#spn 11.03

[idontwikeit]

How unrecognizable the woman I am now would be to the woman I was then. I recognize you. You recognize me? Yes. -Black Sails, XVI

//

But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester.

insp by @hotniatheron​

[foxthefanboi]

11x03 - The Bad Seed

[mittensmorgul]

I was only able to kinda watch out of one eye today while getting a ton of other stuff done today (why does this always happen on days when they show the most episodes? >.>) so my notes are... ultra-light today. I’ll try to make up for it later, but this was also the era where I wrote the most week to week. For more, please see the tags for each of these episodes. I was supposed to be caught up with real life by today and yikes... it’s just not happening :’D

11.01: Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire, and 11.02, Form and Void.

Aah, remember my obsession with the "paired episodes" of early s11? Yeah, good times. :'D Interesting also that the first half of this two part episode was penned by Carver, and the second by Dabb, when Dabb would be taking over the show by the second half of s11...

So much is set up in 11.02 that Dabb will carry right through 14.20, too-- everything from our first meeting with Billie and her entrance that made so many of us believe that she was "The New Death" right from that first episode, Sam and Dean's personal struggles, what they hid from one another, their priorities being united but different, and effectively setting the stage for everything they'd go through over the next four seasons-- right down to Chuck's role in all this mess.

11.03, The Bad Seed, and 11.04, Baby.

All hands on deck to save Cas-- even including Rowena, in the next evolution of her relationship with the Winchesters-- and their relationship with Home and Family.This was big for Sam, but stlil a baby step in that direction for him. The theme of personal an family legacies will become even stronger during Dabb Era, but much of the future building blocks for that are being set in place here in early s11.

11.05, Thin Lizzie, and 11.06, Our Little World.

Again we're exploring Sam and Dean separately in these episodes, where each of them has their own role in the story, where they're each basically finding their own roles-- both important, but by necessity, different. Cas struggles with his own trauma, only overcoming it through his anger at Metatron. It will take him years to come to terms with all of this, but he's finally up and moving again...

[mittensmorgul]

But what has cas been doing that he doesn't have the grace to automatically heal/clean himself?????? At any time the 14 hr drive back??? (Hm, is this his equivalent of the grief beard?)

This is... pretty much how Cas has been since 8.23?

I feel like I write this post at least once a season... I don’t really feel like writing this post again.

Not only has he had Low Grace Issues since forever, but this also felt like a deliberate choice-- much like Dean has frequently refused to let Cas heal HIM over minor injuries like this going back to s11. This was A Major Deal between them in 11.03 and 11.04-- letting Cas heal him from the wounds Cas had inflicted on him while under the influence of the Attack Dog Spell.

We’ve seen Cas repeatedly drained from healing-- like in 12.10 after healing Ishim he was so weak he could barely stand. He wasn’t seriously injured here, in a way that he couldn’t function until it healed on its own without additional energy expenditure on his part, but the fact he didn’t even wash off the dripping blood and tidy himself up a bit hammers home that comparison to Dean’s “wearing his wounds like they were a punishment he deserved and chose to endure because of it.”

This was Cas’s motive for wanting to stay in Purgatory in s8, Cas’s motives for deceiving Dean in 12.19 (I have to bring back a win for you, I have to spare you from doing this Horrific Thing), Cas’s motive for pretty much everything he’s ever done FOR DEAN, BECAUSE OF DEAN. Including everything he did during s6... which is what he’s been paying penance for ever since, you know?

But Cas has never regained his full, original power levels. What was left of his original grace when it was finally restored to him was-- in Metatron’s words in 10.02-- “there is some of your mojo left. Not a lot... But enough.” And unlike every other angel who’d had a small bit of their grace siphoned off while the majority of it remained intact to be able to replenish and heal, when Cas had his original grace returned to him, it was like his new “Maximum Power Level.” There was no replenishing to be done with it. That was as good as it could get.

Every season since then, there’s rumblings about Cas being “back to his old self” and similar stuff, but every year there’s a segment of fandom that seems intent on wanting to believe that means his grace is finally “all better” again, and that’s just... never happened, and I don’t think it ever WILL happen.

So yeah, essentially this is kind of Cas’s version of the grief beard, but it’s also tied back to Who and What he is, and Who and What he wants to be, how he chooses to expend his energy is a subtextual nod to that, and has been ongoing since he first was cut off from his power way back in s5.

But also, NO he doesn’t have the power to hold out a hand and smite rooms full of demons anymore. And he’s been actively CHOOSING to do things the more “human way” for years now, even when he may have had the power to accomplish his goals with a mojo zap. This is both about his limitations he has no control over, and his internal struggle with what his choices make him, and therefore making choices that he can live with, and that might eventually make him happy.

I think that about covers it for now.

[mittensmorgul]

Destiel relationship development is shown each time Cas dies. #1 he explodes and dean is bummed. #2 the leviathan drag him into the water. Dean takes the coat with him and has a quivering lip bobby-“you just lost the best friend you ever had” #3 dean fights like hell to find him in purgatory and cant contain his joy when he’s alive #4 died in s12 Dean couldn’t even function Had no faith, wanted to die. Destiel is a fricken slow burn but its sure as hell burning! We’re on the right track!!!

OOH. But I have some addenda to this:

1. He explodes (in 4.22), Dean is bummed in 5.01, but also angry and inspired to fight in Cas’s name (*blasts Zachariah with a banishing sigil* Learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch.)

2. He explodes again (in 5.22), and Dean is distraught, but his problems are only escalating. Lucifer/Sam kills Bobby a moment later, and Dean’s still gotta stand up to FUCKING LUCIFER so this is no time to break down and cry, you know? And by the time Sam takes back control and flings himself into Hell, Dean’s got... nothing, and then Cas comes back, heals him and Bobby, and then flaps off again. But Dean’s made a “dying wish” type promise to Sam to get out of the life, to get out of hunting, and live normal... so he lets Cas go... (WORST. PROMISE. EVER. oh my god, I’m still bitter over that.)

3. in 7.01, it looks like Cas is dead for a hot minute right after he returns the souls to Purgatory. Dean looks like he’s gonna cry, and then miraculously, Cas resurrects (again!) This is about the most painful thing in the world, because he gets to be alive for like... three whole minutes before...

4. in 7.02 the Leviathans walk him into that lake and explode him... This is the first time Dean wonders if Cas really isn’t gonna come back, you know? He had THREE TIMES before this, but as the days turn to weeks and Cas isn’t back, he’s got to be wondering. Except... through that whole time, through that long string of stolen cars, during a year when Dean had just about everything (including his own identity) stripped from him HE STILL CARRIES CAS’S COAT WITH HIM. *cries forever about a desperately-in-need-of-laundering overcoat* (come on, you know that thing was drenched in Dean’s tears, okay? he cried A LOT in s7))

5. Purgatory. and then everything AFTER Purgatory, through brainwashing (a kind of death of personhood) right up through 8.23  and “So, what, ET goes home?” and just *rips out own heart because it hurts less*

6. Not really a death, but in 11.01/11.02/11.03 when-- despite the terrifying and unknown threat of the Darkness-- he’s still primarily driven by worry/fear over Cas. He knows Cas is in trouble, and in 11.01 his primary reason for wanting to kill the “zompires” and escape the hospital is so they can find and help Cas. This only gets more intense as...

7. Post 11.14, when he learns that Cas has been possessed by Lucifer. Finding and Saving Cas becomes Dean’s ONLY mission for most of the rest of s11. Sure, Cas isn’t dead, but HECK, you know?

8. 12.19/12.20, Dean’s terror that Jack has “done something” to Cas, and rendered Cas unable to assert his own will, brings back horrors of s8 when Cas was being controlled by Naomi. Leading us up to the horrific angst of...

9. 12.23. This was the first time that Dean had seen Cas die by angel blade. This was the first time he’d seen Cas with the full burnt-out wingprints. Somewhere deep down, Dean knew this was different. This wasn’t something Cas would just miraculously pop back from. God wasn’t answering the phone anymore, and Dean had no hope that Cas could come back from this. He burnt him.

This was the first time he’d had a body to burn. The first time he’d had to wrap Cas and build a pyre and watch him burn. “What’s burned stays dead.” (which is such a disturbing thing when we’re talking about the slowest of slow burns here)

Until it doesn’t.

But yeah, Dean was ready to die in relatively short order when he thought Cas was gonna be gone for good. But then he came back... and not everything is all just hunky-dory, but heck... at least he’s back.

And now it’s Dean who needs saving from Michael, very much like Cas needed saving from Lucifer in s11. It’s time to see this situation reversed.

[mittensmorgul]

Hi! In 11.03 when Cas was under Rovena’s spell, he tried to kill a girl and then had a fight with Dean(and then Rovena broke the spell). In the end of the episode they all are sitting in the bunker and Dean is keeping ice near his damaged face to ease the pain. Cas suggests to fix that and Dean rejects it with “no, no, it’s fine, Cas. Besides, i had it coming”. I can’t understand why he refused. And why he had it coming. Sorry if you posted smth about it.

Hi there... this was something that was discussed EXTENSIVELY back around the time it aired. My tags for 11.03, 11.06 (because this was still an ongoing conversation by the time that episode aired), and 10.22 (because that was the episode where alllll this drama started) probably contain more debate about this topic than you ever cared to read. :P

(here’s a few links to posts that address this directly anyway, save you a lil bit of time at least :P)

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/150562051940/i-answered-an-ask-the-other-day-about-cas-and

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/150522376325/im-tired-of-cas-stans-their-double-standards (please forgive the grumpy nature of the anon’s question... but as you can see this has been a thing in the fandom for a long time...)

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/133340644065/re-the-talk-i-think-weve-already-had-it-in (this post was made during one of tumblr’s “let’s fuck everyone’s formatting to make it entirely unreadable!” but I swear the post makes sense if you hit the button to reblog it, even if you don’t want to reblog it, and then read it all in order on the reblog post... then you can just close it out after... I swear this site sometimes...)

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/131771929860/1022-and-i-had-it-coming

the tl;dr? I’ll quote the second link above: “Dean, still feeling the pain and guilt of what he’d done to Cas in 10.22, took the beating Cas gave him [in 11.03] as retribution for his actions against Cas.”   Dean WANTED to feel the pain, and see the wounds on his own face, because he felt he deserved it after what he’d done to Cas (while under the influence of the Mark, just as Cas had been under the influence of a spell and therefore not in control of his actions any more than Dean had been in 10.22, but hey this show is all about suffering! :D)

[mittensmorgul]

Hi! I've been confused about something...It just seems like Dean's usually pretty eager to touch Cas, esp. when he's worried( like in 12x08 when Cas drops the coffee cups and Dean runs over and places both hands on him)but when Cas was dying in 12x12 he didn't touch him at all(Sam and Mary did though)and when Cas died in the finale he didn't touch him either. I mean the kneeling over him was great and everything, but...why no touching? I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just puzzled...

Fear.

Denial.

In 12.08, Cas wasn’t dying. He was obviously in visible distress/pain, and that’s something Dean can help with. He can steady, reassure, support.

Even in a situation like 11.03 after Cas recovered from having the attack dog spell lifted, Dean was relieved that everything was going to be okay. Cas was going to be fine, just like always. So he can touch.

That’s safe. Touching Cas there isn’t gonna be the thing that confirms his absolute worst fear.

Like it would’ve been in 12.12. Cas lifted his shirt to show Dean the extent of his injury, the spreading rot from the wound, and Dean carefully covered it back up:

DEAN: All right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, hey, you know what? I’ve had worse. CASTIEL: Oh, yeah? When? Dean, something’s wrong. I... I can’t heal myself. I think the... I think the demon’s s-spear was poisoned. I don’t... I-I think I’m dying. DEAN: No. No, you just need some time, okay? You’ll heal up the old fashioned way.

Because if he didn’t look, if he didn’t touch, he could maintain that belief a little bit longer.

And after he is healed there, Dean grabs his hand and pulls him to his feet while running his other hand all over Cas’s back. It was safe again, Cas was fine again.

Even in 11.23 when Dean ran over to check on Cas after Amara ripped Lucifer out of him, he didn’t really touch Cas until Cas assured him that Lucifer was gone and he was going to be okay, and then he couldn’t keep his hands off of him, even walking back over to check on Sam and Chuck.

It’s about making the situation REAL. And undeniable. And if he doesn’t touch, maybe he’s mistaken, you know? I have a feeling that’s not gonna be a situation that lasts long in 13.01, but in 12.23? Yeah. He’s not ready to make that real. He’s got one last hope that Chuck will hear him screaming internally and bring Cas back like he always does...

And then we’ll see what happens next.

[mittensmorgul]

OH MY GOD MITTENS!!! Well ok this is definitely way too speculative and probably a better fic prompt than for meta, but if this last episode was such a season 8 ref with purgatory and even Cas being taken in by angels again, could we see a redo/resolution/twist on the crypt scene? I mean we've already seen it a bit with Cas's I Love You v Dean's I Need You...

HECK. HOW MANY CRYPT SCENES AND REVERSE CRYPT SCENES AND DOUBLE REVERSE CRYPT SCENES AND INVERSE CRYPT SCENES AND… 

We’ve had a lot of “crypt scenes” already. I think it’s time we got something different, something better. Yes?

I think it’s a bit early to say that Cas has been “taken by angels” yet. We don’t know what’s actually going on up in Heaven yet, and we’ve got a ways to go before we eventually find out. I’d prefer not to bite my nails to nubbins over it just yet. :P

(note to say I started answering this DAYS ago, saved it as a draft and then forgot I stuck it there to mull over some more… sorry it took me so long to get back to it)

But back during the original crypt scene in 8.17, Cas only had that brief moment where he regained control before falling under control of the tablet. No free will, no satisfying resolution.

In 10.22, same deal, but reversed. Dean only regained a brief moment of control before succumbing entirely to the mark. No free will, no satisfying resolution.

In 11.03 Dean did break through momentarily to Attack Dog Enspelled Cas, but the spell had taken over too far. By the time the spell was lifted, they had bigger problems on their hands. (Rowena on the loose, the Darkness on the loose, and Cas still suffering the aftereffects of the spell nearly having destroyed him. And then later reveal that he was really suffering depression/ptsd/feelings of worthlessness etc.) Still no satisfying resolution.

In 11.14… SAM broke through Lucifer’s control of Cas long enough to discover the truth, but it was Dean’s life on the line, and Cas chose to let Lucifer continue to possess him because otherwise they would never see Dean again. Self-sacrifice, no satisfying resolution.

In 11.18, a spell gave Dean like five seconds to see Cas, but nowhere near long enough to plead his case to evict Lucifer. Lucifer took back control and the even worse things happened. No satisfying resolution.

Somehow BOTH major “crypt scene” scenarios from the end of s11 were written by bucklemming… incredible. Anyway, in 11.21 it wasn’t really a technical crypt scene– more of a crypt scene by proxy– but we did see Amara reach out to Dean by touching Castiel’s chest while Lucifer was “out of commission.” And then we see Dean finally throw off Amara’s control of HIM as Cas(ifer) was unbound from Amara’s imprisonment.

In 12.10 we had DEAN choose what was likely to be his own death rather than risk saving himself if it might potentially endanger Cas’s life. Banishing Ishim would’ve been guaranteed survival for Dean, unlikely survival for Cas. Instead, Dean chose unlikely survival for himself.

In 12.12 Cas had his entire family (Sam and Dean) make a definitive stand saying they would fight for HIM instead of saving themselves. 

Now with Cas going back to Heaven, but on VASTLY different terms than he went during s8, I think (hope) that the circumstances will continue to subvert the horrible things that he’s been put through before.

I think the more this evolves, and each time we see a similar scene of confrontation, it’s become more and more about CHOICE, and less and less of just trying to dramatically rescue the other…

Each time we’ve seen an instance of this sort of scene ^^ the circumstances have progressed. Maybe next time it’ll be less about breaking free, or defeating an enemy, and more about making a choice.