Strelles Shorts 7 - The Path Forward
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âMapietail?â
There was no response, not a sight or even the shuffling signifying that someone was there. He couldnât even find it himself to heave a sigh as Briarflutter took his non-answer as permission to enter his den, the flutterseerâs pawsteps echoing in the dug-out cavern for leaders.
âMagpie, you canât just lie here forever.â
â...â
The healer sighed and moved closer, walking around so Magpietail could see his paws in the limited light of the den. There must be a crack somewhere - heâd have to get some mud to paste it over. He couldnât stand to be in the sunlight, he didnât deserve to be in the sunlight after what heâd almost done. After what heâd actually done. Pale yellow eyes stared blankly as a small stack of herbs were dropped in front of his muzzle, the names and their uses twisting out of the grasp of his mind.
âMagpie,â his friend said, in tone gentler than he deserved. âHey, I get it. Talking is probably a lot right now. Do you think you can at least move your ears? Show me you can hear me.â
Briarflutter was a good healer and a better friend than Magpietail would ever deserve - so he flicked his left ear, knowing the bob-tailed tom would sit there waiting for the sun to rise if he didnât say anything.
âGood,â Briarflutter said, satisfaction in his tone. âThen can you tell me why youâve been leaving managing the entire faction to Deadfeather?â
Magpietail couldnât suppress the slight wince that emerged reflexively, tucking his tail closer to himself. As soon as theyâd⊠come home, heâd entered his den and not emerged since. He vaguely remembers his lieutenant badgering him for a bit, rattling off an injury report of their legionaries and those who were injured of Nightrattleâs cats before seeming to grow frustrated by his lack of a reaction. Heâd called out to him a few more times after that but Magpietail never responded and he assumed the tom had given up.
â...thatâs his job,â Magpietail murmured into his forepaws. âLeading when I canât.â
âYes, when you canât,â agreed Briarflutter. âNot when you wonât. So again, why are you leaving everything to Deadfeather who has a mate and a sicky cub to look after?â
âI-â Magpietailâs mouth went dry as a new form of guilt washed over him. How⊠had he forgotten? Before all of this, his lieutenant had brought it up, talked about he and Ashfeatherâs family - how his lieutenant had even brought up stepping down so heâd have more time for them to be more present for Ashfeather who was still in such a bad place after losing her other cubs when they were driven out. His claws sank into the barren earth beneath him, catching on the remains of the nest heâd angrily left in a misshapen heap outside of the den. âI- Iâm a terrible leader BriâŠâ
âYou had a lapse in judgement Maggie-â
âI attacked him,â Magpietail blurted out, slammed him paws atop his head as the feelings of horror and disgust that heâd been trying to avoid clawed through him like a rabid hawkâs talons. Cardinalfireâs faced played on an infinite loop in his mind, Hretoâs ruddy red coat pinned to the ground beneath hs paws not bothering to fight back. Vivid green eyes lacking any hint of anger or fury, just resignation as he braced himself for claws he expected Magpietail to deal against him and the gripping realization that he might have gone through with it, that he hadnât recognized him.
His face was just a bit softer, with less angles and more curves than Hretoâs but all it had done was make him look young. And in that moment, all he could see was his dead mateâs face, his eyes, his expression of disappointment.
I knew you werenât a bad cat Mags.
âYou were wrong!â Magpietail cried, his claws sinking into his skull. âYou were wrong Hreto! Iâm awful! I attacked him, I attacked your son!â
How could he not have recognized him? How?! Ever since heâd first laid eyes on that tom, heâd known - remembered the tiny, squealing body that had been pressed against Iyeraâs chest when he went to visit. Heâd known since he saw the courage in his heart when he defended one of his own elders even though he was visibly terrified of being on the deer-trail. Heâd always known, the world had never hidden it - that was Hretoâs son and Magpie had almost-
âThatâs enough of that.â
He was startled out his dark spiral by a firm lick to his nose, befuddlement immediately filling him as he stared indignantly at Briarflutter who had - at some point - crouched down in front of him.
âDid you just-?â he began.
âIt worked didnât it?â Briarflutter said, whiskers twitching with open amusement at his offense. His expression softened again and he shuffled forward a little, pressing the tips of his toes against Magpietailâs, a soothing purr beginning to rumble from him. âCan you match my breath?â
âI- a-alright,â Magpietail agreed shakily, mention bringing his attention to how his chest was stuttering. He tried to emulate Briarflutterâs deliberately slow breathes, shakily taking in a slow breath and struggling not to expel all of his air at once.
âGood, good, thank you for trying,â Briarflutter said soothingly. âNow, I need you to listen to me, can you do that?â
Magpietail bobbed his head awkwardly.
âGood. Now, letâs start out with the obvious - you did mess up this time,â Briarflutter said, and though his tone was gentle and lacked judgement, the words themselves still made Magpietail cringe. âYou didnât listen to Deadfeather or any of the heads when they told you the raid was a bad idea. And now, youâre hiding in your den refusing to eat or drink and making dirt right next to the same corner youâve been sleeping in. Youâve abandoned your clans for half a moon now.â
âHalf⊠No- no itâs only a couple days,â Magpietail stammered.Â
âMagpietail, the next meeting is only around four sunrises away,â Briarflutter said bluntly, dropping the leader into a cold river. âYouâve been in here, hiding in the dark and wallowing for most of the moon and leaving your factionmates to try working around you.â
â...Iâm sorry,â he muttered hoarsely. âI-I hadnât realized so much time had passedâŠâ
âObviously,â said Briarflutter. âBut thatâs okay, everyone knew how much Hreto meant to you. And⊠Morningflower saw what caused all of this. The faction understands.â
How humiliating, Magpietail thought to himself. He dropped his eyes to his paws in shame - here he was, sulking in his den like a petulant cub. Plenty of other cats have seen their kin attacked in battle, he hadnât even really laid a claw on Cardinalfire but⊠he shuddered at the idea of having gone through with it, nausea abruptly rocking his empty belly.
â...how can any cat possibly respect me after all of this,â he rasped tiredly. âGods⊠will Cardinalfire ever forgive me for this?â
âYouâve definitely wandered astray these last few days Magpie but no cat is without their flaws,â the healer pointed out. âGrief is a terrifying beast and yet, he is what keeps us safe from Amberspiritâs clawed grasp. You realized you were wrong, you stopped and you called for retreat.â
He extended his right paw, flipping it over to show the gentle, pink pads and left it open to him.
âYouâre trying to do everything all on your own again and punishing yourself when it gets too much. It didnât work when we were cadets and itâs certainly not working now,â Briarflutter told him. âThe first step is realizing you messed up. The next is trying to make amends.â
Magpietail took in another deep breath and was surprised when it came out slowly, evenly. His claws had slipped back into their sheathes and he could feel his tail swishing in the slow, passive way it always did when he was attempting to sit still. At some point, heâd calmed down and suddenly he was aware of⊠everything. The rank stench of dirt buried under the scraps of his nest that he was surprised Briarflutter wasnât cringing from, the way his skin twitched from his fur sticking out in every direction, the crusts in his eyes, the agitated rumbling of his empty stomach and a pounding headache paired with his dry mouth.
â...ughâŠâ he groaned.
âFinally feeling it all huh?â the healer chuckled. âSo Magpie, what do you say?â
â...Iâm ready to start apologizing,â Magpietail said quietly, placing his paw shakily atop of Briarflutterâs. âAnd thanks for not giving up on me.â
âYouâre my friend before youâre my leader Maggie,â he said, then adopted a slightly teasing expression. âFirst though - you need a bath. In the river.â
Magpietail opened his mouth to argue reflexively, thinking about how freezing cold the river probably was now that they were (apparently) entering the colder seasons only to pause. He twisted to put his nose in his flank and sniffed.
He gagged.
âOkay. River first.â