It's been a while since I've posted anything here, but I have had a resurgence of hope and clarity in the past few days. There is a professional men's choir in my country that have been my idols since I was 14 years old, long before I knew I was a man myself. This choir is all I can think about sometimes. I buy and listen to every one of their albums as soon as they are released on repeat. If you ask any of my friends they will tell you sometimes they are all I talk about. Naturally, I have fantasized countless times about what it would be like to sing with them. Because I am afab, I always assumed it was nothing more than a pipe dream. This week, I was given the opportunity to sing in a workshop with them. In a q&a session, I had to ask if they would consider allowing trans or non-binary singers to be in their group, and their answer was a unanimous YES! I worked very hard in the workshop rehearsals; several singled me out to let me know that they were impressed by me. Sharing meals and downtime with them also solidified how well I got along with the members. It was like a dream, talking, joking, debating and discussing music, and singing, singing, singing every day with the members of my favorite musical group. And receiving heartfelt compliments from them! My heart was so full. I emerged as a leader within the workshop. Other workshop members looked to me for musical expertise, and members of the professional group endorsed me as an "end" or the person on the end of the choir who gives cues and tempos to the rest of the group. I was even given two opportunities to sing solos by the director of the ensemble! At the final reception, I approached my favorite member (a cis countertenor with a voice as high as mine) and asked him to be honest with me, would I be a good fit to sing with the group? Did I have what it takes? Without hesitation, he said "Yes." He also said he was not the only one who thought so, and several other members including the directors were very impressed with me. He recommended I audition. The next day, I got home to discover he had posted a selfie we had taken together on his Instagram with the caption "two rad sopranos." (and that was the only post from the whole workshop week he posted !!) I have been on CLOUD NINE since this whole thing! I have felt so confident and euphoric. I've never felt more like the man I know I am supposed to be than I do right now. I cannot stop fantasizing about what it would be like to sing with this group. I would drop everything for them. I would never want anything ever again if I got to be part of them. I know it's silly, and PATENTLY untrue, but I feel like all my problems would be solved if I could just be one of them. I could finally be a Real Man if I were one of them.