#stonyheadcanon

[eucalyptus-sage]

wanting/having

steve rogers was used to pining. hell, he might even be an expert in it. no one had ever wanted him before the serum, so he was used to pining. wanting and dreaming and thinking but never quite capable of having. 

steve rogers was used to saving small bits of people, little things, like the way they raked their hands through their hair or the way they bit their lips or the way they drummed their fingers against the closest available objects. 

he was used to saving those small memories, those thoughts, for himself. little things, just enough to keep him wanting more but never enough to fulfill what he actually wanted. he was used to staring and hurting and wanting without any chance of having.

he always seemed to choose people he couldn’t have, which really didn’t help his situation. natasha had a long list of people she’d assured him would love a date with Captain America, but he didn’t really want any of them. he wasn’t really ready to admit that what-or who he wanted wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met.

first off, he was a he. and steve had never wanted a he like that before, but he figured, it was okay now, it was fine now, no one would think less of him, so he pushed that part away. but secondly, he was attractive, the type that would never like someone like steve, even with the super soldier serum. and thirdly, he was everything steve had ever wanted to be. charming, smart, so easily capable and so effortlessly powerful. he walked into a room and people turned. steve had always marveled at people like that.

so, steve rogers sentenced himself to pining. to jokes and quips and small details. but even he couldn’t pretend that having little parts of tony stark would never be enough. that knowing what his smile looked like before coffee would never be enough. that slight brushes and high fives and hands on shoulders would never be enough. 

steve had been pining his whole life, so he resolved himself to furtive glances and small comments and irrelevant details. the last thing he expected was for his pining to be mutual.

the last thing he expected was for tony freaking stark, in a suit and tie, to confess that he’d wanted him for months now, that he was sure steve didn’t feel the same way but that he had to tell him anyway. the last thing he was expecting was for tony to shrug and act as if it was no big deal when in reality steve could see tony’s eyes and they were filled with disappointment and a little bit of anger and a flash of sadness.

and the last thing that steve ever expected himself to do was grab tony by the shoulders, run his hands up into his hair and kiss him. (steve had wanted, dreamed, thought about it for months.) thought about the way tony might wrap his arms around his waist and pull him closer, thought about the fact that tony was probably better at this than he was (he was), thought about the way tony might run his tongue across steve’s bottom lip, thought about the way tony might gasp (he loved that.) he’d dreamed, thought, pined for months, stealing the smallest glances and everything, anything he could, but never, ever did he imagine tony stark pulling away from a kiss with him, and going “oh. wow. okay. you have to warn me next time you plan on doing that, because as you know, i’ve got this small, itsy bitsy heart problem, you know, nothing major-” 

“i’m going to do it again,” steve whispered, before pulling tony back in and silencing him with another kiss.

steve rogers was used to pining. he was an expert. he was used to wanting and never having. he’d resigned himself to a lifetime of it. what he wasn’t used to were good morning kisses and more than slight brushes and sleepy smiles. he was used to wanting, but nothing, nothing could have ever prepared him for having.

steve rogers was an expert in pining. but not even his wildest dreams compared to the joy of becoming an expert in having.

(well, isn’t this lovely. this is so sickeningly sweet and sad and cute that it makes me want to cry. which is sort of ridiculous, because i wrote it. anyway, i really hope you like this one. it’s a pick me up in my opinion. a happy ending. i hope you like it.)

[eucalyptus-sage]

you can count on me

“if you need something to believe in”

it’s been a long day, and steve finds tony in his workshop, blasting queen and hammering way too hard on a sheet of metal. he tentatively approaches. when tony realizes he’s there and turns around, steve can see that his eyelashes are wet and his eyes are slightly red.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, grabbing tony’s shoulders. tony practically falls into him. the tension seeps out of his shoulders and his voice catches.

“nothing is simple anymore. nothing is good, or bad, and everyone always has to want something. i used to believe in things, cap.” tony sounds strangled, and it pulls at steve’s heart.

“believe in me, tony. you can always believe in me. i’m here,” steve says, wrapping his arms around him. tony collapses into him, and steve whispers soothing noises as he lets him cry.

“i’m always gonna have your back, and if nothing else, you can always count on that”

“cap, on your left,” tony says, and steve turns to throw a few punches and the goon goes down. 

“thanks, tony,” steve says, smiling. he probably looks like a dope, but tony can’t see him, so he grins anyway.

“what can i say, cap? i’ve got your back,” tony jokes back, but there’s a seriousness to his tone that makes steve want to haul him out of the sky and kiss him senseless.

“and i’ve got yours,” steve replies, taking down a straggling bot that’s been chasing tony for a few minutes. the rest of the team groans over the comms.

later, when they’re falling asleep, steve kisses tony, softly, gently, and goes “i’ve got your back.” tony smiles up at him, running his thumb over the gold band on steve’s hand. “and i’ve got yours.”

“don’t be afraid, i’ll always guide you home”

“do you miss it, cap?” tony asks, one day, absentmindedly tracing equations and shapes on steve’s arm. it’s a lazy morning, some of steve’s favorite days.

“what?” he mumbles sleepily.

“home. you know, the past?” 

steve opens his eyes at that and leans up for a soft kiss, feeling tony immediately melt into him. “how could i? i’m happy. i am home.” 

tony smiles down at him before tugging steve closer, holding him tight.

“you’re my home too,” he whispers.

all of the bolded parts are from Colbie Coillat’s song, Never Gonna Let You Down. 

(so, Happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate! Here’s some fluff for you. I heard this song playing earlier today, and my first thought was that it fit stony so perfectly, and I wrote this. I hope you like it. I loved writing it.)

[eucalyptus-sage]

a year of headlines: power couple

(so, i REALLY love the idea of power couple steve rogers and tony stark together in the media, this is my 3rd time writing about it.)

“Steve Rogers and Tony Stark hit it off at the Met Gala”

they meet at the bar, where tony notices steve’s shaking. he makes him laugh and they spend the rest of the night, leaning against the counter, trading jokes. they both make it onto the best dressed list. steve gets tony’s number, and has to lie to natasha that he’s not really that excited. 

“Steve Rogers and Tony Stark spotted on lunch date!” 

tony’s wearing a suit, and steve feels underdressed, but tony waves his hand and dismisses it. it’s surprisingly easy to talk to each other, and tony notices the way steve blushes across his face and down his neck. he thinks it’s adorable. rhodey hasn’t seen tony this happy in months. 

“Captain America shares ice cream with Tony Stark!”

the picture is a laughing steve rogers offering his ice cream cone to tony, who’s smiling up at him. they’d gone to one of tony’s favorite places, a small corner shop on 31st street. tony had wanted to try so many flavors, and eventually steve had just let him have some of his, smiling at tony in a way that made him nervous. sam fist-bumps steve and nods proudly the next time he sees him.

 “Tony Stark confirms relationship with Captain America!”

it’d been a press conference, and tony hadn’t really talked to steve about it, but it wasn’t like the press didn’t already know. so, when a reporter had asked, he shrugged and then answered with a small smile, “yes.” steve teases him about it later, claiming he’s “sentimental.” thor smiles at them, looking proud.

“Tony Stark shares a kiss with Captain America!”

they’d been on a nice dinner date, and tony’d gotten called into an emergency. steve said he didn’t mind, and walked tony out, pulling him in for a kiss before he left. steve was holding tony’s suit lapels and even in the picture, natasha could tell steve was smiling. “could you look any happier, steve?” she teases later.

“Tony Stark and Captain America attend New York Fashion week together!”

they’re spotted as soon as they land, and they appear on various snapchats and instagrams throughout the week. power couple trends on twitter for a couple of hours when they host a q&a at stark tower. 

“Superhero Wedding in sight?”

someone spots a ring on tony’s hand that wasn’t there before, and the internet goes crazy. there’s a lot of sad men and women lamenting that they’ll never get a date with either of them now. there’s a pride parade in front of stark tower just to celebrate. steve asked on a beach. tony said yes, then immediately said “really, rogers? on a beach? isn’t that bit, you know, cliche?” steve had rolled his eyes and grabbed his face, kissing him.

(so, i know that most people don’t get married after a year of dating, but hey, a year sounds better than 2. anyway, i really really love this idea, mostly because of a video called “rumors” by a youtube channel called L T. go watch the video, it’s great. hope you like this!)

[eucalyptus-sage]

we never really know

“i like you, cap. shit, i think i could even love you. god, what would my dad think of that, huh? probably wouldn’t like it. or maybe he would, i don’t know, he always had some weird thing for you. liked you better than he liked me, after all,” tony says, his eyes red and his legs restless. “i’m a fucking mess, rogers. and i like you, and it makes no fucking sense and i really shouldn’t, it makes absolutely no sense, but then again, i got kidnapped and became a superhero and you jumped on a grenade and someone chose you to become a superhero, so i guess we never really know, do we?” 

steve doesn’t say a word. he’s not sure what he can say. he hasn’t seen tony out of his workshop in nearly a week, and he doesn’t look like he’s been sleeping.

tony looks up at him, a sad smile on his face, a screwdriver absentmindedly in his left hand. 

“yeah, pep always says i’m a mess, i guess she’s right. anyway, moral of the story, summary, conclusion, whatever you want to call it, i like you, steve rogers. kinda hate myself for it. i could go out and have practically any person i want and i had to choose the one guy who is straighter than a board and also, the paragon of every virtue i’ve never had.”

“i’m not,” steve says, before he can really stop himself. tony looks back up at him inquisitively. “straighter than a board. i’m not.”

tony tilts his head in an almost dismissive way. “oh. interesting development then, rogers.” he seems to have a thought then, and a small smile graces his face. “dad would’ve hated that,” he says, almost to himself.

steve’s clears his throat and shuffles against the side of the door. “are you okay, tony?” 

“huh? yeah, sure, cap, just dandy. except for the fact that you don’t like me, which, yeah, makes sense, i don’t really know what i expected-”

“i do,” steve interrupts.

“i’m sorry, what?” 

“like you. i do,” steve says, trying to remain as confident as he can. tony looks up at him and seems almost unsure, as if this is all some elaborate prank.

“oh. that’s...oh.” 

“yeah,” steve mumbles, looking down at the floor. he’s not really sure what to do.

“oh,” tony repeats, standing up. the screwdriver’s still in his hands as he approaches and steve doesn’t move. tony reaches up and gently brushes his hand through steve’s hair, slipping the screwdriver into his pocket. “i’ve wanted to do that for a while,” tony admits.

tony’s practically leaning against steve and for the first time in this entire conversation, steve knows what to do. he reaches down and presses his lips against tony’s, soft and hesitant, until tony’s hand is around his neck, pulling him down with more urgency. steve swipes his tongue across tony’s top lip and tony makes a sound that steve wants to grin at, something in between a sigh and a moan. he kisses tony like he’s wanted to for the past several months, nipping at tony’s bottom lip and smiling to himself when tony lets out a sharp breath.

eventually, they break apart, steve’s hair thoroughly destroyed, tony’s lips fairly swollen. 

“see, now i feel bad for not confessing months ago,” tony says, his breath slightly labored.

steve shakes his head and smiles slightly before grabbing tony’s arm and dragging him up to his room. 

“i like where your mind’s at, rogers,” tony says, a grin on his face as steve pushes open his door.

steve snorts and rolls his eyes, albeit fondly. “sure, tony. but before we find out how much we might’ve missed out on the last few months, you’re going to sleep. for at least 8 hours,” steve says, pushing tony gently onto the bed.

“you seriously cannot say something like that and then just expect me to sleep,” tony responds, but he can feel himself sinking into the mattress, his eyes slowly closing. 

“mhm” steve mumbles, pulling the covers up around him. 

they might just work after all.

(no idea. no clue what this is. kinda soft and fluffy. hope you like it! also, send me ideas, please, so i stop writing things like this.)

[eucalyptus-sage]

overwhelming

loving tony stark is....overwhelming. that’d be how steve would describe it, if you ever asked.

tony stark in general was overwhelming. he was insanely attractive, and he never stopped talking, never stopped moving, and by the time you’d processed his jokes, he was already moving onto the next subject, his mind spiraling into places you couldn’t dream of following. that’s how steve felt the first time he met tony, and that’s how steve felt every time he looked at him.

tony was brilliant and vibrant and so goddamn beautiful, in the way that steve knew no drawing could give him justice, because tony stark wasn’t just the man or the suit, he was the energy that he exuded. he was so much more than his mind or his suit, and all in all it was just....overwhelming.

steve had been overwhelmed by peggy like this before, but this, this was different. loving tony felt like steve was being pulled into a million different places, as if tony could transport him to different worlds within seconds. loving tony was overwhelming because of his voice and his eyes and his heart and the way he never, ever, stopped talking, and the jokes, god, the jokes, just when steve thinks he has a break, just a moment to catch up, the jokes settle in and then tony’s moving again, thinking again, talking again.

it’s overwhelming and steve doesn’t know how he survives it. he’s fairly certain that if he still had his old bad heart, tony would’ve sent him into cardiac arrest a few times by now. everything, genuinely everything about tony was overwhelming.

his cologne, his smile, his eyes, his words, his jokes, his emotions, his thoughts, everything. the first time steve kissed him, steve felt like he was going to genuinely combust, or at least faint. it was just, so much, too much for steve’s brain to process.

loving tony stark is exhausting and tiring and overwhelming and steve’s almost 100% sure that tony’ll be the death of him some day.

loving tony stark is overwhelming, but steve wouldn’t trade a single goddamn second. loving tony stark is overwhelming, but so, so completely worth it.

(i guess this could be a pt 2 to my “it hurts.” but i was reading an incredible fic by @itsallavengers and the idea just popped into my head. anyway, hope you like it!)

[eucalyptus-sage]

fire and ice

steve rogers is cold. he always was, and that never really stopped. tony burns. like a flash fire or a shooting star.

steve wraps his arms around him and breathes into his neck, trying so desperately to forget the feeling of ice, ice in his veins, ice in his heart, ice in his mouth and ice in his nose and ice in his soul. he wraps his arms around tony and lets the heat flood into his body, and he sleeps.

tony feels his cold arms around him and he is reminded of anything but the heat of afghanistan, he is reminded of ice cream and snow, of happier times and happier memories. he falls asleep with the feeling of ice, of rain and cold water on his neck.

they hold each other as the world melts from the fire. 

[eucalyptus-sage]

paint.

watercolor, steve decides. natasha is a watercolor type of person. it’s something he does, almost as a force of habit. he assigns people art material types. 

natasha is watercolor because it shifts and changes, and once it dries, it always appears different than when it was wet, and because watercolor depends on layers and technique to build up, but in the end, it creates something truly beautiful, something that requires time and patience. so, natasha is a watercolor person. 

some people are easier than others. like, fury for instance. from almost the moment he met him, he knew. markers. bold, strong, and assertive. there’s no erasing, no blobbing out, no hesitance with markers. markers are commanding and final, yet they can be varied and adjustable. so, fury is a marker person.

thor is crayons, bruce is color pencils, and clint is pens. it’s instinctual now, and steve prides himself whenever his predictions prove correct. like hill. he had a bit of a harder time figuring her out, but he was pleasantly surprised when the answer came to him one day when she was speaking. charcoal. commanding yet soft, but with harsh lines and strict ideals. 

some people are harder than others. bucky’s a oil paint type of person, and sam’s a acrylic paint type person. wanda’s a color pencil type person. the only person steve never really manages to figure out is tony.

that is, until one day, when it hits him. tony is a gouche type of person. steve had never really used gouche before, but once he did, he thought instantly of tony. it was a type of watercolor, but almost as opaque as oil paints when applies thickly, but thinner than watercolor if you wanted. the only thing that never changed, despite consistency or appearance was the color. gouache, no matter what you did, stayed vibrant. 

people remind steve of paint supplies. he’s not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. he just knows that tony is red and natasha is red in a burgundy sort of way and thor is yellow and clint is a strange sort of grey. bucky and peggy were both purple. 

and in a world where steve isn’t really sure if he likes black or white or grey anymore, paint supplies remind him that things change, times change, but there’ll always be marker people and color pencil people and watercolor people and acrylic people and anything else.

it’s comforting, somehow. 

(so, i have no clue what this is. and if you couldn’t already tell, i’m an artist. (sort of.) either way, in case you were wondering, steve’s a pencil type of person and i’m a watercolor/crayon type person. if you reblog this please, please, put what type of person you are in the tags. that could be fun. at first this was gonna be stony but then it just turned out to be character assessment by steve rogers. i hope you like it!) 

[eucalyptus-sage]

it hurts.

it hurts sometimes, to love steve rogers. 

actually no-it always hurts to love steve rogers. always has, and always will, tony realizes, one day. hurts in the smallest, most miniscule ways. hurts in the way steve smiles at him in the morning and tony feels an ache in his chest dragging him down because he doesn’t deserve this, to be something that steve rogers loves. hurts in the way that steve laughs and tony feels something griping at his soul, and tony has never felt more lucky and more cursed in his entire life.

it hurts in the obvious ways too, in the way that tony can barely breathe when steve charges straight towards a fight because steve is tony’s home and tony has never had one before, and he can’t lose him, he can’t, he just can’t. it hurts in the way tony wakes up heaving and shaking from dreams of death and destruction and loss and pain, and oh god, the pain. 

it hurts in ways tony has never experienced before, loving someone. it hurts in the way he misses him, misses him as if he is a part of his mind and soul, a part of him. it hurts in the way he runs his hands through his hair and thinks, i love you, please don’t ever leave me. it hurts in the way that tony feels as if he has carved out his heart and given it to a soldier who never, never backs away from a fight. 

it hurts in the way that tony loves every part of him, every single damn part, from his hair to his lips to his heart and his soul. it hurts in the way that tony cannot live without him, in the way that it feels like tony cannot breathe without him. it hurts in every single possible way that tony knows, and a couple million more that he didn’t before. loving steve rogers is a perfect storm and tony didn’t know he had so many broken windows.

it hurts, to love steve rogers. it always has. it always will.

it’s worth it, though. always has been. always will be. 

(so, i’m in a really really awful mood, and i’ve had a really really awful day that involves far too much fanfiction. either way, i wrote this while listening to a remix of a song that had spongebob clips edited in. also, is this the saddest stony fic i’ve ever written? yes. anyways, i hope you like it!)