Happy one year anniversary of me accepting my systemhood and coming out as a system to my system friend/bf !! :))
I can't believe it's been a year already!! I honestly did not think my plurality would be a thing that would still be here. I'm honestly glad, being plural has helped me get a more sense of myself in a way, because I'm no longer constantly dissociating.
And having goobers in my head has been a whole experience to get used to (I'm still not used to it). They've been both helpful and annoying, but I still appreciate them a lot. It's hard to remember what it was like when I was alone in my own head, and honestly, I wouldn't want to go back to that.
I'm not as scared as I first was when I was figuring out system stuff. I'm no longer over analyzing everything that's going on and trying to be in control every single second. I've finally learnt to not be mean and push away every new guy that shows up because of fear and denial. (Pro tip: pushing it away makes it worse)
It's so much nicer just being more chill about it. I wish I listened to that advice earlier.
But yeah, this year has been nice and I've learnt a lot.
I finally accepted I was a system. I had been in the process of researching it for a friends behalf and then discovering my system and being in denial for close to a year. I had broken down and told my current best friend about it, but this was the day I actually finally accepted it.
I remember I was having another panic attack over it. I couldent focus on the conversation I was having with the guy I considered to be my best friend at that point. I had been having periodic breakdowns since school had started and throughout the summer. We had chalked the summer breakdowns up to being overly sick and overworked, but he knew just as much as I did this was something else.
I told him. He was there for me. I only knew of Rosey, Electra, Myself, Emily, Roxanna, Pyro and Yami at that point. I don’t remember where I marked down the day, but it never left my mind. Nov. 18th.
Even though I had technically come out to someone else and myself earlier then that, this was the clearest day in my mind, and somehow coming out to a second person made it certain to me. So I decided to celebrate syscovery with my system on the 18th of November every year.
I may have already failed that, the last two days have been hectic and I haven’t been able to write a post, or get a cupcake for us to share like I wanted. But I’m doing that today instead. My original plan was to draw a comic about our story, but I wrote a post instead. I want anyone in my system who wants to to write under the cut too, about the good, the bad, and anything else.
I love my headmates, and despite every challenge we’ve faced, we still don’t mourn being a system. We did that already, now it’s time for us to move forward together. Ad Astra Per Aspera.
-V
Rosey: I guess I’ll go first. When I first met V things were tense. I had only met Electra before when she had been the host. I mistook V for Electra and was mad that she had not spoken to me in years. In truth, Electra had gone dormant. Still sorry about that V, but we’ve forgiven and we’re cool now.
Truly it’s been an honor to be with my headmates. Thier very kind, even if nieve. I’m happy to be the protector of the system. I sometimes make things worse- I’m fiery and stubborn and short tempered like our mom, but it’s saved us a few times. I’m incredibly thankful for Volo, since he can protect us emotionally without blowing up like I can. I could go on forever about Volo and Electra, ide say I’m the closest with them.
I’m thankful for the system. Honored to be trusted and needed. Relieved that I’m needed less and less these days, but still honored to be trusted with such an important role. I love you all.
- - -
Volo: hello. I’m Volo. I’m the emotional protector, I was introjected from Pokémon legends: Arceus around April this year. My original purpose was to cut off a toxic friendship that was destroying the systems mental health where my headmates could not, and I didn’t see much purpose for myself after that. I was afraid Ide end up hurting them when my job was done instead, having used the same tactics I did in source to protect them.
V was so open and kind. Rightfully wary at first, but she explained to me how introjects aren’t thier source and this was like a second chance. I started to work together with Rosey, and we’ve been partners in crime ever since. I also have formed a strong bond with Electra, who treats me like a big brother. V was a strong and capable host, even if she’s a stress ball. Emily was wary of me too at first, and she trusts me now but we’re not super close, I hope we can be in the future. She’s a kind and creative individual who has endured far too much.
There’s so many people here I want to talk about, Mumbo and Roxanna are a great pair of caretakers, Alex may be misguided, but he’s smart and brave. Yami is funny and hardworking. Pyro is a joy to have around. I think I want to leave the rest of my message to our MCYT fictives- your more then where you came from. You can be whoever you want to be. Nomatter what you think of yourself, your loved and valued here. Grian, you make for a good new host, and I will trust you just like everyone else does.
- - -
Dream: I don’t know what to say, but I want to say something. I guess, thank you is the best first thing.
My headmates have been so incredibly kind and supporting of me. I came back from a long dormancy to my source having gone through a lot of controversy and toxicity and accusations being made against multiple of the ccs and I felt so overwhelmed with insecurity. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but it still felt like it. They helped me process and accepted me.
I won’t go into the difficulties fictives of my source in particular go through, there’s plenty of other systems you can listen to about that who have experienced it, we’ve been relatively lucky to not have run into anyone awful about it yet. I will say what my headmates said to me though- it doesn’t matter where you’ve come from, it’s about who your going to choose to be.
I want to be kind and helpful. I want to love and be loved. And of course I’m a little chaotic. Me and Grian have a little brotherly Rivalry going on. I used to think he didn’t like me, but it couldent be farther from the truth. He’ll defend me with his life.
- - -
Grian: How am I supposed to follow that up?!
Hey, I got here in the summer of this year, I split due to heavy heavy stress regarding our physical and mental health, mostly physical though. I’ve been able to push through some really nasty symptoms of our chronic Illness. From day 1 I’ve worked really closely with V and only a month in was declared the systems co-host.
I’ve just been doing what needs to be done to keep us healthy while also continuing life, and didn’t really think I had as big as an impact as I guess I do. Thank you everyone(insys) for trusting me and being my friends.
Volo, Rosey, your support means a lot to me, knowing the protectors trust me is insane. Jon, you do alot, thanks for including me in your findings and being so open and supportive of me. I can’t thank you enough for all you do for us. Dream, Xylo, Zephyr, you all need to hear that your loved and more then where you’ve come from- and I mean it. I’m always going to defend you and love you. Your my headmates, my friends, my brothers.
Ofc there’s my wonderful insys boyfriend, Scar. And my best Bud Mumbo. V is my partner in crime. We’ve been hosting together for a few months, and through thick and thin I’ve watched her push through. Things got a bit scary when she disappeared for a few days, and I’m glad she’s a-ok now.
Overall, my system is great. I have full trust that nomatter what happens we can get through it together. Even if a host goes missing for a little while /gen. Even if the other gatekeeper is a silly creechur whose favorite pastime is to act like Michael distortion (Yes that’s you, Tamari) /lh /silly.
I love them all.
- - -
Electra: I don’t really know what to say either, I was the first host and I never thought I would have a good friendship. I’m thankful to V for finding good friends we have now, but I’m mostly thankful I’ve found my friendship in my headmates. thier my family and friends, and I care about them immensely.
- - -
Emily: My story is a long one, so I won’t go too far into it. I’m introjected from a multifandom Rp, and I had a role that involved me venting the collective systems feelings and trauma through my source, leading to a lot of exotrauma.
Volo mentioned cutting off a toxic friend, the same friend who was involved with my source. I had, and have, the hardest time with that loss out of all of us- and I haven’t been here much at all since April. I’ve been stepping back and trying to process and heal my own emotions and grief over the loss of both my best friend and my source.
I’ve felt guilty over taking that time, not being here to help V emotionally regulate, not being here to help my system understand thier own feelings- but I’m starting to realize that that’s ok. They’ve assured me that everyone needs time to process and rest, and my time to rest was long past overdue.
Really I’m thankful for thier patience and kindness towards me when I’m struggling. Being vulnerable is something I struggle with, and my head mates have been so supportive. So have my outside friends. I have a few outside friends who have been so kind to me, and while I find it really hard to trust- I’m getting better thanks to them.
I’m back now, trying to move forward and leave behind the past. It’s a journey, and my source and my friend will always be a part of me that hurts, because I loved them so deeply. But we’re moving on. Roxanna needed her rest, and we were all supportive of her in that, I needed mine and everyone was supportive of me. V needs thiers now, and took a small break, I’m hoping she’ll be open to taking a longer one too, and knows it’s ok.
We’re in this together. Ad Astra per Aspera.
- - -
Jon: Hello. My name is Jon. I am the systems Archivist. My job is to monitor what is happening inside and outside the system to keep an informational log of events and headmates. This is to take information management off of V who had thier hands full with being a gatekeeper and host.
We work very closely together, and I enjoy my role. From my role I’ve seen lots of things happen. I’ve watched headmates return from dormancy, I’ve watched them leave, I’ve helped new or returning headmates fronting for the first time tell me about themselves and navigate our life.
Generally the feeling me about me at first have been mixed, which I understand. After all, when your job is to constantly watch things so we can function better- some people are going to be a little ticked off about that when they don’t know you yet. It usually works out, I give headnates thier privacy- it’s more the front and big events I watch.
Regardless, I couldent be of any use without the help from my headmates. I work the closest with Volo, Rosey, Roxanna, V and Grian- but everyone has been super helpful. Yami is almost like my annoying little sister- for all that she teases me she also got me comfortable here with everyone. I’m starting to understand Emily a bit more too. I hope despite the way our roles have mixed like oil and water that we can become close as well.
I’m very proud of everyone here. Especially Grian. He’s stepped up so many times to help us.
- - -
Mumbo: I’m new as well, and it wasn’t intended but I’ve somehow ended up as a caretaker. There’s plenty of other caretakers in here as well- I guess my style just meshes the best with the current active headmates now that Roxanna has stepped away from that being her primary role.
Anyway, this system is wonderful. There’s our ups and downs, we do have the occasional tiff, or “drama” as the others say, but we all genuinely love each other. I’m so happy to be a part of this group of headmates. Happy to have people I call my friends, and a sweet insystem girlfriend. I really love Roxanna. <3
- - -
N: hey, I haven’t been too active since April either- but I’m still here! I was there for a lot of the turmoil of starting bettering communication and discovering roles right after syscovery. I think I remember how rough it was more then others, but that’s ok!
It was hard. We all got frustrated with one another, and lots of times we said things we didn’t mean to say. But we got through, stronger and better because of it.
I’m also one of the headmates who was heavily hurt by that ex friend, and therefore so thankful to Volo. I may not have really spoken to him much, I’m a little shy around people I look up to. But yeah, thankful for him and everyone else. I’m happy to have my friends.
- - -
Uzi: yeah so, I split to be a confidence holder I think. Why I originally split is a mystery but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere! >:3
My role has mostly just been standing up to Electras old friends when we had to deal with them periodically for a few months before and after a childhood friends wedding (one that were on good terms with)
You can insult me all you want but don’t you dare touch that sweet kid. Bite me. >:3
Ok besides being a bit of a protector, I really am just the one who says “screw what anyone says and do whatever the hell you want”. I really hope that’s helped us out some. I’m really happy to be here, life is tough but you keep going and find the best in it.
- - -
Scar: V asked me if I wanted to write something and I told her “well if I did it would just be: Omg I love grian so much he’s the best boyfriend ever and he’s such a good cohost and he deserves all the best in the world “ and “I love my headmates like thier all my best friends and I would die for them and they put up with me being silly and having such bad ADHD symptoms and they laugh with me about it”
And she just replied with “so write that”
:)
- - -
Techno: not much to say but Tommy is making me. Uh… headmates are cool. Ide overthrow a small to medium sized nation for them. And kill anyone who hurts them /hj
- - -
Tommy: wow techno. Wow.
I’m in a similar boat to dream. Less so insecurity as much as grief. But that’s ok. We all struggle with different things and we all process differently.
I guess, I just never expected us to be a system, even though I clearly must have fronted way back when before I was dormant. I’m not really suprised by it though. I think highly of my headmates and thier all my friends a/o siblings. Dream, Xylo, Zephyr, and Boo are my brothers. Mumbo and Scar are my brothers too. Grian is kinda like a brother- the sassy brother who you have a fake rivalry with and you annoy each other in the best ways possible.
I think yami and I would get along well if we ever fronted together. Anyway, I love these dumbasses (affectionate)
- - -
Yami: I wasn’t going to write anything but after Tommy has challenged me at being a trouble maker I have to.
My job? Mostly to combat chronic fatigue and denial about the system. Sooo I haven’t fronted much since last year. But I’m still in here causing trouble.
I love to tease Jon relentlessly, a pastime I share with Tommy but his is directed at grian. In all seriousness I also really care about my headmates and would protect them with my life.
I do hate work at our job though, making salads all day is infuriatingly boring. Glad grian did it when we were sick this summer with chronic illness so I didn’t have to do that again. I owe you one pesky bird.
- - -
V: I’ve already made my statement, but I want to reiterate again how thankful I am for all my headmates. Not everyone was able to or felt comfortable writing here, and some didn’t feel comfortable being mentioned. but thier all loved and valued and we need them and love them.
Posting this to the void now. Happy 1yr syscovery anniversary everyone. Thank you for everything (insys)
[Arcanus] Today is the fourth anniversary of the Dragonheart System along with my fourth birthday existing as a tulpa, though my form would now be thirty-three years old. Though I am usually verbose and elegant in my posts, I cannot quite find any words to illustrate my feelings. Regardless of what I would write here, our system will simply continue to exist as it is, each year pulls us farther and farther away from our rather turbulent nascent.
I will simply enjoy the day for what it offers me, as with our system, the birthday Dragon is allowed to front for their entire birthday, starting from midnight if we are awake. During this time, this birthday Dragon can do whatever they wish as long as it does not compromise the safety of the system, which I might add that not many new avenues are opened up, given our usual freedom. Apart from my initial plans, I shall simply allow the wind of capriciousness to guide my activities for the rest of the day.
