#stream of thoughts

[vintage-tigre]

[yaraef]

Maybe this explains where I've been since I last posted online: I just finished dreaming of Mordor as a comfy abode despite all appearances. And yes, there is no pool of lava. It's just a hot spring down there.

Mount Doom is Sauron's secret sauna.

Heh.

[intothespittaaverse]

Imagine hating me and I’m just in my room dancing like Jeff Hardy

[bakdbfi]

I want more Solomon and mc moments !

I want mc to experience a platonic relationship and CRAVE more of them.

I want Solomon to teach them magic because no one else is and mc never has opportunities to learn on their own.

I want them to bond in a way neither the demon nor minhyeok could possibly give them.

I want Solomon to make me feel loved and appreciated in a way they have never been since the death of their parents and it really hits them HARD.

I want mc to be able to release all of her stress on their pesdo father figure, tell them the fears they have of feeling useless and good for nothing, how it hurts to always be called someone else's name and I want Solomon to comfort them and help with their insecurities

I want Solomon to be able to give mc advice for them to have someone to criticize them without tearing them down. Someone to tell MC "this isn't healthy. They need to respect boundaries. You are not me" making them feel less alone

I want Solomon to tell MC some EMBARRASSING SHIT about the kings and the nobles

Solodad supremacy!

Please pb please I'm begging you.

[veryfastnighuncatchable]

I am haunting the narrative in a way that is a little uncomfortable for the other characters in the narrative

[writtenbyzadia]

Please bear with me. I might call all this pain and suffering poetry someday.

zadia najwan / a poetry book that I might publish someday

[lucillelogan]

When I lived with my family still, I would often hover away from home, stretching out the walk from school, and on nights when I had theater rehearsal, I'd sit by the pond outside the building almost an hour everyday, just listening to the frogs and crickets as night set on. On weekends, I'd sit on the porch till I was sunburned.

In the summer my family would retreat to my step-family's old cattlefarm, and I'd wander as far out into the fields as I could before the grass became too high. I'd also sneak off to this spot where the Buffalo River passes by their land, and sit with my knees in the shallow side. Often I wouldn't even go back in the house, instead laying out on top of the old storm shelter. Since living on my own, I still walk to work and back, but there is less space even in the rural suburbs.

I've always considered myself a part of nature, as I am also an animal, but sometimes, especially in these moments, I feel as though I can't get close enough to it. I have unfriendly memories and feelings, like smoke running through me, and no wind is strong or clear enough to blow them away.

I wish sometimes I could just melt, into the sky or a creek somehow. Not an ending, just that freedom. I remember the days I would sit outside, and the sky would be so vivid and the sun so bright that I'd have to gaze through my fingers. My only desire in those moments would just be for that immense blue to just... scoop me up and away.

I'd imagine being turned into a beam of sunlight or some fantasy, and how I'd sleep in windowsills with cats, and play with my shape in the trees. I'd stretch all the way out over fields, or stand alone in dusty libraries. I'd dive into glasses and crystals, filling rooms with little glittering rainbows. I'd feel what it's like to shatter over little waves in a lake, shaken like sand in a gold pan.

I'd greet people as they stepped out of their doors, and kiss the tops of their heads and their noses. At the end of the day, I would grasp onto the backs of houses just to get a glimpse at the moon. That would be a shame, not getting to see the moon at her full brightness.

I think a flaw of mine is that I search for escape in everything. But, it's hard not to, when every beautiful scene is a doorway, which leads to a whole path of thoughts. If you have the time, why not take every path? Maybe I am losing my point, I haven't slept yet so I might be unclear—I get giddy with tiredness.

Anyways, take care.

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

So far, the writing of Mutsumi/Mortis' DID seems pretty subversive. Since it's a largely misrepresented disorder, having accuracies alone is enough to be comparatively subversive. The gaps in the two alters' knowledge and memories, the vocabulary that Mutsumi is rather "asleep", so far, are fitting.

In Episode 4, it uses the codes of horror. Sakiko is clearly scared, which with the knowledge that she has and after what Mortis said to her, is reasonable. The scene in which Mortis knocked at the door and the girls stood around, scared, was clearly referential to the genre.

...But Uika opens the door to Mortis, and the latter doesn't harm anyone. DID is known to be used in horror, so this conclusion to the scene feels, to me, purposefully subversive. "Oooh, DID, that's the scary disorder, right?" But it's just Mortis. And it's quickly revealed that Mortis isn't as powerful as she thought herself to be.

She's actually a little bit.............. silly. For all of her eeriness.

I'm not sure what vocabulary is being used in Japanese - the language of "split personality" in the sub is meh, but the sub is generally offensively bad; and those are teenage girls talking about it for the first time, not a medical professional nor an omniscient narrator. An aspect that is oftentimes underrepresented in fiction - notably anime from what I've seen - is that it's more common than not for DID systems to have more than two alters, but honestly, this story is quite promising so far so I - from my limited point of view - wouldn't look at it too negatively if no other alter is formally introduced.

I didn't know what to think of the jarring visuals used for the scene in which Mortis took Mutsumi's place as host in Episode 3, but the eerie vibe conveyed by Episode 4 feels fitting enough to me so far. It is confusing, scary, even sad, from Sakiko's point of view, to have suddenly lost Mutsumi - and for the system themselves, it's not a fun, simple disorder to have. Whether the writers intend on pointing the finger at this aspect or not, it seems evident that Mortis, by trying to control her system all alone, is quickly going to hit a wall.

Yeah, you need to play the guitar to be in that band, idiot.

And notably - is she unaware of masking? That's one specific choice of behaviour.