Various shitposts i thought of while watching season 2
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Vaggi: So I'm thinking maybe Valerie could be a good name. It means valor and it ends in -ie so it wouldn't be too hard for people to get used to it.
Charlie: All good points! And maybe we could call you Val for short!
Angel: (undertale death sound effect)
Charlie: (REGRET) Oh. Right.
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Emily, rushing in to stop Sera from locking down Heaven: Sera! What in the name of the Speaker are you doing?!
Sera, who recently found out the century long genocide was for nothing, scared as hell that either Heaven is in danger or that she'll have to kill more Sinners again, has to keep Lute from starting a war with little to no help, and on the verge of a mental breakdown from the pressure of being the only real authority figure Heaven has due to Abel and St. Peter having no aura and the Speaker only showing up when the plot calls for it:
Sera: MY FUCKING BEST.
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Abel, waddling in: Sera don't be mad but Lute is breaking all my dad's stuff and she sang a whole musical number about. well. You know the Old Testament? She wants to do that but to all of hell. And I dunno how to tell her that in 2025 that's called a war crime.
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Abel: Boy I sure do love being good at everything and everyone telling me how good I am at everything!
Abel: (Gets murdered due to Cain's jealousy)
Abel: Ok that wasn't. Good. Maybe I won't take a solid stance on anything and I won't try to have any presence. Maybe people will like me that way!
Lute: SHUT UP ABEL! Adam didn't even fucking like you!
Abel:
Abel: I CAN'T WIN
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St. Peter: So I know Lute was being mean but like. Can we make me the official mascot of Heaven? (Holds up a shirt with his face on it)
Sera: No we cannot! Heaven already has a symbol!
St. Peter: Oh really? Who?
Sera:
Sera: Peter.
Sera: (points at The Last Supper, specifically Jesus) You cannot be this stupid. You knew him when you were both HUMAN, for the Speaker's sake.
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St. Peter: Helllllo Mr. Slithers!
Sir Pentious: Mr. St. Peter, that is not my name-
St. Peter: Uh huh, just got one question. So we went over how spiritually you got into Heaven, but physically how did you get in? No one told me that part.
Sir Pentious: Oh! Well, I died, again, it was all black for a little bit, then I floated up into a room where the Seraphim were.
St. Peter, whose job security depends on there being only one way into Heaven and him guarding it: ...
St. Peter: Ok so you're not gonna say shit to anybody-
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Charlie: I just don't understand how to get through to the Sinners! These techniques work for human pastors on Earth, my research said so. Angel, what am I doing wrong? What do human pastors do that I'm not?
Angel Dust:
Angel Dust: (internally) Do not say molest kids do not say molest kids she is hanging on by a thread and this would only make it worse Anthony I swear to god do NOT say molest kids-
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Lute: (yelling in the Speaker's face)
The Speaker: (internally) Oh good heavens when was the last time this child did laundry. She smells like rotting corpses and... oh good lord that's Adam's scent. Why did he smell like that. Why does SHE smell like that. I can see Adam's blood on her skirt. Do we not have washing machines.
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Valentino: Ah yes. Me, my boyfriend, and his ex that he keeps tied up in the corner.
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Charlie: Niffty please say something nice about the hotel or I might kms.
Niffty: Ok! (Then proceeds to describe the hotel as the most disgusting place ever and the only nice things she says are in Japanese)
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Vox: Hey there angels, it’s me, ya boy.
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Sera, looking at Vox: Oh. Oh that’s the consequences of my actions.
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Sir Pentious: I’m about to explain mortality to an immortal being in the only way I know how. SONG!
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Alastor: If I can’t use my arms to traumatize people, I’ll use my LEGS! (then proceeds to bend his knee UPWARDS)
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Baxter: Who needs stable employment! I have friends who fold my blankets the right way and a girlfriend who matches my freak!
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(If Shok.wav could speak)
Shok.wav: Dad does Heaven have fish flakes.
Vox: If they don’t I’ll force them to make them just for you.
Shok.wav: LET’S FUCKING GO!
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Rosie, feeling Alastor’s soul contract break: Goddamn it they left me out of the plot again.
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Vox: (having a suicidal episode)
Valentino: (flip flopping between finding that hot and moping that he’s not the center of Vox’s attention anymore)
Velvette: And they say I exaggerate when I say I’m the backbone of the Vees.
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Adam, in the double afterlife: Is someone praying to me?
Adam: HOLY SHIT! Abel’s aura farming hard core! Just like his old man…
Adam: Ok fine I’ll be nice just this once. (shows up to intimidate Lute)
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(This one came as a result of me saying Charlie's name too many times)
Charlie Morningstar: -And that's how everything's been. Vox almost took the sinners to war, my dad's recovering from being used as a battery, Emily got her wing blown off, but at least things turned out alright in the end. How have things been in your world Charlie?
Charlie Dompler: Oh you know, the usual. I watched Mother Nature kill Moth Man because I littered and told her he did it.
Charlie the Unicorn:...
Charlie the Unicorn: I found a music box. It played a nice song.
