#source: dispatch

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Cinder: *Drunkenly singing* I'm a bitch, my name's Jaune Arc, Such a bitch! whose name is Jaune Arc

Cinder: I'm a bitch, yeah I'm a bitch

~~~~~

Bad Guy: She temporarily blinded me!

Emerald: Temporarily? Bitch, you blind forever!

~~~~~

Penny: *sent out against a small Leviathan* Oh, that's a Baby. I know what to do about this.

Penny: *Adopts the Leviathan* I'm a mom now.

~~~~~

Blake: *Over Comms* So what kind of donuts do you like?

Jaune: The long ones filled with Cream.

Blake: Oh, so you like dick donuts!

Jaune: No. That's not what they're-

Blake: You like big, long, cream filled dick donuts.

~~~~~

Roman: Did you know I went to Harvard?

~~~~~

Roman: *Transforms into a werewolf*

Jaune: What just happened to Torchwick?

Elm: OH, he just turns into a Werewolf Sometimes! We're working on it.

~~~~~

Jaune: Hey Ironwood ... How ya doin' bud?

Ironwood: *laying on the hood of a car* The Blonde Blazer and I have ended out relationship ...

Jaune: Yeah, I heard about that ... Sorry for your, y'know ... Loss?

Ironwood: *Sits up, sending Glass shards everywhere* Do you think there is someone else? Perhaps another lover could be the cause of all this ...

Ironwood: Maybe she met a person? A real person. I just resemble one anatomically.

Jaune: ... *About to tell him he kissed Glynda*

~~~~~

Very Old Woman: Holy shit. Who's this other blonde-haired fuck? How are you! *She hugs Jaune*

Jaune: That's a very aggressive way of greeting someone?

Very Old Woman: look at this skinny milquetoast prick! You're nearly bones, kid! You here to whip these assholes into shape or what?

Jaune: Uhm, I'm sorry, do I know you?

Very Old Woman: Why you all tense? What? It's a hug not a Handjob, lighten up.

Jaune: Be that as it may, I'm still confused.

Very Old Woman: Oh. Right. Cause I'm old as shit. Here, this might jog your memory

She poses in a Running stance

Jaune: Rabbit Run? Oh shit! *She hugs her, for real this time*

Harriet: Yeah, ye fucker. Why're are you accepting hugs from old women you don't know?

~~~~~

Mercury: *Kicks a guy in the nuts* *Kicks a guy in the nuts* *Kicks a guy in the nuts*

Mercury: *Kicks Jaune in the Nuts* Whups! Sorry Jauney-boy!

Jaune: *Wheeze*

~~~~~

Glynda's Blonde Blazer. Oscar's Waterboy. IDK who to make Coupe, but I was considering Neo. Yang is Royd. Elm is Malevola. Salem is, of course, Shroud.

Obviously Juniper is Beef (Sorry Zwei)

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

Regulus: Being a forgotten is my fate. It's in the stars. In the same way that Sirius was always meant to be a hero. James: You make your own destiny. Regulus: Where'd you get that, Kung fu Panda? James: Lion king Regulus: Of course. I think it's in Trolls 2 also. James: All fine films with a fine message. 

[incorrect-star-allies]

Bandana Dee: Have you considered talking to someone - maybe seeing a therapist?

Susie: No.

Bandana Dee: Do you feel better after saying how you feel out loud?

Susie: Yes.

Bandana Dee: That’s therapy.

Susie: I now see that there is value in that.

[incorrect-residentevilquotes]

Chris: Have you considered talking to someone? Maybe seeing a therapist?

Jill: No

Chris: Do you feel better after saying how you feel out loud?

Jill: Yes

Chris: That’s therapy

Jill: I now see that there is value in that

[freeusemuses]

Lae'zel: Do you have that cord which provides power?

Sky: You mean a charger?

Lae'zel: Yes.

Sky: Not on me. Why?

Lae'zel: Damn. This device you call a tablet has lost its power.

Sky: Ohhhhh, and you were right in the middle of that book.

Lae'zel: Fain of the Sunlands was about to confess her feelings to the Prince of Darkness.

Sky: ...

Lae'zel: It is imperative I know how he responds.

[incorrect-mayhem]

Nora: [Petting Animal] Aww, what’s your name, little guy?

Floyd: [Doing Animal’s voice] “My name is Animal and I’m naked!”

Nora: Oh, no, I refuse to believe that’s what he sounds like…

[koragg1]

Remus: "Shitty street kids love me. I'm like their king."

[lilythelitten]

Logico: Oh, yeah, I’ll bet therapy’s super fucking helpful.

*ONE SESSION LATER*

Logico: Okay, apparently sarcasm is a defense mechanism.