#stillfighting

[goodwitchcloset]

I did a thing, now my body wants payback. Doing my best to push through this but sometimes I get so frustrated and angry that I can't do the things I used to and feel the way I used to after being active or pushing myself. It used to feel great to push myself, now I can't even explain the pain and exhaustion afterward. I still work full time, which takes most of my spoons and I still try to get out and do things or go places to feel normal. I feel guilt and shame when I can't, especially when people close to me think my pain and exhaustion is just from not being active all the time. I want to do more! I really do. I miss the old me. #chronicpainsucks #painsomnia #fibromyalgia #spinalstenosis #hashimotos #chronicmigraine #chronicillnesses #chronicfatigue #osteoarthritis #fightingwarrior #stillfighting #keeppushing https://www.instagram.com/p/CkG_lRrubL2/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lookingfortherainbow]

“Those who notice the storm in your eyes, the silence in your voice, and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in.”

_Steve Marabol

I don’t know how you feel about,  when you read words like that. 

I always feel a sense of longing then and, “Yes I do”

It sounds totally cheesy and romantically twisted. When I think about it like that, I guess I am too. 

This longing to be recognized - even seen - as I am, to “be enough”, not defective or too broken to be liked - or heaven forbid - even loved - this longing can eat you away. 

I hate to think that my past experiences have made me too distrustful, too fearful - even too cowardly, too hurt to believe in the good of life. 

Every day I fight with myself.

“Is what the other person is telling me true? Can I trust? Am I being lied to, taken advantage of? Do I have to protect myself or can I let myself fall?” And again and again the question: “Am I once in my life - good enough- as I am?”

It’s scary as hell to show myself - to peel back the bark to expose the trunk. To put all the work I put into myself and my character - to be the person I would like to meet - to the test and risk falling again.

The struggle for emotional survival is an invisible one - one that no one sees. Everyone sees what I let them see- the storms of life that I have survived.

But let’s face it-“ Those were a dime compared to the battle I fight with myself every day. With the scars of my heart that keeps breaking open - bleeding - festering!”

This fight is silent - a ninja fight- secret- nothing to hear- nothing to see- yet so bloody.

I am a fighter- at times tired- exhausted- lonely- desperated- down- but I don’t give up. Fighting for myself, for a chance of happiness, against all reasons (who wants to be reasonable) - perhaps without a realistic chance of success- hoping for a miracle. 

[brenovablog]

Yes. We are human and we like creature comforts; however, when creature comforts come at the cost of human dignity, major changes must take place. . . #rosaparks #barbie #rosaparksbarbie #civilrights #stillfighting #thestruggleisreal #humandignity #humanityfirst #walkforfreedom #creaturecomforts #enoughisenough #blackdolls #dioramas #onesixthscale #brenovablog (at Brenova Town) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3r9eGupEtu/?igshid=o05xarzb7gxx

[acatalogofchronicillness]

My last 48 hours consisted of fasting and blowing air into tubes every 20 minutes. Checking for SIBO again, as the master thinks I might still be dealing with it, and it could be the cause of my adrenals and hormones not recovering. We will find out. 🌬

[gedankenueberschlag]

Wenn eine Freundin dir ein Kleid zum Geburtstag schenkt mit den Worten: “Ich hab das gesehen und dachte, das ist Gina.” Wie recht sie hatte. Als ich dieses Kleid dann anzog, fühlte ich mich so wohl, wie schön lange nicht mehr. Was nicht nur am Kleid liegt. Ich habe das Gefühl, ich bin auf dem Weg mich so zu akzeptieren, wie ich bin. So, wie ich wirklich bin. Launisch, manchmal verrückt, selbstzerstörerisch, zu naiv. Ich habe die letzten Jahre damit verbracht, mich zu verstecken, mich selbst und besonders meinen Körper zu hassen. Jetzt bin ich einfach nur froh, dass er mich besonders letzten Sommer getragen hat, obwohl ich ihm nur noch Schaden zugefügt habe. Ich bin meinem Körper und meiner Willenskraft dankbar heute hier zu stehen und mich gut zu fühlen. Ich weiß es wird auch wieder andere Tage geben. Das ist einfach ein Teil von mir. Aber heute fühle ich mich, wie ich selbst, wie schon lange nicht mehr. Jeder Mensch sollte sich schön fühlen dürfen, wie er ist. Niemand ist perfekt. Man könnte sagen, wir sind alle unperfekt perfekt. #borderline #girlsinrecovery #youdeservetoloveyourself #morelovelesshate #yourenotalone #stillfighting #fürmehrselbstliebe #todayisagoodday #youareworthy (hier: Bremen, Germany) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByKZgnlIG4X/?igshid=1aybopp5fqch7

[catstarving]

jadi.. kapan lulus?

Selamat siang semuanya, sudah berganti lagi bulan baru diawal tahun ini. kayaknya banyak banget post-post yang cuma jadi draft di tumblr ini, pengennya sih bisa di post secara rutin tapi ya apa boleh buat setiap udah nulis selalu aja momennya udah kelewat dan malah jadi ga aku lanjutin tulisannya. Yah seperti biasa diawal bulan Febuari ini sudah berganti semester baru juga, dan aku masih berstatus yang sama, mungkin semua sudah bosan melihat aku yang belum lulus-lulus juga tapi yah semoga saja ini bisa menjadi semester terakhirku dan kawan-kawan yang masih berjuang. Aaminnn. 

Akhir-akhir ini aku bertemu kawan lama yang sudah tak berjumpa, sudah berbeda rasanya saat terakhir kami bertemu. ada yang masih mencari kerja, ada yang sudah dapat kerja dengan penghasilan lumayan, dan ada yang baru lulus tapi blm juga dapat panggilan kerjaan. Semuanya tentang sebuah karir, dan pastinya mereka sudah lulus semua, eh salah, ada temanku yang sama sepertiku belum lulus juga tapi dia sudah bekerja dengan gaji yang lumayan untuk seseorang yang masih kuliah. Yah aku senang mendengar berbagai macam kabar baik dari mereka, namun ada satu yang berbeda dari kami, yaitu statusku pastinya haha. Terkadang rasa sedih selalu terasa saat mereka membicarakan soal momen wisuda mereka, ataupun tentang karir mereka, rasanya aku juga ingin cepat-cepat lulus dan membanggakan orang tuaku segera. Namun apalah sepertinya memang aku membutuhkan waktu yang lebih lama dari mereka semua. Terkadang aku juga merasa tersinggung jika mereka menanyakan tentang kuliah, rasanya ingin diam saja karna mereka tak mungkin paham dengan kuliahku dan berspekulasi bahwa aku selalu bermain-main yang menyebabkan lamanya kuliahku haha. Seringkali rasa sedih tersebut sudah seperti makanan sehari-hari saat mengerjakan TA yang tak kunjung usai. Mungkin mereka hanya tak paham bagaimana proses pembuatan TA ku yang lama ini. kemudian saat mereka membicarakan rindu masa-masa kuliah, ah entahlah aku saja sudah muak dengan kuliahku. disitu aku hanya bisa diam saja daripada berdebat yang membuatku lelah.

Tahun lalu sebenarnya aku merencanakan sebuah video project tentang pandangan orang2 tentang lulus telat, namun hal tersebut masih belum terealisasikan. Tujuanku dari video ini ingin mengajak orang-orang menyuarakan pendapat kami agar orang-orang diluar sana tahu bagaimana proses kami yang mengerjakan Tugas Akhir namun belum juga usai hehehe. semoga mereka yang diluar sana mengerti bagaimana perasaan kami yang juga tidak kunjung usai lulus hahaha.

[theowlthatsaidwhat-blog]

;; and the numbers counted down (1) -- @stillfightiing

       Kevin Copeland couldn’t say that he was  DISAPPOINTED  when the numbers hit zeroes all the way across. The timer was up and his  SOUL MATE  was standing in front of him like a goddess walking upon air. To have someone as  STUNNING  as his soul mate was nearly foreboding -- though looks meant nothing when it came to personality and he could only  HOPE  her personality was just as stunning as her outer beauty.

With a smile that he hoped was assuring rather than off  putting, Kevin stepped away from feeding the meter for his parked car as he held his marked arm up for evidence, ❝ This is really  SOMETHING,  don’t you think? Here I was...and there you were. ❞

Fucking amazing eloquence from a published journalist and author. He’d tried to not be  AWKWARD  and he was sure that he’d just made the biggest  GEEK  out of himself. Way to go, Kevin Copeland!

[ilpesodellafelicita]

E poi ci pensi un attimo, E realizzi che sono due settimane senza abbuffate e senza vomitare. Sono due settimane, quindici giorni continui dopo sei mesi d'inferno continuo. E forse oggi non vedrò il meno tre chili dall'ultima pesata,due settimane fa, ma sono contenta lo stesso. Perché ci sto riuscendo, perché sto lottando, perché non mi arrendo, perché sto imparando a vivere.