I just don't think people really understand the effort it takes to smile

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I just don't think people really understand the effort it takes to smile
friendship <3
I've haven't ever . had friends, Not really .
There's people I've sat with at lunch, or who I've gotten along with,but I hesitate to call them actual companions. They don't know my favorite color .Not that knowing someone's favorite color is an essential indicator of friendship-but it's weird how they never asked .
and I can tell. when people are sitting next to me, that they would prefer to be by someone else's side.people always continued walking when I stopped to tie my shoelaces .and I know objectively that this is a small and petty complaint-but over time it builds up. thousands of small needles digging into you, I feel like living taxidermy.
I'm so tired of never being the first choice .
NOCHES DE PENSAR.
mi cabeza lo unico que hace es pensar en ti, me lastimaste tanto y a pesar de eso mi corazon te sigue, te busca te anhela,te extraña y te necesita, porque al final a pesar de que estemos juntos es como si estuviera sola, no se donde estas que es lo que hagas, estas conmigo pero en realidad no lo estas, me duele, me dueles, como he tenido las fuerzas para seguir con alguien como tú?
he estado yendo con mi terapeuta me dice que la adiccion a las personas existe, y que bueno yo sufro de eso, pero por que? por que soy adicta a ti cuando eres la personas mas m*erd* que conozco, como he dejado que me hagas tanto daño emocional, como has logrado hacerme tanto daño y en ti no veo ni un poco de compasión, se que no merezco esto, se que debo de salir de aqui, pero no puedo, no se como irme, no se que hacer, ¿por que tengo que estar atras de ti, como perrito?¿por que me cuesta tanto dejarte ir?si al final no das nada, no haces nada, es como si tuviera una relacion con la pared, una pared que le molesta todo, que le molesto yo pero sin embargo no se va y disfruta hacerme daño, solo me pregunto porque tengo que depender emocionalmente de ti, daria lo que fuera por no haberte conocido, por no amarte y serte fiel, me gustaria ser una cabr*n* y dejarte que puedo hacer ahora? estoy en un hoyo que se como salir pero mis pensamientos no me lo permiten.
Virtual Hugs
I don't know who needs it today, but I send everyone a virtual hug today !! I know these times are a bit crazy, but I know we will get through it . It might not be today but eventually we will see a light at the end of the tunnel. Please if you can reblog, and pass it on.
I seem to always hurt the people around me for just being me.
If I never existed people wouldn't be hurt..... by me anymore..