constellation - wolfstar microfic - word count: 2055
Remus entered the room looking down, deep in thought.
“Moony! What’s with the face?” asked James, he got to the room a little bit before him and was heading to his bed.
Remus looked at him, really looked, James, one of his best friends, gigantic heart, patient like no one else, he was always on the front line for his friends, always a kind word, a soft look, a good ear. Figured if he could talk to anyone, it’d be him, and found out he was actually itching to get it out of his system.
So, he sighed and walked his way.
“Prongs, actually, can I talk to you for a minute? Where you going somewhere?”
“Oh, sure Moons! I was looking for my gloves before heading to the Quidditch field, but it’s only me practicing so I got time, what’s up?”
He took a moment, he was actually gonna do it, it seemed easier in his head, but right now, he felt suddenly nervous. James encouraged him to sit on the bed with him.
“Well? What’s on your mind?”
“Prongs, I-“, he licked his lips.
His friend frowned, “Remus, should I worr-“
He took a deep breath again, closing his eyes and sighed heavily while opening them
“No, Prongs… I… like him. As in… I’m a little bit in… love with him”
He panicked, has it been a mistake? Should he backtrack and say it was a joke?
Seeing Remus’ face, James hurried to clarify
“Wait, no, I, sorry Moons, I didn’t mean to be rude, it just… took me by surprise I guess, umm, wanna tell me a bit more?”
Okay, maybe it wasn’t all lost, he could do it.
“I don’t really know when… I just…” he couldn’t find the words, hasn’t thought this far through honestly, and what exactly did he feel for his friend? How could he explain? “I really don’t know when it changed, one day he was just my friend, the next day I realised I was somehow upset? whenever I saw him with girls or whatever, figured it was because I didn’t want him to spend less time with us, and then, suddenly one day, I saw hip applying lip balm and thought ‘huh, how would it feel to kiss the strawberry off his lips?’ And stilled, because you just don’t think things like that about your friends; after that it all went down, I saw him everywhere all the time, and it… it wouldn’t stop, every normal thing he did was suddenly huge, I couldn’t stop staring at him, watching his hands gesticulate when he talked, his cheeky smile when he thought of a prank, the length of his bloody eyelashes, it was so frustrating, I started to blush whenever I heard him laugh, I think I’m going insane” he looked up to find his friend gaping at him with wide eyes “oh, sorry, I guess it was too much?”
James got out of his trance and looked at him softly smiling that warm James Potter smile “no Moons, not too much, just surprised you… felt that way, I can see you really need to get it out”
“I feel like vomiting, both literally and figuratively, are you… weirded out?”
He saw his friend think for a moment before shaking his head
“No, not really” he frowned a bit and relaxed “it actually makes sense, you two are very close, I know how people usually feel about umm queerness, but you’re my friend Moony” he grabbed his hand and squeezed it “you’re my best friend, how could I be weirded out by you? I know you, it’s not typical, yeah, but who am I to tell someone who should or shouldn’t fancy or love?”
Remus sighed again, he felt a huge backpack off his shoulders “thanks Prongs, you’re an amazing friend, you knew that?”
He saw him shrug confidently “so I’ve been told” and looked at him again in that soft way he had reserved for his friends “Moony, are you going to tell him?”
And there it was, his biggest fear, she shook his head sadly
“No, I don’t think so, how would you feel if suddenly your guy best friend confessed?”
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want him suffering in silence, I mean, I’d prefer to know I guess”
“Is not that easy, I don’t wanna ruin our friendship”
“You don’t think he can feel the same way?”
He snorted, yeah sure, as if Sirius Black could like him
“No way, first of all, have you seen how many girlfriends he’s had? And second of all, have you seen me?”
That put a deep defensive frown in his friend’s face
“What do you mean have I seen you? What’s wrong with you?”
“How much time do you have” he said rolling his eyes
“Moony, you’re amazing, and handsome, even I can admit that, don’t think so low of you”
“Well, still, I don’t think he likes blokes so…”
He sighed “it’s… complicates Prongs, I’d rather keep his friendship intact, I really don’t know how could he react or what he could think of me”
“Give him more credit, he wouldn’t push you off”
“It’s easy to say when the feelings are not towards you”
A moment of silence, then James broke it looking at him
“Okay Moons, tell me then”
“Whatever you want to, everything, take it off your chest, tell me everything you feel about him, what would you tell him if you could”
“That might really freak you out”
“It won’t, I promise, you need to let it out”
“Okay, I-“ he felt suddenly a bit shy, but he stared at his hands, it’d be just like talking to his journal, he thought, James was giving him the space he needed and maybe it’d help him, maybe if he wasn’t full of it he could actually look at Sirius and not feel like a ticking bomb. “You know summer evenings? When you’re just laying on the grass watching the water in the lake as still as it can get, feeling the warm breeze caress your hair, the last rays of sunshine in your face? Right in that golden hour when everything’s at peace, when the world stops for a minute and you feel the happiest you’ve ever been and will ever be, that nothing can go wrong and life is wonderful?”
“That’s how I feel when I look at him, he feels like a summer evening every time I see him smile, I feel like I could do everything in life if say or do something that makes him laugh, like I’d trade everything I own for him to throw his head back and explode in laughter without other care in the world, he feels… safe, like home, like I could sleep in the curves of his curls. Watching his eyes go from blue to gray in cold days is like getting to know the best kept secret, I could trace by memory every mole, I could chart all his freckles and create the most beautiful constellations, I could listen to him talk about anything and everything like he’s my favourite record, I- as you can see I can become the sappiest idiot, I swear, the girls wouldn’t rival me” he chuckled.
A minute and he looked up to find James looking at him with the saddest smile.
“Moons…” he said in a whisper “that’s… you’re… that was beautiful. Are you absolutely sure he wouldn’t feel the same way?”
He opened his mouth to refute again, when the wardrobe door beat him, opening slowly. Everything stilled, the world paused, he was pretty damn sure even time stopped, because there, inside, was Sirius Black himself, looking fragile, face unreadable full of feelings, Remus thought he was going to die right then and there, he could barely speak
A hand on halt and he closed his mouth instantly, next to him James held his breath
“Padfoot? What were you doing there?”
“Did you… mean all that?” Said ignoring James and holding Remus’ gaze
“Did you?” Said hurriedly
There was no point in lying now, cards where on the table apparently, and if he was lucky, at least he might even instead of losing
“I- Yes Sirius I- I meant all of it” said closing his eyes “but you don’t- please I can’t-“ he opened them up again and grew wide when he saw tears in the corner of his friends eyes “Siriu-“
“I would feel the same way… just so you know”
“I didn’t think you could feel the same way I did”
“Padfoot you like Moony back?” Asked James excitedly, both friends looked at him then and he felt out of place “oh I umm, sorry, got carried away, of course you can talk about it without me here, I’ll just, uh, go” he went for the door when he heard Sirius calling
“Prongs”, as he turned, a pair of gloves flew to him, caught them just in time, “I was actually hiding to scare you the moment you came looking for them, I was about to jump when moony came in.
“Oh” he snorted, “well, thanks, I’ll be on the field if you guys need me, yeah?”
James left the room and suddenly, the air thickened
He did, and oh he was doomed, those eyes held the entire universe in them
“Moony, my Moony” Sirius approached carefully and sit on the spot James left “how… how long?”
Remus took a breath “I really don’t know… Way too bloody much though” he chuckled “you… you really…?”
“How? When? How? I mean…”
Sirius shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess since the beginning but I didn’t notice until we grew up a bit more, I always found you handsome but… liking you? A while ago, I wanted to be with you all the time, and you’re the first one I wanna show a new song, or talk about my day, I think of you every time there’s chocolate cauldron and save one up in case you get late for lunch, it’s happened since forever. I just didn’t think you….”
“Yes”, his turn to be firm about it
“Could you really map a constellation from my freckles?”, Sirius joked, because of course he could
“Well”, he started drawing lines in his face, slowly, softly, actually enjoying the fact that he could touch him this intimately “it starts with this one here, under your eye, right to this one on the top of your nose, up to the bigger one on your cheekbone, and back to the centre of your lower lip”
He stopped there for a second, and when he was about to move away, Sirius kissed his finger softly, Remus’ breath hitched as he looked at him, then Sirius grabbed his hand, opening it fully and kissing it
And that was it, he wasn’t about to wait any longer, Remus cradled his face, got closer but stopped an inch away, looking into Sirius eyes for something that’d stop him, he couldn’t find anything, just saw him closing his eyes and a second later the distance there was left.
Kissing Sirius Black felt like nothing he’s ever experienced before, his lips were soft and moved carefully around his, felt him open his mouth, and the moment he tasted his tongue knew there was no going back, he’d never feel this again with anyone, it was as if a supernova exploded in his chest, he felt like crying, and laughing, and breathing, and dying and living all at the same time, actually, he was probably doing all of it.
They separated a little bit, Sirius moved forward again and pecked him, and pecked him, and pecked him again, as if making sure it was real, Remus giggled and pecked him back, just because he could, and when their eyes met, they smiled
“If I’m your summer evenings, to me, you’re the rest of the days and nights”
English is not my first language, so please forgive grammar mistakes, also idk if 2000 words count as “microfic” lol but thanks for reading 🌻
