#st. peter

[ventalizm]

they totally smoke weed together

[honoviseneca]

Badly summarizing Hazbin Hotel Songs: Season 2

Hazbin Guarantee (Trust us)

Local nepo baby sings about why you should support her business while repeatedly trying not to have a mental breakdown. Meanwhile; 3 local business CEOs openly shit on the Nepo baby and cause general chaos for shits and giggs and money

Once We Get Up There

3 local CEOs have a “Be Prepared” moment and show off how bad their God complexes are, especially TV Jeff Bazos

Like You

3 well meaning idiots sing to newly appointed Goodest Boi how special he is to the point of attempting suicide

Sera’s Confession

Holy Hottie Anastasia sings about how “Yeah, genocide wasn’t the move. You dun goofed, but that’s ok, just fix it.” to a biblically accurate baddie and then dips after giving her a completely warranted existential crisis

Gravity

The most valid invalid crash out in history

Piss(A Love Song)

Two love struck idiots miss beating the piss out of each other and it makes them very very sad 😢

Speedrun To Redemption

Blonde Nepo baby has a manic episode and goes full “Popular” on her supposed friend by essentially telling him to stop being him and be more like their more successful friend. All while 2 out of 3 of his tormenters watch with soda and popcorn despite the fact that he’s told Blondie multiple times that they’re bad people and friends with his abuser.

Don’t You Forget

Deer Man is pouting after losing a fight he was incredibly underestimating the difficulty level for, crashes out, quits the job he was barely doing and is then reminded by his hot boss that contracts are legally binding

Clean it up

Best girl sings about how she loves her job, but no one passed Japanese on Duolingo so unfortunately, no one understands her wholesomely genuine passion

Don’t You Forget (Reprise)

Deer man and TV Bazos beef with each other, unfortunately TV man is aura farming harder and is in fact, still not over the “break up”.

Bad With Us

TV Bazos tries to indoctrinate other CEOs and industry leaders. He’s successful but fumbles a few because he’s ageist and racist.

VOX POPULI

Devil Daddy aura farms HARD on TV Bazos only to immediately get dunked on at a MAGA rally from Hell

VOX DEI

TV Bazos takes advantage of everyone’s fear and incompetence by letting you know he can and will in fact get worse.

Love In a Bottle

Alcoholic cat Daddy relapses hard and tries to convince himself that he’s fine actually he’s totally not

Losin’ Streak

The best drag show you will ever see makes Cat Daddy realize he did not in fact “Forget how to love years ago”

Easy

Blonde Nepo baby FINALLY realizes she’s been a jackass all season, crashes out and her GF decides the best cure for depression is 🍑 🐱

Brighter

TV man sings about his life. Turns out he has always been bad at not being the center of attention and used to look like every suburban white dad ever, but with herterochromia. What a twist.

Live To Live

Newly appointed Goodest Boi sings to a biblically accurate Baddie about what I means to be human in the sweetest reprise you will ever hear. Give him head pats right fucking now, he deserves them, damn it.

When I think About The Future

Everyone’s hopeful and making plans to fuck up a CEO Gala. A divorce and a few mental breakdowns are imminent.

Hear My Hope

The power of friendship and a sprinkling of manipulation on the part of Rudolph the Red Deer saves everyone from dying at the hands of a holy nuke. Ft Fallout boy, a homophobic lesbian with shit taste in men, 2/3 of an evil corporate family, a Hot MILF, her Goth hubby, Rudolph’s hot boss and other corporate industry leaders that are only marginally better than most CEOs in existence

[curi0uscreature]

* Heaven redesign pile + mini rewrite notes since Viv managed to unleash my inner Bible Thumper

First things first—all of Heaven knows about the Exterminations. They see it as a good thing and a way of protecting themselves and the realm.

The Executionists are Throne Angels, while the Cherubs from Helluva are a Cherubim Angel (sharing one body). But given their role, they were only called down to Earth for an emergency and IMP makes them stay longer. They become fallen because of their poor handling of their rage and become wrathful—more specifically under God’s watch.

God exists here! Be it through mentions or his opposing voice that occasionally ruptures down. He watches the Earth, Adam and Eve watch the Heavens. Abel are their eyes in Heaven.

Given that Abel replaces Adam ( if I did follow the show’s format ) , his death is singlehandedly what causes Heaven to go into lockdown almost immediately.

Ironically enough, Angels are sexless / agender in a sense and are only feminine or masculine presenting.

( ^ ) This makes Vaggie trans in a way, fully identifying as a woman once being in hell for a while.

[helluvahazbinshidt]

Various shitposts i thought of while watching season 2

---

Vaggi: So I'm thinking maybe Valerie could be a good name. It means valor and it ends in -ie so it wouldn't be too hard for people to get used to it.

Charlie: All good points! And maybe we could call you Val for short!

Angel: (undertale death sound effect)

Charlie: (REGRET) Oh. Right.

---

Emily, rushing in to stop Sera from locking down Heaven: Sera! What in the name of the Speaker are you doing?!

Sera, who recently found out the century long genocide was for nothing, scared as hell that either Heaven is in danger or that she'll have to kill more Sinners again, has to keep Lute from starting a war with little to no help, and on the verge of a mental breakdown from the pressure of being the only real authority figure Heaven has due to Abel and St. Peter having no aura and the Speaker only showing up when the plot calls for it:

Sera: MY FUCKING BEST.

---

Abel, waddling in: Sera don't be mad but Lute is breaking all my dad's stuff and she sang a whole musical number about. well. You know the Old Testament? She wants to do that but to all of hell. And I dunno how to tell her that in 2025 that's called a war crime.

---

Abel: Boy I sure do love being good at everything and everyone telling me how good I am at everything!

Abel: (Gets murdered due to Cain's jealousy)

Abel: Ok that wasn't. Good. Maybe I won't take a solid stance on anything and I won't try to have any presence. Maybe people will like me that way!

Lute: SHUT UP ABEL! Adam didn't even fucking like you!

Abel:

Abel: I CAN'T WIN

___

St. Peter: So I know Lute was being mean but like. Can we make me the official mascot of Heaven? (Holds up a shirt with his face on it)

Sera: No we cannot! Heaven already has a symbol!

St. Peter: Oh really? Who?

Sera:

Sera: Peter.

Sera: (points at The Last Supper, specifically Jesus) You cannot be this stupid. You knew him when you were both HUMAN, for the Speaker's sake.

___

St. Peter: Helllllo Mr. Slithers!

Sir Pentious: Mr. St. Peter, that is not my name-

St. Peter: Uh huh, just got one question. So we went over how spiritually you got into Heaven, but physically how did you get in? No one told me that part.

Sir Pentious: Oh! Well, I died, again, it was all black for a little bit, then I floated up into a room where the Seraphim were.

St. Peter, whose job security depends on there being only one way into Heaven and him guarding it: ...

St. Peter: Ok so you're not gonna say shit to anybody-

___

Charlie: I just don't understand how to get through to the Sinners! These techniques work for human pastors on Earth, my research said so. Angel, what am I doing wrong? What do human pastors do that I'm not?

Angel Dust:

Angel Dust: (internally) Do not say molest kids do not say molest kids she is hanging on by a thread and this would only make it worse Anthony I swear to god do NOT say molest kids-

___

Lute: (yelling in the Speaker's face)

The Speaker: (internally) Oh good heavens when was the last time this child did laundry. She smells like rotting corpses and... oh good lord that's Adam's scent. Why did he smell like that. Why does SHE smell like that. I can see Adam's blood on her skirt. Do we not have washing machines.

___

Valentino: Ah yes. Me, my boyfriend, and his ex that he keeps tied up in the corner.

___

Charlie: Niffty please say something nice about the hotel or I might kms. 

Niffty: Ok! (Then proceeds to describe the hotel as the most disgusting place ever and the only nice things she says are in Japanese)

___

Vox: Hey there angels, it’s me, ya boy.

___

Sera, looking at Vox: Oh. Oh that’s the consequences of my actions.

___

Sir Pentious: I’m about to explain mortality to an immortal being in the only way I know how. SONG!

___

Alastor: If I can’t use my arms to traumatize people, I’ll use my LEGS! (then proceeds to bend his knee UPWARDS)

___

Baxter: Who needs stable employment! I have friends who fold my blankets the right way and a girlfriend who matches my freak!

___

(If Shok.wav could speak)

Shok.wav: Dad does Heaven have fish flakes.

Vox: If they don’t I’ll force them to make them just for you.

Shok.wav: LET’S FUCKING GO!

___

Rosie, feeling Alastor’s soul contract break: Goddamn it they left me out of the plot again.

___

Vox: (having a suicidal episode)

Valentino: (flip flopping between finding that hot and moping that he’s not the center of Vox’s attention anymore)

Velvette: And they say I exaggerate when I say I’m the backbone of the Vees.

___

Adam, in the double afterlife: Is someone praying to me?

Adam: HOLY SHIT! Abel’s aura farming hard core! Just like his old man…

Adam: Ok fine I’ll be nice just this once. (shows up to intimidate Lute)

___

(This one came as a result of me saying Charlie's name too many times)

Charlie Morningstar: -And that's how everything's been. Vox almost took the sinners to war, my dad's recovering from being used as a battery, Emily got her wing blown off, but at least things turned out alright in the end. How have things been in your world Charlie?

Charlie Dompler: Oh you know, the usual. I watched Mother Nature kill Moth Man because I littered and told her he did it.

Charlie the Unicorn:...

Charlie the Unicorn: I found a music box. It played a nice song.

[bunny-is-cute]

St. Peter: *sees the new Gay Pride merch* Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! ….You’re straight?!

Abel: Yeah.

St. Peter: *eyes him up and down* You’re not straight.

Abel: What, you think just we’re friends that means I’m gay? So every person who stands within 20 feet of you is automatically gay?

St. Peter: *blinks twice in confusion* I suppose I’ve never considered it before. But I mean, you don’t have a… *immediately stops talking*

Abel: A what?

St. Peter: A…A straight…voice?

Abel: *astonished* Oh, a straight voice? And what, pray tell, is a “straight voice” to you? What do straight people sound like? Can you do an impression of a straight voice? You know what? Let me get a chair. *goes to grabs random chair* Let me get a freaking chair because hoo boy, do I gotta hear this. I gotta sit down for this because hoo boy, is this gonna be good! So let’s hear it. Let’s hear what you think straight people sound like.

St. Peter: …I’d like to rescind my comment.

Abel: What was that?

St. Peter: I said I rescind my comment!

[radiostatik]

Peter was so heartbroken when he saw Abel with the straight flag he decided not to show up.

[666news-and-horoscopes]

[beautyqueenforbes]

Hazbin Hotel Card Suite - credit: steffilouting.art (instagram)