Thursday Thoughts: Fanfiction Feelings - Reflecting on the Starcruiser
I’ve written here before about how I don’t really like making “five-year vision” kind of statements. But I do have certain scenarios I imagine for my future – experiences I dream of that will let me know I’m doing the right thing, that I’ve “made it” (for lack of a better phrase) as a writer and a storyteller, and that I’m living the kind of life I want for myself.
For example, there’s the scenario of me standing in a crowd in front of a stage, surrounded by people who don’t even know I’m there, but they’re all super excited about the show that’s happening on that stage – a show that I wrote. I’ve lived that scenario a couple times now, and I can’t get enough of it.
But there’s a scenario I’ve been looking forward to even more than that, and I got a little taste of it the other day.
This scenario takes a couple different forms. I imagine myself walking through a convention hall, or sitting at my desk, or scrolling on my phone. And then, in this vision, I see that someone else has made something. I see someone cosplaying as a character I created. Or I find a fanfic written in the world of a story I wrote. And I realize that someone has loved my story so much that it inspired them to the point of creation. That they wanted to stay in this story a little longer, to give their time and energy to it a little longer. That they felt about my story the same way that I have felt about so many amazing stories I’ve loved my whole life.
A recent episode of the podcast “Heroes of the Halcyon” brought five fanfiction writers onto the show – specifically, writers of Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser fanfiction. One of them even made a Raithe Kole cosplay! I couldn’t stop smiling while listening to it. These are people who love the Starcruiser so much, even if they’ve never set foot on the ship, that they wanted to continue to explore it through as many angles as they could. They eagerly explained how the multi-track, choose-your-own-adventure nature of this immersive experience makes it fertile ground for self-insert fanfiction and how the many different actors portraying each role presents a “multiverse” of possibilities, especially regarding shipping (meaning relationships, not starships). They also lamented the gaps in their knowledge about characters’ motivations and backstories, and expressed hopes that the powers that be will eventually reveal, for example, the translation of Gaya’s poem in the middle of “Poverty of Love.”
Like I said, I couldn’t stop smiling. But to be honest, my emotions are complicated here. In a way, this is the fulfillment of that vision. I was a writer for the Starcruiser, and that immersive experience has captured the imagination of thousands and inspired its fans to the point of creation. I’ve seen the cosplay and read the fanfics.
But it’s not my story.
Admittedly, I feel a sense of ownership for the Halcyon – for Raithe and Gaya, for Ouanii and Sandro, for Lenka and Sammie and Captain Keevan and Lt. Croy and the Saja and everyone else on that ship. Given how many hours and how much of my brain and my creative energy and my love I gave to the Halcyon, especially to developing and documenting the non-scripted elements of the show, it would be impossible not to. At one point during the project, I explained myself to a friend like this: “Half my brain is like, ‘Oh my gosh, I get to think about where Chewbacca is on the ship!’ And the other half of my brain is like, ‘My god, I have done nothing for the last forty-eight hours but think about where Chewbacca is on the ship!’” It was bananas. I loved it. I love Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, and I’m proud of the work I did with that incredible team to help bring this story to life.
But the fact remains that I do not own this story. I love these characters, but their journey began years before I was brought on board. There are moments and lines I could point to and say, “That’s my phrasing; that’s my idea; that scene is there because I fought for it.” But I haven’t been in “the room where it happens” since last April, and I’m certain that the show has grown and changed beyond my input, as a live production should.
I truly love working with intellectual property and bringing someone else’s story to life. I am not complaining; I could not even begin to express how grateful I am for the experiences I’ve had thanks to the Walt Disney Company. But writing for companies like Disney means I must respect the NDA. I can only speak about my experience there in the broadest terms. I don’t get to decide when to reveal the things that the audience hasn’t yet gotten to see, as much as I would love to share them. I’m ninety-nine percent sure that I’m not allowed to write Galactic Starcruiser fanfiction, and as much as I love delving into the blogs and the vlogs and seeing how people are reacting to this show I loved working on so much, I keep a careful distance from the fandom. I don’t join the Discords or respond to people’s theories on Tumblr. If I comment on someone’s TikTok, I say very little beyond thanking them for making me smile. I’m even feeling a little nervous about that Chewbacca joke I made earlier in this blog post, but since he appears in the commercials, I think I’m okay to mention him!
Writing for the Starcruiser – writing for Disney Live Entertainment at all – was a dream come true, and I am eagerly searching for my next opportunity to do so. But this is not the complete dream. And that’s exciting; it means I have more to strive for. I strive for the day when I can run across that convention hall and say, “Oh my gosh, I love that cosplay,” and know that it was my vision that inspired it. I dream of the day when I can say, “Here’s the behind-the-scenes truth of what was going on in that scene. Here’s what they want; here’s what it means. I’m so glad you wanted to know. I’m so glad you loved my story as much as I do.”
But at least for now I can say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you to everyone who loves the Starcruiser to the point of creation. Thank you for giving your heart and your time to this story I gave so much of myself to. And thank you for giving me a taste of the future I’m striving for.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Hahahaha remember when finishing this chapter was supposed to be my nanowrimo project...
This chapter majorly stumped me, and I’m really not sure why it did. But that doesn’t matter because it’s hereeeee and now you get to see what I imagine in my head when I picture a halcyon crew movie night :)
I found this pic via Google image search the other day and I was so surprised! Whenever I've seen video of Rey accidentally being spotted sneaking around the ship, it's been by stormtroopers, and she obviously easily mind tricks them to forget what they saw. Croy has got to be a rare and more intense run-in. I'm sure that she's still successfully mind tricking him in the photo because obviously it works (not just for the story to work in that he doesn't know she's there until near the end, but also because, well, it's Croy we're talking about here. 😅), but I'd loooove to know how it all went down!
