#starpoetess

[starpoetess]

how can it be? at the same time being not enough and way too much.

[findfriendstochat]

Meet @starpoetess

Tumblr: @starpoetess

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 19 (20 in June)

Country: Brazil

Languages I am comfortable with: English (although I might feel a little insecure at first, please be a little patient), Portuguese

Things I am interested in: Reading (especially fantasy book series), videogames (PC & switch, chill stuff like stardew valley, Minecraft, animal crossing, etc), coding, TV shows

What I am looking for: I’d like to gather some people to hang out on discord on a regular basis, while working from home. Ideally, we could talk about life and stuff, and maybe, just maybe, do a little book club (inclusive for busy people lol). Looking for genuine connection with people. PS: lgbt friendly pls

Fun Fact about me: There’s so many hobbies I want to learn and start like woodworking, sewing, piano, swords, etc.

Other: I may be a little shy at first, but I can talk about anything, I’m really looking forward for building a friendly group chat, I hope this goes well, I work as a front-end developer, can help if you’re learning something around that, and would love to share experiences if you work with something similar too.

[starpoetess]

I was taught to never trust people who say all the right things. Unfortunately (or not) I did not recognize that was the case with you until it was too late. I had already fallen for you. You, and your charming words, and your comfort words, and your wit, and your sensitiveness, and especially your passion for everything you do, and see, and touch, and listen.

I love how you manage to keep calm in all the chaos. I love how you think about life and art. I love how you blush when I talk dirty out of nowhere.

We see things from opposite sides, at the same time we're much alike. Maybe that's the break-even point.

I'm eager to learn everything you can give me, and I hope you are too. But I'm sure we're both gonna have a lot of fun along the way.

[starpoetess]

inside out

how the hell can I love you, have you, but still feel so damn down???? you're my whole life, but nothing is enough to make me feel ok for real.

I'm lost. I'm helpless. and still: alone inside.

[starpoetess]

I wish it was all that simple. that if we liked each other enough we would stay together. but it never is. I'm a monster, after all.

[starpoetess]

Feeling gray and other colors

Do you know what is worst than feeling blue? Feeling gray, with all the colors draining from your soul.

You can't write the anguish away, you can't feel the character of the book you're reading. You can't dance to lose the weight on your shoulders, you can't draw the suffering. You're just... existing, not being anything.

Sometimes you don't even have a reason to feel this way, and it makes you feel  guilty for not producing anything. BUT DON'T YOU DARE TO PUSH YOURSELF like I did to myself. It'll make it feel worse.

Take your time, don't rush yourself. Something is gonna come up and will leave you with no ground. It can be good, it can be bad. But it's something, thank that.

Remember that life is the purple's melancholy with the orange's vitality. The green's hope with the black's grief. The red's sensuality with the white's pureness.

We, ourselves, are made to mix colors through time and people around us. Not to be stuck on the gray, floating between the black and white extremes. 

Life is colorful, and so is your soul. You need to wait for that drop of ink that will make it shine.

[starpoetess]

love: a definition

there are questions we're always afraid to look for an answer. this is one of them. a week ago, this question was just popping up every time, and I couldn't do anything but drown in it. I didn't stop thinking about it. the great question? "what does love mean to you? what is your definition of love?" how do I know I love you? how can I be so sure about it? that was a time, so insignificant that you probably don't remember, when I tickled your belly, and you laughed so hard because you were caught by surprise. I could see your happiest face, framed by the warming light of the sun against us. and girl, you were so fucking beautiful at that moment. at that very moment, simply when I saw you laughing, I realized I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. that's what love is for me: the most beautiful feeling a person could ever experience; something that can make the most mundane thing look like it is celestial.

[starpoetess]

feel it, don’t think it.

in a lazy afternoon bathing in the warmth of the sun thinking about [feeling] you, i couldn’t hold myself back.

i remembered the constancy of your hands, the comfort of your arms, the tickling of your hair on my shoulders, and the sweetness of your lips.

i remembered the voracity of your kisses, the persuasive whispering in my ear, the heavy breath on my neck, the gentle caress on my thighs.

but suddenly, it starts to rain and i wake up from my daydreams [not before i get all wet].