I know this isn’t the time to really rant or vent. But I’m so fucking scared and sad and angry and I don’t know what to do.
I had a fucking head injury that turned from concussion to seizure when I was 6. And now here I am, years later having neurological problems. Muscle spasms, nueropathy, migranes, issue with talking, syncope episodes, light sensitivity, etc. and no one knows what the fuck it is. I have endometriosis and after getting the flu one time, I also having fucking asthma and joint pain and gut issues. And on top of this, my great grandma got rubella-measles. Which should have only affected her and her daughter. Except my tío who is her direct grandson has heart murmurs at age 30. No one fucking knows what’s going on with me. I feel like I’m slowly losing my life and no one cares because I’m just some dumb kid from a rural town self diagnosing myself. Or the angry Latino autisic kid. Or the hypochondriac trans person. Please I just want to function. I want to be able to be an athlete and a theatre kid. I want to be able to go to med school like I dreamed. I want to be able to work myself to bone and pull myself out of poverty along with my family. Please for the love of god I don’t know what to do. I’ve already passed out during the tilt table test and did a 72 hour EKG. What else I’m I supposed to do?? Oh and on top of this the fucking doctors offices are making me fill out ROI’s for my own fucking health. Just to find out how actually bad my possible TBI was. Oh and also there’s the whole identity crisis. Brain injures can change your personality. Am I even me or am I just a bunch of health issues and mental disabilities wrapped up in a disgusting fleshy trench coat that’s pretending to be human?