiled.
"Also... Can you like not act so cutesy to the guys? That hurt a bit," he hid his face in your neck, a bit embarrassed to admit he's jealous.
You giggled, "Awww was my little boyfriend jealous?"
You loved calling him little since he was so tall and it made him blush.
"Mhm," he pouted, blushing now.
You cupped his cheek, "I understand," you gave him a small kiss on his nose, "I didn't notice I was being cute but I'll definitely give you a bit more attention instead."
He nodded cutely and kissed your lips quickly.
"Can we stay here for a little longer?"
"Of course," you kissed his forehead.
It was a little uncomfortable to keep hugging in this sitting position so you got up and sat on his lap, wrapping him in your arms, his face in your chest now. "You look so cute in blonde hair," you kissed the top of his head.
He smiled against your skin, "Thank you, 누나."
You stroked his back with one hand and petted his hair with the other, Haruto blushed, happy you couldn't see his strawberry cheeks. Right now you didn't even need to speak, just enjoying each other's touch and breathing. It wasn't awkward. Silence is very comfortable sometimes, especially with your introvert boyfriend. He placed his head on the left side of your chest, listening to your heartbeat. You smiled. "I love you."
"I love you too. So much."
✧ ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ✧ ੈ ✧
❝ And I think, "What if we weren't ridin' and dyin' together?"
The whole world would fall apart
And I never felt so alone, felt so alone, na-na (never felt so alone, woo! Alone) ❞
Where's my fellow angst lover? Suggest me some angst fic😔✊🏻 I need to waste these tears istg... Any fic welcome with an open heart😌 Idc if I've read it or not, just put whichever angst you like here~
Jeongwoo turned to face your eyes which were glued to your phone, he couldn't help but roll his eyes and look right back to his own individual device.
“I don't know what you find so attractive about him.”
“Well he's cute, he's nice too so I don't really know what there isn't to like about him.”
“There's better people out there.”
“Well, to be fair you're never gonna find the best person in the world. That's just delusional, the best person is who is right for us and that's different for everyone.”
Your best friend finally made eye contact with you for the first time since you both ate, you turned off your phone and placed it face down on the table.
“What about you?” You asked, turning your full body to face him, who was busy drinking his coffee.
He responded with a confused pitch “What about me?”
“Do you like anyone? I always talk about him so I just wanted to know if you had anyone like that.”
He glanced up at the ceiling thinking for a solid moment, he glitched out of reality and completely lost himself in his own world. You… who had now become awkward, laughed a bit which seemed to bring him back to his senses.
“I do like someone, but I don't wanna tell you.”
“Aw come'on now, don't be mean.”
“I'm not, I just don't go around telling everyone like you do..”
“See? That just proves my point that you're mean.”
“There's a huge difference mind you.”
Rolling your eyes, maybe because you were now genuinely curious to know who he may have liked, or because of how he was being a jerk. Nevertheless you brought yourself to stand up and went to the kitchen.
“I should start prepping dinner, is regular pasta okay with you?”
“If you're gonna treat me to some food then might as well make me something luxurious.” he taunted, a slight smirk creeping onto his malicious face.
“You're not worth my time and energy.” You teased back in which a visible frown appeared on his face, turning back to the front of the couch and turning on the TV to put on some random channel so he could at least try to assist you in making dinner.
Although Jeongwoo and you had known each other for practically forever, you both had what could only be described as a love-hate relationship even though you both were technically each other's closest friend.
“Jeongwoo, pass me the ball.”
“No, come get it yourself.”
“You always tell me that, at least kick it a little.”
“Make me.”
“I'm gonna get run over if I go over there!”
It was your favorite excuse because he knew you were right, and he couldn't bear to watch you get hurt. It was always the best thing to say when he didn't want to pass you a simple ball.
“Thanks, Jeongie.”
He pretended to not like that name, you knew he did. Despite you cringing when you said it for the first few times you got used to it and it became a way of teasing him, and now it was really more of a habit.
Moving into college you both became roommates, really no one could complain even though you liked to pretend it was the most miserable thing that could happen to you at first… well sometimes still like to tease him that way.
“You've got to be kidding me.” you muttered
“You know you like being with me.” he responded, flopping onto the couch.
“I've already spent the last 12 years of my life with you- I don't need to add another 4.”
“Hey, at least it's better than getting a stranger, you've known me for 12 years and know I'm not a creep at least!”
“You're gonna throw parties every weekend!”
“I will not!”
“Ugh… I knew I should've transferred.”
“I'll only throw parties with your permission!”
“I don't like parties so if you're gonna throw one, tell me at least 3 days prior so I can make plans to go out.”
“Deal.”
“Oh! And you're cleaning up after yourself!”
“Yes I know… I'm not irresponsible..”
“That's debatable-”
“Hey! Let's just make some rules and boundaries list. You make one, I make one and then it's a fair game.”
You thought about the offer for a moment until you nodded and made your list of rules to follow, that really applied for both you and Jeongwoo because all of them were reasonable.
And that's mainly how you ended up where you were, roommates with whom you perceived as an all too familiar face.
————————————————————————
“Do you wanna go eat?” You heard Jeongwoo ask from the other side of the couch.
You glanced at him, both of you had been studying in the living room, although he was in a different major, you did sometimes study in the same room because you knew very well that there were always those phone tendencies.
So you both completed assignments together sometimes in order to limit your access to those tendencies… So upon hearing him you wondered if he somehow got ahold of his phone and dialed some random friend's number so they could go get takeout together and you somehow were so laser focused on your assignment that you hadn't noticed him pick up his phone.
Just as you were about to scold him and tell him to focus, you noticed his phone on the table where it had always been. Confused, you looked over to see his eyes fixed on his computer before looking up at you.
“Are you talking to me?” you asked
“Come’on, don't get delusional. You would never be so focused on studying in order for me to go unnoticed when I pick up my phone. Yes I'm talking to you!”
“My bad-” you muttered, rolling your eyes at the unnecessary offense that he just gave you, almost wanting to reject him because of that but decided to nod just because you were hungry. “But you're paying,” you added..
He nodded slowly as he slowly shut his computer “Yeah… it's my treat”
He was getting up slowly and only then did you start to wonder if he was okay, he seemed off, kind of upset and a little stressed, you set your computer to the side and picked up your phone, “you okay?”
“What do you mean?” He replied, making his way to pick up his wallet which was sitting on the TV table, he opened it to check how much money was in it.
“You seem a bit upset, or nervous. Are you okay?” You asked again, this time he just simply nodded without saying a word. It was abnormal behavior for him and that kinda made you more suspicious, but maybe he just wasn't in a chatty mood and the only one who would be worsening it would be you, so you decided to stay quiet.
It wasn't late at night, but it definitely wasn't early. There was a fast food lot nearby so there was no need to hop onto a taxi, there weren't many students in the area like you expected, so the walk was pretty peaceful.
Glancing up at the moon and then glancing back down in front of the non-busy city “It's a nice night isn't it?” you could hear Jeongwoo say beside you.
“It really is, it's nice and quiet, there's a light breeze, and the lights are gorgeous…”
“I agree..”
You both walked in silence for another few moments before you looked up at him and asked.
“Speaking of- why did you decide to invite me all of a sudden?”
Jeongwoo turned to you and made quick eye contact before breaking it and looking back to your surroundings. “I kinda figured we both needed a break. Nice and simple explanation.”
“Oh that's cool but I don't buy it- I think you wanna tell me something.” You teased.
“I have nothing to tell you- you're a boring person.” He replied with a frown appearing on his face, slight pout as he placed his hands in his pockets and brought his face down into the crook of his jacket in order to shield his nose from the cold… sure it was fall, but to be fall it was definitely one of the warmer nights today.
“Still cold sensitive huh?”
“A little”
“Guess you've really never changed” you said with a sigh, slightly smiling and remembering the old times with your childhood best friend.
“I haven't thrown any parties ever since we became roommates. That was 3 years ago.”
You froze in place, you never noticed how close it was to the last year in your curriculum, and you also didn't realize how Jeongwoo, the life of the party… never actually threw his own ever since he moved in with you.
“Crap, I never noticed that we only had one year left, I'm moving out of the dorms next year.”
“That's right.” He answered to your comment, you who was slightly petrified at the sudden realization hitting you.
“I don't know if I'm ready for that yet-”
“Why? Because you wanna see -”
“No! Because I won't be able to see you again!”
Jeongwoo stopped in his tracks, looking at you confused, “you're gonna miss me?” He asked in which you replied with an annoyed pitch “you jerk, how would I not miss you? I've been with you for practically 15 years by now and you expect me to just forget about you?”
“Well- I kinda did…”
“I’ll find you and I'll show up to your wedding when you least expect it.”
You noticed his mood drop a bit and you wondered if you had said the wrong thing, you immediately apologized but he brushed it off.
“I won't show up to yours just know that.”
You lifted an eyebrow, staring at him confused by his words.
“Why?”
“I can't watch the girl I love get married to someone else.”
“What…?” You questioned, words shaky and almost trailing off into the air.
“Don’t say that you didn't know-”
“I really didn't -”
“Of course you didn't. You were too busy loving someone else to notice me.”
“Jeongwoo - I'm sorry… I really didn't know.”
Before you realized you had arrived at the food area, you glanced at him who was already making eye contact with you.
