Oct 10, 2024
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(disclaimer that this is not a vegan stance. the philosophy of veganism endorses animal exploitation for necessary medications. this post is not for the purpose of vegan debate, but journalling.)
id rather just kms if i get severely sick and need meds made from farmed animals. ill never know love or friendship because i cant and wont stand even the staunchest antispeciesists who accept the farming and murder of the weak to perpetuate their lives.
if child exploitation cured all cancer id still fucking refuse it. and for those who think im full of shit, you really dont know me. id already be dead if not for being resuscitated against my will from heart death. i will tolerate any pain or discomfort, or ill choose death. give me an exploitation free existence or GIVE ME DEATH.
i always have to be anxious, because the smallest thing could lead to me ending up in a state where id kms. but i dont care. fuck this world to hell any way, i never wanted to be a part of this shit.
my only regrets are that i wish i felt this way sooner and i wish i knew someone like me who i could lean on while we live this pointless curse of life, waiting around to die. If anyone reading this relates, PLEASE reach out and dm me. Id appreciate it a lot.
Got close enough to death last night that my brain released dmt, I had beautiful closed eye hallucinations and was completely conscious as I described them to someone.
uuuUUUUUUuuugh. still alive for now, unfortunately. thing i was living for is still on the table. its gonna be partially destroyed though so im still deliberating if its worth it to continue. my boss was also being flagrantly wildly over the line inappropriate with me (like delusionally professing love and being rude presumptive and entitled and mean) and although i got him to stop it has totally killed my work focus and enjoyment in the project but if i quit i will lose out on a TON of money and opportunities that i wont get any other way due to my disabilities and i wont be able to achieve my plans.
almost got doxxed and cops were looking for me which interrupted my plan of taking a long time to calm down and be happy first. so i prob wont discuss this further on here. if i ever stop posting for a long time yall will know why.
What I'd like in a friend:
-Can give and receive emotions
-Would like to draw with me n stuff
-isvegan,antinatalist,efilist,sexrepulsed,misanthropic,zerowaste,nobuy,intoactivism,hasgrungevibes,supportsvegancatfood,doesntkillbugs,iscoolwithspontaneityandwillmatchmyfreak,isntbotheredbysuicidetalk,isahaterbutalsoaloverwhenitswarranted,isattractive,likesbeingaesthetictogether
Yknow, like I keep it to pretty nonspecific easy standards <3
500 notes and i'll end myself finally