It's not the first time I've called you baby
Metalsandwich (Billy/Steve/Eddie) | 982
This time, they’re leaning against Eddie’s van, sharing a joint in the middle of the forest. It’s been eighteen days, and it’s their most successful run so far. They have managed to avoid him completely, and it hasn’t been easy. They’ve seen him, of course. It’s dangerous sometimes, and incredibly stupid, to risk it all by sneaking a glance at him… But they need to know he’s okay, to make sure with their own eyes that he’s unharmed.
They fucked it up many times before, in so many different ways that it’s hard to remember them all. They still try to, working together to prevent them this time. They’ve been caught staring many times, no matter how subtle they’ve tried to be. The kids have messed it up for them on countless occasions, Robin too, so now they try to stay away from them as well. They bumped into him in the halls, in the mall, in the grocery store. One remarkable time, his car crashed into Eddie’s van in the high school parking lot. Another, he stumbled into Billy in the showers. Last time, they were hanging out at Eddie’s when he drove by. His car was full of kids and he had gotten lost on the way to pick up Max. He thought he’d ask for directions.
It didn’t matter. Once he saw them, it was game over. Everything unravelled. And they had to start over. Again.
Eddie takes a long drag of the joint before passing it back, head resting against the van as he exhales.
“I’m so fucking tired.” He says, rubbing the crease between his eyes with the back of his hand. “It’s been a few days, do you think we should…”
He meets Billy’s eyes through the smoke. They’re strikingly blue, and unsurprisingly firm.
“It’s been too long, we need to know everything’s okay.” He argues, although weakly. He’s been feeling restless for days.
“If we don’t hear anything, it means nothing has happened. You know how news fly in this shithole town.”
Eddie’s favorite quality of Billy is how solid and determined he is, no matter the circumstances. He’s disciplined and headstrong, and Eddie always feels grounded by him. Right now though, he kind of wants to scream at him until he finally breaks. He doesn’t. It’s been hard, on both of them, so he just takes a deep breath and tries to put into words the anxiousness he’s been feeling, thrumming under his skin.
“I just don’t know if I can keep doing this… How long do we have to do this for?” He asks, hesitates. “Do we keep doing this forever? Do we have to give him up entirely? How can we know what we are supposed to do?”
“Do you want to see him die? Again?”
Eddie flinches. Billy doesn’t raise his voice often anymore, not at them.
“Is that what you want?” He pushes. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are icy. “Because it’s going to happen, if we fuck this up again. It’s what always happens. He dies, right in front of us. Because of us. Do you want to go through that again? For the… Fuck, I don’t even know what time this would be. Don’t you see it? We lost fucking count of how many times he has died!”
He’s panting by the end of it, face red, eyes shiny. He’s right, of course he is. It always ends in the same way, no matter what they do or don’t do.
It’s their fault, they know that. Or at least, it was the first time. The real one. They were the ones who went after Steve Harrington when he crossed their paths. They liked his big brown eyes, warm smile, and soft hair. They fell for his sweet disposition, his courage, his big heart. They held him, kissed him, and loved him for months. And then he died, right in front of their eyes. He died for them, right in their arms. He sacrificed himself to save them.
The next time they woke up, they had gone back to the beginning, to the before. It was months before the tragedy, and Steve was alive and well, back before he even knew them. They were the only ones who remembered what had happened. They vowed to protect Steve this time, to honor the opportunity they had. They found him, and watched him fall in love with them again. They tried to be careful, to save him. But it was useless. He died again.
After that, they woke up in the past again. And again. And again. It took them a while to realize they were stuck in a loop. They tried everything they could think of. But no matter what they did, the ending was always the same. He always died.
It’s exhausting, but mostly, it’s heartbreaking. Eddie can’t get the sight of Steve’s face out of his mind. Billy has developed a habit of wiping his hands on his pants, and he knows it’s because he can still feel Steve’s blood on them. They both have nightmares.
Eddie knows Billy’s right, but sometimes, the weight of missing Steve is heavier than the guilt and the heartbreak. It’s the longest they’ve spent without him, and it’s torture. He just wants to hold Steve, to feel his warm skin under his hands, to lay on his chest and listen to his heart. He wants to make sure he’s breathing and smiling and safe. He wants to never let him go.
He can’t say more, as the unexpected sound of rustling leaves and footsteps reaches them. Billy lets the joint fall to the ground and puts it out with his shoe.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Says Billy.
Because there, in the middle of the forest, with his doe eyes and awestruck face, is Steve Harrington.
