#sotoday

[thetailofthecat]

Anyone else? #hopefullyhelps How I feel inside. Can I just crawl up into a ball and sleep for days? Please and thanks. D': My soon to be exhusband's birthday is tomorrow and I'm dying inside. I was so happy and excited to finally find a best friend to spend all of our birthdays together and having a blast, but I guess God has different plans and people have free-will... <-ugh ....#sotoday I cope by drawing and coloring privately and take pictures of our kitty, our kitty part of the reason this is so hard. Everything reminds me of him. Still haven't cleared out anything or put any of the wedding things away. How does anyone deal with this? Like seriously. My heart hurts so much. I put my all and everything I could and had into this relationship and now all I have energy for is tiny tasks PT/OT which I have tomorrow. I cannot deal with this. #cuesobstory #endselfishrant #missyou #myhusband #hisbirthday #tomorrow #busy #lifesucksrightnow #maybethiswillhelpsomeoneelse #hope #GodsGlory #Godsworkinginme #Icannotdoitalone #dontbeafraid #dontstomponyourfresh

[kristianasantoso]

~ Soto Lamongan ~ • • • " bagaimana mau makan diluar kalau dirumah sudah ada yang special " • • • #sotolamongan #kulinerlamongan #masakanbunda #kulinerindonesia #masakanistri #soto #sotoayam #sotoceker #sotoday #sotogram #kuliner #kulinerenak (di Komplek Karya Agung Sejahtera)

[n-n-nicole]

WAIT

Is the guy that plays Christian Grey the same guy that plays the Sheriff in Once Upon a Time? Because this shit is making me uncomfortable lol.

[n-n-nicole]

if you are one of those people who moved out of their parents’ house to start your own journey somewhere far away be it college, the military, or just away in general -like me- i give props to you.

i’m saying this because last night my cousin and my two aunts facetimed me... and some time in the conversation my aunt looked at me and said I still can’t believe you’re there and not here anymore... you made the decision and actually left and i’m so happy that you’re happy and doing great.

i’m saying this because i was chatting with my dad earlier about how i changed my mind about where my church wedding was going to be and how i wanted to go back home to have the church wedding with my family. he said good my love, it’s better like that, your family wants to celebrate your special day with you and it would be hard if they had to spend thousands of dollars to fly to where you wanted it before. we miss you baby. i miss you.

I shed tears and my heart hurt like hell. Man, yeah I’m content where I am, I’m enjoying life and what not but i’m frankly homesick as fuck. sometimes i get so tired of not knowing anyone here... not hearing anyone call me by my nicknames... not knowing where anything is. it’s bad enough key west looks like guam. the coconut trees make me sad sometimes... so do the beaches.

doesn’t help that i’m 8339 miles away from home and sometimes that fact hits me like a train like... holy shit i’m so far. i’m so alone.

i give props to you if you’ve moved away from home and you’re making the most of your days and waking up and surviving. i just want you to know that i’m here and if you can’t i’ll admit that i’m hurting inside and yes, its not just you but i too have days where i think of home and i break down.

i miss my parents. i miss my best friend. i miss my godchildren. i miss my cousins. i miss the familiarity of everything that was and technicially still is home.

We gotta keep moving though you know? Gotta embrace the suck because fate put us here, fate made it possible for us to make the decision and follow through with leaving in the first place. So, here’s this post, this is my cyberhug for you.

I’m homesick as fuck and you’re not alone.

[n-n-nicole]

I wonder if you looked at her one night and just said, fuck it I’m going to kiss you.

I wonder if you heard even a whimper of me calling your name before you could do such a terrible thing behind my back.

I wonder if you DID hear me in your head but just chose to ignore me because you realized you never loved me enough to stay faithful anyway.

You didn’t even shed a tear when you sat me down and swore you were leaving me because you had to find yourself. I should have known. I should have known every one else was right about what they saw between you two.

I was just the wrong girl. You weren’t supposed to be with me, no matter how much you meant to me. I was just there for you to realize you should be with her and god damn it you did. 

It didn’t matter how I looked at you. Didn’t matter how gently I grazed my hand on your face. Didn’t matter how sweetly I kissed you. Didn’t matter that when I was kissing you, took a peek at you kissing me and your eyes were closed, you weren’t thinking of me. It all didn’t matter because you were thinking of kissing her.

I was for the meantime. 

I was till you realized you were brave enough to make a move on her.

I was till you and her got drunk enough to look at each other the way I looked at you.

I was the I didn’t realize “she” was right there all along.

I was the I wish I knew I loved her sooner.

You have no idea how long I was willing to hold out on hope that you might come back. That was until I saw the smile you used to give me given to her. 

Who ever thought a smile could break your heart? You broke me into shards I used to get you out of my system.

[n-n-nicole]

"Sitting in my balcony"

011416. I'm sitting in my balcony just overcome with these feelings. I'm annoyed. I know I'm being naive but I want to marry this man. I want to spend the rest of my life with him because I see it. In my head, I can see it clear as day. In my ears, I can hear him say "I Do." I can hear the cries of my first child. I can hear my daughters cries from her first heartbreak. My sons laugh when he sees the girl he likes and the way she calls me Mrs Hudson. I'm also scared to death. What if I tell him how I feel and he gets scared to death, scared away and then suddenly everything we've worked so hard to create is gone. What if he doesn't feel the same way. What if I give it to him straight and all I get is a straight face. I'm happy. I'm happy that I feel these things. I look at him and he produces so much emotion from me. He's remarkable. All my life, up to this point that is, I've always wondered what it must've been like for that person in their being when they realized they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with that person. Do the stars in their hearts explode? Does the sun seem brighter through their eyes? Does the wind they feel at their face feel crisper than ever. I'm sitting on my balcony while he's resting on the bed. I'm sitting here thinking about him and everything we could be. I want to marry this man. I do.

[n-n-nicole]

I hope I cross your mind one day. I hope one day when that happens you realize you haven't seen or heard about me in a while and you wonder where I am. I hope you wander around at all the places you know I like in hopes of running into me. Even if I know if that were to happen you'd avoid me at all costs, even pretend you didn't see me. I hope you nonchalantly ask about me and do your digging. I hope that when you find out I've left and found my place in his heart and that I've gotten over you, a piece of your heart hurts. I hope it's as small as a paper cut. The memories in the pages of the book that was us cut you a little but painful slit in your heart. I hope you realize how much you hurt me because you were too damn guilty to admit you did anything wrong. I hope you realize that I loved you more than I could ever love my self. I hope you realize all the habits that resurfaced when you left was because of you and the love I "didn't save" for myself. I hope you feel like shit knowing you owe me an apology for all the nights I refused to leave my room, for all the red lines on my wrists, for all the suicide notes I wrote in that notepad, for all the food I starved myself from, the water I thirsted for but never drank, for all the times I ignored my friends, my family... for the times... For the times I swerved off the road but jerked back into place because I didn't have the courage to crash into that post.... for all the nights I couldn't sleep because all I wanted was you.... for the faith in God I nearly lost... for the way I hated myself because the girl you left me for was your best friend and she was so much prettier... for that night I broke my parents' hearts when they found the lines on my wrists and they fell to their knees crying like I've already died... for that thought... my death. I hope you realize that you were my life, my everything and since you've left I no longer wanted to be alive. I hope you realize that by leaving me you nearly killed me. I hope you realize that I'm gone and moved on... and you're too late for that apology you fucking owe me.

[n-n-nicole]

Hi! ❤️