The Half-Empty Loveseat and Other Tragedies
Or, the Episode Where Kirk Broke Spock's Heart (and Mine)
Viewing Requiem for Methuselah in the context of "The Premise" (Spirk)
((Verrrrrrrrry long post, abandon all hope ye who enter here, etc., etc., but perhaps my thoughts will be interesting to someone else who is stewing in the juices of this episode as much as I am))
Spock is now a changed man from the beginning of this series. The stilted, warily friendly Vulcan from Where No Man Has Gone Before would not even recognize the Spock in Requiem for Methuselah: saying yes to a brandy, openly admitting an emotion (envy, for the host's art and history collection), and getting his heart(!) repeatedly shattered by his lover(!). Kirk's behavior towards Spock in this episode is exceptionally cruel when viewed through the Spirk shipping goggles, that is, accepting the Premise that the two of them are involved romantically and all of these events are happening within the frame of that situation.
There have been several rough episodes for Spock in Season 3, but it has always been because he was searching for Kirk, missing Kirk, or facing an enemy with Kirk at his side. This one really hurts because Spock's main antagonist is Kirk's own cruelty.
I view this episode through a very narrow tunnel in the shipping goggles, which helps to explain some of the more puzzling aspects of their interactions. Something has happened between Kirk and Spock. The two of them are definitely involved, Spock is deeply in love with Kirk, Kirk adores Spock but at the same time is pushing back and trying to keep things more casual with Spock (or he has in the back of his mind that he wants to settle down with a woman eventually and his gay flings are just for fun). It's an early prelude to the footnote drama: Spock's concept of t'hy'la contrasted with the slightly flippant nature of Kirk's response to it. There is friction about their needs and wants not matching. This whole thing with Rayna and Kirk happens within that context.
I can see that it would be logical for Spock to accept Kirk's varied dalliances in general. They are often no more than flirtations, sometimes even non-consensual on Kirk's part, often just for the sake of the mission. Spock might logically realize that Kirk, as a bisexual, has certain needs that he, an acespec gay man, can't always meet. But at the end of the episode, they always ride off together into the proverbial sunset the galaxy, looking out into the unknown, side by side where they belong. But this time, it's different. This time it's death by a thousand cuts. Here's why.
It starts out innocently enough. Spock is interested in playing this beautiful antique piano; their host, Flint, encourages it and recommends Kirk and Rayna dance.
Spock is playing so beautifully, but Kirk only has eyes for Rayna.
The two press closer and closer, and the camera cuts various times to the reaction of Flint, who is in love with Rayna. Usually when they cut to Spock it is to show him playing. But then he looks up and raises an eyebrow at the pair. It is a level of tension that matches Flint's.
(Also, not Bones glaring at Kirk like a similarly jilted lover when he comes in to find them dancing, yay for #mcspirk #mckirk)
Later in the scene, Spock is trying to tell Kirk about an important clue he has discovered regarding their host's true nature, but on the surface it sounds an awful lot like infodumping about Brahms, the classical music composer. Kirk blows him off with a dismissive hand-wave. "Later, Spock."
Kirk usually delights in Spock's infodumping, standing there with heart eyes and hanging on his every word. Getting shut down by his safe person like this is a type of rejection that is painful to anyone, but particularly painful to an autistic person. Poor "emotionless" Spock literally looks like he's been slapped.
His face falls and he busies himself studying the sheet music again.
Kirk leaves the room, specifically urging Spock to stay here.
Spock sits back down at the piano, looking like he might cry.
Kirk finds himself alone in the lab with Rayna, and when they start kissing, the guard robot comes to threaten Kirk. Spock saves the day by disobeying Kirk's order to stay at the piano. He comes in at just the right moment and shoots the robot with a phaser. Kirk thanks him, but then Rayna rushes back into Kirk's arms, touching first his lips and then hers with her fingers. Spock stands there for a few seconds, blinking, stunned. His face says, "Oh. So that's what you were up to in here."
The next scene begins with Spock and Flint squaring off against Kirk and Rayna. It is an interesting shot composition, and to me it speaks of the parallels between Spock and Flint: both previously hopeful, now jilted lovers, equally displaced by the interest between Kirk and Rayna.
Once Flint leaves the room with a reluctant Rayna, Spock and Kirk are left alone at last. And Spock sits down in this chair. It's symbolic. It's a loveseat. There's room for two. Spock balances on one ass cheek and sits way off to one side, leaving a space for Kirk. It is a plea for connection.
Then Spock gently explains to Kirk that Flint is also into her like that. He gently reminds Kirk of the task at hand and urges him to not get distracted by the girl. But Kirk continues to pace around the room, continues to fixate on Rayna, refuses to sit down next to Spock. It is another rejection. The two resolve to go find Bones, but then Rayna enters the room and Kirk abandons that plan, ordering Spock to go ahead. He stays behind and starts kissing Rayna again. This is the second time Kirk has ditched Spock in order to make out with Rayna.
Flint has purposely hidden the medicine they need within the secret inner laboratory. Spock has already figured out the truth about Rayna and he knows it will be hurtful to Kirk, so he tries to stop him from going in. Spock says he will go alone.
Kirk refuses and says they will all go in together.
(Aside: This Bones sideeye right here is such a delightful #spones moment. Kirk is completely oblivious, but Bones knows something is up. He hasn't figured it out yet, but the one thing he knows is that he is not taking any of Spock's bullshit.)
Inside the lab is evidence that Rayna is actually just an android created by Flint. As Spock foresaw, Kirk is distraught.
This is the only time that Spock stands this close to Kirk in this episode. (By his side, as if he'd always been there and always will be.) I think he means it like a hug for Kirk in his devastation. Flint enters the room to confront them and explain his true nature and that of Rayna. (Kirk turns to Spock: "Spock... you knew?" ) Then Rayna enters the room.
Kirk and Flint are arguing over Rayna, and Kirk tells Flint, "You kept us together, Rayna and me. Because you knew I could bring her emotions alive... From the beginning, you used me."
Spock looks, again, like he is about to cry. I am wondering. Does he see himself in that statement? Does he wish it weren't true? Maybe he is thinking that, yes, it's true, this man does have the power to bring emotions alive. I know it firsthand. But how dare he make that just a part of his personality rather than something special between us?
Kirk begins to fistfight with Flint over Rayna.
Spock attempts to reason with him, but it's a thinly veiled insult, a barb from an angry lover. Spock is holding him back, yes, but he is hanging on to Kirk's arm, which usually means that they are communicating telepathically. Spock is not just speaking, he is also pleading with Kirk, mind to mind. And Kirk's response is the most homophobic bullshit:
SPOCK: "Captain, your primitive impulses will not alter the circumstances."
KIRK: "Stay out of this. We're fighting over a woman."
The subtext being you wouldn't understand.
Rayna says, "I was not human. Now, I love. I... love." And then promptly keels over dead on the floor.
And once again, I wonder if Spock sees himself in this moment. He started out with a deeply repressed human half, and now he is a completely changed person. Now, he loves too. And it hurts. Maybe he wishes he could also keel over on the floor.
Kirk, kneeling over Rayna's body, implores Spock: "What happened?" His question is shot through with grief. He is barely speaking above a whisper. But after everything that has happened, he is still relying on Spock, as he always does, to interpret the situation for him. And Spock's answer?
"...She loved you, Captain." (The way he says it. The hooded eyes, the pained expression. There are so many layers under it. "...The way I love you." "...How could anyone blame her?" "...And loving you killed her like it's killing me.")
He continues out loud: "There was not enough time for her to adjust to the awful power and contradictions of her newfound emotions.... The joys of love made her human. And the agonies of love destroyed her."
Whatever happened to Mr. I Don't Understand Love? Mr. "You mean love as motivation?...Humans do claim a great deal for that particular emotion" just a few episodes ago (The Lights of Zetar)? This is a man who knows what he is talking about. This is a man who is speaking from experience. This is a man who loves, and whose heart is breaking because of it.
So why does this situation hurt so much more than all Kirk's other dalliances? Aside from all the small but hurtful things piling on each other in this episode, there are three major things: First of all, Kirk loved this woman in a large part for her intellect, which is a specific role that Spock feels he is supposed to fill for Kirk. Kirk views Rayna as an equal, which is rare for his dalliances thanks to the decidedly misogynistic portrayal of most of the series' female characters. He has, however, always viewed Spock as an equal and loved him as such.
Second, Kirk wooed and pursued this woman even in her early nonresponsiveness. He worked hard to warm her cool exterior and work his way into her heart. He "brought her emotions to life." This is also something that was once unique to Kirk's pursuit of Spock.
And finally, thirdly: this time, Kirk doesn't recover quickly from losing her. Of all the girls in all the episodes, including (while suffering from amnesia) a woman he married and made a baby with, who then died in The Paradise Syndrome, Kirk has never been this devastated. And Rayna wasn't even human!
The last few minutes of the episode have been analyzed to death by many before me, but here are my thoughts.
Kirk begins by calling himself a lonely man. Earlier in this episode, loneliness was defined as: "It is a thirst. A flower dying in the desert." How could Kirk call himself lonely when Spock is standing right in front of him?
But I am also reminded of the end of Dagger of the Mind. Bones says, "It's hard to believe that a man could die of loneliness," and Kirk responds, "Not when you've sat in that room." Spock has also experienced that room through his mind meld with Simon van Gelder. He knows that loneliness kills. And while he is in control of his outward emotions, on the inside he is absolutely panicked for Kirk. Both for the dangers of the depth of Kirk's loneliness, and for the implications for their relationship that Spock apparently does nothing to assuage that loneliness, not even when standing right there.
Spock continues to watch over Kirk as Kirk whispers, "If only I could forget," and puts his head down on the desk to fall asleep.
Then Bones comes in with an update on Flint: It seems that now, after thousands of years of life on Earth, Flint has gained the ability to die, and will die, after a normal lifespan. Spock answers, "On that day, I shall mourn." How very emotional from the emotionless Vulcan. How very symbolic. A tragically long-lived, brilliant intellectual with all the time and knowledge in the world, and nobody to share it with. Spock is looking down the barrel at his own painful future and mourning the person he will become. He has just realized that the five-year mission will not last forever. He has just realized that the love between him and Kirk might not last forever.
Who is the flower dying in the desert now?
Something in Spock has broken in this episode. And it is so, so painful to watch.
Then Bones, prompted by the sight of Kirk sleeping on the desk, proceeds to mansplain to Spock about exactly what Spock himself said a few minutes ago about the "awful power and contradictions" of love. That is Spock's quote, not Bones. Here is Bones'.
BONES: You wouldn't understand that, would you, Spock? You see, I feel sorrier for you than I do for him because you'll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious failures, the glorious victories. All of these things you'll never know simply because the word love isn't written into your book.
Kind of the same thoughts with more words. Bones, weren't you listening? I get that is meant to underscore the point. We won't dwell on it too much, although I would think Bones would know better. (I am reminded of their conversation in Bread and Circuses, when Spock says "Really, Doctor?" and Bones answers, "I know. I'm worried about Jim too.")
"You'll never know the things that love will drive a man to," Bones says. Spock raises his eyebrow to that. It's another "Really, Doctor?" but Bones doesn't catch it this time.
Bones leaves the room with a final wish: "I do wish he could forget her." And Spock is once again standing guardian over a sleeping Kirk.
What is he thinking? Is he thinking that he might still have the power to save their relationship from the thousands of cuts and tears? Is he thinking that he has to save his dearest friend, and love, from dying in the desert of loneliness? Is he thinking that this is what Kirk wants from him, based on how he expressed a wish to forget (which Bones then reiterated)? It is a mystery. But you already know how the rest of it goes. You already know how he opens his mind and his heart. You already know how he bridges the chasm, crosses the eternal few steps between himself and Kirk.
You already know the absolute agony on his face as he whispers, "Forget." He may be saying it to himself as much as he is saying it to Kirk.
