Startling realization
Okay, story time: So I've been in love with this one guy for, like, over two decades of my life, right? (He never loved me, by the way. Or even liked me as a person, for that matter. We are just acquaintances). I'll call him "Z."
Well, just recently, I found out that Z has a daughter. When I discovered this, one of my first thoughts was, Wow, she must be the luckiest girl in the world.
Then I stopped and asked, Wait, why am I thinking that? I mean...it's true, but why was that one of my first thoughts?
Then I realized something. I believe Z's daughter is the luckiest girl in the world because SHE WILL ALWAYS HAVE HIS LOVE, NO MATTER WHAT.
I realized that no matter what she did or who she became, Z would always love her. Without condition. Without question. Without end.
It doesn't matter if she never becomes attractive or popular or smart or talented or "successful" (by whatever metrics you might use to measure those things), he would still love her. She could be a broke, homeless drug addict who completely ruined her life beyond repair and he would still love her.
Now some people might think that's obvious because of course he's going to love his own kid, but this realization brought tears to my eyes because then I realized something else: I never got that from my own father.
All I wanted from my father was unconditional, unending love and I never received that.
I never will receive it, either, because my father is just not that kind of person. Not to say that he's a bad person, but he just wasn't the "unconditional love" type of father.
I had this realization at work, and I started to tear up because it hit me that hard. It also hit me that it's probably the reason I fell in love with Z in the first place.
My own father was the kind of person who had demeaned and belittled me throughout my life (often calling me "stupid" to my face) so naturally, I fell in love with a guy who also demeaned and belittled me to my face. This was painfully obvious, but for decades, I couldn't see it. Until now. Now when Z has a daughter and I realize that she will have the love from her father that I will never have from mine. And that kind of realization is not only startling. It hurts.
