Little mouse in an ocean
Stucky x little reader
Word count: 1,803 words oops lol
Warnings: intense sensory overload that leads to a more internalized meltdown, loki shows up, sippy, caregiver names like daddy, and dada, little names like baby boy, and munch short ofr munchkin, fidget items, sound canceling headphones, chest binding, comfort items.
Edited to the best of my ability
Age regression is a coping mechanism, if your not knowledgeable and uncomfortable of the topic either read up on it or ignore please <3
Reader is a trans man, no weight, ethnicity or hair type mentioned, reader is at least slightly able bodied in this
Dont like it dont read it especially when theres warnings
You’d been anticipating the event for a while so it didn't sneak up on you or anything but the Impending stress of having to mask for several hours and converse with people like it was on your everyday agenda, this was nothing of how you liked it, well beyond the several month warning, it gave you time to prepare both mentally and physically, gathering items you would need incase of a worst case scenario in a messenger bag, ranging from two different means of music, noise canceling headphones around the front part of the strap, Bluetooth earbuds fully charged and inside of the most front pouch accompanied by an infinity cube graced with rubber edges to not click like a normal cube, not wanting to bring attention to your discomfort in any situation.
Your favorite book, a couple small sweet and salty snacks depending on the situational needs, alongside a comfort snack , your smaller communication cards, a few more fidgets and essential items.
Bucky and Steve helped pack this bag for you, it being perfectly assembled for anything you could possibly need.
With that Bucky took you out to find a nice casual suit with fabrics that don’t irritate you.
All the small things arranged, it had your mind settled enough not to stress through the remaining time.
That is until you got there, when walking into the event hall you tug on the bottom of the jacket to your suit, adjusting it, "do you even pass?", whether or not you’re shorter, curvier, if your voice is deep enough , or if your handshake was firm enough, what ever your though in comparison may have been the idea of not passing was terrifying, Steve walking on your left puts his right hand on your shoulder leaning in, "you look handsome, i promise you’re absolutely perfect" his whispers calmed the choppy waters in your mind from becoming rapids.
You worked with some of these people, you knew a good portion of faces, knew even more names, your social analyzing has you determining who is good to talk to and who isn’t purely based on how they carry themselves, the people they talk to and how people look when they walk away, all factors you use to keep you most comfortable.
The best places to be in situations are either outside separate from people or around the food table where most often people are too occupied with collecting snacks and other food items, keeping your talking to a minimum and keeping your social battery higher for longer.
You figured you’d head over that way if it felt dire but for now you stuck with Bucky and Steve.
Trailing through the large people filled room, your boyfriends on each side of you to keep unwanted physical touch to a minimum.
Director fury approaches you three, shaking each persons hands, you know fury pretty well, the conversation going quick and simple, just as easy as the night had gone so far until people started ushering Steve one way and Bucky the other, leaving you disoriented, not entirely sure who you should go with, the confused lapse in time has you loosing them in the crowd, that’s okay, you’re big right now, you can fend for yourself, maybe find Nat or Thor, maybe Thor forced Loki to come along with.
That would be nice, a silent companion to keep you company while sitting in a dark corner avoiding most interactions, actually corners probably have the most amount of echo, at least perspective wise that is, you'd be able to hear everyone and than being next to a corn means you’re closer to the sound reflection hearing it twice, that’s something that would absolutely irritate you, possibly even give you a splitting headache.
Being in this room no one by your side, having to navigate your way through a crowd of now unfamiliar faces, peoples conversations bouncing off of one another, high heels going in all directions, clicking like shark teeth in infested feeding water, social vampires, maybe not everyone but gods did it feel like everyone.
People feasting off of communication, jingling keys like lures, or maybe bells, like the service indication bell in your local comfort food restaurant, so many indications, so many people, all sounds equally intrusive you just want to shut it out but you cant until you’re in a place where no one will question why you have headphones on at a party.
A constantly shifting maze of people, hands patting your back as people pass through the crowd, a few people stopping you for conversations that you try to keep to a minimum saying you’re looking for Bucky or Steve.
Standing in such a room alone, you would be able to feel the air currents change but this room packed with more people than an official tony stark party, it felt like the air itself had stiffened and is on the brink of collapsing in your lungs, it felt suffocating to the point holding your breath would be a better means of keeping yourself together than breathing at all.
With everything swirling, people constantly touching you, talking to you, your mind slips fast, in moments like this you put on chapstick and pretend its superglue so not to make a cosmic fool of yourself if you could even manage to get words out.
You finally make it out of the crowd only to realize most of the drinks are probably spiked, you refrain from drinking anything you don’t know, you make a b line to the patio door stepping out into the cool fresh air, the bite of cold in your lungs amongst a deep breath being the edge of the blade, it was soothing, so soothing that everything from inside broke loose, a quiet choked sob broke from your chest, if you were big right now you would know what to do but you feel so small, so very small, like a mouse in the ocean next to a baleen whale.
Your hands trembling as though electricity was pulsing through your veins, rapidly looking around, dazed vision making everything quite unclear, bumping into someone you begin to stumble back, just your luck, both big and small you know that waterfall of black locks anywhere, and he knew you.
Loki, one person who understood the entirety of the situation, carefully he leads you aside, "you’re okay, its going to be okay, we'll find Bucky and Steve" mumbling it out quietly, the first vast difference between him and the room, his voice like Bucky and Steve’s voices was safe.
He takes the headphones off the front strap of your messenger bag, helping you put them on over your ears, feeling the world go silent, sound has pressure so the lack of sound felt less like a kick drum in your ears and more like a deep breath in winter air.
Taking the communication cards out of your bag he finds two cards, showing each one, you look at him with big eyes, tears still threatening to spill you show him the mouse card.
Small.
He nods, handing you one of the small fidgets, closing your bag and taking your hand, into his cold delicate one.
He signals for you to take a few deep breaths with him and than you’re once again back into the warped room, warm of people, sharp of knowing all the sounds, he leads you through the very best route but even still people are bumping into your, patting your back when passing and trying to stop you in your tracks.
You can see Steve’s golden hair practically glowing, you let go of Loki’s hand trying to rush past people to your boyfriend but another sturdy intruding body gets in the way, bumping you causing you to drop your fidget, looking to the ground to find it.
A small mouse in the ocean amongst a group of narwhals in the eye of a thunderstorm.
Electricity raging in your hands, in your arms, in your chest and in a split second your dominant hand slams down hard onto your thigh three times just above your knee, grabbing your fidget, doing your best to hold back the electricity, you watch as Steve turns around.
Its as if he’s in slow motion, you cant get to him fast enough, you’re being held against his chest, holding tightly to his shirt fabric creasing in your grasp, he’s talking to Loki getting the most of what he can on what happened.
He has you turn around so you can walk but your eyes are closed he’s directing you through, making sure nothing touches you.
You feel the cool air touch your tear streaked cheeks cooling the tear trails.
Sitting in the car you wait for Bucky, eating one of your snacks and drinking a water based drink Steve had poured into a spare sippy he kept in the car.
"I’m so sorry munch, i turned away and you were gone, we didn't mean to put you through that, I’m so proud of you for finding Loki and letting him help", you nuzzle further into his side, touch may be unsafe but theirs was magic.
Bucky hops in the front seat turning to look at you and Stevie cuddled together in the back, reaching out for Bucky he takes your hand and holds it to his lips, he can tell just how small you are from how easy you are to maneuver. "Hi baby boy, daddy is here, lets go home now, is that okay?" You didn't respond, you were too busy feeling the metal plates of his hand.
The drive home was quick, tucked into dada Steve’s side, feeling the thrum of his heart in his chest between each breath, now inside in comfortable clothes and out of your binder one of Steve’s hoodies on you with the sleeves rolled up so your hands could peek out, laying safely between both of your caregivers, the havoc of the day having tired you out.
Bucky gets a notification saying that the food he ordered was delivered, he leaves only to return with dinner and your stuffy he picked up from the living room on his way back.
Little jerks and jolts here and there from remnant electricity occasionally causing you to hold your breath only for one of your daddies to find a new way to remind you to breathe, this time dada Stevie tapped the tip of your nose causing you to quietly coo, breathing.
Words aren’t an expectation, neither are sounds, they just want you to feel better and if that means holding you safely tucked between them than so be it, they would do anything and everything to keep their boy safe.
Because they’re with you til the end of the line.
This is twice as long as i meant for it to be but you absolutely deserve a longer fic, thank you so much for your patience and thank you for requesting <33 @valetim09
I had to fix the layout because for some odd reason it got all mixed up
