#support seeking

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I hope you find the people who make you feel safe to talk about how you're doing, honestly. I hope you find the people who want to support you where they can. I hope you find the people who, when they are unable to help, tell you so kindly without putting the blame on you for needing help. I hope you find your community, your people, your circle of love.

[reasons-to-see-another-day]

Hey you! Yes, you, the one who invalidates their own struggles by calling themselves an attention seeker even when you go out of your way to hide your struggles from others.

You deserve attention.

Maybe you seek it in unhealthy ways. Maybe part of the reason you self harm (which can be more than cutting, it can also be isolation and starvation among other things) is so people can pay you attention, so they can see how "sick" you are and put their focus on you.

Maybe you are an attention-seeker. But there's nothing wrong with that. People need attention! We need validation and care and support from others to remain stable. The fact that you arent receiving that, or youre scared you'll lose that, doesn't make you a bad person. You're not a bad person for wanting people to pay attention to you. You deserve to be focused on.

In fact, lets change the way we speak about it. Language matters, and attention-seeking has the connotation of someone purposely exaggerating and being theatrical to burden others. And you are not a burden to others. If you're participating in harmful behaviors to make yourself "sick," chances are that you want not just attention but support.

This is not me encouraging self-harming behaviors. I do believe that if you're harming yourself, you need to seek some form of support, and there are much healthier alternatives to asking for support that can be used. However, being support-seeking doesn't mean youre a bad person. Youre not selfish or wrong for it. Youre a person who deserves access to adequate help and support for whatever youre going through, and the fact that you've been denied that for so long that you think you're undeserving of it is unfair and intentional. You'll always undersell something if you dont truly know its worth, after all. You deserve focus. You deserve attention. You deserve support. You deserve love. You deserve better.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[dissociative-drugs]

I'm having a bad day... someone DM me???

[recoverynerdheals]

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

sometimes it feels like I was not, am not, and never will be sick enough to actually talk about certain habits like actually have an eating disorder. obviously, I recognize that I use to be a lot worse than I am now, but because of that it's like all my support backed off as soon as they saw I was relatively better.

don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for all their love that they gave me when I was worse and reallyyy needed it, but now it kind of feels as if I need to be that bad again for anyone to care. for example,

I don't restrict as much like I use to.

I don't have as many bad habits (weighing myself, harming places where I felt I was fat, etc)

working out excessively

and more

but the thoughts and voices and urges just keep coming back. sometimes I act on them and then I'm guilty, so I eat, but then I'm even more guilty, so I don't, and the whole cycle continues. I'm scared that if I tell my support I feel as though I'm about to seriously relapse, they won't take it seriously enough.

I don't want to be as sick as I was several years ago for anyone to start to care.

I'm sorry you feel this way. You're definitely not alone. Eating disorders often come with a lot of shame as well as a "competitive side" for who can be the sickest. If something's telling you you're not "sick enough" in your eating disorder, consider that it could be your disorder itself talking. And I'm sorry your supports stopped as soon as you seemed surface-level well again.

While this may make you feel alone, I think people don't mean to leave you unsupported. Sometimes people get overwhelmed or busy and they overlook all but the most obvious signs of unwellness. I wonder if you could help people support you better by saying "hey, things aren't as bad as they once were, but if you're able, I feel like I could still use a few supports." Perhaps you could make a list in advance of what supports for you might look like at this stage. Perhaps focus on things that are not eating-disorder-related that make you feel cared about and included, so that you feel less of that "I need to be sick to be cared about" urge.

I don't necessarily think it's that people don't care, but more that they may not be adept at noticing what you need when signs are subtle. What would be a healthy way of seeking this connection? That's something to think about. Often people want to be helpful but may not know how when it's not spelled out for them, since each individual is so unique in their needs.

I mean, it's important to know that you're not alone in this struggle. Lots of people who are well into ED recovery still feel urges to relapse (including me.) This counts as a symptom and you are allowed to acknowledge about it, and talk about it to your supports. In fact, I think this is beneficial. From the way you worded this it sounds like you already know this, but I think it bears repeating to affirm: you don't need to be "sick enough" to deserve help. You are worthy and deserving of prevention. You don't have to earn this by showing sickness. You don't have to put yourself through the ordeal of getting worse. You count.

[jammyjum]

People stigmatize "attention-seeking" (support seeking is better) but they don't respond by considering, perhaps they should give out attention and support more freely. The behavior probably evolved to signal to "your tribe" that you're worth keeping around, hence if you're thought positively about you wouldn't get eaten by predators, so maybe just show others that you love them or shut your damn mouth.