DollWithTeeth

🎀🔪 Sweet girl trapped with dark brain.

[dollwithteeeth]

⌖ ⌖ ⌖

A crack runs through me,

I cannot fit into it.

My own body doesn’t let me in,

It shuts the door and takes my face.

[dollwithteeeth]

There is no proof of my pain. I scream it into the void and it only bounces back to me.

I write it on the walls with my own blood and they call it art, they call it desperation for attention, they call it…pathetic

When its real name is death.

Its death what i feel. Not even pain..

Im scared to cry because my heart gets so weak it almost leaves me every time.

Im scared to smile because my body screams its not true, and it punishes me for lying with more pain.

Im scared to scream because every time i do, death whispers back.

There is nothing left to do..But stay still.

Hoping i am standing in its blind spot

The heaven is closed to me. And one wrong move.. and hell will embrace me.

..please.. what is my way out of this..?

..But whisper it quietly

Because death may hear..

[dollwithteeeth]

“Look, the sun is

up”

They say

But their voices

are muffled

I am buried in the

ground

With mouth full of

dirt

So i cant even

scream for help

The dirt was my

only food here

Im overdosed by it

Becoming one with

it

Ground under my

nails from all the

times i tried to

crawl up

Only to find out

I was going deeper

Come, try to at

least dig your arm

where i am

They flinch even

at a soft grass

under them

They never

experienced being

suffocated by

death

So no

I dont feel your

sun when im 6 feet

under

The only touch i

feel are the worms

under my skin

Eating me alive

after i ate them

And when i’ll

become them, maybe

only then

I will be able to

crawl my way out

And feel the sun

you’re talking

about

[dollwithteeeth]

🎀Hospital magnets🎀

There’s this strange kind of thing about hospitals.

There’s a hidden magnet.

I’m sure of it.

And I carry the other part.

It sucks me in the more I try to resist.

My nails dig into the cold wet floors

And I hold on for my dear life.

One hand in front of the other. I’m almost there…

I’m…

I’m..

Back.

My eyes open.

Another mask just so I can breathe.

Another pill, because I’m too young and anxious to be here, they say..

What’s keeping me alive?

Leaving or being here?

What’s killing me?

Leaving or being here?

Decision that will cost me my life.

Or return it back to me.

Decision that will give me my life.

Or take it from me.

But… is this really living, if it’s only survival?

And.. is this really dying, if I’m able to survive?

Someone tell me what I am.

Someone tell me where does this end.

…does it?

If not…

Why…

Why try to survive something unsurvivable?

Is this cage in my lungs or in my mind?

Is it both or neither?

SOMEONE

TELL

ME!!!!

…please.

[dollwithteeeth]

childhood memories.

[dollwithteeeth]

[dollwithteeeth]

Todays vomit

Theres not a photo in my phone that doesn’t hurt

Not a family member that I love

Every day is just food

And nothingness so thick Im gasping for more of it

Im twisted and rotten and I beg God to make me forget Him

I found something strange in the mirror

A smile on my face

I want to rip it off

I am so fake

So hateful

This is not a poem I want you to like

This is what I vomited today

I dont want you to clean it

I want you too see it

See how long its been living inside me

So long it grew a mouth

Legs and arms too and crawled out of my throat

Now it wants to bite

[dollwithteeeth]

Boulder. That’s what I am.

Heavy. That’s how I feel.

Mother says it hurts as she carries me on her shoulders

I see the streaks of her blood falling on the ground

Mom.. oh mom

Just let me go then!

But she says no

Just so she can keep whining

Sometimes dad carries me too

But usually he puts me on a ground and kicks me to keep rolling

He says it’s to make me move..

They hand me over and over to each other

Sometimes even throw at each other as they fight

Sometimes hide behind me

Boulder. That’s what I am.

A shield

Weapon

That’s what I’ve become.

And they curse at me for it

I am colored with their blood

I look like I hurt them..

But they did it to themselves!

Boulder.

Someone break me please

So I stop being usable to them

That’s what I ask.

[dollwithteeeth]

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓌𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹

Something huge is grabbing me

And Im staring at its open mouth

A mouth thats about to devour me

So the second before it throws me in

I bargain with death

I know he wont have mercy

He wont even look my way

When my head flies off

But staying quiet is not my way to go

So even when my body is eaten

And my head lies at deaths feet

I beg

Knowing my last words will be:

Please, let me stay in this life I cursed every day.

And that will be its punishment

The revenge for death itself

My cut off head will never stop howling

About how unfair it was..

If it takes me

I will be its damnation

[dollwithteeeth]

A heart with teeth 𓂏

I am so fucking tired of being the exception.

The broken statistic

The body that didnt get the memo

That you’re supposed to function, comply, move on..

Not just be a name on a medical papers

I am tired of being the only one

Dragging a body that refuses me like a fucking plague

A mind that remembers everything

A history so violent it doesn’t fit into stories

Not horror

Not even true crime

Those at least get endings

Mine just keeps happening

You want monsters?

They wore my last name

They trained darkness until it learned my voice

And now it lives in me like an organ

There is a rage in my chest

So hot it burns my blood alive

So violent I forgot any other language

I have screamed myself mute inside my own head

And went deaf because of my own anger

And the joke..the sick cosmic joke

Is that I still dream

Still want

Still reach for something outside this corpse

I have never met a heart like mine.

A heart that would grow teeth and bite its way out of this body

Just to exist somewhere where it doesn’t ache..

It just keeps slamming against bone

Like it’s trying to break out of a crime scene

Like if it could just get free

It might finally be allowed to live

Instead of testify against itself

I am done being strong

Done being resilient

Those are medals they give to people

As a pathetic excuse for keeping them in this hurt

I don’t want to survive what happened

I want it to stop living in me

Tear open my chest up and step out of myself

I want a life that isn’t built entirely out of aftermaths

And the worst part

I am alone with it

No witnesses

No translations

Just me

Carrying something

That should have killed me

And it did

But still didn’t.

And now I live in this world in between

In this void

Where I hold death by its hand

And try to twist it broken at the same time

Im tired of it.

I want to hold a hand thats warmer.

[thatonedeadboy]

rip it out of me

[dollwithteeeth]

My anger grew teeth and made a home in my throat.

Now every sound I make bites.

I don’t raise my voice. I spit poison. I open my mouth and my nails scrape you from the inside.

Light feels like an interrogation.

Like being seen too closely.

So take me into your darkness.

Don’t be gentle. Cover me with it.

I am safest when I am owned by something that would never save me.. please, don’t save me.

Get ruined with me

By me.

That is my idea of love.

[askyea-poesy]

I am so imperfect, can you love me when really my soul is deformed? Will you love me anyhow?

Anne Sexton

[mournfulroses]

Jane Hirshfield, from a poem titled "To Drink," featured in The Asking: New and Selected Poems

[vampressart]

[dollwithteeeth]

I can’t see my memories without recognising the constant ticking of the clock in the background..

How couldn’t I hear it back then?

The threat was always there,

always present..

My ears developed years later

so I could recognise it.

I cut them off,

but I still hear it..

because the clock is in my head.

So I cut it off,

but I still hear it..

because I exist in that head too.

[dollwithteeeth]

I grow heads everytime I cant move my legs

Hoping I will think my way out of

this with more brains

But instead

my neck snaps

And all I have left

Is useless heaviness..