https://linktr.ee/Goose_awarenesse He/ey/it for English or he/him. el/elle for Spanish. Please use tone tags Mexican American (ethically marginalized not racially). Disabled. 18. Black liberation now, Land Back now.
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So, Iâm not proud of it, but Iâm back to ask for help again. Above is the link to my Ko-Fi account; I can accept donations via Stripe and Paypal; I donât have a preference of which method you use. Below is a more detailed explanation of the events that have led to my current predicament; itâs not entirely necessary to understand, but it should make sense of why this happened to me.
Iâm dealing with some health problems and a recent car accident and I need help paying my bills for the next few months while I use that time to finish incomplete coursework for classes I took last year. In case itâs not clear, an âIncompleteâ is a grade that can be given by instructors at some schools in situations where a student wasnât able to complete a major assignment for a class due to circumstances outside their control, and allows students a pre-determined amount of time to finish that work beyond the end of the course. I had a plan for covering my expenses with a summer job at the Oregon State University Arthropod Collection (OSAC) while I finished the incomplete work, but the nature of my health issues, an outbreak of fleas, and a car accident have all prevented me from making it work. Now Iâm kind of trapped; the cost of living in Corvallis is too high for food stamps to last an entire month, I donât have a car anymore, and Iâll probably end up homeless if I canât pay October rent and also pay November rent on time. Iâve managed to find some work doing landscaping and yardwork in my neighborhood, but Iâve realized that itâs impossible to make enough money and also handle the incomplete coursework; focusing on the former will impact the completion of my degree in June, while focusing on the latter will likely result in homelessness. The loss of my car is exacerbating all of this, in part because I live further away from all of the stores/banks/etc. in Corvallis, and public transit here is not very good.
Since late 2022, Iâve been experiencing sleep apnea-like health problems arising from swollen turbinate glands. I have some known allergies, but theyâve never caused swollen turbinate glands. The impact on my sleep quality became so severe that I had to resort to nasal strips every night. I saw doctors about this problem as early as spring of 2022, but none of them were helpful; most of them didnât listen to me, and none of them considered trying any kind of testing. This ineptitude continued even after directly asking my primary doctor about autoimmune conditions and how we could test for them. Despite how obviously informative blood samples can be, nobody suggested a blood test. I finally lost my patience and demanded they give me a blood test for hypothyroidism at the end of August. Lo and behold, my thyroid hormone levels were an order of magnitude out of the normal range. Autoimmune problems run in my motherâs family, and itâs likely that I have Hashimotoâs thyroiditis; this disease is rarer in men, and the symptoms appear very gradually. While I can understand how this would delay detection of the disease, there were FIVE different doctors who saw me in relation to the sleep/allergy problems and none of them considered a blood test. I started taking levothyroxine the same day as the test results, but before being treated, my symptoms became so severe that my ADHD medication stopped working, my OCD symptoms went out of control, and I was experiencing severe brain fog. This is what forced me to request incomplete grades for my courses; I was trying to complete coursework despite all of this, and I was barely able to keep up. Once treatment begins, it takes at least a month to take effect, so my symptoms didnât start improving until early October. Most recently, I found out that I needed to increase my dosage, but thyroid problems often have complex consequences, and any changes to the dose of the medication will result in unwanted side effects.
My original plan for this summer was to work at OSAC to cover my expenses while I tackled the incomplete coursework. I calculated the gross income Iâd need to meet my expenses, and working 30 hours a week at this position well exceeded that amount. My duties as a curatorial assistant change slightly depending on the tasks at hand, but because I am paid from grant money, I must work efficiently, accurately, and in an organized manner. Because I have ADHD, extra measures are necessary in order to meet these requirements. Iâve worked this job intermittently since 2018, so I know how prevent my ADHD symptoms from interfering with my work. Because of the failures by my doctors to address my health problems, I was already struggling to arrive at work on time by June. By July, my symptoms had worsened to the point that I was no longer able to focus on work consistently, voluntarily cutting some days short because I wasnât accomplishing much, and continuing to work in that state was inherently a waste of grant money. By August I could only make it to work sporadically. As a result, I missed most of the income I could have earned for August and September of this year. I was able to make up for some of this impact by selling old trading cards and video games from childhood, but that money didnât last very long.
I was also confronted with a flea infestation that suddenly appeared in August. I rent a bedroom in a house with housemates; we tried to eradicate them ourselves, but the landlord suddenly informed us in early September that he hired an exterminator, who was arriving in less than 24 hours. I have some pet reptiles and pet invertebrates I needed to protect from pesticide exposure, so I suddenly had to move my pets to a friendâs house. I also had to re-arrange my bedroom to accommodate the exterminators. Based on the chemicals that were used, the only way I could make room safe again for my pets was by mopping the floor in my bedroom and the adjacent hallway three times. This ultimately cost me four days, and then the exterminators came back in early October, which forced me to repeat the process.
As if this wasnât enough, I had a serious car accident in late September that annihilated my car and left me with severe lacerations to my left arm and a fracture in my thumb. The car spun out and flipped in the process, landing in the opposite lane. If another car had been about to pass me, it would have caused a direct collision at around 55 mph, and I probably wouldnât have survived that. I realized the danger immediately and crawled out of the car, but most of the other possible outcomes would have involved my demise. Iâm very lucky, but it took almost a month for the lacerations to heal, and one of them was deep enough to cause nerve damage, which hasnât completely healed yet. My left hand has healed enough for me to use it, but Iâm still having some issues with my thumb.
I wish I could say that I had help from my family, but my parents were impacted by both of the recent hurricanes that made landfall in western Florida. Even before the hurricanes, my parents werenât really willing to understand what I was dealing with. I grew up in an abusive household; my sister and I were neglected by our parents, and we experienced emotional abuse from them as young adults. This is particularly true of my father, who himself is the product of a highly abusive upbringing. Unfortunately, research on the dynamics of child abuse has shown that children from abusive households often suffer a lack of economic mobility relative to children from more supportive family backgrounds as a result of mental health impacts. This has absolutely been the case with my sister and I; both of us are well into our 30s, and neither of us is anywhere close to long-term financial stability. Thatâs why it was deeply hurtful to hear my father blame me for being unable to fly to Florida on a whim to help him clean up the house, blame me for paying $950 a month for rent, and shame me for being 35 years old without a âstable jobâ. Both of my parents visited me in Corvallis in late July; they could tell that I was struggling, they apologized for neglecting me, and they told me theyâd be more supportive, but apparently everything they said to me then must have been an act. Â
Hopefully, this explanation sufficiently articulates the situation Iâve ended up in. I almost have enough money to pay my October rent, and I need to have my November rent paid by 11/5. I would have tried using Ko-Fi sooner, but in the interest of upholding my own responsibility, I wanted to exhaust my other options before resorting to donations again
I'm not for kink shaming but I'm gonna be real detrans and misgendering kinks can very easily be pipelines to groom trans men into detransitioning in real life. I feel like it comes from the isolation of being transmasc, and how we're only seen as desirable when we're performing femininity (you know the common story of young tboys being groomed by older cis guys who don't see them as men so they detransition? Doesn't it seem familiar?), especially performing femininity sexually. You either keep it very strictly fantasy and make sure you've got everything under control or you're at a pretty high risk of getting groomed.
I cannot believe that in 2026 there are still people even within the trans community saying that nonbinary people are misogynistic for not being women/feminine and not wanting to be considered women/feminine. (There are plenty of nonbinary people who ARE women or femininely-gendered, whose identities are also never respected by the way because society wants everyone to be totally 100% always only one binary gender, and there are also plenty of us who are NOT, because being nonbinary is not one thing.) Someone saying âIâm nonbinary and was AMAB but that doesnât mean Iâm transfem, please stop assuming I am, I want my nonbinary identity to be recognizedâ is not transmisogynistically distancing themself from trans women and does not need you to correct them on their own identity. Someone saying âI was AFAB but that doesnât mean Iâm a woman; Iâm nonbinary and I want that to be recognizedâ is not expressing internalized misogyny and does not need you to correct them on their own identity.
*Nonbinary people do not need binary people to correct us on our own identities.*
Something that really bothers me as an intersex transmasculine person who was rmab is how often people try to act like I'm transfem or that I'll eventually be transfem or that I'd be better off transfem or that I'm transfem in denial. I am not transfeminine!! I am actively transitioning away from femininity, but people really like to ignore that because of the bullshit arbitrary sex I was assigned.
Links to posts with examples:
[link 1] - I was asked whether I was TME or TMA. To be clear, I fucking hate that terminology and find it generally shitty. But like, why would they ask an open trans man whether they were TME or TMA unless they thought there was a chance I was actually transfem.
[link 2] - I was asked why I'm transmasc instead of transfem when I have a penis. The answer is because I'm intersex and that has made my experience more complicated, but clearly there's some disappointment in the fact that I'm transitioning towards masculinity instead of femininity.
[link 3] - An asker was saying that you can't be transmasc if you were amab/rmab/camab, without even understanding what rmab and camab mean. They have never been in my shoes and do not know my experiences as a transmasculine person. If I'm trans, and as they said, "not born female," then I should be transitioning to female, right?
And there's about a million more irl examples of this.
I'm never allowed to just be transmasc. I have the potential to be transfem, and wouldn't that just be so much better? Sometimes people hear "trans person with a penis" and instantly think "transfem," and it shows.
Every day tumblr users get closer and closer to saying you can only be trans in a god honouring way.
Edit: my problem is with the comparison and trying to rate people's transness and who's more transgressive. If you attempt to turn this into a trans guys vs trans girls post you are missing the point.
somebody apparently tried to get the Wikipedia page for discrimination against trans men deleted entirely because of the use of the word "transandrophobia". y'all are part of a fucking extremist hate group at this point. it's pride month and the government is killing us and you're actively trying to destroy documentation about trans people's discrimination? really? how fucking evil do you have to be to do this shit?
can we finally admit that these anti-transmasc people are part of a hate group? can we finally address this fucking problem and acknowledge it exists?
But i think it's wrong to say that every issue they face is just misogyny.
It's not misogyny when the sexual assault of trans men gets dismissed or ignored because "men can't be raped".
And is not misogyny when they get told that if they start HRT they are going to become violent rapists and start being excluded from spaces where they were welcome before transition, because people are uncomfortable with how they present themselves currently.
âI think white gay people feel cheated because they were born, in principle, into a society in which they were supposed to be safe. The anomaly of their sexuality puts them in danger, unexpectedly. Their reaction seems to me in direct proportion to the sense of feeling cheated of the advantages which accrue to white people in a white society. Thereâs an element, it has always seemed to me, of bewilderment and complaint. Now that may sound very harsh, but the gay world as such is no more prepared to accept black people than anywhere else in society. Itâs a very hermetically sealed world with very unattractive features, including racism.â
â James Baldwin, from a 1984 interview given with Richard Goldstein, in the Village Voice
Trans men face abuse and bigotry that is unique to their identity as trans men.
Trans women face abuse and bigotry that is unique to their identity as trans women.
Non binary people face abuse and bigotry that is unique to their identity as non binary people.
Sometimes this bigotry can overlap, sometimes the bigotry is unique to oneâs identity.
When that bigotry is unique to someoneâs identity, they should be allowed to use a term to define said bigotry.
Having a term to describe bigotry that is uniquely directed at a certain identity does not take away from the unique bigotry others face.
Transandrophobia is real
Transmisogyny is real
Exorsexism is real
and they all fall under the umbrella term transphobia.
We need solidarity, we need to protect each other. We need to recognize the unique struggles others face, thats what intersectionality is all about ffs.
when I speak about men in a general sense Iâm always including and thinking about the truth of how/where trans men fit within my statements because I care about them
If i made a general comment about women and excluded trans women, that would be transphobic. So why is not the same when people make general comments about men and exclude trans men?
Why should trans men choose between being misgendered OR having their identity used to harass them?
yeah itâs another very obvious double standard that irritates me. people would (rightfully) have an issue if someone made a general statement about women and then when someone said âthis doesnât account for trans womenâ they respond âokay well I wasnât thinking about/talking about themâ â weâd see the issue clearly there. They werenât talking about trans women while making general statements about women. ie: they donât think of trans women as a part of a general populace of women either ideologically or socially; and thatâs wrong. you should think about trans women when you make general statements about women if you care about trans women. just like you should think about disabled women when you speak about women in general. they are women.
so why when it comes to trans men is it somehow okay to treat them like theyâre hysterical pests when they say âhey this general statement about men doesnât really account for trans menâ? it feels like another pathway to deny that trans men are a marginalized gender because people donât want to admit and accept that MEN can be MARGINALIZED by their GENDER specifically and not just for nebulously âbeing transâ.
Itâs also odd because they donât see the contradiction in their own logic. Somehow itâs cool to make general statements about men and not include trans men within them but ALSO trans men who reject being lumped in with cis men and thought of as being exactly like them in every way actually just hate being men and donât really wanna be trans men. batshit lol.
This is also super super commonly done to disabled ppl of all genders, where people will talk abt humans in general while excluding disabled people and then if confronted whine that they "weren't talking about disabled people OBVIOUSLY" (it is never obvious snd they know it)
Absolutely and it feels horrible to see/experience (as a disabled person) every single time because itâs such an easy out and other people will defend them for it bc itâs seen as a well meaning accident. to just not think about disabled people as a part of âpeople /generalâ Itâs acceptable to say âI just wasnât thinking about/ talking about YOUâ to entire demographics of people and this acceptance displays how people at large perceive these groups. Itâs a structure of normalized erasure. Trans men should be okay with not being thought of or considered in general statements about men, even though they are men, disabled people should be okay with not being thought of or considered in general statements about people, even though they are people. very much an overarching theme of âthis wouldnât be a big deal if you didnât make it oneâ / âthis only upsets you because you want it toâ â which is obviously fucked up.
[Image ID: A screencap of a news article by âThe Daily Tism.â The headline reads âMissing! âAutistic Sense of Justice Nowhere to be Found When Itâs Time to Talk About Race.â A blonde white woman, dressed in a long-sleeved pink shirt with darker pink-rimmed round glasses stares shocked at a computer screen. End ID.]
this is a perfect example of why the autistic trait commonly described as a âstrong sense of justiceâ should be instead described as strong or even inflexible moral convictions. because autistic people can be wrong. we are people, and sometimes people are wrong about stuff, including morality and justice. autistic people hold strong to our personal beliefs, but does that mean we all have strong moral compasses and a sense of justice?? i donât really think so. in actual reality, it just means itâs often hard to change our minds about morality, and nearly impossible to convince us to act against whatever we personally think is morally correct, not that we are actually correct about morality (which is subjective, or at best situational, anyway)
white autistic people can be great in fighting racism, but only if they believe itâs a big deal, and that is nowhere near a universal truth
and we all hold internal biases related to the society weve been raised in
i think similarly ppl with moral ocd are not correct about morality in fact important to helping fight the compulsions related to moral ocd is recognizing that there is not A correct set of morals for every situation and that no one person has it all figured out no one is a worse person because of that either
just in case it needs to be stated plainly "transandrophobe" is not a substitute word for trans fem. trans fems are not more likely to be transandrophobic than the average person. trans fems are not the enemy or the Ultimate Oppressor of trans mascs. if anyone adds to my posts about how "trans women are always xyzing" or some other divisive nonsense blaming trans women at large for the behaviour of some random assholes online as if theyre a hive mind you're getting blocked. you're just as bad as the people you claim to criticize.
As an asexual who lived through ace discourse, I am grabbing you by the shoulders and coming as close to eye contact as I can and I am telling you; there is no shame in taking a break.
I know fellow asexuals where the only reason they are ALIVE is because they took a break from Tumblr when shit got bad and sure, people can wax poetic all they want about that being weak or selfish, but because those people took a break, they saw the end of this. The world did not lose an asexual that day because they listened to their brains, acknowledged their limits and their breaking points, and made that decision to take a step back. A human being lived, and that's what matters. So look, I know it can seem selfish, it can seem self-centred, it can feel like abandoning your friends during this, but if you feel that it is what you need to do, take that break. Protect yourself. The world needs a living trans, intersex, or nonbinary person more than Tumblr needs another punching bag. You are not betraying anyone by refusing to martyr yourself, and the world is better with you in it than with you as a statistic. When it gets too much, take a break. Delete your account, if you think you should. Resurface under a new name years later if you do at all- if it means that you live, do it. There is no shame in having a sense of self-preservation. That is not weakness. In fact, I would call making that decision in order to protect yourself basically the textbook definition of strenth.
I would rather read your "archiving my blog" post than your obituary. The world is a better place with you above ground. There is no shame in taking a break when you need it and if anyone says otherwise, fuck them. You are more important than internet discourse. Do what you feel you need to do and keep yourself safe. Your life is important.
Heads up my trans and queer friends, do not participate in this study. Spread the word to stay away;
Skeet from Alejandra Caraballo that says: If you see this, don't participate. It's a rigged study by Lisa Littman and unethical researcher J. Michael Bailey meant to undermine access to care. Spread the word.
here's an article about this. any statistics of this study are extremely likely to be nitpicked or outright edited for whatever narrative they want to push with it. (specifically, it's likely they're fishing for "evidence" of "rapid-onset gender dysphoria".)
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